


Tell me where it hurts(and I'll take care of you)

by seoulfulnights



Series: Life's full of coincidences [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breakups, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Smut, Wonhos mom is an angel, bottom!hyungwon, brokenup!hyunghyuk, brokenup!kiho, hyungwonho are insecure babies, shownus overprotective, this was supposed to be light angst but its not anymore, top!wonho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-10-14 13:41:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 117,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seoulfulnights/pseuds/seoulfulnights
Summary: Hyungwon discovers his boyfriend's roommate is dating his ex-boyfriend. Hoseok becomes insecure about their relationship, even though Hyungwon swears he's over Minhyuk. Add in an overprotective teddybear boyfriend, a prying best friend and Hoseok's ex in the picture and you get a mess. Will Hyungwon and Hoseok fix their issues before it breaks them apart?





	1. New places, old faces

**Author's Note:**

> After getting such nice responses on Tell me your secret (and I'll send you some nudes) and Tell me your flaw(and I'll take you home), pt 3 of this series became mandatory. This one will be multi-chaptered and follow the evolution of Hyungwon and Hoseok's relationship through all the drama that is thrown in their way.

"Seriously dude, you’re creeping me out,” Changkyun whines as he snaps his fingers in front of Hyungwon to get his attention back again. It was the third time this happened already and although they study literature, Hyungwon isn’t the type to daydream like that during their coffee break. He even left his cigarette in the ashtray for so long, half of it burned up without him actually smoking it. Even Wonwoo from across the table finished his cigarette, despite being much slower than Hyungwon usually.

“What did I do?” Hyungwon huffs indignantly. He did pay attention to what they had been talking! But Hoseok just sent him a video of him dancing and, damn, did his boyfriend look hot. He couldn’t wait until he was done with classes and he’d have dinner with Hoseok like they planned. Wonwoo looks straight at Hyungwon without saying anything as he sips from his iced coffee.

“You were spacing out again. And you keep on smiling. You _never_ smile,” Changkyun mumbles, crossing his arms and expecting some kind of answer from Hyungwon, but the older just rolls his eyes and keeps quiet for a minute.

The only thing Changkyun actually knows is that Hyungwon had a date last week, but he hasn’t told him anything about how it went down or that Hoseok slept over or that the dancer made him breakfast after Hyungwon attempted to make some pancakes and almost started a fire. Turns out Hoseok isn’t that much better than Hyungwon at cooking, but the brunet still found the breakfast absolutely delicious. Just like the morning quicky that followed.

He sighs wistfully and rests his head on the palm of his hand, thinking again about the cute blond that he now calls his boyfriend. It’s been just over a week, _10 days_ , Hyungwon mentally counts, but it feels like he’s known the other since forever. Everything is just so comfortable and nice and, to be honest, it freaks Hyungwon out. But he definitely doesn’t want to jinx what he had with Hoseok.

“So what’s his name?” Wonwoo’s deep voice cuts in Hyungwon’s daydreaming. He looks at the younger surprised but Wonwoo keeps his face blank, as per usual. Although quiet and mostly looking like his mind is elsewhere, Wonwoo is a very observant person and Hyungwon guesses that he learned to read his hyung quite well in the past year since they started to hang out together after Changkyun brought him over for coffee. Wonwoo and Changkyun are also studying literature, but they were both two years younger than him and at different sections. While he’s in his senior year majoring in Korean literature with a minor in Chinese, Changkyun is an English major and Wonwoo studies Japanese.

“Shin Hoseok,” Hyungwon smiles. No point in hiding, right? He’s already been caught. Changkyun’s jaw drops and he stares at Hyungwon like he grew another head. Well, he might as well. Because Chae Hyungwon never talks about who ends up in his sheets.

“Is that the guy from the gym?” he asks, trying to put together the pieces and making Hyungwon frown for a second before the other remembers he told Changkyun he met Hoseok at the gym. Right. He nods and takes a sip of his Americano.

“That name sounds familiar,” Wonwoo mutters as he tries to figure where he heard it before. Hyungwon watches him curiously, waiting to learn something new about Hoseok. “Is he a student here too or?” the younger asks.

Hyungwon shakes his head, “No, he’s majoring in dance at SeoulArts. But he’s already a dancer for a company.” He couldn’t help but praise Hoseok for his achievements. He was really happy and proud his boyfriend was working hard for his dream. He was also still not used to using the word boyfriend again since Minhyuk, but it just fit Hoseok’s image so well. The blond joked once that his muscles are made of boyfriend material and Hyungwon really felt like punching his handsome face. And he did. With his lips.

“Show us a photo or something,” Changkyun grins. “Let’s see your candy man.” Hyungwon punches his friend’s arm and the other brunet gives him a dramatic reaction considering Hyungwon isn’t that strong. Although Changkyun doesn’t work out, he could probably take down Hyungwon in a fight. That was kind of infuriating. Hyungwon unlocks his phone and searches through his gallery, carefully avoiding the password protected folder where he hid Hoseok’s nudes. Those are for his eyes only. He decides to show his friends the video he just received half an hour ago from Hoseok, with him dancing and Wonwoo starts laughing right when he sees it.

“That’s my dorm mate, Soonyoung,” the brunet chuckles, pointing to another guy watching Hoseok dance from the side. “That’s where I must have heard the name from then.” Hyungwon hums in agreement. What a small world. He doesn’t bother to look at the other people who appear in the video, Hoseok has his whole undivided attention with his precise and fluid moves. He makes Hyungwon miss dancing and he wouldn’t be surprised if Hoseok convinced him to pick it up again one day. Changkyun whistles from next to him and Hyungwon’s narrowed eyes make him raise his hands up in surrender.

They stop the video when a tall figure approaches them and Wonwoo looks up to great his boyfriend. Hyungwon and Mingyu shake hands before the other gives Wonwoo a narrowed gaze while looking at their table, “How many did you have today?”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes and grabs his bag, putting away his pack of cigarettes before his boyfriend could throw it away. He told Hyungwon and Changkyun earlier about how Mingyu’s been trying to make him quit. “Just two,” Wonwoo answers and leans in for a kiss but Mingyu puts a hand on his mouth before their lips could touch.

“Not until you get rid of the tobacco taste,” the blond says, taking Wonwoo away while the brunet waves good-bye to his friends, leaving Changkyun and Hyungwon alone.

After a few moments of silence in which the two stare off at nothing in particular, Hyungwon speaks up still looking in the direction the couple left, “I still don’t know how that works.” Mingyu and Wonwoo are polar opposites and they often disagree about almost everything, but it’s clear to everyone that they love each other and that being different isn’t something that makes things harder for them.

“I wonder how that works,” Changkyun smirks and points to Hyungwon’s phone. “Did you two really meet at the gym? I mean, you sent me a selfie once to brag that you’re working out your nonexistent muscles, but you never mentioned a hottie like that.”

Hyungwon really wishes his friends weren’t that observant. Or that he were a better liar. For a moment, he considers telling the truth to Changkyun but then realizes he’d never hear the end of it. He’d get teased for it forever – or worse, Changkyun might start rambling like he did after he discovered Hyungwon broke up with Minhyuk. That was the worst discussion they ever had and he’s getting a headache just thinking about it. So instead he just shrugs, “Yeah well, I didn’t notice him until last week. And now we’re dating.”

“Then when can I meet him? It’s my duty as your self-proclaimed best friend to make sure the guy’s alright. He’s got big shoes to fit in.” Changkyun says with a serious look on his face that makes Hyungwon raise an eyebrow.

“You liked Minhyuk just because he played video games with you,” Hyungwon accuses.

“I mean… you’re not wrong. But Minhyuk-hyung was really nice, you know. And I still don’t get why you two broke up.”

_Not this again_ , Hyungwon thinks and sighs in frustration, so not in the mood to have this talk at all. So instead, he decides to ignore his friend and text his _boyfriend_ instead. He still has one more class to attend but he doesn’t feel like going there just to hear some lecture about 13 th century short stories, and if Hoseok is up to meet earlier than planned, then who is he to say no?

_‘I miss you’_

He feels kinda bad to be like this with Hoseok already, but the older doesn’t seem to mind at all. Actually, Hyungwon thinks Hoseok enjoys him being slightly clingy. They texted a lot and Hyungwon noticed that now he has to walk with a portable battery around because his phone needs more frequent recharging than usually from how much it’s being used. He doesn’t know what it is that makes him want to always be around Hoseok, even just through texts. He blames it on missing the feeling of being in a relationship, although his only serious one has been with Minhyuk.

‘ _I miss you too :3 I just finished dance practice, don’t you have classes?’_

Right in that moment, Changkyun takes Hyungwon’s phone from his hand and looks at the messages, his eyebrows going up towards his hairline, not expecting Hyungwon to act like this around his new boyfriend – or anyone, ever. He doesn’t remember him acting quite like this even with Minhyuk. Before Hyungwon could take his phone back, Changkyun scrolls up to the top of the messages and shrieks loudly when he is met with an inappropriate photo. “ _’da fuck is that?!_ ” he curses in English and Hyungwon takes his phone away embarrassed immediately. He huffs annoyed and puts enough money on the table to cover for his coffee before grabbing his books and storming out of the café with Changkyun calling out after him.

‘ _not anymore. I’ll come pick you up if you want’_

He’s definitely not going to back to class, nor does he want to run again into Changkyun around the campus. Hyungwon runs to the parking lot, gets in his car and groans in frustration. How is he going to explain this to Changkyun? Never mind about that, but now not only did the younger see his own dick, he also saw his boyfriend’s. Hyungwon plants his face on the steering wheel, the horn emitting a loud noise that got the attention of the passersby. Maybe he could drop out, make a tent in Hoseok’s bed and spend the rest of his days there. Yep, that sounds like a legit plan.

_‘okay then, I’ll grab my things and wait xo’_

Hoseok also sent a selfie along with that text and he’s winking, puckering up his lips for a kiss and his hair’s all sweaty like it was after they fucked and Hyungwon tries not to think of that so he won’t pop a boner in the middle of the day. It’s really uncomfortable to drive with one. He sets his books on the backseat and starts off the engine. When he arrives, Hoseok is already waiting for him in front of the building, black hat and white mask on and Hyungwon is sure he could be an idol if he tried out. The blond gets in the car as soon as he notices Hyungwon and leans in to give the younger a sweet kiss once his mask is down.

The brunet smiles against his lips, but Hoseok still manages to notice his mood. “Not happy to see me?” he teases and Hyungwon quickly denies it. “Did something happen?” this time he asks more serious and he brings up his hand to cup Hyungwon’s cheek. He leans into the warm touch and holds himself back from kissing Hoseok’s palm, he is really starting to become too weird and attached. No wonder Changkyun was so freaked out. Talking about that little shit.

“I told my friends about you…” Hyungwon says hesitantly and Hoseok nods for him to continue. “And one of them saw our texts,” his lips form a thin line and he waits for Hoseok’s reaction, but the blond just looks at him like he doesn’t understand what’s the big deal and Hyungwon figures out he doesn’t understand what texts he’s talking about. “You know…our first texts? Actually, he probably saw just the first two photos,” he mumbles embarrassed and closes his eyes in defeat.

“So you mean to tell me your friend saw my dick?” Hoseok chuckles amused and Hyungwon can’t help but chuckle a bit too. When you put it like that, it’s indeed funny. He nods and both erupt into loud laughter over this situation. “Well it’s gonna be awkward to meet him. But I don’t really care about it, got nothing to hide,” he smirks and pulls Hyungwon in for another kiss, deeper and longer than the previous one. When they pull away Hyungwon is smiling but he also covers his nose.

“You really need a shower,” he teases, earning a shove from Hoseok that makes him laugh. “My place or yours?”

“Hmm… Let’s go to mine. If Hyunwoo and his boyfriend are over we can go to yours then?” Hoseok suggests and Hyungwon quickly agrees. “Let’s get some takeout I’m starving,” the blond whines and pats his stomach to signal it’s empty. Hyungwon just shakes his head at his cute boyfriend and drives off, listening to Hoseok for directions, both of them singing loudly along the song that started playing once the older turned the radio on.

Hoseok and Hyunwoo’s apartment is found in a worse area of Seoul than Hyungwon’s but the brunet doesn’t mind nor care. After all, he’s got such a nice place just because his parents paid for it. He follows his boyfriend upstairs and playfully refuses to kiss him in the elevator until he’s showered which results in Hoseok biting his cheek annoyed with him being a brat. Hyungwon can’t be mad at him though, even if the bite kinda hurt, and he just laughs in Hoseok’s face.

“Seems like we’re home alone,” the blond grins widely when he opens the door and notices neither Hyunwoo’s shoes or Minhyuk’s sit next to the closet where they keep their coats. “Imma take a quick shower, okay?” Hoseok smirks and pecks Hyungwon against his protests. “Wanna join me?”

Well, Hyungwon would be plain dumb to refuse such an offer. So he nods and the boys quickly scramble to reach the bathroom first, Hoseok already throwing his clothes off on the hallway. Hyungwon follows his example and when they reach the tub, they’re both stark naked. The younger student wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and leaves a kiss between his hyung’s shoulder blades as the other gets the water started. Hopping into the bath, Hoseok angles the shower to hit both of them with water after he pulls the curtain so there won’t be a puddle on the floor.

Hyungwon immediately presses him against the cold tiles and Hoseok gasps, arms wrapping around his boyfriend’s neck. He shivers when he feels Hyungwon’s lips touching his jaw and neck, leaving hickeys in the dip of his collarbone. “You’re not getting me washed up like this,” he mumbles in Hyungwon’s ear before nibbling on the appendage. His hands previously resting idly on Hyungwon’s waist slide down on his hips until they reach behind and grope his ass, making Hyungwon squeal surprised. Hoseok turns his head and kisses him deeply, grabbing a fistful of his wet locks.

The brunet moans into the kiss, giving Hoseok complete control and melting into his arms. The dancer smirks and pulls his boyfriend closer, grinding their half hard cocks together. He pulls away after a few minutes tho, determined to finish his shower. Hyungwon whines disappointed when Hoseok’s hands leave his body to reach out for the shower gel and sighs in defeat, accepting the loofah offered by his boyfriend. After they’re done and the water is turned off, Hoseok dries Hyungwon up making the taller blush and then steps out of the shower to wrap another towel around himself. Before Hyungwon could do anything tho, Hoseok wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him up, making the younger squeal and reflexively wrap his legs around the blond’s waist.

“Now, we can continue,” he mumbles reaching up to plant a sweet kiss on Hyungwon’s lips to which the taller reciprocates immediately. Hoseok carries the other like that to his bedroom and Hyungwon grips on his tense arms greedily, giggling whenever they pull away for air. As soon as he’s laid down on the bed, Hyungwon spreads his legs, welcoming Hoseok in between them and pulling him down for another hard kiss, playing with the tips of his wet hair.

Hoseok reaches blindly in his nightstand’s drawer for lube and condoms while Hyungwon grinds his ass against his boner. Hoseok swears Hyungwon’s gonna be the death of him with his smooth lean body and sleepy voice and caring gestures. His heart skips a beat every time his phone lit up with a new message from the other. A smile always finds a way on his face when he looks at the first picture they took on their second date, a few days after they went to the Italian restaurant. He found a reason to want his dance practices to be over faster. And his cock immediately gets hard when he hears the other moan – or when he looks at the dick pic he received two weeks ago, but that’s not for Hyungwon to know.

“F-fuck, I want you inside me already,” Hyungwon arches his back, pressing their chests together in an attempt to create more skin on skin contact and making their erections rub against each other, both of them gasping at the feeling. Hoseok pulls away enough for him to pop open the cap on the lube bottle and pour a generous amount on his fingers, making sure it’s not cold anymore before he circles his finger around Hyungwon’s entrance. The brunet whimpers and closes his eyes, bucking his hips down and taking in Hoseok’s finger with no problem. Soon Hoseok adds a second finger and a third one when Hyungwon asks between moans as the blond brushes his digits against his prostate.

“You look so good like this, babe. Waiting for me to take you apart,” Hoseok smirks as he rolls a condom on his hard cock before pushing inside Hyungwon, making his boyfriend cry out his name. Hyungwon immediately wraps his legs around Hoseok’s waist on instinct and clings to him for dear life as Hoseok thrusts inside him with no mercy.

“Fuck, you feel so good hyung. Always so good,” Hyungwon mumbles incoherently as he tugs on Hoseok’s blond hair to get a deep kiss that the other gladly offers. They don’t last long, neither in the mood to prolong it for much, every touch focused on bringing the other closer, closer, _closer_ to their climax and Hoseok smiles when they fall over the edge together again.

This isn’t something that happened with his previous lovers, but with Hyungwon their hearts seem to match each other’s beat every time. Hoseok presses a soft kiss on his temple before getting off him and cleaning up their mess. As soon as he’s done, Hyungwon pulls him back in bed and wraps his lanky limbs around him.

“I’m still hungry tho,” Hoseok chuckles and feels Hyungwon nod in the crook of his neck.

“Let’s order takeout then.”

They spend the rest of the night cuddled up after ordering Chinese and settling on a drama to watch together. Hoseok’s surprised to see Hyungwon is as much of a crybaby as he is when it came to emotional scenes and couldn’t help but tease him, although his own eyes were puffy from unshed tears. At some point, Hoseok hears the front door being opened, followed by two pairs of footsteps – one heavy, the other leaping – padding on the floor towards Hyunwoo’s bedroom. He and Hyungwon are too cozy to leave now to spend the night over at his Hyungwon's, hopefully, his roommate and his obnoxious boyfriend won’t make too much of a fuss around the house.

When they decide to go to sleep, Hoseok sets to get another pillow for Hyungwon and making the bed all nice and snug while the younger goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water before bed. Hyungwon yawns sleepily as he pours himself some water, but he’s immediately awake when he hears something fall and crack on the floor behind him. He turns around only to be met by Minhyuk staring deer in headlights eyes at him. Hyungwon blinks a few times, not sure if what he sees is right.

“W-what are you doing here?” Minhyuk asks then and Hyungwon is sure now that he is standing in his boyfriend’s kitchen staring at his ex.


	2. Cigarette confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about Minhyuk and Hyungwon is out. How does Hoseok take this?

Hyungwon had the habit of imagining himself in weird scenarios sometimes, just to figure out a way to overcome the difficult situation. But he never expected to run into Minhyuk in Hoseok’s kitchen. In the three months they haven’t seen each other, Hyungwon tried to come up with what he’d say to Minhyuk when they’d meet up eventually. He considered apologizing for the messy break-up, maybe asking to be friends again, catching up on what happened since they last talked. He doesn’t say any of these things tho, what comes out of his mouth, instead, is a harsh reply to Minhyuk’s anxious question.

“What are  _you_  doing here?”

Minhyuk seems to snap out of the panic state he was in then and narrows his eyes at his ex-boyfriend accusingly, “ _I_  am in  _my boyfriend’s place_.”

“What a coincidence, so am  _I_ ,” Hyungwon replies, face blank of any emotion and tone soaked in sarcasm. Hearing the loud commotion from the kitchen, Hoseok makes his way from his bedroom and looks confused between Hyungwon who’s leaning against the sink counter casually and Minhyuk who’s clenching his fists in the middle of the hallway.

“What’s going on here?” the blond asks quietly, slipping next to Hyungwon and putting a protective arm around his boyfriend’s waist. It’s not like Minhyuk and Hyungwon would start throwing punches at each other, but like, you never know. And considering Hyungwon’s weak body, Hoseok’s pretty sure even Minhyuk could take him down in a fight. The brunet leans his weight slightly on Hoseok but says nothing, which makes Minhyuk only get angrier, his face turning a bright red that matches his hair.

“Tell me you’re not seriously dating this douchebag!” Minhyuk shouts at Hoseok and points to Hyungwon like he was responsible for the black plague or something. Next to him, Hyungwon scoffs loudly, which only confuses him further. Minhyuk and his boyfriend know each other?

“In fact, I am,” Hoseok confirms slowly, trying to understand the whole situation. When he’s about to ask again for explanations, Hyunwoo pops up on the hallway from his own bedroom, probably confused that Minhyuk hasn’t returned yet. Or that his boyfriend’s been shouting at his roommate in their kitchen.

Seeing his boyfriend appear, Minhyuk quickly turns to Hyunwoo with a pleading look in his eyes. Hoseok is taken aback from how fast he switched between moods.

“Hyung, Hoseok is dating Hyungwon,” it’s all he says and both Hyungwon and Hoseok can see the words being slowly processed in Hyunwoo’s mind, his face slowly turning into a frown that Hoseok hasn’t seen before in all the years he’s known Hyunwoo. For once, his dorm mate seemed…mad?

“I think it’s better for you to leave,” Hyunwoo says, wrapping an arm protectively around Minhyuk, his voice cold and leaving no room to argue. Hoseok is about to protest when he feels Hyungwon’s hand squeeze his. He looks up at his boyfriend and is met with an apologetic look.

“It’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Hyungwon whispers and pecks Hoseok’s cheek before moving to the blond’s room to get his clothes. Hoseok doesn’t get anything that is going on around him and that makes him pretty angry, so he follows his boyfriend and gets dressed as well.

If Hyungwon isn’t welcomed in his apartment then he’s not gonna just stand there and let him leave like this. Hyungwon doesn’t say anything when they return in the hallway, where Hyunwoo’s still fuming, but Minhyuk seems to have calmed down somewhat.

“Hoseok, you shouldn’t –“ Hyunwoo’s words are drowned out as Hoseok slams the door behind him. He takes Hyungwon’s hand and intertwines their fingers, holding on him tightly as they go outside and make their way to where Hyungwon parked his car earlier that day. He doesn’t push his boyfriend for answers yet and the whole drive to the brunet’s apartment is filled with heavy silence, so unlike any of their shared moments.

Hoseok’s getting more anxious by the minute and that pushes his mind into overdrive, making up the weirdest scenarios that could explain what went down between Hyungwon and Minhyuk. They certainly weren’t classmates at Uni or something. After all, Minhyuk’s studying to become a nursery teacher. Both Minhyuk and Hyungwon are from Gwangju though, maybe they were classmates in high school? Maybe they fought over some guy, Minhyuk’s prone to holding long-term grudges. There’s one more possibility, but Hoseok really doesn’t want to think about Minhyuk possibly having dated his boyfriend.

The silence persists in Hyungwon’s elevator and Hoseok notices with worry that there’s quite a distance between them two. Maybe Hyungwon didn’t mean to actually lean away from Hoseok, but still, there’s a big space between them and Hoseok’s overthinking again and – thankfully, Hyungwon grabs his hand and pulls him towards his apartment when the doors open. They shuffle quietly to Hyungwon’s bedroom and the brunet offers Hoseok a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt before he himself goes to change into pajamas. When he returns, Hoseok is waiting for him on the bed.

“Minhyuk is my ex,” Hyungwon mumbles as he takes a place in front of Hoseok, their knees brushing together. The blond avoids Hyungwon’s eyes as he lets out a small ‘ _oh_ ’. And now everything makes sense. Because he remembers when he first met Minhyuk and noticed how all over Hyunwoo he was, his roommate told him Minhyuk went through a harsh break-up recently but that he’s going to take care of him from now on.

Hyungwon reaches out and cups Hoseok’s cheek, his thumb hooking behind his chin and raising his head up for their eyes to meet. “I guess he’s still mad at me but…” the brunet bites his bottom lip anxiously, his eyebrows knitting together in a frown, “I hope this won’t affect us.”

Hoseok takes a few breaths to make sure his voice won’t squeak or crack or something embarrassing like that before speaking up. “Are you sure you’re over him?” he hates how insecure the question sounds but he can’t help it. This is how he feels and he always wore his feelings on his sleeve. He got attached to Hyungwon so fast that it scared him before, but now that he knew the identity of Hyungwon’s ex, and it’s his roommate’s boyfriend for fuck’s sake, everything became heavier.

He almost feels like laughing. That time when Hyungwon sent him a dick pic it was actually meant for Minhyuk. Minhyuk, who was 30 feet away from him in the next room at the time. Minhyuk, whom he has known for a few months and came to consider his friend. But that photo didn’t reach the redhead’s phone, it reached his own. And what were the chances for that to happen?

“Very sure,” Hyungwon answers immediately, taking Hoseok by surprise with his prompt answer. He looks in his dark orbits searching for the truth, but Hyungwon’s eyes are so sincere Hoseok can’t help but fall a bit more for him. And, literally, fall over him as he gets on top of his boyfriend for a desperate kiss.

 “I don’t want him, hyung, I just want you,” Hyungwon says between kisses and Hoseok really wants to believe him. He saw the blank look Hyungwon was giving Minhyuk, he saw the way he didn’t react in any way to Hyunwoo touching his ex-boyfriend. He keeps this images in his mind all night, along with Hyungwon’s words as he hides himself in Hyungwon’s arms.  _I just want you_. Eventually sometime before dawn Hoseok manages to fall asleep, knowing Hyungwon has stayed awake with him until not long ago. Maybe they’ll be able to work this through. The only thing certain is that they won’t spend much time over at Hoseok’s from now on.

 

_***_

 

Hoseok is woken up by loud knocking on Hyungwon’s door but decides to ignore it in favor of appreciating Hyungwon’s arms wrapped tightly around him, the other’s deep breaths tickling his neck. How could he still be asleep with all the noise? He glances at the digital clock on his boyfriend’s nightstand and notices it’s a little before noon. At least he had a free day or else he’d be in big trouble for skipping dance practice.

“Hyungwon-ah…” he pinches the other’s cheek to stir him up. When he gets no response he tries again by pushing Hyungwon flat on his back and straddling his hips. “Hyungwon-ah, wake up.” Still no response. Hyungwon literally slept like a corpse and Hoseok couldn’t help but giggle.

He’d let his boyfriend sleep some more but whoever was at the door didn’t seem about to give up before he gets an answer. So Hoseok resorts to desperate measures. He pinches Hyungwon’s nipples through his thin shirt and when that only makes the younger whine in his sleep, he rests his hand on Hyungwon’s crotch and gives his member a tight squeeze.

Hyungwon immediately raises up, almost bumping foreheads with Hoseok who’s laughing his ass off. The tall boy rubs the sleep off his eyes and grabs the thick-rimmed glasses on his nightstand that Hoseok’s surprised to have never noticed before. He raises an eyebrow at Hyungwon who’s squinting his eyes at him quite comically before he puts on his glasses. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you wear glasses.”

“Yeah, well I prefer contact lenses,” Hyungwon mumbles. He’s about to ask why Hoseok woke him up ‘cause he’s definitely not up for a morning quicky when he’s still this sleepy, but then a new series of knocks starts.

“So you have a guest, I guess,” Hoseok chuckles and points to the direction of the hallway. He gets off Hyungwon and slaps his butt a little as the brunet makes his way to the door, huffing in surprise from Hoseok’s actions. He glances in the mirror on the hallway to fix his bed hair even just a bit and then opens the door to be faced with Changkyun’s annoyed face.

“Finally!! Gosh, I’ve been waiting for forever!” the younger says, pushing past Hyungwon and going straight to his kitchen, two cups of coffee in hand. Hyungwon watches him surprised and slowly closes the door behind before following Changkyun. “So, I think we need to talk. And don’t feed me that bullshit that you met the guy at the gym.”

They’re both surprised by a loud laughter in the doorway and Changkyun turns bright red when he sees Hyungwon’s new boyfriend. The one whose dick he saw. Yeah, that image is hard to erase from his mind. Just as hard as that dick. Changkyun mentally slaps himself for thinking that, what the fuck was wrong with him? This is Hyungwon’s fault for sure.

“You told him we met at the gym?” Hoseok keeps on laughing like it was the funniest thing he has ever heard and Hyungwon unconsciously pouts. Now that’s a rare sight and Changkyun openly stares at his friend as the blond comes and puts an arm around him. “I wouldn’t believe that even if I saw you at the gym.”

“Hey, don’t be so mean!” Hyungwon whines pushing his boyfriend away. Hoseok grins at Changkyun and holds out his hand, “I’m Shin Hoseok, Hyungwon’s boyfriend.”

“Im Changkyun. Hyungwon’s supposedly best friend.” Changkyun narrows his eyes slightly at the brunet across from him who seems to be ignoring the little exchange in favor of taking one of the coffees Changkyun brought.

“You’re the one who saw the texts, right?” Hoseok chuckles and Changkyun nods embarrassed. Hyungwon scoffs on Changkyun’s behalf. He is even more embarrassed than his friend after all. “Well, yeah, Hyungwonnie texted the wrong number and that’s how we met. But don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him,” he accentuates his words with a sweet kiss on Hyungwon’s cheeks, making the tall boy blush at the affectionate gesture.

Changkyun smiles slightly, still awkward around the two, but at least now he met the previously stranger guy. At first glance Hoseok seems fine and Changkyun doesn’t worry as much about him anymore. But he just said Hyungwon texted the wrong number. So whom did he intend to send that photo to? Feeling the tension between the two friends, Hoseok hugs Hyungwon tightly briefly before pulling away.

“I should go and run some errands. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” Hyungwon nods and puts his hand on Hoseok’s neck to pulls him in for a kiss. Changkyun looks away from the two, awkwardly shifting from one foot to the other but, thankfully, the couple keeps it short and with a short wave Hoseok leaves.

Hyungwon sighs and turns to Changkyun, preparing himself for the talk that is bound to make him angry. “Yeah, I did see Minhyuk that night. And no, I don’t miss him, I was just drunk and horny and I wanted to text him but got the number wrong. And before you start accusing me of not being over him and bullshit like that, I have to announce you that out of all people in Seoul, Minhyuk is dating now Hoseok’s roommate. And that I saw him last night. So I’m really not in the mood to fight with you too, Changkyun.” Hyungwon never talked this much in just one breath and Changkyun jaw drops as he takes in everything he’s been told. This is one tricky and complicated situation – it’s always been complicated, truthfully, when it came to Hyungwon and Minhyuk.

He opens his mouth repeatedly but no word comes out. What can he say? Hyungwon will disregard his opinion either way. He’s too stubborn most of the time to accept another point of view besides his own. So, at least for now, he decides to just be a supportive friend. He takes Hyungwon’s half empty cigarette pack that’s left on the kitchen table and motions for his hyung to go on the balcony. They sit by the window and smoke together, although Changkyun rarely touched cancer sticks, as he called them.

He doesn’t know what to believe. He read enough psychology books to know that the actions one does when drunk are not unintentional. You don’t just send your ex-boyfriend a photo of your _dick_  and then get to say you don’t care about him anymore, that there are no feelings left for him. And Changkyun knows this because he’s been there before his friends hooked up and he still is here with Hyungwon, although he tried to keep in touch with Minhyuk but his hyung preferred to cut all connections that reminded him of the tall poet.

Changkyun knows that probably Hyungwon doesn’t realize his own feelings because he always tends to bury them deep inside and let them resurface in his lyrics that he never shows to anyone, but at which Changkyun glanced one time when Hyungwon wasn’t around. He knows that his hyungs were having more and more fights out of nothing by the end of their relationship and he had tried many times to be a mediator, although it was annoying as fuck.

And then one day when he dropped by, Minhyuk’s things weren’t lying around anymore and Hyungwon was locked in his now new office that Minhyuk had used before as a bedroom, busily writing lyrics about how time changes things and nothing lasts forever. However, he returned pretty soon to the Hyungwon that Changkyun has known since before college, the sarcastic bastard who’s arrogant about his looks. He tried not to bug in too much, as much as it itched him to just make them get back together.

While the younger chases these memories in his mind, Hyungwon appreciates in silence Changkyun’s small sacrifice of inhaling clouds of smoke in his lungs and thinks over the situation. He knows ignoring Minhyuk forever is not a possible scenario, but for now that’s the plan. Changkyun tries not to push it, but he still finds himself saying, “You really like this guy.”

The literature student doesn’t reply for a long time, not until the cigarette is burned down to its filter, “I think I’m in love with him”. Changkyun starts choking on the smoke that he just inhaled, but Hyungwon makes no move to help him, saying out loud what he tried to ignore for the past days is a big step for him.

He thinks of Hoseok’s soft smile, of his warm eyes, of his caring touch still lingering on his lips, on his cheek, on his waist. He thinks of how his heartbeat picks up from the simple thought of seeing him that day. He remembers how serene he had felt that first night in Hoseok’s arms and what a good sleep he had had. It’s all too much, too fast for somebody whose nickname is ‘chaebugi’. “And that freaks me out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for all the comments and kudos! they make my day so much better <3  
> this was slightly shorter than the first chapter, sorry! but I hope you enjoy the quick update  
> Changkyun is so awkward lol (but I love him)


	3. Ready, set, fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunwoo shakes Hoseok's world up with harsh accusations that haunt his mind the whole day. Maybe a visit to his mom is in order.

Hoseok's plan had been simple, really. Go home, change clothes, and hit the gym. He considered having dinner with Hyungwon, but he's scared he's already becoming too clingy and that it will eventually piss his boyfriend off and he wants to postpone that moment as much as he can.

What he didn’t take into consideration was Hyunwoo cornering him as soon as he steps into the apartment, much like Hyungwon's friend did to his boyfriend. Is really everybody against them being together?

"Hoseok, we need to talk."

"No, we don't." He isn’t interested in Minhyuk's side of the story. He noticed the redhead’s habit of over-exaggerating and dramatizing everything, so he has his doubts in trusting his words. Speaking of the devil, he must not be there if the apartment is this quiet. He makes his way to his bedroom and closes the door behind him, but Hyunwoo puts his foot in the way and blocks it, slipping after Hoseok.

"Really, hyung, I'm on my way to go to the gym, go away," he mumbles but Hyunwoo can be really stubborn when he wants to. And something tells Hoseok that Minhyuk made Hyunwoo very stubborn and somehow convinced him to have this chat with Hoseok. He started to like Minhyuk less and less since last night.

"Hyungwon is Minhyuk's ex-boyfriend," Hyunwoo says solemnly, like he just announced war on another country. It almost feels like it and Hoseok doesn’t wanna pick sides because right now his roommate and friend would lose.

"Yeah, I know. Hyungwon told me everything already so you can stop," Hoseok sighs while tying the shoelaces on his running sneakers. Hyunwoo frowns and steps in front of him, but Hoseok still avoids his eyes. He wants to trust Hyungwon, he believes he has seen his lover’s soul during their intimate moments, raw and mirroring his own sincere feelings. But there's still that insecure voice in his head that makes him want to listen to what Hyunwoo has to say, to discover the darkness that Hyungwon has hid until now, to understand that there is a catch about this too good to be true man of his dreams.

"Yeah? Did he tell you why they broke up then?" Hoseok keeps quiet, just like Hyunwoo expected, so he goes on. "It’s because Chae cheated on Minhyukkie."

Hoseok's eyes go wide and he stops breathing altogether for a few good moments. He can’t believe what he just heard and he raises his head to look at Hyunwoo’s stern face. No, his Hyungwon isn’t the type to cheat. There is no way that this is true. Hyunwoo must be lying, there’s no other option because Hyungwon would never cheat. He’s not like that, he can’t be like that, he –

"And he didn’t even deny it when Minhyuk asked him about it. You know what he said? He said that he just doesn’t feel anything for him anymore. When I saw him in our apartment, I wanted to beat him up until he apologized for putting Minhyukkie through hell. I can’t let you date this kind of man, Hoseok," Hyunwoo finishes his first ever rant and looks at Hoseok who is frozen on his spot. How could he not be when his roommate drops such a bomb? His muscles tensed up and he honestly feels like crying. But he won’t do that, not with Hyunwoo in his room expecting a reaction like that from him.

All he says before he grabs his gym bag and leaves is, “Well, I decide what kind of guy I date hyung.” He seriously feels like shit for what just happened. He’s confused about all these contradicting stuff and, if he were to be honest, a bit hurt too. Hoseok doesn’t wanna listen to those words and until proven right he’ll consider them mere rumors and ill-intended gossip. But it’s hard not to doubt his boyfriend in this situation, it’s especially hard for him after his last relationship. He might be self-confident when it comes to his physic, even to his talents. But one too many people got out of his life because he was hard to put up with. He becomes clingy and easily hurt by the smallest of unintentional gestures. Lack of attention makes him doubt the relationship’s status and, well, he overthinks and worries about the future in a manner that surely can’t be healthy.

Hyungwon left Minhyuk saying there were no feelings left. Just like that. Disregarding the cheating part, what if that’s what he’ll do to him too? Hoseok wouldn’t be able to handle it. His body may be as hard as rock, he might come across as just another fuckboy, but his heart is as fragile as his mother’s china. Speaking of his mother, when he’s about half the way from the gym the thought to visit his mother pops in his head and he turns around and runs to the closest bus station. It’s been a while since he last saw her and that makes Hoseok feel like a bad son. But he loves his mother dearly and, especially now, he feels like all he needs to hear is her kind advice.

Hoseok’s mother owns a café and he always loves to have his Americano there whenever he could. It was really hard for them at first since she had to ask the bank for a loan in order to open it. Hoseok froze his university year in order to work fulltime and help her win more money. They managed to pay back more than half and by the end of the year the café was successful enough for Hoseok’s mother to be able to pay the installment monthly and even make some profit, so Hoseok returned to his studies and followed his passion for dancing like his mother always encouraged him to.

The blond didn’t have the most conventional life until a few years ago. He used to party a lot back in high school and their relatives always shook their heads disapprovingly when he showed up at family meetings. But his mother defended him no matter what and proclaimed proudly that he was her son and that she loved him just like that. His mother is indeed an angel. And he wants to make her happy and proud, so he will work hard to achieve his dream.

Today the café is mostly empty, except for a few schoolgirls eating dessert at a table and an old lady drinking tea and reading a novel by the window. As soon as he steps inside, his mother comes from behind the counter to hug him tightly.

“My bunny!” she squeals and pinches his cheeks, smiling widely. “Oh my, you’ve gotten so thin. What are you eating, my son? Come, I’ll give you something to eat.” Hoseok tries to convince her he’s fine and that he already ate but his traitorous stomach decides to growl right in that second, embarrassing him in front of his mother – and the two schoolgirls who start giggling at their handsome oppa.

His mother asks him about dancing, about any recent shows he attended and about his studies. She throws in a few words about his brother and his now sister-in-law and how they’re planning to have a child soon and Hoseok feels a bit bad for having decided long ago not to marry or have children. His mother would love some grandkids, but she accepted his decision and said, as always, that it was his choice. But once she turns to this subject, Hoseok expects her next question.

“So, did you meet anybody nice lately?”

He smiles a bit and nods shyly, grabbing his phone to show her the photo of himself and Hyungwon and he basks in the squeal she lets out. “Oh my, he’s so cute. You’re both so cute. What’s his name?”

“His name is Hyungwon. We’ve been together for eleven days now, actually. But…” he sighs heavily, thinking of how he should approach this. His mother takes his hand in hers and squeezes it a bit, encouraging him to tell her what’s been bothering him. “He used to date Hyunwoo’s boyfriend. They broke up like three months ago. I didn’t know this before and I’m sure he didn’t know that I and Minhyuk know each other, but I’m a bit worried.”

“You think he is not over this Minhyuk?” she asks, her voice warm and kind and Hoseok wants to lay his head in her lap and let her pet him and lull him to sleep like she did when he was a child and had nightmares. Hoseok nods slowly and his bottom lip trembles turning into a pout and his mother reaches over to pet his head gently. “Did you talk about this with Hyungwon?”

Hoseok nods again and answers quietly, “He said he is over Minhyuk, but they ran into each other when Hyungwon came to visit me and it went down pretty bad. Hyunwoo basically kicked him out of our apartment.”

“Hyunwoo seems to be a bit overprotective,” his mother smiles and looks again at the photo of her son and the brunet that is now his boyfriend. Hoseok agrees with her and hesitates before adding what’s been bugging him ever since Hyunwoo walked into his room.

“He told me that Minhyuk and Hyungwon broke up because Hyungwon cheated on him. And that when Minhyuk confronted him about it, Hyungwon was really...cold. And basically said he didn’t love him anymore…” he couldn’t help but stop, feeling a knot build up in his throat and tears forming in his eyes. He really didn’t plan to cry in front of his mother today, but just like the gym, it seems like it’s not gonna happen.

She pulls him into her arms and Hoseok rests his forehead on her shoulder, swallowing his sobs quietly. His mother has been using the same perfume for over twenty years and as soon as he takes a whiff, he starts to calm down. He can feel his mother’s heartbeat too and that’s always soothing.

“Did you ask Hyungwon about this?” Hoseok shakes his head and keeps quiet. “How about you bring him over next time you come around and I’ll find out if he’s an honest boy or not.”

Hoseok smiles and nods eagerly at his mother’s suggestion before giving her another tight hug and eventually pulling away. They keep on chatting for some time, until the café gets more customers and she is forced to leave Hoseok alone. He jogs by the Han River on his way home to make up for the lost exercise. When he passes by Hyungwon’s university, Hoseok slows down to look at the students rushing around on the campus. Even though it’s almost evening by now and he doesn’t expect Hyungwon to be around, he is still pleasantly surprised to see his boyfriend sitting down on the grass with three other guys. If Hyungwon weren’t that tall and that strikingly beautiful, he would have probably missed him in the crowd.

He checks his reflection in the window of a nearby shop and subtly makes sure he doesn’t smell like a locker room after his jog before he approaches Hyungwon and his group of friends. Hoseok decides to sneak on behind Hyungwon and scare him. He recognizes Changkyun from this morning and raises his finger to his lips for the younger to keep quiet. Whether Changkyun is a good actor or he just doesn’t care, either way, his facial expression stays blank.

Hyungwon is talking about some assignment he has to do that weekend when Hoseok pokes his ribs on both sides. The brunet actually shrieks and jumps up from his place on the field and Hoseok expects to be hit in return so he backs off a bit. The other two guys that sit with Hyungwon and Changkyun laugh loudly, almost rolling around on the grass and even the quiet maknae of the group chuckles amused.

“Hyung!” Hyungwon’s pissed off face completely goes away as soon as he notices who arrived and he offers Hoseok a soft smile instead. The blond goes and hugs his tall boyfriend, even kisses his cheek before turning to the others and greeting them. “This is Hoseok-hyung, my boyfriend,” Hyungwon introduces him and the boys whistle and wiggle their eyebrows in a comical way. Well, it seems Hyungwon and Changkyun spent their time with kindergarteners.

“I’m Jooheon and this is Gunhee,” a boy with honey blonde hair says pointing at himself then at the guy with snapback next to him.

“We’re gonna go now,” Hyungwon surprises Hoseok by grabbing his hand and pulling him away, not even five minutes after he arrived. He hears the other boys shouting their goodbyes behind them but he is more intrigued by Hyungwon’s strange behavior. The tall boy leads him to the parking lot before finally stopping to offer Hoseok an explanation. “Thanks for saving me, I couldn’t stand Gunhee anymore.”

Hoseok chuckles amused. So Hyungwon isn’t quite close to the others. “That’s fine. I was actually jogging by, but I saw you and stopped to say hi. So hi,“ he grins and leans in to give Hyungwon a sweet kiss.

They pull away smiling before Hyungwon leans in for another kiss, “Hi to you too.”

As tempting as making out in front of his car was, Hyungwon decides not to prolong it too much since they are in public. “Wanna grab some dinner together?” he suggests instead, kinda expecting Hoseok to turn the invitation down. They spent the last 48 hours together with brief breaks after all. Not that he minds, actually he’d like to spend even more time with Hoseok by his side. But he hopes his hyung wouldn’t mind either. Hoseok grins widely and nods before grabbing Hyungwon’s car keys from his jacket’s pocket.

“Can I drive?” he doesn’t wait for an answer and just heads for the driver’s seat. Hyungwon, as per rule, never lets anyone else touch the wheel of his car. But he thinks he can make an exception for Hoseok. If he proves he is decent, of course. After they settle on cooking ramen together, they play music loudly again on the way to a grocery store and Hoseok decides that he enjoys a lot this small tradition they made up, while Hyungwon exaggerates his vocals to make him laugh. He succeeds.

Cooking somehow turns into a disaster. Hoseok never thought it possible for somebody to ruin ramen, but Hyungwon exceeds his expectations. They only take one bite of the noodles before throwing it all away in the trashcan and ordering pizza instead. “This is unacceptable. My ideal type is literally somebody who can cook ramen for me,” Hoseok whines as they wait for the pizza guy to arrive. Hyungwon rolls his eyes, but there’s a playful smirk tugging on his lips as he straddles Hoseok’s hips and the blond’s hands immediately come to rest on his waist.

“Then change your ideal type,” Hyungwon whispers in Hoseok’s ear before nibbling on his neck, replacing the healed hickeys with fresh ones. Hoseok groans and grips Hyungwon’s hipbones, bringing him closer.

“What should be my new ideal type then?” he grips Hyungwon’s hair and pulls him away from his neck to replace the skin on the other’s lips with his own pair instead. They kiss languidly, without rushing at all and Hoseok’s getting hotter and hotter by the minute. He knows Hyungwon can feel it too because he starts to squirm in his lap, purposefully getting him worked up now when they can’t do anything until their pizza arrives.

“Hot literature students with dark hair,” Hyungwon answers when he pulls away for air, his chest moving up and down rapidly to make up for the lack of oxygen.

“Give me Changkyun’s number then,” Hoseok jokes and Hyungwon scoffs offended. He tries to pinch Hoseok’s arm muscles but they’re so hard his fingers actually hurt more in the end than the pinch Hoseok received. “I’m joking. You’re definitely my new type,” Hoseok grins as he pulls his boyfriend down for another kiss. “What about you though?” he asks quietly, without even meaning to. “I’m quite different from Minhyuk…”

Hyungwon stares in his eyes and cups his cheek. Hoseok wonders if the other didn’t hear him or if he’s intentionally avoiding the subject. He sighs as Hyungwon gets off his lap to answer the door and pay for their pizza.

When he returns, the brunet suggests they continue watching the drama they started over at Hoseok’s. They don’t talk much afterwards, just snide remarks about the plot or the actors, and when it gets pretty late Hoseok gets up to go home. A hand on his wrist stops him though. Hyungwon’s looking at him with those big dreamy eyes of his and pouting cutely. Did he already find out Hoseok couldn’t refuse that face?

“Stay over.” Hoseok agrees quietly and goes to change in the clothes Hyungwon borrowed him last night. If he weren’t still mad at Hyunwoo for being so rude to his boyfriend, he’d text him he’s not gonna sleep at home tonight. He tries not to think that maybe Hyunwoo is right about Hyungwon, but the boy’s silence from before is really unsettling. When he exits the bathroom, all the lights in the apartment are turned off except for the lamp on Hyungwon’s nightstand that lights up the hallway.

Hyungwon’s already in bed and Hoseok gets under the sheets to lie down next to him. He waits for the other to turn off the light, but he just looks into Hoseok’s eyes. It makes Hoseok uncomfortable, the intimacy of it all raising up his anxiety level. Hyungwon puts an arm around his waist though, and pulls him closer.

“I don’t care if you’re like Minhyuk or not, hyung. What I had with him is in the past, and there’s no point wanting something that is gone. I just want the present and right now you are my present. I want you to be my future too,” his voice quivers from nervousness, Hoseok can tell as much, bumping their foreheads together gently, a soft smile making its way back on his lips.

He closes his eyes tightly and tries to hold himself back, he tries really hard yet he still blurts out the words that he dreads so much, the words that make all his relationships go down the hill. “I think I’m in love with you…” he whispers, his breath ghosting over Hyungwon’s lips. Or was it Hyungwon’s breath that touched his face gently? They’re so close Hoseok feels how Hyungwon’s heart rate picked up. He gulps in an attempt to calm down. Hyungwon helps him, leaving a sweet loving kiss on his lips.

“I think I’m in love with you too, Hoseok.”

And Hoseok lets himself fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love love love Wonho's love for his mother. And I love Hyungwonho, but what's new?


	4. Late night calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon and Hoseok have a little heart to heart chat. But would it solve anything?

Returning to his own apartment in order to sleep in his own bed felt foreign to Hoseok. For the past week, he spent so much time at Hyungwon's place he forgot how his room looks like. Sadly though, both Hyunwoo and Minhyuk were there, watching some movie on the TV and as soon as he entered the apartment they asked him to join them. He was pretty tired and before this whole mess he used to watch movies together with the couple a lot, so he agreed without much of a fight but made a point to sit on Hyunwoo's side, not Minhyuk's.

The silence between them was somewhat awkward, disturbed just by Minhyuk's loud remarks. The couple tried to act normal, but Hoseok could tell they were watching his reaction from the corner of their eyes. Hyunwoo just agreed quietly to whatever Minhyuk said, back to his robot self, unlike the last time he and Hoseok actually talked. At some point, Hoseok pulled out his phone to text Hyungwon, although he knew he'd better not since his boyfriend was working on his final thesis. That was basically the whole point of him being back at his place right now after Hyungwon admitted he was too distracted by his boyfriend to concentrate on writing a decent paper.

' _how’s it going?_ '

He didn't notice Hyunwoo falling asleep until Minhyuk turned to him and spoke in a hushed tone, not to disturb Hyunwoo’s soft snoring.

"He's gonna get bored soon, you know."

Hoseok freezes and doesn’t turn to look at the redhead who was eyeing his phone. He just scrolls through his last texts with Hyungwon to keep himself busy and not remember the whole reason why he was this awkward with Minhyuk to begin with and even with his roommate. He tried to block Hyunwoo’s words, to erase them from his memory.

It almost works since the time he spent with Hyungwon for the past days had been wonderful. They had dinner at some cozy restaurant, watched dramas together, made up silly dances to the latest songs, lay lazily in bed. At some point they didn’t speak for hours, Hyungwon busy working on his paper and Hoseok busy watching his cute boyfriend frown in concentration at Chinese characters.

As if visualizing Hoseok’s thoughts, Minhyuk continues, "He doesn’t like all that domestic stuff. He’s a selfish person if you haven’t noticed yet."  Hoseok really hasn’t. He didn’t consider his boyfriend selfish in the least. Until now Hyungwon has always shared his food, his clothes, and his cosmetics with him, he even let him drive his car. He covered Hoseok up with a fluffy blanket late at night when it was getting chilly. He made him coffee in the morning while Hoseok fixed them breakfast. He always made sure Hoseok had all he needed and was very affectionate when he felt like it. Which was basically all the time, besides when he was working on school stuff.

Just at that moment his phone rings and Hoseok opens it up, smiling when he sees the selfie Hyungwon has sent him. The younger’s wearing his trademark tired pout and a pair of round glasses Hoseok hasn’t seen before.

‘ _not that well. can’t wait to be done with this. I miss you xo’_

Hoseok smiles softly at how cute his boyfriend acts. He doesn’t notice Minhyuk’s scoff as he too looks at Hoseok’s phone screen. Saving the photo for his growing folder titled ‘ _bae_ ’, Hoseok quickly types back a response.

‘ _you said you can’t focus if I’m there, so it’s your fault. but I miss you too. got any plans tomorrow after 4?xx’_

"I suppose you don't let him top, no?" Minhyuk asks. When Hoseok again doesn’t react, Minhyuk goes on, pushing it further and further. "He hates to bottom, don’t get used to it. Either way, he's hard to satisfy," he hums innocently playing with Hyunwoo's fingers that are lying in his own lap. "I should know, I'm the only one who could. He said so."

Hoseok doesn’t like what game Minhyuk was playing. Who talks about what their ex liked in bed with the person said ex is currently dating. All the while next to their boyfriend who could wake up any time. What is he supposed to understand from this? That Minhyuk isn’t over Hyungwon? That he, on the contrary, just wants what’s best for Hoseok and takes into consideration Hoseok’s fragile heart? Either way, he’s being too rude for Hoseok’s liking. Two can play this game.

“Hard to believe it is so if he has indeed cheated on you,” he says not even trying to cover the bitterness in his voice. He doesn’t wait for Minhyuk’s reaction before going to his own room and locking the door behind him. Maybe the redhead just made up that Hyungwon cheated on him. Yeah, that must be it. And even if he did, that doesn’t mean that it would happen to Hoseok too, no? Right. He discards his clothes on the floor, not even bothering to put something else besides a t-shirt on him before getting into bed. His phone rings again as he lays down.

‘ _got a class til 3:30 then I’m free. what do u have in mind?’_

“Sleeping in your arms,” the blond mumbles under his breath and glances at the time before dialing Hyungwon’s number. It’s pretty late, but then again, they’re both awake anyway. Hyungwon picks up after the second ring, greeting Hoseok with his deep sleepy voice. A shiver runs down Hoseok’s spine, imagining that voice whisper from behind him.

“Okay, so I’m not doing any better without you here. Let’s not try this again,” he yawns into the phone, making Hoseok chuckle. He hums in agreement and it’s so easy to picture his boyfriend stretching cutely like a cat. He wonders if Hyungwon would purr if he scratched him behind his ears. Hoseok decides to find out next time they meet.

“Remember I said I wanna take you to dance practice once?” Hyungwon makes a small sound to show he’s listening. “Come after your class. I can get us an empty room or we could join one of the groups who have practice.” If he were to be honest, Hoseok would admit he wanted to see how Hyungwon dances without others around. Even if it turned out Hyungwon was a terrible dancer, he’d rather have the joy to laugh at him without his dance crew around. Though, he’d like to introduce Hyungwon to them. They’re a funny clique and probably Hyungwon would have fun with them.

Hyungwon agrees immediately, even sounds as if he’s excited about it, which is something new. He only sounds excited when it’s something sexual. Though, Hoseok guesses dancing is definitely something that can become very sexual in a short amount of time. He should know. That kind of worries him and Minhyuk’s words pop out into his head without meaning to. “So what are you doing right now?”

“Mm, I tried to watch a movie with Hyunwoo and Minhyuk,” Hoseok admits, sounding as annoyed as he actually is. He’s gonna stay pissed at Minhyuk for a long time after their ‘discussion’. Can it even be called that?

“Doesn’t sound too good,” Hyungwon says quietly and neither of them disturbs the silence that settles on the line, each enjoying just to hear the other’s breathing as if they were in the same room. “Does he…Did they ever tell you something? About me, I mean…” Hoseok can almost hear Hyungwon gulping after asking and he decides not to bring it up.

“Yeah. The kind of shit talk you’d expect from your ex,” Hoseok jokes, not quite amused by the situation. Hyungwon scoffs on the phone line like he does every time he hears something he deems dumb.

“Let me guess. That I’m a cold asshole who cheated on him?” his voice is surprisingly normal, like he asked Hoseok if it was raining outside or if he had eaten lunch yet. Hoseok stares at his phone in silence.

Did Hyungwon expect something like that from Minhyuk or was it just something he got used to hearing? He isn’t able to answer, his throat dry and palms sweaty. He bites his lip in order to keep quiet and not let out an embarrassing sound like a whimper or, worse, a sob. There goes his plan not to bring it up, Hyungwon did it himself.

“Hyung? Are you still there?” Hyungwon’s soft voice is soaked with worry and an anxiety that seemed to mirror Hoseok’s own. He grunts in the phone, still not confident enough to actually say something, but it’s enough of a confirmation for Hyungwon to continue. “Did he tell you we broke up because I cheated on him?”

“Well not, Minhyuk… Hyunwoo did,” he doesn’t add the but probably Minhyuk made him do it because if Hyungwon knows Minhyuk then he already figured that out. He’s certain Hyungwon will deny this lie and then his worries can die. Along with Minhyuk and Hyunwoo trying to get in between him and Hyungwon.

On the other line of the phone, Hyungwon groans as if he’s tired of having to keep explaining himself over and over. He probably is. “Me and Minhyuk...we were friends at first and then we hooked up once and just decided to try dating. It was fine for a while, but then it wasn’t and I put some distance between us. And he took it as a sign of me cheating on him. When he asked me about it I was just dumbstruck, you know? I didn’t see it coming. And he thought my reaction was just a confirmation and it turned messy and we haven’t talked until last week,” he finishes with a heavy sigh.

Hoseok keeps biting his lip, but he can’t stop the sniffle of his nose as tears start rolling down his cheeks. Hyungwon’s story makes sense and he knows Minhyuk well enough, at least he thinks he does, to recognize his typical behavior. Still, he couldn’t have expected Hyungwon to affirm that he did cheat on Minhyuk because that’s plain  _stupid_ , so what is he supposed to do? Hoseok is torn between the two possibilities and the worst of all is that he can’t find out the truth.

If Hyungwon hears his tears, he doesn’t comment on it. They sit in silence again, only Hoseok’s small sobs interrupting the numbness. “I…I would never…” Hyungwon stutters and Hoseok perks up his ears, paying close attention to his boyfriend’s every word. “Can I see you?” he asks in a surprisingly shy voice Hoseok hasn’t heard from him before.

“It’s like 1 a.m. tho…and don’t you have classes tomorrow?” Hoseok answers and thanks all the deities above that his voice doesn’t crack.

“Fuck that, I wanna see you Hoseok…” That’s enough for the blond to throw the blanket off himself and put some sweatpants and hoodie on immediately. He can hear Hyungwon closing his front door through the phone and he can’t help but smile. “I’ll be there in ten.”

Before Hyungwon can hang up the phone, Hoseok stops him, “Wait, can we stay on the phone til you get here?” Hyungwon quickly agrees and puts him on speaker while driving. Hoseok’s sure Hyungwon broke about four speed limits when he arrives in front of his apartment building in just six minutes – which should be impossible even with the almost non-existent traffic in the middle of the night. As soon as the car is parked, and not even in a decent position, Hyungwon runs towards Hoseok who meets him halfway.

They hug each other tightly with no intention to let go. Hyungwon smells like citric shower gel and he was wearing his pajamas. Hoseok suddenly feels like laughing when he notices this and Hyungwon joins him even though he doesn’t understand the outburst. “Idiot, you can’t stay outside in just a T-shirt. You’re gonna catch a cold,” the blond nags, hitting his boyfriend’s chest playfully and Hyungwon smiles widely.

“Perfect. Then I’d have you to take care of me.”

Hoseok shakes his head and pulls him towards the entrance. Fuck Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. It’s his apartment too and Hyungwon is his boyfriend. If he wants Hyungwon to come over then the other two should shut the hell up. Besides, nowadays Minhyuk feels like a second roommate, one who doesn’t pay the rent and that’s a bit annoying. Hyungwon keeps quiet until they’re in Hoseok’s room and then he hugs him tightly again, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

He presses a kiss on a hickey he left a few days ago behind Hoseok’s jaw before pulling away slightly to look at his face. “Let’s go to sleep, yeah?” Hoseok nudges him towards the bed, slightly smaller than Hyungwon’s so they’re forced to be squeezed together a bit, not like it matters when they didn’t want anything else but to feel like they’re melting one into the other.

 

_***_

 

Hoseok wakes Hyungwon up sometime around ten in the morning by plastering kisses along his jaw and neck, nibbling on his Adam apple to make sure his boyfriend would actually wake up. Teasing erogenous areas seemed to be the most effective in waking up this log that slept next to him. Today Hoseok feels much lighter. He still can’t know which version of the story is the truth, but he decides it doesn’t even matter. Because Hyungwon came over at 1 a.m. when he was crying and needed him. He came because he wanted to and Hoseok didn’t even have to ask. That was enough to make his worries disappear. He and Hyungwon are in love and everything is well.

“I know you got classes from 11, get up lazy ass,” he shoves Hyungwon slightly who in turn curls on his side and wraps himself more tightly around Hoseok. The blond laughs loudly and plays softly with his boyfriend’s hair before prying his hands off and heading for the bathroom. He’s thankful both Hyunwoo and Minhyuk have already left earlier in the morning.

They probably saw Hyungwon’s shoes at the door though, so he expects some kind of confrontation to which he says: bring it on. He’s not gonna give up so easily on the boy lying in his bed. After a quick shower, Hoseok tries again to wake Hyungwon up, but to his surprise his tall boyfriend’s already up and looking at his phone screen.

“Sorry. Wanted to see the time and I saw the photo,” he grins and reaches his hand towards Hoseok, intertwining their fingers and pulling him closer. The photo Hyungwon refers to is one of their recent selfies where they make funny faces to the camera. Hoseok liked it so much he posted it on his social media as well before making it his lock screen. Hyungwon rests his head against Hoseok’s hard stomach and closes his eyes content to just cling to his boyfriend all day.

“Let’s have breakfast, then you can go to classes and I’ll go to practice, yeah?” he coaxes the younger into getting up. Since last night Hyungwon came directly in pajamas, he has to borrow some of Hoseok’s clothes which are a bit too large on him. But they smell like Hoseok's cologne and that is more than alright. Hyungwon drives them to Starship and they eat breakfast together at a café nearby before they part ways shortly.

 

_***_

 

The previous day had been a complete rollercoaster. He had to basically interdict Hoseok to come to his place so he can focus on his thesis, but that didn’t work. Worse, he was stuck thinking of his gorgeous boyfriend the whole day and just ended up writing lyrics that expressed what he couldn’t word out loud, instead of doing actual work. Then he gets this call from him in the middle of the night only to discover Minhyuk ran that big mouth of his again and served Hoseok lies about him.

To be honest, if Minhyuk’s new boyfriend didn’t scare him, then maybe Hyungwon would go to Minhyuk and ask him to sort their shit out once and for good. He’s tired as fuck of it affecting his relationship with Hoseok, which although very fast paced, it still makes him incredibly happy. Of course, he basically flew when he heard Hoseok crying on the phone. He couldn’t let his boyfriend cry like that and not hold him in his arms.

So once again they ended up sharing a bed. Hyungwon’s seriously considering to ask Hoseok to just move in since it wouldn’t make much of a difference now. But then again, you don’t ask somebody whom you have been dating for less than a month to move in with you.

When he arrives on campus, he bumps into Changkyun and Jooheon who wiggles his eyebrows suggestively when he sees his outfit. “Nice clothes, but I don’t think they’re quite your size hyung.”

“Oh shut up,” Hyungwon groaned, “they’re Hoseok’s”.

“Should I understand you made no progress on your paper?” Changkyun asks, sipping from his cup. Knowing the kid, it was probably hot chocolate, not coffee though. Hyungwon reaches out and ruffles his hair as punishment for being sarcastic and the younger whines like a puppy when you pull its tail. After exchanging a few more words with the two baristas, Hyungwon heads for class.  

Again, he can’t focus on anything else besides thinking of Hoseok. This time the images flooding his mind aren’t of his smile or thighs, but of puffy red crying eyes and trembling figure. He doesn’t want to see Hoseok in that state ever again and he promises himself right then and there that he’ll do whatever it takes to make his boyfriend happy.

He ends up scribbling hearts between sweet words instead of notes and Hyungwon figures out he has to find some kind of way to reattach his feet to the ground. He couldn’t afford being this airheaded in his final year. But he’ll find that way after he dances with Hoseok. It can certainly wait until at least tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, please don't hate on Minhyuk because he seems like the bad guy here xD  
> this chapter is a mess, Wonho is crying, I am crying and MX still didn't get their first win.  
> so here's to all monbebes who cried today when our boys didn't get what they deserve.


	5. Bringing sexy back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon visits Hoseok's dance practice. Minhyuk is visited by an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon solo stage during the X clan origins concert is (everything) this chapter's inspiration.

As soon as his classes finished, Hyungwon headed for the practice room Hoseok invited him to. He kept Hoseok’s clothes on, his smell far too mesmerizing to take off and the hoodie’s material so soft he felt like his boyfriend was hugging him all the time. Which was a very nice feeling. Once he arrived at the building from where he picked Hoseok up a few times, he was confused in which direction he should go to. The guards let him in easily after he told them Shin Hoseok invited him to come and he wandered on the hallways of the building, trying to locate his boyfriend.

He follows the signs on the walls and glances into each room in his search. He’s expected to run into trainees, maybe if he were lucky into some idols. He didn’t expect to run into Minhyuk and his boyfriend making out in a corner. The redhead and the hulky guy were really going at it and the whine that was so Minhyuk snaps Hyungwon of his shock-induced trance. Wishing to burn that image away immediately and forget it’s ever happened, Hyungwon turns around hoping he wasn’t seen by the couple. He assumes finding them here means Minhyuk’s boyfriend – he had a similar name to his own, but he couldn’t remember it right now – is also a dancer or something in the industry.

Hyungwon almost gives up his search and grabs his phone to call Hoseok when he sees the blond dancing together with some other guys around their age, while the younger dancers watched their hyungs on the side. He is again entranced by his boyfriend’s dancing, he has seen it before in some videos Hoseok sent him from practice, but seeing it in person is something else entirely. After the song ends, Hyungwon gets the courage to open the door and sneak inside. Immediately all heads turn to him and he suddenly feels like that time he was the new student in high school and had to introduce himself to class.

Luckily, Hoseok jumps in to help him and quite literally jumps in his arms, almost making Hyungwon fall over due to the force he threw himself at him with. The brunet chuckles amused and wraps his arms tightly around his boyfriend, turning his head slightly to kiss his cheek. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Hoseok grins and pulls away to look at his face. “Glad you came. Guys,” he turns back to his dance crew, smile wide on his lips, “this is my boyfriend Hyungwon. I invited him over today, hope you don’t mind.”

There’s an echo of wolf whistles from the older dancers who must be close with Hoseok, and Hyungwon chuckles, arm sneaking around Hoseok’s waist. Everyone seems friendly and nice and Hoseok’s warmth is very comforting.

“Wonho-hyung, can he dance?” a tall brunet asks from his probably not so comfortable place on the floor. Hyungwon is blocked for a moment, not understanding who the kid addressed, but then remembers that when they met Hoseok introduced himself as Wonho, because  _reasons_ , and later on explained that is his stage name. Before either Hoseok or Hyungwon can answer the question though, a loud exclamation gets their attention.

“Oh! Hyungwon!!”

Hyungwon would recognize that shrieking voice everywhere, despite the weird pastel-dyed hair. It’s his old friend, whose name is coincidentally also Hoseok and with whom he used to dance back in their hometown. They haven’t seen each other since they graduated high school, but it seems like Hoseok continued with this shared passion and moved to Seoul in order to become a pro.

“It’s good to see you again, Hoseok. Still dancing too.”

“Nowadays, I’m called J-Hope,” the boy replies smugly, making everyone around laugh at his attitude. Hyungwon almost expects him to dab. He can tell that he hasn’t changed one bit from the way he smiles like he has a pet unicorn and is the luckiest kid on earth.

“Oh, you two know each other?” Hoseok, _his_ Hoseok, asks from next to Hyungwon. Hyungwon thinks his boyfriend sounds a tiny bit jealous but he dismisses it for now. He can tease him later when they’re all alone. Instead, he just nods at his question, already knowing that Hoseok, J-Hope, would answer for him. That’s how they were back in Gwangju.

“We used to dance together at the same academy in our hometown!” J-Hope answers, his voice an octave higher than necessary but everyone who hangs out with him gets used to it eventually. Again, Hyungwon knows from his own experience. “’Dis boy right here can kick some serious ass with his dancing,” he continues as he approaches Hyungwon and shakes his hand. The brunet laughs embarrassed, cringing internally at the word choice – he started doing that a lot since he studies literature, unable to simply ignore improper language use anymore. He catches Hoseok’s eyes and the weird sparkle that lights them up, as another guy with red hair goes to the stereo set to pick a song.

“Let’s see it then,” he grins and everyone moves away from the middle of the room, giving Hyungwon space for his long legs. Hoseok – the little traitor – pushes his boyfriend in the middle after a good luck peck and then he leans against a wall, ready to enjoy the show. The familiar rhythm of Drake’s song blurts out through the speakers and Hyungwon thinks that if his boyfriend expects a good show, he won’t disappoint him.

Hyungwon starts with an awkward stance, but as soon as the lyrics start, his body moves as if possessed by the music itself. His moves are fluid and sensual, rolling his hips and popping his chest without missing a beat, his delicate hands making suggestive motions. It’s been some time since he’s last danced and he can feel how his stiff muscles don’t like the sudden effort they’re put to make but he disregards that and focuses on not embarrassing Hoseok in front of his crew – though, they seem nice enough not to mock his boyfriend even if Hyungwon would be as smooth as a hippo dancing. Which, of course, isn’t the case.

He and Hoseok lock eyes briefly, one of their lingering gazes that Hyungwon noticed it’s always followed up by a heated make-out session. He licks his lips just thinking about it and Hoseok’s jaw clenches. Hyungwon can see him from the corner of his eye, the blond’s biting his lower lip in the same way he does when Hyungwon gives him head – slow, sensual, teasing. The brunet decides to take things further and see how far he can push Hoseok. When he gets on the floor, hip thrusting the air like he’s making love to it while the others cheer and whistle loudly encouraging him, Hoseok shouts at him and runs to stop him immediately. Hyungwon takes in his boyfriend’s red face and his dilated pupils and  _oh_. He smirks at the sight, taking mental notes for later purposes on the effect his dancing has on Hoseok. This is definitely something they will do again.

J-Hope is quite literally rolling on the floor, while the others laugh at Hoseok’s reaction. His boyfriend gets even redder from the whole situation and Hyungwon has to hold himself back from leaning in and kissing him senseless. “I guess Wonho wants you to show those moves just in bed,” J-Hope wiggles his eyebrows suggestively in the brief moment of silence before laughter begins again, louder this time when Hoseok takes off one of his sneakers and throws it at J-Hope’s head.

One by one, the dancers come around and introduce themselves to Hyungwon with their stage name since that’s what they call each other around. He learns that the tall kid’s named Yugyeom, the redhead who picked the music is J.B and the black haired guy who sticks next to him is Junior. He recognizes Wonwoo’s roommate who goes by Hoshi around here and the youngest – is this guy even in high school? – is nicknamed Dino because of his looks. And, of course, there’s J-Hope. Hoseok informs him that there are other dancers in their group, but they’re currently working on a special project so they had to be divided into two subgroups.

They invite Hyungwon to watch them practice the choreography they’ve been working on for a few a days now and since they had it mostly down and weren’t in a hurry anyway, Hoseok asks him to give it a try. Dancing, as Hyungwon figures out, is like riding a bike – you can never quite forget it. His muscle memory soon catches up with the sharp moves and Hyungwon blends in nicely with the rest of the group, making some slips here and there but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with more practice. By the time Hoseok decides to call it a day – since apparently he’s the leader of their small unit – outside’s already really dark and the other dancers gladly accept it.

Hyungwon and J-Hope promise each other to hang out later during the week when they’ll both find some time. Meanwhile, J.B and Junior tell him to come around more often even just to make Hoseok lose his shit with that kind of dancing before they quickly run away from the blond’s rage. The three youngest are more shy and reserved, only bowing at their hyungs before leaving quietly. Hyungwon is about to turn and leave as well when Hoseok grabs his wrist and pulls him back into the practice room, swiftly locking the door before pining his surprised boyfriend against the wall.

The brunet gasps loudly and glances down at Hoseok, taken aback by the sudden move. The dancer smirks and there’s this playful spark in his eyes that makes Hyungwon shiver. The same spark he saw during his little show. “Don’t tease me like that in public, Hyungwon.”

“Then what about when we’re alone?” Hyungwon whispers, glancing between his boyfriend’s lustful eyes and his kissable lips, his hand coming up to rest on Hoseok’s jaw. The blond tightens his grip on Hyungwon’s waist, digging his fingers through the hoodie,  _his_ hoodie, and leans in closer until there is no more space between the two of them. If he usually has a problem not kissing Hyungwon all the time, seeing him in his clothes and  _dancing_ , body rolls and hip thrusts on point, is enough to make Hoseok lightheaded. He closes the gap between their lips with no gentleness, making Hyungwon grunts in his mouth as his hands cling onto Hoseok’s sweaty shirt for support.

Their tongues battle for dominance and it’s never an easy fight, both of them unwilling to give up and submit. They pull away only when the lack of oxygen is getting too much but Hoseok keeps his mouth busy nibbling on every inch of skin that is within his reach, making Hyungwon let out delicious little sounds. The younger runs his fingers through blonde locks, gripping slightly to pull his boyfriend up for another needy kiss that Hoseok eagerly responds to. He can feel the outline of Hoseok’s erection against his thigh, his sweatpants not doing a good job to cover it, and Hyungwon wonders how his boyfriend resisted for so long. Before he loses any rational capacity, Hyungwon has to make sure they won’t get in trouble, the locked door not enough of a reassurance.

“Somebody could see us.” He feels Hoseok shiver at his words and holds back the chuckle that comes with the realization that the thrill of getting caught is yet another one of his boyfriend’s kinks. Although they had sex many times during the past month they dated, they have yet to dive into learning the twists that got each other off. Seems like Hoseok discovered one already as he grips Hyungwon’s hair tightly, making him hiss, and pulls him down on his knees. Hyungwon doesn’t object as he comes face to face with his boyfriend’s clothed hard on, instead, he wets his lips getting ready for what is to come. Looking up into the blond’s heavy gaze, the taller man waits, a teasing smirk resting on his lips.

“Then you better hurry before somebody comes to check here.”

Hyungwon reaches for the elastic band of Hoseok’s pants and pulls them with his underwear down to his knees. Hoseok’s hard cock springs free, hitting Hyungwon’s chin but he doesn’t change his facial expression, just wraps his long fingers around the heated flesh tightly, delighted by the shaky breath Hoseok lets out. “What, no please?” he asks sarcastically but doesn’t have the heart to deny Hoseok the pleasure any longer as he wraps his lips around the tip. He moves his tongue around it in circles before swallowing the drops of precum. His hand gives the length a few tugs, slowly building up a fast pace before dropping to an almost non-existent speed.

He’s driving Hoseok crazy and he can tell by the way the other pulls at his hair and from the sounds that escape him. Hoseok freezes when they hear footsteps on the hallway, but Hyungwon, always the risk taker, wants to tease him more and drag out this moment, so he decides it’s the best moment to deep throat his boyfriend. The blond brings his free palm to his mouth to bite on it in order to silence himself while Hyungwon glances up at him cockily with a mouthful of Hoseok’s cock. The growl that vibrates in the older’s chest goes right to his own growing erection that he’ll probably have to neglect until they get to a more private space or at least to his car.

The brunet hallows his cheeks and sucks on Hoseok’s dick like it’s a popsicle and he’s in desperate need for one on a scorching summer day. His hands found their own task, wrapped around Hoseok’s thighs and making him squirm. His thumb traces the inked words like he does every time he gets near Hoseok’s legs because he can’t help it, fascinated by how well that font matches the pale skin. When another set of footsteps is heard on the hallway, Hyungwon decides to press fast forward and opens his throat up for Hoseok, before gripping the blond’s hips and pulling him forward as an indication that he can fuck his mouth just like they did on their first night.

This time Hoseok doesn’t stop before he cums, just keeps thrusting into Hyungwon’s warm welcoming mouth without holding back, a hand pressed against the white wall behind them and one gripping on Hyungwon’s black locks and keeping him there. “I-I’m gonna…” is all he says, barely giving Hyungwon enough time to prepare himself before the blond shoots his load down his throat. Hyungwon swallows it all like the good boyfriend he is, basking in the way Hoseok’s eyes rolled back and the way his face contorted in pleasure from the orgasm.

He gets up slowly, glad he doesn’t have to wear shorts anytime soon since his knees already killing him and are surely bruised. It takes Hoseok a few moments to recover and after promising to help Hyungwon with his own problem back at his place, the two leave the practice room hand in hand.

 

***

 

After visiting Hyunwoo at his practice room, Minhyuk left his precious teddy bear alone in order to meet up with an old friend for a couple of drinks at one of the pubs they used to frequent a lot in their freshman year. He sees Kihyun sitting at a table in the back, DSLR on the table in front of him as he waves to the redhead. Minhyuk almost squeals seeing his best friend after such a long time and they share a quick hug before ordering two beers to get on with catching up.

Kihyun has been gone for the past semester with a scholarship in Paris. Since he’s majoring in photography, Paris - known as a haven for artists - has been a blessing for the shorter boy. He shows Minhyuk a few of his favorite shots from the city before telling his friend stories of how different Europe actually is and that they had to go there together one time. The two had kept in touch for most of Kihyun’s scholarship but the past month has been quite hectic since he’s been preoccupied to build portfolios and write essays – who the hell makes photographers write essays? – on diverse styles.

“What about you? What did I miss?” he asks when he finally finishes talking along with his second beer.

“You won’t believe what happened. Like I still can’t believe it. Hyungwon is dating Hoseok,” Minhyuk hisses as if he were offended by the statement itself. Kihyun gives him a blank look before he starts laughing, obviously not believing a single word. When Minhyuk maintains his pissed face tho, he realizes this is no prank.

“You mean to tell me your douchebag-ex, whose ass I have to kick because I was away when you broke up, is now dating _my_ sweet Hoseok?” Kihyun frowns, face getting red from anger. “This can’t be possible. I and Hoseok didn’t break up. We just took a break while I was gone and we said that we’ll see how things are when I return. How the fuck did Hyungwon get to him?”

Minhyuk could tell his friend is just as bothered as him by this situation and he finally sighs relieved that somebody understands him. Hyunwoo disliked Hyungwon too after the summary Minhyuk gave him of what happened. But he’s mad because he obviously took Minhyuk’s side like the supportive boyfriend he is. Kihyun, however, has his own two cents in this whole mess. And knowing him, he will get his way around and kick Hyungwon out of the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I showed my friend some of HWH's moments; like that time Daehyun asked them about that fansign almost kiss, or how in the latest weekly idol ep Wonho just puts his arm so casually around Hyungwon and some more and she literally thought they were a legit couple *squeal* "What do you mean people don't know they're together? Of course, they're together! Just look at the way they smile when they look at each other"  
> and yeah I wanted to share that xD  
> on another note, KIHYUN IS HERE.


	6. Long time movie’s overdue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon knew his night was ruined when he saw Minhyuk. He didn't realize just how badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare tissues (maybe). Also, the first glimpse on Hyungwon's lyrics

Staying away from each other for more than one day is something that never happened until now, and when Hyungwon notices it’s the fourth day he doesn’t get to meet with his boyfriend, he feels like shouting from the rooftop how life’s not fair. What he does instead is groan and drop his head onto the library desk, earning weird looks from passersby and just a roll of eyes from Changkyun and Wonwoo. The younger boys tagged along with him and studied for their own upcoming exams while Hyungwon wrote his thesis. At least he’s making some consistent progress there and hopefully he’d be done with a few weeks before the deadline, which means he’d be able to revise everything he wrote.

Hoseok has also been really busy, having an upcoming show with the group Hyungwon met the previous week, which will be graded by his teachers since Hoseok’s also in his final year. It’s not the most convenient of times to fall in love and get distracted by feelings, but it isn’t something they could help either. Hyungwon decides to take a break from his analysis of modern-day poetry and uses this time to work on some more lyrics. Changkyun told him a thousand times that he’s a tsundere to which he kindly replied with a “fuck you, nerd”, but he can’t say it’s not true. He does have a hard time expressing his feelings out loud or through gestures, so he has turned to writing as a method to let his thoughts out.

It’s funny how his friends who sit on the opposite side of the table could also somehow fit in this category easily, since Wonwoo usually keeps his cold-chic personality with everyone besides those close to him with whom he dared to make lame puns and express himself more freely, while Changkyun is an introvert who needs time to open up in front of people before showing his weird side. Hyungwon takes out his lyric notebook and opens on the last page on which he drew a bunny and scribbled some rhymes.

_A glowing angel appears in my dreams_

_He wants to steal my heart or so it seems_

_I’ll gladly give him my all, by no means_

_As long as he holds me under moonbeams._

“Oh my goodness, I’m gonna puke,” Changkyun says in English and makes gagging noises while reading over Hyungwon’s shoulder. The taller blushes embarrassed and grabs the nearest book, which isn’t light at all mind you, and starts hitting Changkyun with it until the younger complains about getting bruised all over. “Damn hyung, you’re really smitten about Hoseok.”

“Oh, I didn’t notice,” Hyungwon replies dryly and closes his notebook before turning back to his laptop, ignoring his friends’ snickers. His phone vibrates and he immediately picks it up, hoping it will be a message from Hoseok. And so it is, telling him details about the show where he’s gonna dance and adding that he can invite as many people as he wants. “Hey, wanna come and see Hoseok’s show tomorrow?”

“Sorry, got a date planned with Mingyu for weeks. Can’t cancel,” Wonwoo mumbles while highlighting his textbooks. Hyungwon looks at Changkyun who seems to be considering it. After kicking his leg under the desk, the other nods but not without putting some conditions.

“I’m bringing Jooheon and Gunhee though.”

“Fine,” Hyungwon huffs, although he and Gunhee don’t quite get along. But he wants to gather a crowd to cheer loudly for his boyfriend. And then maybe they’ll make up for the time in which they haven’t seen each other. He goes back to his thesis after taking a cute selfie and sending it to Hoseok, announcing him he’s gonna bring 3 more people. He expects a photo in return, like Hoseok usually sends him. Or a video with how the dance practice is going. But he only gets in return a ‘xo’. Probably the dancer is just too busy to text longer replies.

The next day Hyungwon meets up with Changkyun, Jooheon and Gunhee in front of their dorm – how they managed to fit in together all three of them is a mystery Hyungwon isn’t that curious to solve. Gunhee teases him for going the extra mile with his look. He really didn’t though, just picked a nice T-shirt with his black skinny jeans and decided to wear Hoseok’s leather jacket that he ‘accidentally’ forgot at his place last time he dropped by. He’s sure that detail will get some kind of reaction from his boyfriend. Ah, he really couldn’t wait to see Hoseok again, to see him dancing, to go and hug him and congratulate him for having the best number tonight.

Jooheon and Gunhee are used to this kind of shows since they are underground rappers in the limited free time they have away from university or their part-time jobs. Being a student is hard and Hyungwon often takes for granted not being in the situation where he has to get a job in order to support himself. He has to thank his parents more often and he makes a note in his mind to do so once they return to Korea from their trip to China.

When they enter the club where the show will be held, Hyungwon has the unpleasant surprise of bumping into Minhyuk and his best friend, Kihyun. Great, those were the last people he wanted to deal with tonight. They don’t say a word to one another, but Changkyun greats Minhyuk cheerfully and stays behind to talk with him while Hyungwon goes with the rappers to occupy the seats reserved for them by Hoseok. He didn’t expect Kihyun to be back from his scholarship, he doesn’t even remember where he went to, but he remembers how much he disliked the short boy’s smart mouth. When he and Minhyuk were dating, Kihyun made it a point to be as annoying as possible, just to test him if he was worthy of his best friend.  _That hamster’s probably so happy we broke up_ , Hyungwon thinks as he crosses his arms and watches the empty stage.

From next to him, Jooheon and Gunhee talk about something he doesn’t bother to eavesdrop on. Instead, he texts Hoseok about his arrival and waits for Changkyun to return. It seems that the maknae didn’t get the huge memo ‘don’t invite my ex and his friend Satan to sit with us’, because Changkyun comes to their seats closely followed behind by Minhyuk and Kihyun, and to Hyungwon’s eternal distress after Changkyun sits down next to him, Kihyun takes the seat on the youngest’s other side with Minhyuk ending the row. Great. Just great. He already feels a headache coming.

“I have been to Paris once too but I don’t remember much since I was little. How did you manage there? Learned any French?” Changkyun asks Kihyun and Hyungwon has to remind himself that it is absolutely childish to prohibit your friends to talk with snakes. Really, Changkyun has just met Kihyun and they were already chatting like buddies? Hyungwon’s eye twitches as he listens – though he tries not to – to Kihyun enthusiastically bragging about his English skills. Hyungwon mumbles that Kihyun can barely speak proper Korean and he shouldn’t even attempt to butcher other languages but his comment goes unnoticed. “That’s so cool. I’m actually an English major,” Changkyun says in English and Kihyun gets a bit embarrassed, his cockiness dissipating slowly.

“Y-yeah. I picked up some French there too but just enough to get by,” Kihyun replies still in Korean and Hyungwon suddenly has the (worst) idea to glance in Minhyuk’s direction. The redhead is typing very fast on his phone but feeling that he’s being watched makes him look up and glare at Hyungwon. The literature student turns back to Jooheon and Gunhee and joins their banter before the lights are slowly dimmed until the only thing that could be seen is the stage. Kihyun says goodbye to Minhyuk and Changkyun before grabbing his camera and going to do his duty as this event’s photographer.

Hyungwon groans. He won’t even be able to enjoy the photos of his boyfriend knowing that the garden gnome took them. After Kihyun left, there’s a sudden awkward vibe that surrounds his empty chair and Changkyun, trying to be a mediator like always, leans over it and strikes a conversation with Minhyuk. Hyungwon once again bites the mean remark that the maknae’s being awfully sociable tonight. But judging by Jooheon and Gunhee’s giggles from time to time, Hyungwon is not wrong to assume that the three went to pre-drinks without him.

Minhyuk’s boyfriend is one of the numbers tonight and he has a solo stage. As much as he tries, Hyungwon can’t find it in himself to point out errors or bad things. He really slays the stage with his dancing that is so smooth, unlike his awkward personality – from what Hoseok told him at least since his only encounter with the guy was when he kicked him out of his and Hoseok’s shared flat and when he saw him and Minhyuk making out last week. He shudders at the memory. Minhyuk cheers loudly from start to finish, shouting out embarrassing things like ‘ _that’s my babe!_ ’, ‘ _what an ass!!_ ’, ‘ _fuck me, daddy!_ ’. The last one had quite an effect, Changkyun burying his face in his hands embarrassed to sit next to the redhead.

Up next is Hoseok’s crew and Hyungwon’s breath hitches when he sees his boyfriend. His hair is colored a pale lavender, probably dyed with toner. He’s clad in tight ripped black jeans with a hole right where his thigh tattoo lies and a long black sweater that shows off his beautiful collarbones. But what caught Hyungwon’s attention is the black collar with a ring that adorned his neck. Hyungwon’s mouth goes dry in an instant.

Changkyun and the two rappers next to him cheer loudly like Hyungwon told them too, but he’s too mesmerized by the dance and his boyfriend in general. Hoseok is beautiful, there’s no other word better to describe him. He’s beautiful on the outside and on the inside, Hyungwon has seen that. The more time he spent with the other, the more certain he became. It’s as simple as that, he’s in love with Hoseok. He doesn’t even hear the song or sees the other dancers, he only notices the blond and for a second when their eyes lock, he swears he could hear the other’s heartbeat in sync with his own rapid one.

By the time the dance ends, Hyungwon barely gets out of the trance to cheer up loudly at the end and clap until his hands are hurting. He decides to go and finally see his boyfriend, so he gets up from his seat and heads to the backstage. The organizers of the show stop him but, thankfully, J.B sees him and asks the guy to let Hyungwon in. The tall boy thanks the dancer and starts looking for his boyfriend, stylists, dancers and stage directors moving everywhere around him in a rush.

But he still sees it. He sees Hoseok, his boyfriend, the dancer he fell for. He sees him gripping Kihyun’s shoulder, while the photographer had his arms wrapped around the blond’s neck as they kiss. Kihyun is kissing Hoseok and Hoseok is kissing him back. He can’t breathe, he can’t move, he can’t hear anything besides the sharp sound of his heart breaking into pieces. He doesn’t even realize tears fall down his cheeks until Kihyun pulls away smirking and their eyes meet for a brief second.

The flight or fight instinct takes over Hyungwon. A few minutes ago he would have sworn to beat anyone who flirts with his boyfriend to a bloody pulp but now his legs start running without his knowledge and they don’t stop even when he’s back in the hall, not even when Changkyun calls worriedly after him, not even when he’s outside. He chokes on a sob as the harsh night air fills his lungs but keeps on running until he is at least a bus station away from the club where his boyfriend was kissing another guy. His phone buzzes in his jacket pocket but he ignores it. He lights a cigarette and continues walking taking big steps. By the time he reaches his apartment he already finished the rest of his pack but his heart was burning worse than his lungs.

 

 

***

 

His whole body is throbbing from the thrill of being on a stage. Hoseok had prepared so hard for this in the past days he had ignored anything else. He didn’t call his mother, nor talk with Hyungwon much, just ate something in the morning, went to practice, came home at the same time with Hyunwoo who seemed to have the same antisocial diet as him, ate some more ramen and then went to sleep to repeat the process in the morning.

He was born to be on stage, that’s what he feels every time the blinding lights hit his pupils and the loud cheers of the audience enter his ears. He gives his all to this dance, he knows some important agents might be on the chairs in front of him, watching everything. The only one he notices is Hyungwon in the first rows sitting with his friends and having this weird look like he just smoked a joint. He’d better not, at least not while he performed. Hoseok’s chest swells thinking that might actually be just the way his boyfriend reacted to his dancing.

When the music stops, they hurry backstage and other colleagues congratulate them for a great performance. Hyunwoo hugs him and Hoseok can’t be mad right now and hugs him back tight. And then he sees a familiar face he hasn’t seen for such a long time, unable to look away. “Ki-Kihyun…” he whispers as if he can’t believe that the photographer is right in front of him.

Kihyun just smirks a bit as he steps closer to him, and Hoseok’s too surprised to react when Kihyun grabs his shirt and pulls him down for a kiss. His hand automatically grips Kihyun’s shoulder, like he always did when they were together. He can feel Kihyun smiling against his lips and he forgets himself for a moment, enjoying the all too familiar feeling. Kihyun pulls away before Hoseok gets to push him away and smirks again, “I missed you, Hoseok-ah.”

“Kihyun,” the dancer gulps disbelieving what just happened. He kissed somebody else who isn’t Hyungwon. He kissed his  _ex-boyfriend_ , while his boyfriend was waiting for him out there. Hoseok feels like crying and prays the earth would swallow him whole. “You’re back…” is all that he’s able to say and Kihyun raises an eyebrow.

“I am. Aren’t you glad,  _mon amour_?” he asks with a suggestive smile and Hoseok feels like pulling out all of his hair until he was left bald. “Really, after 5 months away I hoped for a warmer welcoming. I even kept it a surprise that I’m back just to see your reaction.”

And Hoseok would have been glad. He really would because he loved Kihyun the most out of all of his boyfriends and their break-up was caused by the long distance put between them while Kihyun was away. But they took a break and that was basically a break-up. If Hoseok was still single, he wouldn’t have hesitated to scoop Kihyun up and kiss him. He wouldn’t have hesitated to take him back in his life and give it a try, resume where they left off before Kihyun departed for Paris.

But Hoseok has met Hyungwon in the meantime and he completely fell for the tall brunet and even with Kihyun in front of him, with his hair slicked back and white shirt showing off his slim silhouette, he can’t think of leaving Hyungwon. He can’t believe he didn’t oppose Kihyun’s kiss, not even at all, and guilt starts picking at his heart. And to think he was worried over Hyungwon not being over Minhyuk when the two don’t even talk with each other while here he stands, kissing his ex.  

 

“Kihyun…I-I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t be with you,” he exhales, his voice trembling and cracking by the end. He pushes past Kihyun, leaving the photographer dumbstruck and goes outside to where Hyungwon’s seat was supposed to be but he doesn’t see him. He is met instead with a worried looking Changkyun and Hyungwon’s other two friends looking confused. “W-where is Hyungwon?” he asks, a feeling of dread taking over his being. He had a bad, bad feeling about this. Has Hyungwon seen anything?

“I don’t know… he went after you, but then he stormed outside. I tried to go after him but he runs faster than me. And now he's not picking up his phone,” Changkyun gestures to the phone in his hand.

And that’s when Hoseok was certain. He fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh..don't kill me? so, as promised, things are gonna get nasty now that Kihyun is back (don't hate Minhyuk and Kihyun though, they got their reasons!)  
> I made a poster (that looks really bad) for this fic. you can find it on my tumblr at @seoulfulnights


	7. Gonna fight for love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to think I should cut the light angst tag.

Hyungwon was sitting by the window of his balcony, staring numbly at the street below him. His heart still aches while his mind couldn’t stop replaying in his mind the image of Hoseok kissing another guy. Is this why they haven't seen each other the past days? Is this why their texts and phone calls were so short?

His throat feels raw from the tears and smoke, otherwise he'd already be halfway through the pack he bought on his way home. He feels like it would be too pathetic of him to drink his suffering away, so he stays awfully sober, watching the few people that still wandered around the small streets of Seoul at this late hour. He texted Changkyun half an hour ago that he felt sick and went home. It wasn't a lie per say, but he didn't feel like telling his friend what actually happened.

He is a cautious man. He always makes a list of pros and cons when taking a decision. He never rushes to listen to his heart's whims. Yet, he fell so hard and so fast for Hoseok that this felt like a frontal collision against a tree. Right now, a car crash would have probably hurt less. He tried writing up some lyrics, pain always being an inspiration, but the paper is left untouched since he brought it on the balcony with him. Glancing at his phone’s clock, pointedly ignoring the missing calls from Hoseok and his messages left unread, Hyungwon bitterly realizes the show must have finished by now. He was supposed to treat his boyfriend and his dance team to drinks right now instead of…whatever he is actually doing right now.

Hyungwon is considering just sleeping it off when a loud knock on the front door breaks the heavy silence. He ignores it, thinking it’s just Changkyun, worrying his ass off as always for him. The younger is truly a good friend, he should treat him to some coffee next time they meet at college. Changkyun knows better though than to disturb him when he’s ‘sick’. When the knocking doesn't stop after a few good minutes, Hyungwon goes and opens the door ready to kick whoever disturbed him to the next Sunday.

"What the fuck do you-"

Hoseok's teared up face is something he should have seen coming, but it still shakes him to the core. Why is he crying? Hyungwon isn’t the one who messing around with somebody else behind the scenes. They just stare into each other's eyes and Hyungwon tries his best not to let his heartbreak show in the most obvious of ways.

Hoseok shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other and Hyungwon notices his bloodshot eyes. His face got puffy too so he must have cried a lot, maybe as much as Hyungwon did. That thought doesn’t warm the younger one bit though. Maybe Hoseok is feeling guilty for what he did, but that doesn’t excuse him  _cheating._ The blond sniffles and bites his lower lip worriedly before speaking up, "C-Can I come in?"

Hyungwon's brain sends signals to his hand to slam the door closed. His body's reaction though is to step aside and let his boyfriend, if that’s still what Hoseok is, enter his apartment. They stay in the hallway in utter silence, avoiding each other’s eyes. Hyungwon wants to break something, to let all his anger out, but he keeps it inside and tries his hardest not to just snap at Hoseok. The dancer just wants to pull Hyungwon in his arms, he wants to forget this ever happened, to go back and push Kihyun away like he should have.

"When I came for you, Changkyun told me you just left..." he tries really hard to stop from crying but once the waterfalls get started, they don't stop until there aren't any more tears to cry.

"Yeah, thought you'd be too busy to notice." Hoseok expects the bitterness in Hyungwon's voice, but his cold tone still makes him shiver and he chokes on a sob. He fucked up so badly and he has no idea how to fix this. But he has to. He can't let Hyungwon go like this. He lets out a small whimper at Hyungwon’s harsh words. "Hyunwoo better watch his back since you're so keen on whoever has ever been close with Minhyuk," Hyungwon bites and his teeth are sharp, leaving marks on Hoseok's heart.

"Let me explain, please," the blond begs reaching for Hyungwon's arm and flinches when the other pulls away from his touch like he was burned. He nods though and waits for Hoseok to go on. The older takes a deep breath, before letting his feelings out.

"I and Kihyun were dating before he left for his scholarship in France. We said we'll take a break and see what happens when he returns. He just assumed we're gonna pick up where we left off before even getting the chance to say hi. That's why..." his throat goes dry constricting his speech at this point and he stops.

Hyungwon stares him down, his eyes unforgiving and it’s driving Hoseok mad. Slowly, Hyungwon raises an eyebrow, daring Hoseok to finish his sentence, but he can’t. He can’t say the shameful thing he did. The brunet sighs and crosses his arms, making a point to look away from Hoseok. This wasn’t easy on either of them. “Then why are you here? Go celebrate Kihyun’s return. To me it looked like you had a lot to catch up.”

Being passive-aggressive comes as a second nature to Hyungwon, but he never sassed Hoseok around, so the blonde is quite shocked by this new side his boyfriend is showing. He gulps down a new wave of tears and decides,  _fuck it_. He has nothing left to lose right now.

“I-I love you!” he shouts much louder than he expected, surprising both himself and Hyungwon. The brunet turns to him again and takes in Hoseok’s desperate face and wide eyes. The dancer is shaking, he feels more nervous than before the show. Hyungwon keeps quiet and that makes Hoseok’s anxiety get heavier. “I love  _you_ ,” he repeats himself. “I want to be with  _you_ , not with him. ‘I don’t want him, I just want you’ that’s what you told me about Minhyuk, remember? That’s what I’m telling you now about Kihyun.”

Hyungwon lets out a bitter laugh and looks at Hoseok like he grew a second head. This whole mess reminds him too much of his parents’ marriage, did he nail it this time? Their fight right now is exactly like the ones his mother and father used to have after his mother came back from a business trip. He was little back then, too young to understand what was going on. Why his father was shouting at his mother, why she kept insisting that he was just paranoid and nothing happened while she went in some foreign country. He finally caught up that his mother was having an affair all that time only when his parents decided to separate. Things were really complicated since they were partners at their travel agency and a divorce would have caused quite a scandal in the family.

He was 14 back then, but he still remembers his mother’s hurt expression as he chose to live with his father until he went to college. He didn’t hate her, she was his mother. But Hyungwon has some principles. And he couldn’t accept that she stepped on them like that and her actions made him lose his respect for her. That was also the age he realized he was gay and probably a therapist would tell him that his relationship with his mother affected how he saw women in general and made him lose faith in the female gender. He calls bullshit.

There are few things Hyungwon despises more than the idea of cheating. That’s why he had such a reaction to Minhyuk’s accusation back then, too shocked to comprehend that Minhyuk actually thought he’d do such a thing. Hyungwon doesn’t ask for much from a relationship. As long as the other person is loyal, he could get over other things. He looks in Hoseok’s eyes as he utters his next words.

“The difference is that I haven’t kissed Minhyuk like you kissed Kihyun. And you know what’s the worst thing?” he makes a pause and watches the way Hoseok is frozen in his place. “I can’t even blame Kihyun, you know? Since he still had the impression that you two were together.”

“Please, Hyungwon. I know I can’t ask you to forgive me for this, but I-I can’t… I can’t…” Hoseok is once again choking up on his tears and sobs and his knees almost buckle, barely able to stand on his feet anymore. He recognizes the traits of a panic attack as he struggles to get some oxygen in his lungs. It’s been so long since he had one, but the idea that they were over, that he kicked away what’s probably the best thing that has ever happened to him, makes his brain go haywire. He feels lightheaded as he breathes with difficulty, his heart beating so fast he is afraid it might pop out of his chest.

Hoseok feels frail arms wrap tightly around him and Hyungwon’s familiar warmth engulfs him. The brunet whispers in his ear ‘breathe in, breathe out’, and does the motions at the same time with Hoseok until the blond calms down and the attack ends in small sobs and sniffles. Hoseok mumbles a 'thanks', hiding his face in Hyungwon’s chest and listening to his heartbeat. He isn’t willing to let go of the embrace, not knowing it might be the last. But when Hyungwon gently pushes him away, he has to resign himself and take a step back.

He searches for Hyungwon’s eyes, but the younger avoids his gaze, running a nervous hand through his locks. Hyungwon lets out a dramatic sigh before he speaks, “I don’t wanna break up.” Hoseok’s eyes sparkle and hope is reignited in his chest, however, he tries to hold it back, scared of the upcoming ‘ _but’_. “But I really don’t wanna see your face right now.”

Hoseok nods and keeps quiet for a second. “O-okay…then I’ll leave,” he looks at his feet, hoping Hyungwon will stop him and offer to at least crush on the couch instead, but that doesn’t happen. He turns and opens the door, giving Hyungwon one more look before stepping out. “Just...call me whenever you feel like it, okay? I’m so sorry, Hyungwon.”

“Yeah, you should be.”

Hoseok stays in front of the door long after Hyungwon closes it in his face. Unknowingly to him, Hyungwon is also leaning against the other side of the metal separating them, going through their conversation over and over in his head. First fights are always bad, but this is on a whole different level. Never mind that. He’ll just use this as motivation to fight for what they had. He said the truth, he loves Hyungwon. And he’s gonna fight for love.

 

***

 

Kihyun joins Minhyuk and Hyunwoo, confused by Hoseok suddenly running away like that. He remembers Minhyuk’s words that Hoseok is now dating Hyungwon but he still can’t believe it. It just isn’t right. They were supposed to kiss and make up for all those months spent away from each other, but Hoseok left him hanging like that with no concrete explanation.

“Where is Hoseok?” he asks the blond’s roommate, forcing him to pull away from Minhyuk’s lips. Kihyun twitches at the sight, no matter who the current boyfriend is, he doesn’t want to see his best friend making out with somebody. It’s plain awkward. Hyunwoo blinks sleepily, analyzing Kihyun’s question and pull away from Minhyuk’s embrace slowly.

“He said he’s going to Hyungwon’s. I saw Hyungwon backstage but it seems like he disappeared,” Hyunwoo explains before kissing Minhyuk’s forehead and leaving the two friends alone while he goes to chat with the rest of the dancers. The redhead watches his boyfriend go with a big smile on his face until Kihyun snaps his fingers angrily in his face.

“’He went to Hyungwon’s’? What the actual fuck. We kissed Minhyuk, he kissed me back and then he just left.” Kihyun is positively fuming. This is ridiculous, to be dropped off for a walking stick! Minhyuk sighs and rests his hand on his friend’s shoulder, giving it an apologetic squeeze. At least he doesn’t sing-song ‘told you’ in Kihyun’s face.

“I told you he’s dating Hyungwon now." Kihyun pronounced himself too early. “But you said he kissed you back, right? Then he must still feel _something._ ”

Minhyuk is right. If Hoseok was completely against the idea of kissing Kihyun he would have stopped him before he got the chance to touch his lips with his own or push him away once it happened. But Hoseok stood still, no,  _he kissed back_. Which is all the confirmation Kihyun needs. Be it that way. Hoseok found a distraction while he was gone? Then he’ll just have to remind Hoseok who he truly loves. He’s gonna do it slowly, but surely. The redhead eyes his smirk weirdly but shrugs when Hyunwoo returns and is quick to wrap himself around his boyfriend yet again. They say goodbye to Kihyun and Hyunwoo decides to give Minhyuk a piggyback to their cab.

Kihyun watches his friend laughing cutely and can’t help but feel a bit envious of his happiness. He and Hoseok used to be just as happy. And they will be again! He just has to –

He just has to avoid getting soaked in red wine. He looks down at the empty glass in front of him and then at his white shirt, forever ruined. If he were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of Kihyun’s nose and ears as he glares daggers at the criminal who murdered his shirt. Changkyun gulps, his eyes wide and just as surprised as Kihyun that he was this clumsy.

“Oh my god, hyung, I am so sorry!! It was an accident I swear,” the younger tries to apologize mustering the cutest puppy eyes Kihyun has ever seen in his life. Changkyun is too cute to stay mad at. And it wasn’t really his fault, many people were running around and probably somebody bumped into Changkyun and thus his wine spilled on Kihyun’s shirt. Still, it’s one of his favorite shirts and it’s gonna take an eternity to get cleaned. Not to mention a fortune. Just thinking about it makes Kihyun pinch the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming. He blinks confused when Changkyun shoves his jacket in his face. “Here take this, t-to cover it up. I’m gonna make up for this, I’m really sorry, hyung.”

Kihyun glances at the younger’s bare forearms as he remains just in a black T‑shirt. His skin looks really nice. Snapping out from that trail of thoughts, Kihyun looks up and meets Changkyun’s puppy eyes again. “Stop apologizing, you said it was an accident, right? And take this back, you’re gonna catch a cold like this,” he gives the jacket back, but Changkyun refuses to take it.

“Please. It’s the least I can do.”

Well, if the kid wants to get sick, who is Kihyun to stop him? He slips on the bomber jacket, the army print fitting pretty nicely with his other clothes. It’s really warm and cozy tho, and Kihyun has to hold himself back from wrapping it closer to his body just to feel the heat. “Thanks, I’ll return it. Along with the cleaning receipt.” He smirks when the color drains from Changkyun’s face and turns around to leave after grabbing his camera bag.

Changkyun stands in the same spot Kihyun left him and can’t help but look at the short guy’s ass as he walked away. Damn, Minhyuk’s friend is really cute. He has a handsome face, nice body, soft voice and he is also artsy. Moreover, he is bossy. Shit, Hyungwon is right, he really is into people bossing him around.

“Hey, Kyun? Earth to Kyun!” Jooheon waves a hand in front of Changkyun’s face while Gunhee laughs at the spaced out expression on the youngest’s face. “I said let’s go home. Where’s your jacket?”

“U-uh, I gave it to somebody,” he stutters, embarrassed all of a sudden by his action. He might have rushed a bit. What if Kihyun doesn’t return the jacket? He actually really liked that jacket. And he might or might not have used it as an excuse to make sure he meets Kihyun again.

“Blackmailing a date?” Gunhee shakes his head chuckling. “Joohoney, our baby is growing up.”

“Shut up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like adding more scenes with the others since they are part of this story too after all. Also, saw on twitter some notes from fansigns where Kihyun says he'd pick I.M to be his pet and the member he'd shower with is Changkyunnie. My shipping heart had to do something with those too. Thus, Puppy!Changkyun got a crush, isn't that cute? haha


	8. Mom's Americano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, distance can make things better. Sometimes it just makes them worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't make it in time to call it a daily update, but this is a bit longer than usual to make up for that ^^  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100+ KUDOS!! You guys are the best<3

It was finals’ month and if you were able to find a place in the library you were so lucky you could buy a ticket for lotto and wish for the big win. Hyungwon half expected students to camp in front of the library one of these days, just to make sure they get a seat in front of a computer. That wouldn’t be the weirdest thing he had seen on campus. He isn’t a morning person at all though, by far. So he always arrives around lunch time and squeezes in next to Changkyun or Wonwoo and, lately, Mingyu too. Even Jooheon and Gunhee dropped by at the library once this month, which is an event Hyungwon never attested before.

He has seen all his classmates and friends around. He has met people who were in his classes and he had no idea they existed before they came to ask him questions about their exam. Somehow, people thought he is some kind of top student and bothered him a lot with stupid questions. Changkyun kept teasing him by mocking the way girls came and whined in a cutesy voice, “Oppa, please teach me~”. Hyungwon made sure to kick him hard enough to leave a bruise that would stop the teasing for a few days.

He even ran into Kihyun once, quite literally bumped into him, making his coffee spill. Hyungwon was about to apologize until he noticed the devil and he opted to narrow his eyes instead. “Watch where you’re walking gnome,” he spat the words out with as much venom as he mustered. Last time he saw Kihyun, his mouth was attached to Hoseok’s and it wasn’t a pleasant image. At all. Kihyun, on the other hand, seemed actually enthusiast that they met by chance like that.

Kihyun smirked and took a sip from one of the coffees – that’s when Hyungwon noticed he actually had two in his hands. “You should watch where you’re walking, plank. You almost made me drop Hoseok’s coffee.” At the mention of his boyfriend’s name, he saw red before his eyes and pushed past Kihyun, walking away from the library. It’s not like he could focus on anything after that anyway. He is still mad at Hoseok, but at least the other is trying. Like real hard, texting him all the time, calling him, sending him cute photos, everything and anything.

He is taking more and more long walks these days, it helps clear up his stressed-out mind. At least he has submitted the draft of his thesis a few days ago and now he just has to wait for his teacher’s review. His feet take him to an area he usually doesn’t visit, but a cute local café grabs his attention. The smell of freshly baked cupcakes fills his nostrils and his stomach cries for some food it has been denied in the morning. Hyungwon goes inside and is surprised to see there are only a few customers although it’s already lunchtime. Usually, you could barely find a café with enough seats at this hour. He doesn’t dare question his luck though and goes to the nice looking lady at the cash register.

“Welcome to MoMo café!” she cheerfully greets and waits for Hyungwon to look through the menu. Her eyes keep lingering on his face and Hyungwon feels kind of uncomfortable with the unrequested attention. He rubs sleepily at his eyes and wonders if there’s something on his face.

“I’d like an Americano and a chocolate muffin, please,” he orders politely and the lady goes to pour him his coffee and serve him the muffin. After paying, Hyungwon sits by the window and turns back to his phone. Changkyun has posted a video of Jooheon and Gunhee fighting over the last piece of toast this morning and if vine was still around they’d have probably become viral. The three of them actually used to post silly videos all the time when the platform was around.

The taste of coffee erupts a happy hum from Hyungwon’s throat. He will definitely return here, this Americano is way too good. Though the smiley face drawn in the foam confuses him. It isn’t really the usual shape baristas opted to draw. A bite from the muffin confirms his guess, they are just as good as they smell. His phone dings, announcing a new message from Hoseok. It’s a photo of him in the dance practice room and J-Hope has an arm swung across his boyfriend’s shoulders, the other hand forming a v-sign while his dimples are on full display. Hoseok looks like he tries to show off his dimples too, but you couldn’t see them. The caption says ‘hobi says hi. hoseokx2 miss you’.

Hyungwon bites his lip to stop from smiling. But then he remembers what Kihyun said. ‘you almost made me drop Hoseok’s coffee’.  _Hoseok’s coffee my ass,_ Hyungwon thinks. Then again, Hoseok could have just sent an older photo. He hesitates before dialing the number. “Hello?” comes the soft voice from the other line.

“Hey…” Hyungwon hesitates. He doesn’t want to downright accuse Hoseok of something. He has been on the other side of such accusations and it isn’t nice. Now he understands Minhyuk’s point of view, and that makes him want to properly apologize for letting the redhead believe a lie. “I just wanted to see how you are.” He can hear the noise of somebody being chased – probably Jinyoung was after Yugyeom’s head again, and the music being played on a low volume – probably Jaebum tried to be a DJ again with the stereo. Hoseok is really at dance practice and now he feels bad for doubting it.

“Just taking a break, you? How’s studying?” There’s a loud ‘hi Hyungwon!!’ in the background before Hoseok probably pushes J-Hope away. Hyungwon tries not to smile because he is still mad.

“I am too. Taking a break I mean. I’ll let you with your crew then,” he’s about to hang up when a muffled  _I miss you_  stops him. He still didn’t reply to Hoseok’s ‘I love you’, nor to the other ‘I miss you’s he dropped since. They haven’t seen each other either and Hyungwon knows he might be a bit too harsh since he noticed just how sensitive Hoseok can be, however, he still needs more time before they can be like before. “Goodbye Hoseok,” is all he says and when he hangs up he notices the worried look the lady throws his way.

She approaches him and takes the seat opposite at the table after asking if he’s waiting for somebody and he shakes his head. “Can I ask you something, ahjumma?” She smiles widely and nods. Her smile looks really familiar but Hyungwon can’t pinpoint where he has seen it before. “You drew a smiley face on my Americano.” Another nod. “Why?”

“Ah, you just looked like you needed some cheering up. You remind me a bit of my son, he's about your age. Am I too blunt if I ask you what happened?”

Hyungwon is unsure how to answer. He’s not the type to talk about his feelings. He doesn’t really believe it can help you, despite all the pressure Changkyun put on him to open up more - his friend can be such a hypocrite sometimes. But this kind lady seems nice enough to listen to him without judging. And he hasn’t told anyone about the situation with Hoseok, about their fight. He wasn’t even able to write down about it so he kept it all bottled up. His voice is a bit shaky as he speaks, “I got some problems with my boyfriend”.

He watches the lady’s reaction but she just nods, without a drop of judgment. People are usually more condemnatory even nowadays when it comes to non‑heterosexual orientations so Hyungwon doesn’t go shouting it out to every middle-aged person he sees on the street. But this ahjumma looks really okay with it so he goes on. “I uh…I saw him and his ex-boyfriend kiss,” he purses his lips into a thin line and the lady nods again, this time with a frown set on her features. “That person just returned from abroad and he and my boyfriend were on a break before we met. He… he said he loves me,” at this Hyungwon takes a break and appreciates that the lady waits for him to finish before offering her opinion. “But I’m not sure about it anymore. I love him too but what he did really hurt me.”

“Did you tell him that?” the lady asks in a kind voice. The kind that a mother would ask her troubled child when he lost something and only the mother can find it when it appears to be forever gone.

“I think it is pretty obvious. I’m giving him the cold shoulder,” Hyungwon mumbles and the lady giggles at the childish pout he’s wearing. Usually, Hyungwon gets pissed when people laugh at him, but he can’t with this ahjumma. He kind of wishes his mom were this warm.

“Sometimes we do things we don’t mean to do and then wonder why we did that. Sometimes we hurt the people we love the most without even realizing it. You know what’s best for your relationship, but talking to each other is essential,” she advises Hyungwon wisely and he nods slowly, processing her words carefully.

“Thank you, ahjumma,” Hyungwon says as he gets up and puts his coat back on. He didn’t even realize this morning that he took Hoseok’s leather jacket again. It still smells like his cologne and Hyungwon holds back from just burying his nose in the collar. He meant to give it back at the show but after how things turned out he ended up keeping it longer instead. The lady eyes his jacket and her smile confuses Hyungwon, because she looks like she knows more than she lets on. And again, it reminds him of somebody, but he can’t figure out of whom.

 

***

 

The first week after the show Hyungwon completely blocked out contact with Hoseok. He ignored his texts and his snapchats. He didn’t even give him a seen on messenger or reply to his good morning and good night texts. But Hoseok wasn’t discouraged and kept on texting Hyungwon until, eventually, he started to reply back. Dry, monosyllabic answers, but they were replies. A few days ago they chatted for over ten minutes on the phone and Hoseok was almost crying happy tears at the end, grateful that they were slowly getting better.

The blond tried to focus more on his dancing to fill the empty time when he would have hanged out with Hyungwon instead. When he was working out, his mind wouldn’t think so much of his beautiful boyfriend. But even then, J‑Hope came to him from time to time and asked how Hyungwon was doing and he felt like the shittiest boyfriend for not knowing how to answer. ‘Sorry, Hyungwon doesn’t really talk to me after he saw me kissing my ex’ just didn’t cut it as a good answer for his fellow dance team member. So he always replied with some ‘fine’ or ‘busy with school’.

As soon as his body hit the living room’s couch, images of Hyungwon’s face flooded before his eyes. After texting him good night, he would then swipe through his gallery left and right to look at how happy they were when they took the photos. How beautiful Hyungwon’s smile is. Hopefully, he’ll get to see it again soon.

‘ _do you still hang out with him?’_

Although it is worded quite in an abstract manner, Hyungwon’s question is obviously about Kihyun. Despite not going past small talk for the previous days, Hoseok isn’t too surprised by this question. He knows the best thing to say was ‘no’ but he doesn’t want to lie to Hyungwon. Because he did, in fact, meet up with Kihyun a few times for coffee. After his big fight with Hyungwon, Hoseok decided to settle things with Kihyun at least and to his great relief the other understood Hoseok’s feelings and accepted to stay just friends. Then they went for coffee to catch up on what happened in their lives for the past months    

‘ _we went for coffee a few days ago’_

He hasn’t seen Hyungwon’s beautiful face for so long he almost asks him to facetime, but that might piss the younger off so he waits patiently for the reply instead. He changed his lock screen again from the first photo they took together to the latest one he took of Hyungwon when they were fooling around and Hyungwon was posing around his apartment like a model while Hoseok acted as his personal photographer. In his eyes, Hyungwon could easily take a spot on Seoul fashion week runways.

‘ _so you’re friends with him now?’_

Hoseok sighs. He wants to point out that not everyone ends up like Hyungwon and Minhyuk, hating each other after they break up. He wants to tell Hyungwon that Kihyun is not a bad person once you get to know him. He once again ends up wondering if Hyungwon said the truth about being loyal to Minhyuk, because if he lied then that’s just shitty and hypocritical of him. But that’s a dead end. And really, all he wants is for them to go back to being sweet and loving.

‘ _sort of…does it bother you?’_

Yesterday Hyungwon was the one to call him during dance practice and Hoseok thought that meant their situation was getting better. But now the tone of this conversation indicates otherwise and all he wants is to ask Hyungwon to cuddle. Or just talk about something else. Or just see him.

‘ _sort of. I’m going to bed, goodnight’_

Hoseok looks up when Minhyuk emerges from Hyunwoo’s bedroom and greets him with a short nod, then types a quick goodnight followed by many hearts emoticons and locks his phone. Minhyuk watches him from the kitchen’s doorway.

“Let me guess. The douchebag thinks he’s all high and mighty and is giving you a hard time for kissing Kihyun?”

“Hey, don’t call him that!” Hoseok defends Hyungwon instinctively and then frowns. “And how do you know about that?”

“Kihyun told me, duh. Don’t beat yourself over that, it’s just a kiss. Besides, he did much worse than you,” Minhyuk replies while his head is stuck in the fridge. Hoseok considers asking him for rent already. Finding Minhyuk’s underwear in their laundry basket was fine. Finding Minhyuk eating from his ramen supply was definitely not fine.

He groans from the couch and checks his phone again just in case Hyungwon texted him something. He didn’t. “Well, it’s understandable. I know I wouldn’t react lightly if he kissed you. Or you wouldn’t react lightly if Hyunwoo kissed Soyou.” There’s a loud crash in the kitchen and Hoseok hopes that wasn’t his favorite bowl getting smashed against the tiles. Or his ramen splashing across the floor. Minhyuk appears in the living with wide eyes and Hoseok raises an eyebrow at his reaction.

“W-what did you say?”

“That you wouldn’t react lightly if Hyunwoo kissed Soyou? I thought you knew they were partners before they became dance partners”. Hoseok feels bad for saying it so casually when he sees the nervous look on Minhyuk’s face. Soyou is a great dancer and she was Hyunwoo’s girlfriend for a long time, but they broke up when their private life started to affect their performances. They still did shows together whenever they were supposed to do couple dances though and they stayed good friends. Hoseok thinks of his situation with Kihyun and it’s easy to associate. Hyunwoo and Soyou were living proof that a healthy relationship between exes exists.

“I didn’t…” Minhyuk leaves to clean up in the kitchen and returns to Hyunwoo’s bedroom without any food after all. He and Hyungwon seem to have the same view over being friends with an ex and that makes Hoseok smile bitterly. He moves to his own bedroom after turning off the lights.

 

***

 

The last thing Kihyun thought of when he agreed to meet up with that kid to get his jacket back was that Changkyun wanted them to hang out. At first, Kihyun considered passing him the cleaning bill for the shirt, but then changed his mind and instead let Changkyun treat him with ice cream. They stroll through the park that’s close to Changkyun’s university and talk about whatever subject comes up, from Kihyun’s scholarship, again, to Changkyun’s passion for horror novels and movies – he told Kihyun that he aims to be the Korean version of Stephen King, and then to common friends.

It’s weird how they never met when Hyungwon and Minhyuk were dating, since they are the two’s respective best friends and they each third wheeled on the former couple’s dates. They take turns to make fun of either Minhyuk’s enthusiasm when he dragged Hyungwon around to try new things or of Hyungwon’s laziness and the way he could sleep for 29 hours straight.

Despite having terrible taste in friends, Changkyun really looks like a cool person to hang out with. Not being forced to look up to somebody, but rather be at the same height might be another reason Kihyun enjoys in the end their time together. Changkyun’s jokes are really funny, at least to Kihyun, and it seems like the younger appreciates the photographer’s humor as well.

“Back then I used to date Hoseok and me and Minhyuk always joked about how he’d make me throw a bouquet at our wedding just so he could catch it and scare the shit out of Hyungwon,” Kihyun smirked. Changkyun chuckles at the mental image and he can easily picture Hyungwon pulling the dorkiest face to Minhyuk waving a bride bouquet in front of him.

“You and Hoseok-hyung were really thinking about marriage?” the younger inquires trying not to be too nosey. Kihyun looks at him, at his sincere and mature face before turning his eyes to the blue flowers that have grown on the side of the road. Truth is he never went as far as to picture his and Hoseok’s wedding. They didn’t even attempt to live together before he left to Paris. But Changkyun is Hyungwon’s friend, his  _best_  friend. And he wants Hyungwon to realize he is an intruder and he disturbed his and Hoseok’s relationship. And who else would he listen to if not Changkyun?

“Yes, we talked about it many times. Although we dated for less than a year, there’s a certain feeling when you find the one and it’s endgame,” he turns his head again to the younger only to find him biting his lip nervously. Kihyun frowned. Changkyun is acting weird. “What about you Changkyun-ah? Do you have somebody?”

“Eh? N-no, I don’t. And sadly, I share my dorm room with a couple. Who deny they’re a couple. I’ve been in more threesomes than I can count, with them doing it on the other bed and me trying to turn the music in my earphones louder.”

Kihyun laughs for a good five minutes at that before he calms down and pats Changkyun’s shoulder apologetically. “That’s rough”.

“Oh, no. I go sleep in the common room when it gets rough.”

Changkyun could talk all day about the embarrassing situations Jooheon and Gunhee had put him in, if that meant he would hear Kihyun’s cute laugh. He bites on his lip again as he looks at his hyung’s pretty face, contorted in a dorky way from the laughter. He really enjoys the photographer’s company. Well for now, even if Kihyun still loved Hoseok, he’s fine with just hanging out like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is lighter on the angst than the previous chapters? But there's still plenty of drama ahead. combined with cute stuff. I really love Wonho's mom and she'll appear more in future chapters.  
> Also I know nothing about how people do their bachelor final paper in other countries. Tbh I don't really know yet how it works out in my country either, but I'll find out really soon lol.


	9. Ramen in the coffee pot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon wants to surprise Hoseok. Things don't turn like he planned, but he can't complain about it at the end of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, a cute chapter. if you think smut is cute

Another week after bumping into Kihyun, Hyungwon decides to drop by Hoseok’s dance practice. He wants to surprise him so he texts J-Hope to make sure that his boyfriend is actually at Starship right now. The plan is to waltz in the room, kiss Hoseok like they do in movies and take him away for a ramen date. Like most of his plans, he gets setback by obstacles. Like his car breaking down. Which means he has to walk all the way from his apartment to Starship and he barely manages to get there when the rest of the dancers are on their way out. Hoseok has his headphones on and seems distracted, so Hyungwon uses this opportunity to sneak behind him and suddenly grip his waist tightly.

Hoseok lets out a deafening shriek and is about to push his attacker on the ground when he glances behind him and notices Hyungwon’s smiling face. His heart skips a beat and his intentions are forgotten, as he pulls down his headphones and turns in Hyungwon’s arms so the younger was now hugging him instead. Hyungwon’s smile softens and Hoseok can’t hold back anymore. He leans in and plants a sweet kiss on his boyfriend’s plushy lips. He keeps it short, but when he pulls away Hyungwon pulls him back by resting his hand on Hoseok’s nape.

He melts into Hyungwon’s embrace. Kissing him feels pretty much like coming home and Hoseok grips his shirt to hold him close. They can feel each other’s longing in the way their lips move together and neither heat it up too much. They don’t need that, they just need to feel each other, to know the other is there. When they pull away for air, Hyungwon rests his forehead against Hoseok’s, the same soft smile grazing his lips. “Hey.”

“I missed you,” is all Hoseok manages to say before he chokes on a sob and Hyungwon pulls him closer at his chest. He presses a soft kiss on top of Hoseok’s head and shushes him gently. Hoseok doesn’t mean to break down in front of Hyungwon like that, but it’s just been _so long_ and it finally feels like _them_ and it's too much to take in. Even if Hyungwon’s attitude for the past days has made him moody and grumpy, now that Hyungwon’s actually in front of him he just feels happy. It feels right.

Hyungwon cups Hoseok’s cheeks and catches the falling tears with his thumbs before planting another sweet kiss on Hoseok’s lips. “Baby, don’t cry,” he whispers and Hoseok chuckles, pushing at his shoulder.

“Don’t quote Exo to me!” they both erupt in loud laughter and Hoseok pecks Hyungwon again with no hesitation before taking his hand and intertwining their fingers together. “What are you doing here?”

“You don’t have to be petty that I wanna see you all sweaty,” Hyungwon grins playfully and Hoseok covers his face embarrassed.

“You’re a rapper now? What the fuck was that?” he laughs behind his hands and Hyungwon chuckles as well, a bit ashamed now by the rhyme that just came to him. They’re interrupted by Hoseok’s stomach making its presence known and the blond blushes and looks at Hyungwon sheepishly.

“Ramen?” Hyungwon suggests, although he already knows the answer. Hoseok’s face lightens up and he looks like a bunny as he skips on the sidewalk, dragging Hyungwon away to some nearby convenience store. Hoseok insists on paying for their meal, but so does Hyungwon and they end up splitting the bill. “How’s practice going?”

Hoseok slurps on his noodles and takes a sip of soda before replying, “Fine. I gotta make a little show before getting my diploma and the guys are helping me out with it. I’m their choreographer and they’re my puppets.” Hyungwon chuckles at the whooshing motion Hoseok makes with his chopsticks as if they were attached to the strings of said puppets.

“Hmm, I wanna see the final version when it’s done,” the brunet smiles and Hoseok couldn’t feel happier at the moment. He reaches out and takes Hyungwon’s hand in his before raising it to his mouth and placing a chaste kiss, much like Hyungwon did to him on their first date. He has been enchanted ever since. They look into each other’s eyes and Hoseok can see his love being reflected into Hyungwon’s orbs, soothing his inner turmoil. He's been beating himself up for days because Hyungwon didn’t return the ‘ _I love you_ ’ after their fight. But he could see it, he could feel it in the way Hyungwon holds him now. And that was fine, for now. At least he has Hyungwon back.

When they left the store, bellies full of delicious ramen, it was pretty dark outside. Hoseok pulls up his hoodie to get some warmth. Hyungwon hides his hands from the windy night in his coat pockets. He hesitates for a moment before suggesting, “Wanna sleep over? My place is closer.” It actually isn’t and Hoseok knows that. But running into Minhyuk and Hyunwoo right now would surely ruin the cozy mood they have going on. Hell, Hoseok is up for sleeping under the bridge if it means he would be close with Hyungwon, so he quickly nods.

He looks around for Hyungwon’s car, but the younger explains it broke down on his way to Starship and that he took it to a mechanic. They walk back to Hyungwon’s apartment, shoulders brushing. Hoseok has missed even just staying in silence like this with Hyungwon and he reaches out to hook their arms together. When Hyungwon doesn’t pull away, Hoseok counts it as a victory. He feels kind of bitter about this whole ordeal, tiptoeing around each other careful not to make a wrong move. They didn’t have that when their relationship started.

Finally reaching Hyungwon’s warm apartment, they make their way to the kitchen where the younger puts some water to boil for tea in a kettle. Hoseok sits down at the kitchen table and watches Hyungwon’s back as he works his way through the cupboards. He chuckles when he notices the amount of ramen the other got stocked up along with some miso soup cans. Unlike the rest of the house, the kitchen showed that Hyungwon is a true student with barely enough instant food to survive the week. The empty pizza box abandoned next to the trash bin confirmes Hoseok’s guess that Hyungwon indulged himself too much into junk food. Maybe they could try cooking something together, even if his cooking skills are limited to making ramen.

Hyungwon pours the hot water into two mugs before adding a tea bag in each and then takes a seat next to Hoseok. They sit in silence again and Hoseok reaches his hand out to brush a stray of hair out of Hyungwon’s eyes before cupping his cheek. The other leans into his touch and the blond closes in the distance and presses their lips together. It starts off sweet, loving, meant to showcase just how much Hoseok missed him, but the feeling of Hyungwon’s tongue licking at his bottom lip, asking for entrance, gets Hoseok’s blood boiling. Hyungwon is an eager kisser, a bit sloppy at the moment, but determined to dominate him, pulling away only when the position becomes too uncomfortable. Kissing over the table isn’t the best way to go at it after all. He gets up and takes refuge in Hoseok’s lap instead, straddling his strong thighs and connecting their lips once more immediately.

The dancer groans in his mouth as their crotches rub together. Even if he’s not hard yet, the friction sets fire under his skin and Hoseok’s hands come to grip Hyungwon’s waist tightly, fingers sneaking under the oversized sweater. Hyungwon presses his mouth to Hoseok’s pulse, nibbling at the milky skin until it turns shades of dark red and his boyfriend is keening softly, slowly rolling his hips up to meet Hyungwon’s shallow grinds. He pulls up too abruptly and Hoseok whimpers at the sudden lack of warmth, hands trying to reach for Hyungwon. But the brunet has other plans as he pulls Hoseok up as well and leads him to his bedroom, tea forgotten on the kitchen table.

Hoseok pulls Hyungwon closer for another kiss, sweeter than the previous one. A promise to do better. Hyungwon believes him. Clothes come off teasingly slow, Hyungwon taking his time to admire Hoseok’s chest and abdomen after he throws his boyfriend’s shirt somewhere on the floor. He runs his fingers over the smooth creases of his abs and dips his tongue along his collarbones, leaving other red marks along the way. Hoseok lets out a lewd moan as Hyungwon runs his tongue over his pierced nipple, gripping slightly the black locks. Hyungwon looks up and their eyes meet, the intensity of the look making Hoseok hard faster than his boyfriend’s hand that's palming his member over his jeans.

Hyungwon fumbles with the zipper and the button of those skinny jeans and after he pushes them down along with Hoseok’s underwear, the dancer kicks them aside and crawls on top of Hyungwon. He isn’t as patient as the other and gets him naked much faster. Hoseok gets between Hyungwon’s spread legs and leaves love bites on his lower stomach and at the junction of his crotch and thighs, avoiding the place Hyungwon wanted to be touched the most and listening carefully to every intake of breath, every gasp, every whimper. Hooking his hands underneath the younger’s thighs, he pulls him closer until their bare erections touch and they both moan at the contact. “Let me take care of you,” the blond whispers before he bends down and takes the tip of Hyungwon’s cock in his mouth, giving it a light suck.

It’s been _weeks_ since they shared a bed and Hyungwon hasn’t even touched himself, so it takes all his willpower to control himself and not cum embarrassingly fast. He reaches for the lube under his pillow and passes it to Hoseok, but the blond is too busy licking around his hard shaft, making Hyungwon beg for more as he pulls at his hair. Hoseok smirks and they lock eyes as he deep throats Hyungwon until the younger sees white stars behind his eyelids.

“H-hoseok!!” Hyungwongasps as a lubed finger circles his entrance. His boyfriend tries to distract him from the sudden intrusion with fast-paced jerks, but Hyungwon wraps his hand around Hoseok’s wrist to stop him. He’s getting so close and he doesn’t want to cum that easily. He bites his lip as he sits up a bit and watches Hoseok’s focused face as he finger-fucks him, already working a second digit inside of him. “Kiss me,” he demands and Hoseok obliges with no hesitation, smirking at the way Hyungwon sucks on his tongue, almost desperately.

Hyungwon turns away from Hoseok while the other still had his fingers knuckle deep inside him and starts looking through his nightstand drawer, whimpering when his boyfriend finds his sweet spot. “F-fuck, right there hyung,” he moans and emerges with a plastic square in his hand. He tears away the wrapper and rolls the condom on Hoseok’s hard member before pushing at his wide shoulders. “I wanna ride you.”

“Shit,” Hoseok curses and his dick twitches in anticipation as Hyungwon straddles his lap and positions Hoseok’s dick at his entrance. He sinks down teasingly slow, letting out a content sigh when he was full to the hilt. Hoseok bites his lower lip in concentration and caresses Hyungwon’s hip as the younger starts moving slowly, one hand on Hoseok’s shoulder, the other in his hair. The dancer thrusts his hips up to meet Hyungwon’s steady rhythm and whispers encouraging words to his boyfriend. “You feel so good around my cock, Hyungwon-ah. You’re so tight, but you take me so well, I could watch you fuck yourself on my dick all night.”

Hyungwon lets out a sharp groan as his breath hitches. Hoseok is nuzzling his neck and he’s on the edge of being hypersensitive to every small touch, the thumb caressing his hipbone way too distracting. He starts losing control over the way he grinds his ass, despite Hoseok’s heavy hand groping and guiding him. The blond rolls them over and Hyungwon spreads his legs as far as they go when Hoseok thrusts mercilessly into him. “I can’t get enough of you.”

These words make Hyungwon whimper even more and his nails claw at Hoseok’s back, leaving red marks on the white canvas. The rhythm varies as Hoseok tries different angles until he finds one that makes Hyungwon scream his name. Smirking in satisfaction at his success, Hoseok grips a hand around his boyfriend’s neglected dick and pumps him up in time with his thrusts. He leans down and kisses him deeply, before whispering in his ear another ‘ _I love you_ ’. Hyungwon cums hard all over his chest and Hoseok’s hand and Hoseok soon follows him, the way Hyungwon has tightened around him overwhelming the blond.

After a few moments, he rolls over and lays down next to his boyfriend whose eyes were shut closed, their breathing synchronized in heavy pants. Before he lets sleep take over, Hoseok disposes the used condom and gets some tissues to clean the mess on Hyungwon’s stomach. When he’s done, Hyungwon pulls him down and hides himself at Hoseok’s strong chest, leaving a kiss on his left pectoral where his heart is still beating fast. Hoseok pulls the blanket over their naked bodies and presses sweet kisses to Hyungwon's temple, making him giggle. For the first time in weeks, they both felt like a weight has been lifted off them and they could finally breathe easily as they fell asleep holding each other close.

 

***

 

“No, no! You’re gonna burn them like this!” Hoseok frowns as he tries to take the pan away from Hyungwon. It was his idea to make pancakes this morning and Hyungwon somehow managed to find all the ingredients required in the kitchen that desperately needed groceries supplies. He makes a mental note to go shopping with Hyungwon later.

“I know how to make a damn pancake, Hoseok!” Hyungwon hisses, unwilling to let go of the handle and pushing his boyfriend to the side before attempting to flip the sugary treat. The dark brown crust doesn’t look too edible though and Hoseok tries really hard not to laugh at the glare Hyungwon sends to the mixture as if it were guilty of burning their breakfast. Instead, he tries to take over again, because if they wanted to eat at all this morning then Hyungwon’s gonna have to sit on the bench this time. Luckily for him, the younger doesn’t put on much of a fight as Hoseok shoves him in the direction of the coffee maker. “Ah, this one doesn’t work anymore. I kind of broke it.”

Hoseok flips the pan and smirks when he sees the golden color of the pancake. _Nailed it_. “However did you manage that performance?” he chuckles amused and doesn’t have to turn his head to know Hyungwon’s blushing embarrassed as he mutters the answer.

“I tried to make ramen with it. It was Changkyun’s ideas.”

Hoseok’s laugh reminds Hyungwon of Christmas bells and it’s distracting. It makes him giddy and flustered, he barely registers the peck on his cheek that the blond leaves gently. There’s a loud knock on the door and Hyungwon goes to open it. As if on cue, Changkyun comes in with four coffees and Hyungwon raises an eyebrow at the amount of caffeine this early in the morning. Like any other freshman, Changkyun has no idea how to deal with the exam session, on which he should focus and what exactly he should be studying, thus ending up studying way too hard but not smart enough, unlike Hyungwon who doesn't even bother to go to his last lectures anymore. "What happened to your hair? You look like a broom. Did you sleep in the closet or something?"

There's a loud laugh from the kitchen and Changkyun finally notices Hyungwon's not alone. The youngest blinks surprised when he sees Hoseok and the blond greets him happily, although they haven’t seen each other since the show. Or much before that. Does this mean Hyungwon and Hoseok got over their fight that his friend refused to admit it existed or even say what caused it? That makes him think of Kihyun and his words regarding his relationship with Hoseok. Changkyun didn't manage yet to tell Hyungwon all that, but seeing the happy couple preparing breakfast, he decides to have a conversation with Hyungwon when they're alone. 

“Changkyun-ah, stay for breakfast.”

Hyungwon almost glares at his boyfriend for being this nice. They could have had a morning quickie, but no, he just had to invite his friend to stay over for breakfast. Changkyun quickly agrees and puts the beverages on the table, side-eyeing Hyungwon curiously. Hoseok serves them the pancakes and engages his friend in small talk. Hyungwon can’t believe the domesticity of the whole scene, but he doesn't dare to jinx it. He could get used to it, actually. They eat breakfast together and to his horror, the other two make an alliance and tease the hell out of him. Hyungwon retaliates and asks Changkyun when he’s gonna get out of the cave that his dorm room had become and go to find somebody, making the younger pout and his eyebrows knit into a frown.

“Ah, you look just like a puppy!” Hoseok laughs amused and reaches over to ruffle Changkyun's hair, cooing in a cutesy voice “Kkukkungie~”

Hyungwon can’t stop laughing when Changkyun whines a frustrated “Hyung!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on another HWH fic that I might post these days if it turns out alright.


	10. Of strawberries, bunnies and worried puppies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon thought Changkyun just worried too much. Now he's not that sure.

Hoseok stays over until sometime past noon and when it becomes obvious Changkyun won’t leave first, he decides to give the two friends some space. He kisses Hyungwon sweetly again, promising to call him later before going out the door and missing the way Changkyun’s face suddenly becomes even more serious than it usually is as he corners Hyungwon. The brunet tries to ignore his friend, acting more interested in washing the dishes they left after eating together. Maybe if he acts normal, Changkyun will drop it and won’t ask him anything. Maybe if he baits him with some lyrics of his, Changkyun will forget about it all.

“What’s going on, hyung? You’ve been sulking for weeks that you two had a fight – and you still didn’t tell me what it was about – and now you’re acting all domestic?”

Or not. Hyungwon sighs and they move on the balcony so he can smoke a cigarette if they’re really going to have this conversation. Changkyun keeps quiet, despite wanting to nag Hyungwon about quitting already, and leans against the doorway waiting for his hyung to answer. He has been worried about him ever since he found out about Kihyun and Hoseok’s relationship. Hyungwon knows that once Changkyun gets in his bad cop mood, there’s no escape from his interrogation so he resigns himself and thinks over his words carefully. After lighting up his cigarette and inhaling a few puffs to collect himself, Hyungwon mumbles quietly. “I saw him and Satan kissing when I went backstage at his show”.

Changkyun’s complexion turns pale and Hyungwon raises an eyebrow at this. His friend is overprotective at times (and nosey all the time), but he looks sick at the moment. He doesn’t want to talk more about this issue and he hopes Changkyun won’t push it. But the younger is too stubborn for his own good. “What did Hoseok-hyung say that made you take him back? You broke up with Minhyuk when hyung accused you of cheating after all…”

Hyungwon feels pathetic so he doesn’t say that Hoseok’s ‘ _I love you_ ’ was responsible for his turmoil. He doesn’t want to admit that he fell so hard for the dancer that he’s willing to step on one of his principles, only even a bit. It’s ridiculous how he let somebody change him like that. When he was with Minhyuk, he didn’t enjoy spending all their time together and often kicked the back-then blond out of his apartment just to get some time alone and personal space. With Hoseok, he’d stay attached to his hip and spend every second with him without getting bored or bothered by his constant presence.

He spent the past days going over every angle of this issue. Hoseok loves him, he isn’t insecure about that. He said so and his actions proved it. If he didn’t love Hyungwon, he wouldn’t have tried so hard to make up for his mistake. Maybe he was just too shocked that Kihyun returned and didn’t have enough time to react. Maybe he’s not over Kihyun, but he’s getting there. It didn’t hurt any less, but he had to give Hoseok some kind of sign that he didn’t want them to breakup, that he too was willing to fight for their love. So without thinking, he went yesterday to see him as if nothing happened.

Everything went so smoothly and it felt so comfortable that Hyungwon couldn’t bring himself to ask his boyfriend about all these things that ran in his mind. He knows he should act on the nice café owner’s advice and talk openly to Hoseok about it. When something bothered him in his former relationship with Minhyuk, Hyungwon just pushed him away and put some space between them until they moved on. Now that he looks back at it, it’s no wonder their relationship didn’t work when Minhyuk did most of the communication and often misunderstood Hyungwon’s words and actions. He doesn’t want that to happen to him and Hoseok, not at all, so maybe he should bring it up next time.

“I love him,” is all that Hyungwon says to justify himself. Changkyun’s still waiting for some kind of reply and he sighs when he gets none. It’s obvious that Hyungwon loves his boyfriend, just as obvious as Jooheon and Gunhee being a couple despite them not being aware of it. He wishes though that Hyungwon would have found somebody else, somebody who truly cared about him.

After his talk with Kihyun he came to the conclusion that Hoseok has only been using Hyungwon as a booty call while Kihyun was gone. But now that he found out Kihyun and Hoseok  _kissed_ , in front of Hyungwon nonetheless, he was beyond pissed at the dancer. Who would do that to both Kihyun and Hyungwon, play with their feelings as if they meant just to get his own pleasure out of it? Hoseok was truly an asshole in Changkyun’s eyes. But he has to be the supportive best friend, so he tries his best to stick on Hyungwon's good side.

“I’m glad then that you two sorted it out and that Kihyun accepts your relationship. I mean, he had to calm down Minhyuk because there won’t be a wedding anymore for hyung to be the best man at, but…ah, shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that.” He quickly covers his mouth, his eyes wide for letting something like this slip out. Hyungwon’s head snaps to him so fast, Changkyun thinks his neck might break. He expects the glare so he doesn’t budge over it. Crap, he fucked up.

“Wedding? What are you talking about?” Hyungwon inhales the smothering tobacco and waits for his friend to continue. A big part of him wanted to know nothing about what Kihyun and Hoseok had before him, but curiosity killed the cat and right now Hyungwon was a big grumpy kitten.

“They were really serious before Kihyun left and even considered getting married sometime in the future…” Changkyun hesitantly says, watching his friend’s every reaction. Hyungwon could be quite unreadable when he wanted to though, a true ice cube. Changkyun hated when he got like that. Still, he notices the way Hyungwon clenches his fist at his side as if he wanted to punch something, _someone_.

“If they were that serious than Hoseok wouldn’t have asked me out. Or accepted to go on a date with me. Or, you know, be my boyfriend,” Hyungwon spits out angrily. What was Changkyun getting at? That Hoseok was just fooling around? “If that were true, then why did he come back _to me_ instead of going straight after Kihyun when he returned?”

Hyungwon couldn’t believe his ears. Hoseok and Kihyun getting married? He couldn’t picture them together, let alone married. Yet his mind keeps replaying the way Hoseok was gripping Kihyun’s shoulder, the way they were kissing so naturally, so effortless. He tries to convince himself more than Changkyun that Hoseok and Kihyun were truly over. He doesn’t glance at Changkyun as he finishes off his cigarette and throws the butt in the ashtray.

“For fuck's sake, you bounded over dick pics, how committed do you think he is?” Changkyun suddenly erupts surprising both of them with his outburst. He goes on, still as infuriated. “What kind of person do you think he is if he hooked up with you because he couldn’t wait a few more months to get his boyfriend back. Don’t try to pull a Ross with ‘they were on a break’ or that it was love at first sight because you don’t believe in that bullshit. Now you may be in love with him, but it started just because of sex and you can’t deny that, hyung.”

Changkyun opens and closes his mouth a few times, at a loss of words. He really didn’t mean to say all that to Hyungwon and now the older was oddly quiet even for himself. He gulps his nervousness down and wants to apologize but Hyungwon quickly cuts him off. “This is between me and Hoseok, you got no right to judge me Changkyun. Just get out of my house.”

“H-hyung,” Changkyun whispers and gives him his best puppy eyes, but Hyungwon doesn’t even look at him and he knows it’s a dead cause. When Hyungwon shut down people there is no way you could keep having a conversation with him. So for now, it's best for him to leave.

 

***

 

Hoseok barely reaches his apartment when he receives a text from Kihyun.

‘ _sup? wanna meet up for coffee?_ ’

He feels bad for accepting Kihyun’s invitation when he just spent the night over with Hyungwon, but they are just friends after all and Kihyun knows there can’t be anything more now because Hoseok is with Hyungwon. And he loves him. After a quick shower and changing his clothes, Hoseok heads for his mother’s café where he finds her chatting with Kihyun.

“Bunny!” she smiles and goes to hug him and the blond returns the affectionate gesture with just as much love. “I waited for you to come with that boy of yours but you didn’t yet. You didn’t have a fight, did you?”

Hoseok blushes embarrassed at his own actions and at his mother bringing that up in front of Kihyun, when she _clearly_ knows they used to date. He clears his throat and apologizes, earning another kiss on the cheek from his mother before she goes behind the counter to serve them some cake and coffee. Kihyun greets him with a mischievous grin and a teasing “Wontokki~” to which Hoseok groans. After finding out that his mother calls him bunny all the time, Kihyun mixed it with his stage name to combine both sides of Hoseok: the sexy dancer and the sweet mama boy. He used to love it but at the moment it was just plain embarrassing.

“You didn’t bring Hyungwon here yet?” Kihyun inquires, raising an eyebrow surprised. Hoseok fails to notice the smugness in his voice, however.

“Not yet. I was thinking I could bring him here when we hit 50 days next week,” the blond smiles, glad he could talk about his current boyfriend with Kihyun. Last time they’ve been here together, Kihyun’s hair was pink and they shared strawberry cheesecake together. Kihyun had taken the whip cream from his frappe and put it on Hoseok’s nose and his mother took a photo of them that hanged on the wall until recently. She must have taken it down after he told her about Hyungwon. “Found any job yet?”

“Some barely off the ground company hired me to make a photoshoot for some rookie group of theirs. I mean it’s not ideal, but it’s money,” Kihyun answers after he slurps from his milkshake, offering Hoseok a taste as he usually does. They converse about their personal projects until Hoseok’s mother returns with two slices of strawberry shortcake and an Americano for her son. The two boys thank her and Hoseok frowns as he notices the strawberry on top of Kihyun’s cake looked really small and flabby.

“Mom, why didn’t you give Kihyunnie a better strawberry? You know he loves them,” he accentuates his cuteness by intentionally not even trying to pronounce the 's' right, making his cute lisp known. Kihyun watches him with a soft smile on his face and rests his head in the palm of his hand, unknown to him that Hoseok’s mother is watching the scene carefully.

“It’s no problem, Mrs. Shin, really,” he offers her a smile, hoping she’ll leave them alone. He likes Hoseok’s mother, he really does, but right now all he wants is some alone time with Hoseok. The dancer is still willing to ask his mother to serve his friend a better plate, but Kihyun takes his hand in his and shakes his head to give up. He offers Hoseok a sweet smile before changing the subject. “I’ve heard from Minhyuk that you have to make some choreographies?”

“Ah, yes. It’s more fun than I could have imagined actually. Hyunwoo and Soyou are my dancers for the contemporary choreography and their chemistry is still so good, their dancing will turn out really well I’m sure. The rest are helping me with a group choreography on some EDM song. And I’ll also have a solo, but I’m not sure what I can do that will assure my degree,” he chuckles nervously.

“They’d be complete idiots not to give it to you,” Kihyun’s eyes have the same fire Hoseok fell in love with long ago, but when he looks at them he misses the intensity of Hyungwon’s gaze, the challenge unspoken in his dark irises. Kihyun’s still holding his hand and Hoseok slips out of his grip, pretending that his intention was to actually take a bite of his cake all along. He tries to convince himself there is no reason for himself to feel guilty about hanging out with Kihyun. They weren’t doing anything wrong after all, just having a friendly chat over coffee and dessert. But the uneasiness in his stomach doesn’t go away until he gets home and texts Hyungwon.

‘ _let’s do smt fun tomorrow xo_ ’

He isn’t doing anything wrong by hanging out with Kihyun, but he still feels guilty about it.

‘ _sure xx_ ’

 

***

 

Hyungwon is a realistic person, despite his hobby to write poems. He always tries to be two steps ahead, to plan his future carefully, not crazily detailed as in he’ll be married and have two kids by the time he reaches 35, but detailed enough to know where he is situated in a year. Sure, next year he’ll have his bachelor of arts, he’ll probably still be living in this very apartment and he’ll be working on his MA, maybe balancing it out with an internship at a company, teaching Chinese to employees. But he’s not sure where Hoseok fits in all this. Six months ago when he was still dating Minhyuk, when their fights just began to get bad and they started to attack more sensitive subjects, he could still envision Minhyuk living with him and working at a local daycare full time.

When it came to Hoseok, Hyungwon didn’t know where they’ll be in the next month. He hopes, _God_ he hopes, they’ll still be together. That they’ll have talked about this situation. He hopes Minhyuk and Kihyun wouldn’t get so nosey and stay in their line. He hopes Changkyun would stop being so overprotective and look at his own problems instead of trying to fix Hyungwon’s. He hopes Hoseok will still pick _him_ and not Kihyun. The discussion he had today with Changkyun kept his mind rolling the whole day. Being insecure is not something Hyungwon does often, paranoia is another thing he has always hated. But now he finds himself wondering for hours on no end if Hoseok truly pictured himself marrying Kihyun and if Hyungwon ruined that. If he ruined that by stealing Hoseok away or becoming an obstacle for the two. Hoseok is a very caring person, Hyungwon is certain the dancer cares about him, but Changkyun made a point that it all started for sex.

They bonded over dick pics,  _for fuck's sake_. And they were always so touchy, going straight to the bed as soon as they arrived at either of their houses. Hoseok does care about him, but what if he cares more about Hyungwon's body? The poet is not confused at all when it comes to Hoseok though. He loves his boyfriend, a lot, and he doesn't want to give up on them. He wants to spend the next days, the next months, the next years by Hoseok's side. He wishes he could tell him those three words as easily as Hoseok said them. The words come without his acknowledgment, pouring themselves on the paper.

 

_Sight is useless, if I cannot see your beauty_

_Breathing is trivial, if I cannot smell your perfume_

_Music is no art compared to your voice truly_

_Taste was just a sense until your kiss made me bloom_

_No fire burns brighter than your touch on my skin_

_No pain digs deeper than your back turned towards me_

_I thought I knew love, but it kept itself hidden within_

_I thought I knew myself, until you emerged from the sea._

_Your thorns may be sharp, that much I have predicted_

_Even if I bleed everywhere, to you I am addicted._

 

He throws his notebook on the desk and lays down in bed, Hoseok in his mind, Hoseok’s smell on his pillow, Hoseok asking him out on a date. He quickly replies to his boyfriend’s text before going to bed early. Hyungwon feels terribly vulnerable as it sinks in just how stupidly in love he is. With a bit of luck, Hoseok is just as stupid about him. With a bit of luck, everyone will stop getting involved in their relationship and mind their own business. He had read back in high school some stupid romance where the character thought love can last only if it’s trapped between the four walls of a bedroom, without anyone else’s existence being acknowledged by the couple. He’s starting to see her point now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another poem by Hyungwon, yay! also, Wonho's mom is not that subtle when it comes to her future son-in-law


	11. Wontokki and Chaebugi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok takes Hyungwon out on a date, but what is Minhyuk planning?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if there is an actual bunny cafe in Seoul, and if there is then let's pretend it exists

Hoseok spends his entire night planning his date with Hyungwon. Until now, the younger was the one to usually plan their outings or they settle on something together when they meet. This time he wants to surprise Hyungwon. He knows his boyfriend doesn’t trust him yet and he understands that. But he is going to work on winning that trust back and prove Hyungwon just how much he loves him. So he shows up unannounced before lunch at his apartment with a box of chocolates and Americano in his hand, because they both loved coffee, and Hyungwon looks about ready to punch him, with adorable bed hair framing his face. He doesn’t even take the gifts from Hoseok, rather after unlocking the door he throws himself on the sofa in the living.

“Yah, this is how you treat your hyung?” Hoseok shouts after him, but he’s not mad one bit. He leaves the coffee and chocolates in the kitchen and discards his jacket on one of the chairs before kneeling next to the couch and poking Hyungwon’s puffy cheeks grinning. The brunet whines and grabs Hoseok’s wrist tightly, making him laugh. Hoseok then kisses Hyungwon’s cheek lovingly before placing a peck in the corner of Hyungwon’s lips. “Okay, we can nap for thirty more minutes but then you have to get up.”

Hyungwon grins, eyes still closed as he pulls Hoseok down next to him by his wrist and uses his strong chest as a pillow. Hoseok chuckles and tries to find a position that isn’t threatening his seat on the couch and sending him straight to the floor. Hyungwon throws a leg over Hoseok’s hips to keep him in place, bringing him closer and turning him basically into his bamboo pillow. Hoseok doesn’t mind though, enjoying the feeling of Hyungwon’s body pressing so close to his own, the smell of his boyfriend’s shampoo filling his nostrils. Hyungwon also seems to be enjoying their position if sniffling Hoseok’s cologne is any indication.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, the only sound echoing through the apartment coming from Hyungwon’s digital clock in his bedroom. Hoseok is contempt, he wouldn’t mind his mornings looking exactly like this for the rest of his life, Hyungwon napping like a soft kitten on his chest. “You brought me coffee?” he mumbles in the crook of Hoseok’s neck, tickling him with his breath and the blond nods, his fingers playing with Hyungwon’s locks.

“Americano, as usual.”

Hyungwon smiles pleased with his boyfriend’s choice and decides to snuggle closer, rubbing his cheek against Hoseok’s soft shirt. “Why are you so good to cuddle?” he sighs sleepily as Hoseok holds him close and kisses the top of his head. Hyungwon really is too adorable when he’s sleepy and says things that he probably wouldn’t when he’s wide awake.

“Because I’m made of boyfriend material, duh,” the dancer jokes and Hyungwon snorts before he untangles himself from Hoseok and pushes at his shoulder slightly. The couch is too small for such sudden moves though and Hoseok loses his balance, falling on his butt on the floor. Hyungwon opens his eyes and they just stare at each other for a second before the brunet bursts into loud laughter. Hoseok retaliates getting up and straddling Hyungwon’s hips before shouting a merciless “Tickle attack!!”

Hyungwon laughs even louder, his eyes crinkling into half-moons as he shrieks in surrender. Hoseok doesn’t stop until Hyungwon’s own fingers dig into his ribs in an attempt to fight back and then he pulls away laughing and asking for a peace treaty. Hyungwon shakes his head not amused – totally amused – and heads for the kitchen to drink his now cold Americano, Hoseok in tow. They sit at the table and the blond watches with a soft smile how caffeine brings his boyfriend back from his slumber.

“So you wanted to do something today?” Hyungwon’s got a bit of foam on his upper lip and Hoseok leans in to get it for him with his thumb, before licking it clean. Hyungwon blinks confused for a few seconds before his cheeks turn a rose color. He tries to cover it up by stretching his arms and arching his back until his vertebras pop lightly.

“Yep. Dress nicely,” Hoseok replies smugly and pinches Hyungwon’s ass when the other turns to go to his bedroom to change his clothes and throws a glare behind him at the blond. Hyungwon, Hoseok decides, takes as much time as a girl when he gets ready. He asks Hoseok’s opinion on four outfits, all approved by Hoseok, before he picks a fifth, then he spends half an hour styling his hair and even more time trying to apply some subtle make-up. “I wanted to take you out for lunch, but we’re gonna go straight for dinner.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. Let’s go already.”

As they exit Hyungwon’s apartment, Hoseok takes his hand and intertwines their fingers, pulling their bodies closer. Hyungwon playfully pushes him off but Hoseok knows he’s enjoying the skinship just as much as he is. Their first stop is a bunny café to which Hyungwon raises his eyebrows. Hoseok just grins and pulls him inside, letting one of the ladies who took care of the bunnies to lead them to a table. “Why bunnies though?” Hyungwon asks after they were seated.

Hoseok grins, “Well my mom calls me ‘bunny’ since I was little. And my nickname became ‘Wontokki’ because of it”.

Hyungwon chuckles at that. Hard to believe a masculine guy like Hoseok had such a cute nickname. But then again, it fits him quite well. Hyungwon grabs some cute bunny ears from a nearby stand and puts them on top of Hoseok’s head. The blond just smiles cutely and winks, making Hyungwon's heart flutter with how adorable he looked like that. “Ah, I can totally see a resemblance.”

They order two slices of carrot cake and some green tea before Hyungwon brings a brown fluffy bunny for them to play with. The pet is really friendly and doesn’t shy away as Hoseok or Hyungwon pet his soft fur or scratched him behind his ears, instead, he tries to steal a bite of their dessert but Hoseok pulls him away just in time. Hyungwon giggles at the image of Hoseok and the bunny, cheeks pressed against each other’s and takes a photo, quickly uploading it on his social media (‘ _who’s the real bunny?_ ’). To his chagrin, Kihyun is the first to like his post and he even comments on it (‘ _of course it’s our wontokki_ ’). He considers deleting the comment, but he doesn’t wanna appear too petty – though, he totally is.

Hoseok succeeds in taking his mind off it with a sweet kiss and they take more pictures together with the bunny, once Hyungwon settles on an angle and if he should wear a hat or not. It takes forever but Hoseok is patient, teasing him about what a princess he is. “I’m not a princess, I’m a prince,” Hyungwon huffs.

“Fine, you’re the frog prince then.”

Hyungwon looks absolutely scandalized, mouth agape as Hoseok laughs at him. Even the bunny decides to hop away, slightly wary of the couple’s behavior. To shut his boyfriend up, Hyungwon takes a spoonful of cake and shoves it in his mouth, smirking slightly as Hoseok almost chokes. “Serves you right. And I’m not the frog prince because I don’t need a true love’s kiss to make me beautiful.”

After munching on the sweet, Hoseok replies smugly. “That is true. But can I still kiss you?”

“You’re such a smooth ass sometimes,” Hyungwon shakes his head, but can’t help the smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he leans in and seals his lips against Hoseok’s. They keep it sweet and loving, mostly because they were in public and the lady at the counter is already giving them strange looks, but the hand Hoseok rests on Hyungwon’s thigh promises they will surely continue this at home. Hoseok pays for their consummation and after saying goodbye to ‘ _wontokki jr._ ’, as Hyungwon has named him, they head for a walk in Hongdae.

Hoseok is holding onto Hyungwon’s arms as he points at various things in the shop’s displays. They try various things from the street food vendors, Hyungwon being more picky about what he puts in his mouth than Hoseok, but they get their fair share of delicious treats. They stop in front of a small store that had various souvenirs. The dancer pulls him inside to take a look at their merchandise and Hyungwon’s about to ask him what he’s searching for when his phone rings. He’s not that taken aback when he sees it’s a text message from Changkyun, although they haven’t talked at all since yesterday. But the length of the text is quite surprising, considering Changkyun’s vocabulary was limited to three-word sentences and memes.

‘ _hyung, I’m srry if I’ve upset u but I think u need to know the truth. I want u to date smb who’s going to make u happy and who loves u for who u are on the inside (a total bitch most of the time), not smb who’s fooling around and doesn’t consider how others are feeling. I don’t want u to get hurt ok? so please don’t take rush decisions._ ’

Hyungwon bites his lower lip nervously. He knows that Changkyun just wants what’s best for him, but this still felt like a bucket of ice cold water thrown in his face. He is so confused by this whole ordeal. If Hoseok and Kihyun were ready to tie the knot, then why is Hoseok here with him? Or maybe Kihyun wasn’t that important to Hoseok, but doesn’t that mean that Hyungwon isn’t either? He’s not sure for how long Kihyun and Hoseok have dated, but he remembers Minhyuk mentioning that Kihyun was seeing somebody before he himself and Minhyuk started dating. When he puts his phone back in his pocket, Hoseok is in front of him grinning, one big keychain plushies dangling in each hand. Hyungwon takes a minute before he realizes what they represent: a white bunny and a cute frog. Hoseok is really into this analogy, isn’t he?

“What are those?” he asks slowly and Hoseok just grins wider.

“It’s us. I’m the bunny so you take this,” he says while pushing the soft plushie in Hyungwon’s hand. “And the froggie is you, so this is mine.”

The smile on Hoseok’s face makes Hyungwon’s heart ache. He just wants to lean down and kiss him senseless, tell him how much he loves him and just forget about anything else that’s not them. But Changkyun’s text brought him back to reality and he doesn’t know what to believe of Hoseok’s caring behavior. He has this feeling it will all come back and bite him in the ass.

“Then let’s go get them,” his voice is soft but there’s a certain coldness behind his words that raises a few questions mark in the dancer’s head.

Hoseok leans in for a kiss, but Hyungwon keeps it short before they head for the cash register. He needs some time away from him right now. Hoseok gives him a worried look but doesn’t say anything as they exit the store, holding hands once again. They walk in silence along a few more shops before Hyungwon says he’s not feeling too well and wants to return home. The blond gives him the same worried look, but Hyungwon dismisses it as they walk back to his place. This time, he lets Hoseok kiss him in front of his door and he almost feels like a schoolgirl who just returned from a date with her crush, parents watching from the window.

“I’ve got practice tomorrow, but we’ll talk after okay?” Hyungwon nods slowly, though for once he doesn’t look forward to it. All he wants right now is to drown in his bed and sleep everything off. Forget about this mess. Forget about Kihyun and Hoseok, about his own misunderstandings with Minhyuk, about what Changkyun said. Why couldn’t things be easier just this once? He goes inside and he doesn’t have to glance behind to know Hoseok waits out in front of his apartment building until he sees the light in his flat turn on.

 

***

 

Hoseok returned home sometime before midnight, although he wishes he could have stayed over with Hyungwon, maybe take care of him. But Hyungwon refused that and said he needs some rest which in universal code means 'give me a break', so he offered his boyfriend some needed space. He noticed that something changed when they entered the shop where he found the cute keychains and Hyungwon checked his phone. Maybe he saw something online? Maybe he got a text that gave him a headache? But from whom?

After he takes off his shoes he follows the sound of the turned on television and found Hyunwoo sleeping on the couch with Minhyuk in his lap. The redhead greets him quietly and invites Hoseok over to sit with them. Hoseok hesitates, he still remembers the last time he had a discussion with Minhyuk on the same couch with the same sleeping Hyunwoo next to them. And it wasn’t a very happy memory, on the contrary. He takes a seat next to the couple and looks at the screen that played reruns of some k-drama Hoseok didn’t have time to check yet.

Minhyuk eyes the little frog in Hoseok’s hand before he speaks, “Had a nice date?”

“Actually, yes.” Hoseok crosses his arms, clearly not in the mood to put up with some bullshit from Minhyuk. He doesn’t intend to give him more details about their date either, as much as he’d love to gush over what a nice time he and Hyungwon had together. He wishes he would have met Hyungwon before Kihyun, before Minhyuk and Hyungwon dated. Things would have gone smoother then. At least Kihyun understood after their talk that there can’t be anything between them anymore and that he loves Hyungwon now. Maybe Kihyun could make Minhyuk see that Hyungwon isn’t an asshole and that they’re happy together.

“I was thinking…maybe we could all hang out this weekend?” Minhyuk asks tentatively and Hoseok raises an eyebrow. Hang out? All of them? Before he can ask, Minhyuk continues. “I mean the three of us, Hyungwon, Kihyun, Changkyun and his two roommates.”

Now  _that_  is something hard to believe. Hoseok couldn’t even picture himself, Hyungwon, Minhyuk and Kihyun in the same place at the same time without any blood being shed. Last time when it was just him, Hyungwon, Minhyuk and Hyunwoo it got pretty ugly and he’s still pissed at Hyunwoo for throwing his boyfriend out like that when it is his house as well, not just Hyunwoo’s. Minhyuk must be scheming something, no doubt about it.

“What are you even planning? I doubt Hyungwon will accept hanging out with you or Kihyun.”

Minhyuk puts his arms over his chest and makes a mocking hurt face. “Ouch, you hurt me hyung. Just tell him we’re going to have pizza and he’ll come. Besides, you and Kihyun are fine right?” At Hoseok’s short nod, Minhyuk rambles on. “Then I and Hyungwon will be fine too. I’ll ask Changkyun to bring over his karaoke system and we’ll have lots of fun. It’s a bit immature to act like this when we could all be friends, don’t you think?”

Hoseok was still suspicious over Minhyuk’s intentions but he couldn’t deny the logic behind his suggestion. Actually, until now he and Hyungwon have never hanged out with other people, just Changkyun that one time he came over to Hyungwon’s apartment and the three of them had breakfast. He met Hyungwon’s friends briefly and Hyungwon met his dance crew but it couldn’t be actually called ‘hanging out’. He has a bad feeling about this whole gathering, but maybe if Hyungwon agrees to it, just maybe there’s hope they could all become friends.


	12. All about that topping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bringing many drunk people into your house always resulted in things getting broken, fights and a lot of mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is exactly what everyone expected. A mess.

The first time Hoseok told Hyungwon about Minhyuk’s invitation, the brunet refused promptly. He was still pissed – at basically the whole world – and in no mood to deal with his ex and his ex’s boyfriend and his boyfriend’s ex – he hasn’t seen those many xs since his last math class in high school. Or deal with his best friend who keeps pointing out flaws in his and Hoseok’s relationship. Best friend who invades his apartment Friday morning to convince him to go out tonight. How he didn’t kick him out yet is beyond Hyungwon’s cognitive skills. He’ll blame it on his sleepy state.

“You don’t even like Hoseok, why do you want us to come? Just go have fun with satan, his minion and that bear,” Hyungwon says a bit too harshly judging by Changkyun’s flinch as he scrolls through his emails. Why does it take professors so long to correct assignments? Sure, students were expected to write papers overnight, but it was okay for professors to correct them in a few months? Whatever, he’ll be done with university soon and he’ll never have to attend boring lectures again or write annoying assignments.

“Well, prove me wrong. Come tonight with him and if you two resist in the same room with Kihyun and Minhyuk hyungs then I take everything back. I’ll even apologize to Hoseok.”

Hyungwon looks up from his phone and raises an eyebrow. Changkyun knows how to negotiate and while he appreciates his friend’s effort to protect him from getting his heart broken, the offer still isn't enough. Knowing Hyungwon for quite a few years now, Changkyun sighs in frustration as he raises the bar. “I’ll buy you Americano every day for the rest of the term.” Hyungwon huffs and goes back to scrolling through his phone. “Fine, fine! I’ll dye my hair again. Color of your choice.”

Now, Hyungwon looks interested and Changkyun immediately regrets giving his hyung so much power over his looks. He should have specified he won’t go for any embarrassing pastels or weird unnatural colors. Though, maybe he’ll accept silver. He liked silver hair on others before. “I still have embarrassing photos of you from your hot topic boy days. That hair is quite unforgettable.” Changkyun groans, he really hates being reminded of his dark past. “But it’ll be nice to have even more blackmail on you.”

“I hate you,” Changkyun mutters. At least he doesn’t look completely atrocious in blond. Maybe he’ll be able to pull it off. But at least he did his job for now and Hyungwon won’t back down from this truce. They shake hands before the younger heads for the door. “I gotta go help Jooheon and Gun. Minhyuk hyung tasked us with the alcohol.”

“You can buy the bleach too, it’ll save you from another trip to the store.” Changkyun tries his hardest not to flip off his hyung, just because last time he did Hyungwon embarrassed him publicly by posting a very unflattering photo of him hugging a plushie while watching Disney movies. He deleted it in a few hours, but it wasn’t fast enough for most of his friends and acquaintances not to see it. Hyungwon is really the devil incarnated when he wants to be.

It was actually harder to convince Hyunwoo to throw the small party at his and Hoseok’s place than he foresaw, even if Minhyuk acted really sweet and promised to make up for it. Besides the obvious tension in the group, there was also the fact that bringing many drunk people into your house always resulted in things getting broken, fights and a lot of mess. So they agreed to go to a pizza place first to eat then head for noraebang. Hyungwon came to pick Hoseok up now that his car has been fixed, but he forgot that meant he would also be picking up Hyunwoo and Minhyuk. And to his eternal dread, Kihyun. He tries his hardest not to glare at the shorter guy as he exits Hoseok’s apartment building right behind the blond, smirking. It’s not like Hyungwon didn’t know the two were still talking, Hoseok admitted to it, but it still bothered him. A lot.

Hoseok gets in the car and sits on the passenger seat next to him before leaning in and giving Hyungwon a little kiss. It would have been all sweet and nice if Minhyuk didn’t open his mouth. “You still haven’t cleaned the backseat? Seriously Hyungwon, what the fuck,” the redhead groans as he sits in the middle squished between Hyunwoo and Kihyun. Their eyes meet in the rearview mirror for a second before Hyungwon looks away. Hoseok looks pretty pissed by Minhyuk’s random comment, probably bothered that he didn’t know something the other obviously did.

“I’ll send you the carwash bill, since you’re the one who got it dirty in the first place.” Noticing the way Hoseok clenches his jaw beside him and Hyunwoo ‘casually’ drops his hand on Minhyuk’s knee, Hyungwon quickly added. “You and your greasy junk food.”

“Excuse you, you love junk food just as much as I do.”

“Can we go already?” Kihyun complains, although he enjoys watching Hyungwon and Minhyuk bicker like this, he especially enjoys watching Hoseok’s reactions. After all, the only reason he accepted Minhyuk’s plan after calling him crazy a hundred times was so he could spend time with Hoseok and rile up Hyungwon. He knows Hyungwon has quite a temper that Hoseok must have not discovered yet, and Minhyuk and Kihyun are experts in bringing it out. It isn’t pretty and Hoseok will surely give up on the brunet after this.

Hyungwon steps on the gas pedal, earning groans from Minhyuk and Kihyun whose backs hit the backrest not too gently from the sudden change. He exchanges a playful look with Hoseok who is also snickering. At least they’re on the same page. Changkyun, Jooheon and Gunhee were waiting for them outside the parlor and the youngest greets them happily when he sees the two couples and Kihyun making their way towards him – Hyungwon thought for a second that his friend looked happy to see Kihyun, but that's probably just because he's tired of sitting with Jooheon and Gunhee and listen to all their inside jokes. Also, not being the only one who’s single in a group is always a blessing.

Finding a table to accommodate all eight of them is difficult and they have to wait for a while before one gets free, but at least it isn’t as awkward as the car ride now that Jooheon and Gunhee are there to lighten up the atmosphere. Minhyuk's quick to join them and crack jokes left and right that made even Hyungwon relax a bit and consider that, just maybe, this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. He quickly takes that back when they are seated and Kihyun's on the other side of Hoseok, while Minhyuk is sitting at the head of the table like this was his damn birthday or something. He doesn’t know if he should appreciate or be annoyed by Changkyun sitting on his right.

The waitress brings them the menus and they decide to pair up, the three roomies sharing a big pizza with _literally anything_ you could get and Kihyun sharing one with Minhyuk and Hyunwoo. Hyungwon decides to let Hoseok decide for both of them, hoping he won’t end up with food poisoning. When the waitress came around for their order it takes a million years to note down what the youngest boys wanted and Minhyuk doesn’t make it any easier, demanding extra chicken breast and corn and for crust to be filled with mozzarella.

“Hyungwon and I are getting a Mexicana pizza,” Hoseok says while still browsing through the list and Hyungwon’s about to correct him because he doesn’t like spicy food – didn’t he tell Hoseok already? – but Minhyuk is faster than him.

“Better get a Capricciosa, Hyungwon can’t stand spicy stuff. But cut on the olives because he doesn’t like that and add extra pepperoni instead.” Both Hyungwon and Hoseok look at him surprised. Minhyuk doesn’t glance at them, rather focuses on choosing some soft drink to go along with the food. His tone hadn’t been one of mockery and the answer came autonomous as if he was used to giving this exact same order. And he probably was, considering pizza is Minhyuk’s favorite food and he and Hyungwon most have ordered it a lot.

Hyungwon’s surprised Minhyuk still remembers such details about him. He doesn’t miss the way Hoseok’s eyebrow twitches in annoyance either, nor the hand Kihyun rests on _his_ boyfriend’s knee, giving him a little squeeze that Hyungwon supposes it was supposed to calm him down. And it does relax Hoseok, the blond offering his short ex-boyfriend a small smile, before confirming their order. Hyungwon looks away and tries not to think of ways he could stab Kihyun with the knife on his right. He meets Changkyun’s gaze then and the youngest has a knowing glint in his eyes, as if trying to say ‘ _I told you_ ’.

“Should we order dessert now too?” Kihyun suggests in order to cut off some of the tension and Jooheon and Gunhee quickly agree, skipping to the last pages of the menu and reading out loud all the choices they had like the enthusiast children they were.

“If you want to order ice cream, don’t forget the topping. Hyungwon is all about the topping. So much topping. In all kind of variations. He’s a sucker for it,” Minhyuk grins this time teasing Hoseok until the blonde’s face turns red and both Hyungwon and Kihyun glare at Minhyuk for the obscene suggestion he made. The waitress looks about to pass out from all the innuendos going on in front of her so Changkyun jumps in to ask for banana split.

“Can we order popcorn?” Gunhee whispers to Jooheon, but he was loud enough for the whole table to hear and Hyungwon tries to kick him under the table and ends up stepping on Jooheon’s foot, making the young rapper shriek and get everyone’s attention, turning heads in the restaurant. Hyunwoo gives Minhyuk a stern look, but the younger just winks and blows him a kiss as the waitress leaves with their order.

“Honestly, didn’t you know that Hyungwon can’t stand spicy food? That’s pretty basic knowledge. Only Changkyun is more of a baby when it comes to eating hot spices,” Minhyuk goes on ignoring the youngest’s whine of ‘that’s not true!’. Hyungwon narrowed his eyes at his old friend, trying to figure out what exactly he was planning.

Was he trying to point out every little thing that the couple lacked? Sure, Minhyuk might know Hyungwon’s preferences better than Hoseok, but that’s mainly because they have dated for more than 8 months in which they even lived together for a while, not to mention that they’ve been friends for over a year before that, while Hyungwon has known Hoseok for less than two months.

“Oh em gee, isn’t that G-dragon!? Gun get your camera out!!” Jooheon tries to distract everyone from the table pointing out the window at the street and everyone turns to look, besides Hoseok and Minhyuk who seemed to have a stare down contest. Of course, there was no famous idol on the street and Gunhee hits Jooheon upside the head for such a lame comeback

“So, Kihyun-hyung, you said you had a photo shooting for some debut group? How was it?” Changkyun tries to change the subject before Minhyuk says one more thing and Hoseok will snap at him. Or snap him in two pieces, it wouldn’t be hard to imagine with how skinny and frail the redhead was and considering the well-built body of the dancer’s. In all honesty, the way Hoseok’s hand gripped the chair’s armrest he wouldn’t be surprised if he ripped it and started hitting Minhyuk with it. Probably while Hyungwon would laugh and cheer him on. Luckily, the conversation turns to much smoother territory with help from Jooheon and Gunhee who break the tension with jokes.

They leave after about an hour and a half and stop on the way to the youngests’ dorm to get the booze that they sneak in at the noraebang. Gunhee and Jooheon set off immediately to choose a song, while Changkyun was passing each one either a beer can or a bottle of soju. Hoseok grabbed two cans and handled one to Hyungwon, before Minhyuk once again opened his big mouth.

“Hyungwon hates beer, don’t you know that either?” his smirk was teasing and Hyungwon tries his hardest not to snap at him, mostly because of the protective arm Hyunwoo had around Minhyuk. It’s not that Hyungwon was scared of Hyunwoo, of course not, but did you see that hulk? He could use Hyungwon’s lanky body as a toothpick.

He instead grabbed Hoseok’s hand and caresses it with his thumb, trying to calm him down a bit. Hyungwon honestly expected Kihyun to pick up a fight not Minhyuk. He glances at the brunet guy who was watching them carefully while sipping from his own beer. “Really, what kind of boyfriend doesn’t know this kind of stuff?” Hyungwon forgot just how shameless Minhyuk could get.

Hoseok was nibbling on his bottom lip, struggling for Hyunwoo’s sake not to chew his boyfriend out, when Kihyun interferes. “Minhyuk, stop it. Not knowing your boyfriend’s taste is not a tragedy, as long as you’re loyal and don’t cheat on him and just brush it off later as falling out of love”. The obvious bite directed to Hyungwon gets the other riled up, just like Kihyun planned and Hoseok is the one now who has to hold Hyungwon’s hand tightly so he won’t do something stupid like start a fight.

Changkyun looks between the two sides of the room, praying to whatever deity lies above to solve this mess. The tension could be cut with a knife – that Changkyun hopes nobody will actually pull out, he just wanted to have some relaxing time with his friends and their significant others, god damn it! – and to top it off there was thunder in the background. Did their fight actually start off a storm?!

“ _IT G MA_!!!” Gunhee suddenly shouts and Hyungwon almost pisses his pants, jumping in Hoseok’s arms startled. They all start laughing at the scene as Jooheon starts making squealing noises and joins his friend. Hyunwoo and Jooheon exchange a quick look and the eldest smiles a bit as Changkyun and Minhyuk are quick to join the rappers, spitting wrong lyrics into the microphones and making fools of themselves.Hoseok teases Hyungwon lovingly for being a scaredy cat, while the others get hyped with the rappers’ karaoke choice.

The tension is most definitely still there though, with the way Kihyun and Hyungwon glare at each other when Hoseok looks away, but they at least decide to keep quiet about it. The alcohol helps loosen up the atmosphere as they go through songs from _Bangbangbang_ to Minhyuk’s drunk rendition of _Cheer up_ in which he drags Changkyun and Jooheon along – Hyungwon registers every moment of pure embarrassment for later.

Kihyun insists afterwards on having a solo and he pushes everyone away from the stereo as he picks _Hyeya_. Hyungwon can’t help but get angry again as he sees how Hoseok stares with wide eyes at Kihyun, his lyrics so very obvious. He has to admit though that the short guy had a very nice voice.

_Hyeya, you told me before that you will love me forever_

Changkyun looks enamored with Kihyun’s vocals and Hyungwon wants to barf at the puppy eyes Changkyun’s giving the devil. They _need_ to have a serious talk about this. His best friend can’t betray him like _that_. Kihyun goes on and has the nerve to look Hoseok in the eye as he sings the high notes. Hyungwon instinctively puts his arm around Hoseok, pulling him closer until the blond rests his head on the taller’s shoulder.

_I’ll step back a bit and wait for you, I’ll stand far away so you can be comfortable_

The fact that Kihyun skipped the bitter lyrics about hate doesn’t go unnoticed by either Hyungwon or Hoseok and the song ends with Minhyuk clapping loudly like a seal. Hyungwon looks like he wants to strangle Kihyun as the short vocalist bows to Minhyuk and Changkyun’s applauses, but they come to a halt as Hyunwoo sits up and puts his jacket back on before giving Minhyuk his too. “Well, that was fun boys, but I have early practice in the morning and I know Minhyuk has to go to the daycare center too.”

The redhead takes a minute before he can focus on his boyfriend’s handsome features and his face breaks into a huge pout. “What? But I thought you had a free day tomorrow!”

“Soyou texted me that she wants to go over our choreography again. Maybe Hoseok should come and see the progress as well.” The blond nods from his comfortable spot in Hyungwon’s arms. “You would have known that if you paid attention to what I was saying, but you were too busy playing the ex-game,” the bear-like dancer mumbles and everyone is taken aback by his bluntness since they have tried to tiptoe around the subject all night. Minhyuk looks close to tears at such accusation.

“This is all Kihyun’s fault!” he erupts, pointing a finger towards his friend who was still standing with the microphone in hand, blinking confused at the whole situation. Hyungwon narrows his eyes. So he was right, this whole outing was an excuse for Kihyun to get closer to Hoseok and for Minhyuk to piss him off even more. Well their plan was half achieved and he hopes the other half failed, but Hoseok had a tired look on his face so he couldn't quite read his reaction. He feels quite anxious remembering the way Hoseok was watching Kihyun as the younger sang.

“Yeah and you’re also drunk off your ass. Let’s go,” Hyunwoo pulls his boyfriend along after waving to everyone goodbye. Minhyuk continues to whine on his way out as he leans over the dancer to whisper in his ear that he _really_ wants some of those ice cream toppings at home, but he’s quickly shut down, “They’re out of stock for tonight.”

Jooheon tries to convince everyone to participate in one more song, but Kihyun’s ballad killed all the good vibe from before. “We should go too,” Hoseok whispers and Hyungwon quickly agrees. They leave the other four behind and wish them fun, before making their way on the still crowded streets towards Hyungwon’s apartment. The brunet glances at his phone and sees it’s already past midnight. When he looks up to meet Hoseok’s eyes, the other offers him a gentle smile as he leans in for a kiss. “Happy 50th day, Hyungwonnie~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning. 13 is not a lucky number


	13. Love written on rose petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some love comes in roses, for others in words. For Hoseok, his love was running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting the 13th on a Friday for bad luck combo. bring your tissues before reading

When they arrived in front of Hyungwon’s apartment, the younger invited Hoseok to stay over since it was already late. The dancer happily agreed, eager to cuddle and fall asleep in Hyungwon’s arms as they spend their 50th day together. He had a plan settled for a long time now, even mentioned it to Kihyun how he wants to take Hyungwon to Momo Café and finally introduce him to his mother. He knew she was also eager to meet his new boyfriend. So after his practice with Hyunwoo he’ll meet up with Hyungwon and go together to the café and everything will be cute and fine like it should be.

For now though, he nestles himself at Hyungwon’s chest as soon as they’re changed into comfy pajamas and the brunet turns off the lamp on his nightstand. Hoseok lets out a content sigh as Hyungwon wraps his arm around his waist and pulls him closer. He doesn’t even hesitate when he confesses, “I love you”. It’s the third time he says these words to Hyungwon and the younger has still not returned them, but Hoseok is willing to wait. Hyungwon wasn’t one who openly expressed himself.

He feels his boyfriend stir beside him and he blindly looks up at his face, softly illuminated by the street lights. Their lips meet in the gentlest of touches and Hoseok melts in the love he feels from Hyungwon. He doesn’t have to say it out loud for Hoseok to feel it and that is enough for now. Unlike most of their times that were heated and rushed, an exhibit of raw passion altogether, the couple keep it on the sweet side now with gentle caresses and teasing kisses. It feels like hours until Hoseok finally pulls away and takes off Hyungwon’s shirt slowly, making sure to kiss every inch of skin revealed.

Hyungwon runs his fingers through blond hair as he pulls Hoseok up again for a more passionate kiss, his hand caressing Hoseok’s chest, glad he didn’t put on a shirt before bed, and eventually resting on his boyfriend’s chest, feeling his heartbeat pick up with each passing second. It feels like an eternity passes until Hoseok is finally settled between Hyungwon’s spread legs, room filled with the small grunts and moans Hyungwon lets out every so often with the way Hoseok works his fingers inside of him. “You’re so beautiful,” the blond says after every love bite he leaves behind on the pale skin, earning more arousing sounds from his lover.

Later on, Hoseok would remember this as the first time they made love, their bodies moving in sync, taking their time to express exactly how they felt. Hyungwon would vehemently deny crying that night, overwhelmed by all the love he was feeling for Hoseok, by all the love Hoseok basked him in. They cling onto each other until they cannot tell what limb is whose, Hyungwon moaning the dancer’s name like a chant as Hoseok buries himself deep inside his lover, rubbing against his spot with each thrust as Hyungwon raises his hips up to meet Hoseok’s.

Their hands find each other and their fingers intertwine themselves as they reach their limit together, Hoseok’s hips stilling their movement while Hyungwon hides his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck and sucks a hickey to keep himself from being too loud. The blond whimpers out another “I love you”, as he pulls out and drops next to his boyfriend, hands still united. Hyungwon has his eyes closed, trying to regain his breath while Hoseok rests his head on his shoulder and presses loving kisses to his jaw, bring a smile on the taller’s lips.

Hyungwon pulls the blanket over their naked bodies as he drifts off to sleep, Hoseok rubbing soothing circles on his back and nuzzling his hair. He completely forgets about their failed night and about Kihyun and Minhyuk’s schemes and malicious intentions, dreaming of soft smiles and whispered loving word instead.

Hoseok barely has the will to untangle himself from Hyungwon’s arms in the morning, but he did promise Hyunwoo he would oversee the practice. The sleeping brunet whines and hugs Hoseok tighter when Hoseok kicks the sheets off himself, “Hyungwonnie, I really gotta go”. Hoseok manages to coerce his boyfriend to let him go with a few kisses and the promise to see each other after practice. However, he can’t shake off the nervous feeling that something bad is going to happen.

…

“My head hurts so bad!” Minhyuk whines from the kitchen while Hyunwoo ties up his shoes, promptly ignoring his complaints. “You can’t leave me in this state all alone, hyung,” he pouts cutely and looks at Hyunwoo with the puppy eyes he knows the older can’t resist. Hyunwoo just huffs and fixes his cap in the mirror.

“You’re lucky I didn’t leave you in the state you were last night,” he mumbles and Minhyuk feels a pang in his chest. He did cross many lines last night and he can blame some on the alcohol, but it was mostly just him wanting to poke at Hyungwon and Hoseok’s relationship and make the latter realize what a loss his breakup with Kihyun was. If there was someone who knew both Hyungwon and Kihyun very well, it was Minhyuk. And he knows that in the end, Hyungwon would just hurt Hoseok’s feelings.

It isn’t even about him being his ex-boyfriend – okay, maybe just _a bit_ , seriously what kind of response is “I’m not in love with you anymore”? – but he couldn’t just stand by and see his best friend suffer like that. Kihyun was a good guy, a pain in the ass most of the time, but a good and caring guy once you got under his thick skin. He isn’t the type who attaches himself to people easily either, but once he does he loves them deeply and doesn’t give up on them (unlike Hyungwon, Minhyuk might add – okay this is also because Hyungwon is his ex-boyfriend and why does he get a happy ending like that after all the shit he put Minhyuk through?).

Minhyuk goes to hug Hyunwoo tightly from behind and he frowns when he hears his boyfriend sigh. Was he truly upset over last night? He nuzzles his face between the dancer’s shoulder blades, enjoying the warmth that always radiates from his boyfriend’s body. It made mornings so enjoyable when they woke up next to each other. “Hyunwoo-ah…You know I love you, right?” His huge teddy bear only grunts in response and that makes Minhyuk worry even more. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He presses his chin on Hyunwoo’s shoulder and their eyes meet in the mirror.

Hyunwoo hesitates only for a second before tackling the matter head on. Minhyuk liked that a lot about Hyunwoo, how he never hid what was bothering him for it to come to the surface later and blow in his face. He liked the raw honesty. “You know what one might think from how you behaved last night?” Minhyuk hesitantly shakes his head so Hyunwoo goes on. “That you’re not over Hyungwon and that you’re pissed he is dating someone else.” Hyunwoo turns around so now they’re facing each other and he takes in Minhyuk’s surprised features carefully.

“T-that’s not true!” Minhyuk is quick to deny. “I want nothing to do with that jerk anymore!” he grips Hyunwoo’s shirt to make his point and pulls the older closer. Hyunwoo still didn’t look convinced. “I just can’t handle the way Kihyun is suffering in silence while Hyungwon is playing with Hoseok’s feelings. He’s gonna come home crying one of these days because Hyungwon broke his heart, watch my words! And I don’t want that to happen, you know how well Kihyun and Hoseok fit. They were made for each other and if Kihyunnie hadn’t gone on that scholarship, they’d still be together now.”

Hyunwoo kept quiet and crossed his arms. Minhyuk was really riled up about this situation, he has been ever since he found Hyungwon in their kitchen and Hyunwoo understands him, most of the time. He doesn’t understand Minhyuk’s urge to try so hard to break Hoseok and Hyungwon up, and he wonders if it isn’t truly just jealousy. After all, the redhead was a possessive type of guy and Hyunwoo observed how he got jealous on the waitresses who hit on him enough times to have figured out this side of him. It didn’t bother him at first, rather he found it cute, but now he’s trying to figure out if this is all just insecurity, the remains of his relationship with Hyungwon.

“I don’t want Hoseok to be hurt either, but at this point I think you hurt him more than Hyungwon”. Hyunwoo didn’t like Hyungwon. Well, he didn’t like him at all when he first saw him and when all he knew about the guy was what Minhyuk told him. But seeing him again last night, how he looked at Hoseok with shiny eyes, how he made a point to stick close to him. It was obvious that the two loved each other.

“Hoseok kissed Kihyun!” Minhyuk suddenly exclaims and that does surprise Hyunwoo, because among all the things that describe his roommate, cheater is not one of them. He knows how the blond hurt after his boyfriend went to France, how he mopped around the house and watched sappy dramas to make up for the lack of romance in his life. But then he moved on and focused on his studies, on his dancing and eventually met Hyungwon – how they met was still a mystery. And Hoseok became cheerful again, he was smiling all the time, he barely dropped by in his own home. And Hyunwoo can’t complain for all the privacy that gave to him and Minhyuk.

“When did that happen?”

“After the show last month,” Minhyuk replies in a small voice. “Okay, Kihyun was the one who kissed him, but Hoseok _kissed him back_ , hyung. He still has feelings for Kihyun, I’m sure of that.”

Hyunwoo sighed. Ah, so it was like that. Well, probably Hoseok was too surprised to see Kihyun again to comprehend the situation. But that doesn’t quite excuse him kissing somebody else while he was dating Hyungwon. He briefly remembers how Hoseok looked emotionally exhausted after the show and how much time he started to spend again in his own room, instead of out on dates or at Hyungwon’s place. “That doesn’t mean he necessarily still loves him, not as much as he loves Hyungwon now.”

“Then would you kiss Soyou?” Minhyuk’s serious, dark tone and his frown makes Hyunwoo raise both his eyebrows in shock. Why would he bring up his dance partner in the middle of a discussion about Minhyuk’s ex? The sudden change makes him speechless. “Answer me. If Soyou came to you in the middle of practice and just kissed you out of the blue, would you kiss her back?”

Was that hurt that Hyunwoo distinguished in his boyfriend’s voice? Minhyuk interprets his silence in a wrong way and Hyunwoo has to grip his wrist and force him to look in his eyes as he speaks. “Why did you bring Soyou in this?”

Minhyuk chuckles, but it’s not the sweet gesture Hyunwoo got used to, it’s bitter and it makes the hairs on his nape stand up. “You didn’t even tell me you used to date her. And now you don’t even contradict me when I ask if you’d kiss her. Fucking fantas –”

His rant is shortly cut off by Hyunwoo abruptly pressing his lips against Minhyuk’s own in a soft kiss and muffling his words. Minhyuk hits his chest angrily and bites on Hyunwoo’s lips hard, trying to push him away, but Hyunwoo holds his ground and keeps kissing him until Minhyuk gives up and reciprocates. When they pull away, Minhyuk is still giving him an angry look with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Hyunwoo gently cups his cheeks and presses their foreheads together. “No, I wouldn’t kiss Soyou. I didn’t tell you about her before because I didn’t think it’s that important. If you want, you can just come with me to practice and see there’s no reason to worry, okay?”

Minhyuk feels bad for being this insecure, he hates Hyungwon for making him like this, for planting the seed of uncertainty in the back of his mind, the worry of never being good enough to make somebody stay. He wants to say no, he wants to say he trusts Hyunwoo and he’ll be alright if he's on his own. But instead, he just nods and follows Hyunwoo out the door, headache forgotten.

 …

Hoseok frowned when Hyunwoo entered the room with Minhyuk in tow. The younger avoided his eyes however and kept his head down most of the time, after shaking hands with Soyou. Hoseok sat across from him on a bench and watched the progress the dancing couple made in the past week, giving them indication from time to time, showing Soyou how she should do a particular move or telling Hyunwoo how to hold his posture. Minhyuk kept quiet, luckily. Hoseok didn’t know if he would have resisted throwing a few bad words at him after all the incidents from last night. Maybe he did have some shame after all.

For a second, he thought Minhyuk glared at Soyou as she touched Hyunwoo’s chest, her hand trailing down on his abdomen, but the look was gone in the blink of an eye, so he must have imagined it. If Minhyuk was indeed jealous on Soyou, then he was just getting what he deserved in Hoseok’s honest opinion. But the redhead did something useful after all last night, he made Hoseok realize there is still so much he doesn’t know about Hyungwon, so much he still has to discover. He didn’t mind though. They’ll take their time. He rather enjoyed this slow pace they’re going for at the moment.

He leaves the three alone around noon just a little bit worried Minhyuk might leave him with no dance partner for Hyunwoo, and texts Hyungwon to come pick him up from Starship if he can and waves them goodbye when his boyfriend says he’s on his way. Seeing Kihyun in front of the building waiting was an omen and Hoseok remembers the dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach from this morning. Maybe he was just meeting with Minhyuk but that definitely didn’t explain the rose in his hands. Hoseok still hopes this isn’t what it looks like as Kihyun takes a step towards him. 

“Hoseok-ah…please, let’s stop this. I love you, I want you back. Please, be mine again,” Kihyun pleads and hands Hoseok the flower, leaving the blond dancer speechless. So this is exactly what it looks like. He really thought Kihyun came around with the fact that he loves Hyungwon now, that they can’t be together anymore. He was suspicious that wasn’t true after Kihyun’s _Hyeya_ performance, but he still hoped that he was reading into it too much and that Hyungwon’s anger was unjustified. Turning Kihyun down is the last thing he wanted to do today out of all days, on his and Hyungwon’s 50 th day. But he has no choice.

“Kihyun-ah…I told you, I can’t do this. I’m with Hyungwon right now and we talked before you left that there are no obligations while we’re away from each other …” He felt guilty for leaving Kihyun like that and for involving Hyungwon in this mess. Kihyun shouldn’t get this kind of breakup in the middle of the street, he deserves a better goodbye, and he deserves somebody to love him. And Hoseok did love him, but things change when time and distance come between two people.

Since he was looking down at the rose, at their feet, anywhere besides Kihyun’s face, he doesn’t notice the way Kihyun’s eyes flicker as he notices something, _someone_ , behind Hoseok. “So, if it weren’t for Hyungwon, you’d say yes?” Kihyun presses on, leaving Hoseok confused. He gives out a weak ‘yeah’, not being able to answer with smarter sentences. He just wants to get away from here, to go and find Hyungwon and hide in his arms. The red petals in his hand make him sick, he feels like they're poison. 

“Oh, I see”. Hoseok’s knees buckle when he hears those words and he suddenly feels lightheaded. Hyungwon’s voice makes Hoseok spin around immediately and he pales as he realizes Hyungwon is behind him, for how long doesn’t matter. It is certain that he heard at least the last part of the conversation. How hasn't he notice Hyungwon’s arrival and why didn’t Kihyun say something about it? Hyungwon’s name trembles on Hoseok’s lips, but it falls on deaf ears, Hyungwon’s eyes cold and void of emotion, resembling the way he looked at Hoseok that night after the show.

“Then don’t worry about it, the spot is free now.” The brunet says all too easily as he crumples an envelope Hoseok just noticed in his fist and throws the ball at the dancer’s feet.  “I wrote this before your show,” Hyungwon lets out a bitter laugh as he looks at the paper on the ground and Hoseok feels its bite on his skin, ”I wanted to give it to you that night. My own way to say those three words. But it doesn’t matter anymore. We’re over". Hyungwon turns his back and Hoseok can't breathe anymore, tears constricting his vision.

“Wait, Hyungwonnie, you misunderstood hear me out,” Hoseok reaches out his hand towards his boyfriend but Hyungwon tears himself away as if Hoseok’s touch might burn him. He glares at Hoseok with no mercy, and for a brief second the blond can see the heartbreak flash in Hyungwon’s eyes before he puts on his glacial mask again.

“Like I misunderstood the kiss? Like I misunderstood that you two were going to get married? God, I’m so stupid. I tried to find you excuses each time, but not anymore. I'm done. Have a good life, Shin Hoseok, I hope we never meet again.”

Hoseok picks up the paper ball from the ground and runs after Hyungwon down the street but once the brunet is in his car, he’s gone for good. He hears Kihyun calling out after him, but he doesn’t want to deal with him right now. With shaky fingers, he mends the crooked envelope and pulls out a thin paper with cursive words inscribed on it. A love poem. _My own way to say those three words,_ Hyungwon had said. This was his own ' _I love you_ ' that Hoseok won't be able to hear anymore.

…

**_I found myself when I found you_ **

 

_Your gentle eyes hide a playful smile_

_I can see the bustle creeping up on your frail skin,_

_You remind me of a time from the afterlife_

_When my heart wasn't this heavy with sin._

_I am scared to think of you_

_Because I might fall deeper_

_Into an abys with no escape through,_

_Where your image becomes sweeter._

_You hexed me with your warm touch_

_I cannot abjure this feeling,_

_My chest swells with your love and such_

_Is the doom of my being._

_From now on, I'm all yours -_

_You are all I'll ever want._

_I 'm gonna follow this river's course_

_If it takes me into your arms._

 

_C.H. ❤ S.H._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have rewritten this chapter a few times because I couldn't get it right. What will happen with our favorite couple?


	14. Blind fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why do exes always come to fuck things up?" is often asked lately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't any happier than the last one. so keep tissues close if you need

Hoseok never ran as fast in his whole life, he doubted he would have done it even if his whole body was in flames. It pretty much felt like it was burning, like Greek fire took over his whole being and fueled him to run _faster_ , to get to Hyungwon quicker. He couldn’t believe what just happened, he couldn’t believe he lost Hyungwon that easily – but it wasn’t something that happened out of the blue, the tension between them has been high ever since that damned show. They were sitting on a minefield, ready for it to explode at any minute and it just blew in Hoseok’s face.

He had tried, god damn it, _he had tried_. He regretted kissing Kihyun the second they pulled away, he regretted doubting Hyungwon because of the things Minhyuk’s been telling him, he regretted admitting he’d take Kihyun back if it weren’t for Hyungwon. He didn’t lie when he said that, but he should have explained it, said it clearer. Because while reuniting with Kihyun was a sure scenario a few months ago, now that he met Hyungwon, now that he fell in love with the poet, there’s no turning back. He could not give up his feelings for Hyungwon in a million years.

Of course, when he finally reached Hyungwon’s apartment, nobody opened for him no matter how many times he rang the bell or knocked on the door, no matter how loud he shouted his name or begged him to answer. Hyungwon’s phone also seemed to be close or maybe he just blocked Hoseok’s number already. Hyungwon’s neighbors give him weirded out looks as he paces around the hallway between apartments, digging a hole in the concrete. He rereads the poem until every word is forever memorized in his head, until he can say it out loud with no hesitation.

Hyungwon never shows his poems to anyone, Hoseok knew that, yet he wrote such beautiful lyrics for him and he planned to give them to Hoseok as a gift for their day, which seems to be their last.  He doesn’t want to believe that this is the end. It just cannot be. Hours later, Hyungwon opens the door and Hoseok almost falls over on the brunet’s hardwood flooring as he was sitting down on his mat like some kicked dog and leaning against the now open door. “Get up and leave, you’re embarrassing me.”

“H-Hyungwon! Please listen to me!” Hyungwon huffs annoyed and tries to slam the door in his face, but Hoseok is quick to stop it with his foot, wincing from the sudden physical pain it shot right through him. But it still was nothing compared to losing Hyungwon, so he endures it as Hyungwon tries to overpower him and close the door, but Hoseok has always been stronger and manages to sneak inside the apartment. “Please hear me out.”

“What is there to say?” Hyungwon spits as the door closes behind them. “Go fuck yourself. Or Kihyun. I don’t care”. Hoseok feels like ripping his hair out, or better yet rip his own heart out to show Hyungwon how it beats for him. He feels so frustrated and so small and insignificant that he doesn’t know what to do to prove his genuine intentions to Hyungwon.

“You misunderstood what I told Kihyun. I meant it as in an if we never met kind of way, but we met and I love you, Hyungwon, I do – “

“Cut it off. I’m tired of this bullshit Shin. I’m tired of seeing your lying face, don’t you get it?” Hoseok flinches as Hyungwon interrupts him harshly, narrowing his eyes as Hoseok tries to declare his love again. The nerve on him. To barge into Hyungwon’s house and to splutter such lies in front of him. The audacity to come here after Hyungwon just saw him basically admit he’s still in love with Kihyun. The hypocrisy after all those scenes regarding him and Minhyuk.

“I swear it’s true! You’re the only one for me. _I’m all yours, you’re all I’ll ever want_ , I feel the exact same way, believe me, I do!” Hyungwon’s face darkens and Hoseok notices how he clenches his fists at his side. He prepares himself for a punch, he’d let Hyungwon hit him, anything if it helps. But the brunet just turns on his heels and storms to his bedroom. Hoseok is hesitant in following him and prefers to stay on the hallway unless Hyungwon doesn’t return in a few minutes. When he does return like Hoseok expected, he has a bunch of clothes in his arms that the dancer recognizes as his own. He kept leaving them around after each time he came over, mostly because he loved the way Hyungwon looked in his hoodies, slightly too large for him. He loved how the material smelled like Hyungwon for days after.

 “I don’t want to see your stuff lying around and I don’t need your ‘ _love’_ ,” he makes air quotes to underline his point. “You don’t even know the meaning of that word, you just throw it out at anybody willing to warm up your bed, don’t you?” His tone is so cold and sharp, Hoseok thinks he’d be able to cut through diamonds with it. He doesn’t say anything, just sinks lower, waiting for the ground to swallow him whole. Hyungwon takes out his wallet and a minute later Hoseok sees the bunny they got a few days ago join the pile on the floor. He doesn’t dare look in Hyungwon’s eyes, too scared he’ll break down again if he sees loathing in them. He wouldn’t blame him for it though.

Hyungwon can’t stand the way Hoseok’s biting his lip, nor the way his shoulders are shaking. Last time when he broke into a panic attack, Hyungwon immediately calmed him down. If that were to happen this time though, he’d just throw Hoseok out in the blink of an eye. He sighs heavily before speaking again. “You’re a fucking piece of shit, you know that? I bet you don’t have a single clue what you did to me, what you fucking mean to me. You got under my skin and filled in space I didn’t even know existed. You made me lose my damn mind because my heart goes crazy every time I see you. Every. Damn. Time. Your freaking voice made me feel like I finally have a home, Hoseok. But of course, you didn’t know this. Why would you? I was the blind fool who took the bullet for the one who was pulling the trigger."

Unlike before, he keeps his voice monotone and calm instead of shouting, his collected attitude makes everything that much scarier. The brunet lets it all out in one breath and ignores the sting in his chest as Hoseok’s sniffles and sobs fill the heavy silence in the apartment. Hoseok wipes at his cheeks with his sleeve and bends down to pick his clothes up, but leaves the bunny keychain on the flooring. “I never meant to hurt you Hyungwonnie. I’ll become a better man for you, I promise. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

Hyungwon keeps quiet as Hoseok bows in front of him apologetically before he turns to leave. There’s disappointment crawling up his back, but he doesn’t know what he should have expected instead. He doesn’t know what he should have expected from a guy who asked him out after seeing his dick pics. Changkyun was right, this all has started as a means to relieve sexual frustration and he doesn’t want to believe any of Hoseok’s words anymore. Love was something he had said too easy and for Hyungwon that is unacceptable. It can’t have been the same kind of love he was craving, the kind that he felt for Hoseok. The kind that left a hole inside your chest from how much you care about the other.

He feels like doing something he hasn’t for a very long time, so instead he makes himself busy boiling some water for tea, smoking a cigarette, reaching out for some chocolates before remembering Hoseok was the one who got them for him, pouring the water over the teabag floating in his favorite mug, smoking another cigarette. In the end, he still reaches out for his phone and dials a number so foreign to him. But she answers after only a few rings.

“Hey, mom. It’s Hyungwon…”

…

Minhyuk and Kihyun were sitting in a café nearby Starship’s building, enjoying their milkshakes. Or they would have been if their minds weren’t so troubled. Kihyun kept playing with the petals of his flower while Minhyuk kept scrolling through his phone, letting out huffs and grunts every now and then, annoyance clear on his face.

“I just don’t get it…” Kihyun mumbles and Minhyuk puts down his phone to finally listen to his friend. He found Kihyun waiting on the stairs in front of Starship, very much confused, alone and with a rose in his hand. He didn’t ask anything, figuring out pretty quickly what must have happened with Hoseok leaving barely twenty minutes before. He himself left Hyunwoo and Soyou to practice on their own, too awkward and embarrassed that he was actually checking his boyfriend’s loyalty. When Kihyun got off the concrete, they silently walked towards the café nearby.

“You came to give the flower to Hoseok,” Minhyuk assumes and Kihyun nods, frowning as if he was trying to read out the answer to his problems off the red petals. “I told you to take it easy. Wait for an opportunity when Hoseok would need you to be his rock.”

“I’ve waited enough, weeks if I have to remind you. He picked him over me again and now…” he hesitates before admitting quietly, “I fucked up.” Minhyuk raises an eyebrow and takes a sip from his drink, mixing the melted ice cream with his straw and waits for Kihyun to continue. “I asked him who he would pick if he wasn’t dating Hyungwon right now. And he confessed it’s me. But then Hyungwon appeared, I guess they were supposed to have a date or something.”

“Today they make 50 days together, if I’m not wrong,” Minhyuk hums and shakes his straw a bit too violently in his drink, getting a few drops of milk on his phone screen and on the table. Kihyun ignores him.

“Yeah, well not anymore. Hyungwon broke up with him”. Hearing this news, Minhyuk looks up at the photograph across from him with wide eyes. He asks him to repeat what he just said, disbelieving what he heard. Hyungwon breaking up with Hoseok, as much as he had foreseen it, was quite surprising. Minhyuk hadn’t expected it to happen this soon, especially not after they survived last night. He almost felt bad for the things he said – mostly because they have hurt Hoseok and because he got Hyunwoo pissed, and he really didn’t like it when Hyunwoo was pissed. “So I think they broke up because of me. Which means me and Hoseok are even least likely to get back together.”

Kihyun doesn’t even get to finish his sentence before Minhyuk picks up the flower lying between them on the table and starts hitting his head with it repeatedly. “Idiot! You’re such an idiot.” The flower turns into a stick with all its petals having fallen on or around Kihyun, but the shorter doesn’t oppose his best friend, too concerned with losing Hoseok for good. “Do you realize that you’re responsible for his broken heart?”

That was something he hadn’t considered. Kihyun had been so sure that this was just a phase, that Hoseok would get over Hyungwon eventually and return to him and they could be happy, yet he hadn’t taken into account that his (ex)boyfriend might actually be in love with Minhyuk’s ex-boyfriend. How had he been so blind? He knew Hoseok has a big heart and so much love to give, of course he was genuine about his feelings. And now he was suffering because of Kihyun and his reckless decisions – though ultimately Hyungwon was the one who broke up with him.

“Fucking great, I can’t deal with this on top of that minx seducing Hyunwoo,” Minhyuk groaned and buried his face in his palms. “Why do exes always come to fuck things up? Hyungwon, you and now _her_.”

“Hey, don’t put me on the same boat with that ugly toad,” Kihyun frowns but shuts up when he sees the death glare Minhyuk is sending him. “And who’s this her you’re talking about?” Minhyuk just gives his phone to Kihyun and he unlocks it to find Minhyuk’s facebook open on Soyou’s profile. _Oh_. He has met the girl when he and Hoseok were dating, they even went on double dates with her and Hyunwoo. She was a nice girl as far as he remembered, maybe a bit too cold at times but he didn’t consider that a bad thing. Hyunwoo didn’t either back then, but it made the two slowly drift apart until they were nothing more than dance partners.

“And I’m the idiot" Kihyun huffs ironically, rolling his eyes "Hyunwoo’s been over Soyou before you two even met." Minhyuk's glare just intensifies some more. That was certainly a skill to be written down on your profile. He briefly wonders how Minhyuk handles toddlers and children at the daycare since he’ll probably scar them for life with that face. If Minhyuk wants to sulk over some useless motive, then he’s gonna let him waste his time. He has more important issues at hand, like fixing up his own mess. Maybe Hoseok will be able to forgive him so they could at least stay friends. But something tells Kihyun he missed that chance.

…

Usually, it’s Changkyun who barges into Hyungwon’s apartment uninvited and unannounced, so the younger is a bit more than surprised when his hyung knocks on his dorm door and asks him to go out for some drinks. Firstly, Hyungwon doesn’t like to go drinking. Second, he never bothered to come all the way here just to ask Changkyun when he could have just texted instead. So he doesn’t fuss to look and see what his roommates were doing (either writing raps together or making out anyway) before he grabs his wallet and tells Hyungwon to lead the way.

His second surprise that night comes when Hyungwon gives him his phone and warns Changkyun not to give it back to him until he’s sober. He’s about to open his mouth and ask what the hell is going on, but Hyungwon beats him to it. “I broke up with Hoseok and I don’t want to talk about it. Now keep those shots coming.”

Changkyun is unable to do anything but _stare_ as Hyungwon bottoms up a couple of shots in just a few minutes, pouring himself soju instead of making Changkyun do it. He barely registered the words, the fact that Hyungwon and Hoseok aren’t together anymore. Hyungwon’s phone dings, but the brunet ignores it in favor of pouring himself another glass. Changkyun hesitates for a second before looking at the text his hyung received.

‘ _I’m so sorry Hyungwonnie. I love you so much. Take care of yourself and good night’_

Yeah, he’s not showing that message to Hyungwon. If Hoseok texted him this, then that must mean that Hyungwon was the one who cut it off. Changkyun sighs, knowing there’s no way to find out what happened right now, not with the way Hyungwon’s acting like he wants to be in need of a liver transplant. He orders himself just some coke, deciding to be a good dongsaeng and look after his friend for the night. His fingers hesitate on the delete button, but in the end he lets sober Hyungwon decide what’s best for himself. And if he makes the wrong decision, Changkyun will be there to carry his drunk ass home.


	15. Momma’s hot chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know what you need right now? Momma’s hot chocolate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's (probably) fave character is back!

Hoseok woke up early the next day after he barely had any sleep all night. He kept wondering what Hyungwon was up to, if he had eaten, if he was out, if he was asleep. If he was hurting. No, actually that one Hoseok knew for sure, even if Hyungwon had tried to act cold yesterday. He knows that he hurt him really bad and he regrets it more than anything in his life. He rereads Hyungwon’s poem as soon as he opens his eyes, memorizing the words again and repeating them in his mind while he gets ready for his day.

He heads to his mother’s café first, since he needs to talk to her and ask for her advice on how to solve the mess he created. And hopefully get some free coffee in the meantime. He’s surprised when he doesn’t see Minhyuk’s jacket on the hanger nor his shoes next to the door. Maybe he and Hyunwoo also had a fight. Whatever, he doesn’t care about their relationship or what Minhyuk does anymore after the past days. He doesn’t want to bump into him, nor Kihyun. Especially Kihyun. How didn’t he see it coming? Gosh, he was so stupid to believe everything could turn out well like that. He should have been more careful, he should have stayed away from him. He shouldn’t have answered his questions.

When he reaches the café, his mother was preparing the first round of cupcakes for the morning, putting the icing on top and wearing the pink apron with a bunny drawn on it that he gave her last year on her birthday. She greeted him as always with a cheerful “Bunny!” before offering him a hug. There were no clients around and that worried him. Hopefully, she wasn’t losing clientele because some famous coffeehouse chain opened up a new store a few blocks away. She didn’t seem too bothered though, so he’ll ask about it later. Right now, he feels overwhelmed by his own problems.

“Mom, me and Hyungwon broke up,” Hoseok chokes on his words. Saying it out loud brings a new wave of pain and shame for his actions over his body. She tightens her embrace around him, as he starts crying on her shoulder. Her perfume helps sooth him once again as she cuddles him while he tells her about his horrid day and his fight with Hyungwon, all the things he has done wrong towards his perfect boyfriend, how much he regrets everything that happened. He recites the poem Hyungwon has written about him and just as expected, his mother tears up too, moved by the loving words and the way the younger managed to put them together. She listens to everything Hoseok says and shushes him lovingly when he starts crying again, trying to lull his pain. 

“I don’t know what to do mom, I love him so much, with all my heart. I want to prove it to him,” he sobs as his mother gently pets his head like she did when he was but a small child and had a nightmare, offering him a kind smile. Her serene eyes help calm down the storm in his heart, as the tears slowly stop dripping down his cheeks. Hyungwon's face pops in his mind while his poem repeats itself on autoplay. He can feel his heart about to burst with love just thinking about the tall boy and he knows he won't be able to be happy again if he doesn't have Hyungwon by his side.

“What do I always tell you to do about what you love?”

“Never stop working hard for it?” Hoseok asks hesitantly but quickly realizes what his mother is trying to say. Don’t stop showing Hyungwon how much you love him. Work hard to be a better person for him. Prove that you're worthy of his love. His mother is right, like always. Maybe, in the end, Hyungwon won't wish for them to be together again. But that won't stop Hoseok from trying his best to make Hyungwon happy and to be there for him, even if it's from afar. His mother always knows what to say and he's happy he came to see her. Well, he's not that happy when she hands him a mop to clean the floors. At least he can enjoy a free Americano when he's done.

…

Waking up late was nothing new to Hyungwon. Waking up late _and_ with a horrible headache doesn’t happen quite often. He blindly searches for his phone under the pillow or on the nightstand to check the time, but the device was nowhere to be found. Instead, when he opens his eyes he’s met with a glass of water and an aspirin next to a note. ‘ _You owe me hyung. I.M_ ’

He scoffs at the acronym. Changkyun’s trying so hard to seem badass and uses his pseudonym all the time. He is thankful though for his help and for standing his drunk ass last night, seeing as he is in his own bed, seemingly unharmed and hopefully with no drunk incidents in his recent history. After taking a warm shower, because there’s no way in hell his skin would touch ice cold water, he makes his way to the kitchen to eat some breakfast, but most of his cupboards and his fridge are quite empty. Hyungwon notices his phone lying on the table, courtesy of Changkyun probably, so while he decides what to do with his growling stomach, he also checks his notifications. Four new messages from Hoseok.

‘ _I’m so sorry Hyungwonnie. I love you so much. Take care of yourself and good night’_

‘ _Good morning! Did you sleep well?_ ’

‘ _I miss sharing Americano with you…are you drinking it too?_ ’

‘ _Gonna head to practice now, take care’_

They’ve been through this exact same situation before after Hoseok’s show, so Hyungwon’s not that surprised by his now ex-boyfriend’s insistence. Calling Hoseok his ex-boyfriend brings a bitter taste in his mouth and his heart aches when he thinks about the blond dancer. He hesitates whether or not he should block his number, but Hyungwon’s a bit of masochist so he chooses to go and dry his hair and get dressed up instead. Yeah, it hurts and it’s hard to breathe when he thinks about it. But he’ll get over it eventually. It's not the end of the world, people fall in love and break up all the time. That's how couples work. You either end up getting married or broken up.

As he makes his way downtown, Hyungwon wonders how long it would take Hoseok this time before he gives up on trying to persuade him. Last time Hyungwon cracked and gave in after a week, slowly accepting Hoseok back in this life. He is determined not to do the same mistake twice tho. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. His feet carry him to a side of the city he hasn’t frequented that often and soon he is met with the sign of Momo Café again. He remembers the nice lady who owned the place and the delicious smell floating in the air brings back the memory of tasteful cupcakes and good coffee.

Hyungwon’s surprised to see the café empty despite it being noon already – he slept in much more than he thought he did. The lady was sweeping the floor but she immediately puts the broom away when she sees Hyungwon entering her store and greets him with a warm welcoming smile that turns soon into one full of worry as she looks at his glassy eyes. “What happened to you, my boy?” her voice is once again sweet and caring and it pangs Hyungwon’s heart. He gulps down the tears he feels forming at the corner of his eyes and looks down at his feet, intimidated by the caring look on the lady’s face.

“I just…I just ended up here,” his voice cracks midsentence and the lady wraps her arms around his form as soon as the tears start falling. Hyungwon never cries in front of strangers unless he is watching dramas, he never lets his emotions get the best of him like this, but the motherly embrace melts his defenses completely and he suddenly feels again like the small boy whose mom just left. He hides his tears on her shoulder and tries to keep down his sobs and sniffles as she rubs soothing circles on his back. She smells like warm cookies and sweet tea and exactly like he imagines a mother would smell like. The safety of her arms makes him cry harder as pain surges from the cracks of his heart to every cell of his body.

“Cry my boy, just cry and let it out.” Her soothing words encourage him to let go of all his emotions as he finds comfort in her hug. Hugs, Hyungwon decides, are really underrated, when they can mend you back and give you the energy needed to go on. He’s not one who engages in such display of affections usually, he’s not used to it. He can probably count on one hand the people who hugged him in the past decade and not even close friends like Changkyun are among them. He remembers Hoseok’s texts and his face when he came to his apartment, he remembers his gummy smile that makes his heart skip a beat and he remembers the lingering kisses that burned his skin. He remembers his failure to contact his mother yesterday.

When he stops crying after what feels like hours, the lady pulls him towards the small couch next to the wall and makes him sit down while still having a protective arm around him. Hyungwon takes a napkin from the table to wipe his eyes and blow his nose as the café-owner keeps rubbing circles on his back and successfully calms him down. “You know what you need right now?” her cheerful voice gets his attention and the brunet gives her a puzzled look. “Momma’s hot chocolate,” she nods wisely agreeing with her own words and Hyungwon can’t help but smile a bit at her sunny attitude. “But first let me close the café.”

Wait, what.

“W-wait, what?!” Hyungwon croaks as his eyes widen comically when she _just goes to do it_ , turning the sign to closed and pulling down the blinds. He tries to stop her, even if he was her only client at the moment. Closing this early means losing some serious money, but she didn’t seem bothered at all, rather focused on making Hyungwon his hot chocolate. “I will put extra cream and extra chocolate in it,” she chirps bring a smile on the boy’s face. When she returns to him with a big mug with floating marshmallows and yet again a smiley face drawn in the foam, she also brings a big slice of chocolate cake that makes Hyungwon’s mouth water. Even if it’s not the healthiest first meal of the day, he’s not about to complain.

Hyungwon keeps staring at her warm face, her welcoming smile, and caring eyes and he feels torn, tears threatening to spill again. “Is this how it feels to have a mother?” he whispers, not realizing he says his thoughts out loud. The woman tenses up at his words and her eyes become once again full of worry.

“Did you lose your mother, my boy?”

The brunet shakes his head slightly and bites his lower lip before replying. “She left me when I was 14. She and father are separated. We didn’t really keep in touch and…and yesterday I tried to call her. But somebody else picked up the phone. Apparently, she had changed her number since the last time we talked…three years ago.” He ignores his shaky voice, hoping he won’t be judged by it, thought completely forgotten when he’s once again engulfed in a big hug. Hyungwon closes his eyes as the woman pets his head gently. He feels encouraged to say everything that’s weighing his heart.

“S-she never called. She never wrote to me, not on birthday, not on Christmas. Sometimes I’d let her voice messages, especially in the first weeks after she left with my younger brother. And she would call me back at first. Until she stopped completely. I couldn’t get in touch with my brother either. A-and sometimes I wish I could call her and she’d pick up and…I just wanna…” he sighs heavily, tears constricting his voice again. She shushes him and hugs him tighter until he calms down again.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Hyungwon…Chae Hyungwon, ma’am,” he mumbles and wipes the small tears that escaped him.

She scoffs at the appellative and ruffles his hair affectionately. “I’m Shin Hyesun, Hyungwonnie. Don’t call me ma’am, please. And from now on whenever you want to talk with a mother, come to me and I’ll be here to listen to you anytime sweetie, alright?” Hyungwon weakly nods, amazed by her kindness. What kind of person does this for strangers? “Give those tears a break and go for the chocolate instead.”

Hyungwon smiles and obeys her with no question, digging into the delicious dessert and sipping from the warm drink that soothes his soul. To fill in the silence, Hyesun starts talking about her sons and how much she loves him, how she struggled to raise them on her own after her husband died 11 years ago when her oldest was barely a 10 year old. She tells him about how she married at a very young age because they were so in love and how happy her husband had been when she announced him she was carrying their first child. They have struggled with money even then and it just became harder after he died. She recounts how her oldest boy helped her open this café two years ago and how hard he had worked to keep it afloat before returning to his studies. She doesn’t forget to mention how her younger boy was already married and she’ll probably become a grandma soon.

After she brings him another mug full of delicious hot chocolate, his phone dings. It was Hoseok again. 

‘ _got home from practice. gonna make some ramen and then watch Goblin. I hope you had a nice day!’_

Hyungwon feels the words stab at his heart, at what they could have been. And he doesn’t doubt that there would be again many sweet moments between them if he gave up and took Hoseok back in his life. But they wouldn’t be able to compensate the lack of trust. “What is wrong?” Hyesun asks him just as kind as ever. He meets her caring eyes as he whispers what’s truly the problem.

“My heart is broken,” his voice is raw and he’s sure Hyesun could feel the cracks in his heart, the pain that bothers him. He hesitates before telling her briefly about his breakup with Hoseok, how he found him and Kihyun again, how Hoseok came to his apartment, how he kept texting Hyungwon since last night. Hyesun hugs him again tightly and Hyungwon’s comfortable enough with her now to cuddle in her arms like he would in his mother’s if they were close. Even when they pull away, he can feel the motherly love and the care he craved for so long.

“You may not know it yet, my boy, but it will all turn out good in the end. Believe me,” Hyesun squeezes his shoulder and he forces a small smile at her kind words and finishes his drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow always end up writing more from Hyungwon's point of view...so I apologize for that and I'll try to pay more attention to Hoseokie from now on ^^


	16. Paradise lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon discovers an intruder in his safe haven; Hoseok is worried about an intruder in Hyungwon's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully the chapter makes up for the lack of update yesterday xD thank you guys so much for 200+kudos!

The sun wasn’t even up when Hoseok reached the dance practice room he became so acquainted with. After texting Hyungwon goodnight and putting on some music to lull him to sleep, Hoseok’s music player induced him an epiphany. He suddenly knew what song to dance on for his solo at the show. So here he was now, an early bird, stretching his muscles, listening to the same beats over and over as he tries different moves until he settles for a choreography that leaves him somewhat satisfied. He keeps pushing himself for hours on end with no breaks until Hyunwoo joins him and watches him from the doorway. The older offers him a bottle of water when the music stops and Hoseok drinks it all greedily.

“So, I found your note in the fridge. Mind telling me why you put it there?” Hyunwoo asks, voice slow and soft as he crosses his arms. Hoseok just shrugs and throws the now empty bottle in the trashcan.

“You would have ignored it if it were on the fridge. At least if it was on the milk you’d notice it. And you did. So I’ll keep this short, tell Minhyuk to tell Kihyun to leave me alone.”

Hyunwoo’s eyebrows raise up to his hairline as he stares at the young choreographer, taken aback by his words. He had expected his roommate to want to talk about the choreography since the show was coming up soon and the stress was surely taking over Hoseok’s clarity. Maybe the breakup provoked something short circuit in his brain. Or maybe he tripped on his way here and fell on the stairs, hitting his head in the process. “Why don’t you tell him yourself? Or tell Minhyuk yourself?” he asks instead quietly, trying to keep a diplomatic approach. Hoseok scoffs and wipes his sweat with a towel, throwing his damp shirt on the floor.

“I have no intention to talk with either of them in my life. Ever again. Now tell me what you think of this dance,” the blond mumbles as he starts the music again and takes his initial position lying on the floor. Hyunwoo watches quietly, listening to lyrics of love and devotion while Hoseok’s body bends to show the cracks in his heart and the love that shined through. He can feel the desperation in his moves, he can see it in his eyes. This dance was about Hyungwon. This dance was for Hyungwon.

“When did you come up with this?” Hyunwoo asks quietly as if to not disturb the silence broken just by Hoseok’s pants as the blond tries to catch his breath, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes are closed and Hyunwoo has the sudden feeling that he saw more than he should have, that he trespassed into Hoseok’s soul and saw something raw that was for Hyungwon's eyes only. A sigh escapes his lips when Hoseok doesn’t answer and instead goes to the younger’s locker in the back of the room and gets him a clean T-shirt. He wishes he could help his friend somehow, but he knows this is between Hoseok and Hyungwon. If only Minhyuk and Kihyun would get it too. “Let’s go to your mom’s. I miss her lemon tart.”

A gentle smile grazes Hoseok’s features, he’s always happy when friends appreciate his mother’s work and he always invites people close to him to come along to Momo café. Hyunwoo’s been there with him quite a few times and his mother became quite attached to him, insisting on serving him honey and chocolate tartlets since he resembles a teddy bear in her opinion - and not only hers. He pulls out his phone to text Hyungwon good morning, it was almost noon so he was bound to be awake by now. He doesn't expect an answer in return though. He had been texting Hyungwon as if he was on a schedule for days now, yet nothing. He keeps checking the poet's social media but they're as quiet as ever. 

_'morning! going to go have some coffee, hope you had sweet dreams :3'_

His mother squeals when she sees Hyunwoo after such a long time and she hugs him tightly, admiring his physic and asking about his flourishing dancing career, now that he's been picked to be a backup dancer for Lee Hyori's next comeback. Hoseok puts his bag down, careful so his little froggie doesn't touch the floor and then disappears behind the counter to get a piece of strawberry cake and the lemon tart Hyunwoo craved. Hyesun leaves the two dancers alone after she serves them fresh coffee.

“How come you want to tell Kihyun to fuck off?”

Well, Hyunwoo wasn’t one to beat around the bush and drop hints before getting straight to the subject, but Hoseok wishes he was instead, or at least he wishes Hyunwoo would take a freaking hint when to shut up about something. The blond shrugs again, while his friend takes a big bite of his dessert. “If you cut him out of your life, it won’t bring Hyungwon back.”

“You think I don’t know?” Hoseok mumbles, stabbing his strawberry to death as red juice spills over the whipped cream. It kind of reminded him of Minhyuk. Red, loud and spreading everywhere he’s not supposed to be. He wonders if Hyunwoo would find that thought offensive or be amused by it if he shared it with him. But he doesn’t say it out loud, even if Minhyuk got in between him and Hyungwon that doesn’t mean Hoseok will act petty and break the two up as well just because he could if he tried hard enough.

“I bet you still have the photos with him on your phone, don’t you?” Hoseok’s body visibly goes rigid and Hyunwoo just knows he’s right. Hoseok is pretty much an emotional hoarder, he rarely gets rid of anything that once meant so much to him. He still has at his mother’s house things from his first girlfriend and things from his first boyfriend, he still has photos of his late dad and a teddy bear whose fur has long been eaten by moths. Instead of going to Kihyun and asking him to fuck off, politely of course, maybe he should start with something smaller.

So he opens his gallery and scrolls through the unorganized photos, past pictures of him and Hyungwon smiling happily at the camera, sharing small kisses and looking completely smitten with each other. The photos with Kihyun were at the bottom of the list and he starts to delete them one by one, ignoring the weird look Hyunwoo was giving him over his cup of ice coffee. As he reaches the very last photo he took with Kihyun before he departed for Paris, back when his hair was dyed a bright shade of pink, his mother calls from the back room to come help her. Hyunwoo seems to be engaged in snapchatting with Minhyuk at the moment, so he left without much of a fuss.

Not even ten minutes later, Hyungwon enters the café. He found himself a little haven in the quiet and relatively empty café and made a point to come here every time he was free at noon and to indulge himself in some more of that hot chocolate and cake, along with conversations with Hyesun. She had brought out a feeling Hyungwon forgot since he was little, the feeling of being looked after and loved like only a mother could love. His happiness is shattered when he notices Hoseok’s bag on the ground with the _freaking frog keychain_ attached to its handle. To his chagrin, Hyunwoo picks that exact moment to look up from his phone and raise his hand up in greeting.

Hyungwon slowly approaches their table reluctant and glances around to see if Hoseok was nearby. “What are you two doing here?” his tone is accusatory even if he didn’t mean to sound like that. But this was _his haven_ and he’s not willing to lose it just because these two turned up here once.

“Nice to see you too, Hyungwon. Actually, we’re regulars.” Hyunwoo stops himself from mentioning that Hoseok’s mother owns the place since either Hyungwon already knew that, but then he’d probably not be here, or he had no clue about Hoseok’s relation with this café. It wasn't his place to spoil such detail. Hyungwon narrows his eyes at their table which makes Hyunwoo question his sanity for a second, because who the hell glares at furniture? But Hyungwon wasn’t looking at the table per say, rather at Hoseok’s phone that was left unlocked next to his coffee cup, the picture with Hoseok and Kihyun throwing arrows at Hyungwon.

The brunet tightens the grip he had around the notebook he brought with him to work on some lyrics until his knuckles turn white. Not only was his favorite spot in the city now tainted, but he was also confirmed of Hoseok’s real feelings. Even if he himself still had some photos with Minhyuk in his phone because he was just too lazy to delete them, he never scrolled through to find them and look at them like Hoseok was clearly doing with his ex-boyfriend. Be it this way, Hoseok made his intentions clear. Hyungwon glances at his watch and decides to bolt before he actually bumps into the blond dancer.

“Can you please not mention I’ve been here?” Hyungwon mumbles, embarrassed to ask such a thing from Hyunwoo, the guy who is dating his ex-boyfriend. They had an awkward enough relationship. Thankfully though, the guy nods and Hyungwon can’t understand why for a moment he feels like he can trust him. Even if he kicked him out once. Hyungwon’s ego is still sore after that moment.

The tall guy leaves before Hoseok returns to his table, half covered in flour, which spilled from a sack that ripped when Hoseok pulled it out from where it was stuck. As soon as he sits, he deletes the last photo that was still open on his screen. Hyunwoo gives him an unreadable look and the blond blinks confused. “What? Something happened?”

Hyunwoo looks at his hands like he always does when he’s hiding something, which makes Hoseok frown. “Ah…it’s nothing. Minhyuk offered to make us dinner to make up for what happened last Friday.” Hoseok rolls his eyes at the obvious lie. For one thing, it’s been a week since the disastrous pizza going and noraebang. Second, Minhyuk can’t cook to save his life, besides the every now and then ramen or that chicken soup he had made for Hyunwoo when the older seemed to be going down with a flu. He lets it pass though and watches amused as Hyunwoo obviously tells Minhyuk of the offer he hadn’t made. They return to the dance practice room again where Hyunwoo goes to train with Soyou and Hoseok watches over his crew dancing his special choreography before practicing what he came up with this morning. He wonders if Hyungwon would be willing to come and see his show. He hopes he will.

As they enter their shared apartment, the blond prays Minhyuk didn’t actually burn it down as the smell of smoke hits them in the face. Hyunwoo quickly goes to the kitchen to check on his boyfriend and their dinner and, of course, it was too late to save the burned black clay that Hoseok only assumes was supposed to be some kind of meat. They end up ordering pizza instead and tuning in on some drama on tv, until Hyunwoo goes to take a shower and leaves Minhyuk and Hoseok alone. Noticing that the redhead’s attention was really focused on the screen as the protagonists were bickering, Hoseok pulls out from his jacket the small paper Hyungwon had written his poem on. He started carrying it around with him everywhere he went like a good luck token.

Rereading the now all too familiar words was like receiving an embrace from Hyungwon. He could almost feel the younger’s cologne in the air and his lanky limbs wrapped tightly around him. One of the hoodies Hyungwon returned still smelled like him and Hoseok had been wearing it to sleep now every night since their fight, but the fragrance was starting to fade slowly. He contemplates buying one of Hyungwon’s perfumes to refresh the aroma when he feels Minhyuk stir next to him.

“He wrote that to you?” his voice is soft and it almost sounded hurt, if Hoseok didn’t know better. When he turns his head, Minhyuk’s eyes are already trained on him. He feels like his privacy was invaded so he puts away the paper, carefully folding it back and slipping it into his jacket pocket. Seeing that he’s not gonna get a reply anytime soon, Minhyuk reaches out for the last slice of pizza and chews on it, face looking deep in thought. Hoseok gets up and says good night as he heads for his bedroom, but Minhyuk’s hand wraps tightly around his wrist and stops him.

“You know,” he starts hesitantly, conflict clearly written on his face. It seems like he’s still debating with himself whether or not he should say this. “In all 11 months he and I had dated, he never wrote something about me. Nothing. Changkyun told me that after that there were a few breakup poems, but…nothing compared to that.” Hoseok feels his heart tighten at the words like Minhyuk was actually strangling him. The younger’s face looks up at him apologetically but he’s not about to crack in front of puppy eyes. “He must really love you then.” The ‘more than he loved me’ is left unsaid, but Hoseok can feel it in the air between them. He can feel the apologies and the sadness that pours out from his body.

“Yeah, I really love him too.” the blond replies before leaving for good. When he gets into bed he grabs his phone and checks his accounts as well. He’s surprised when he sees a new entry on Hyungwon’s Instagram entry and when he presses on his profile picture loud music and bright lights blind him. Seems like Hyungwon is out clubbing. That makes Hoseok sit up before he replays the short 5 seconds clip a few times. He recognizes the place easily and his heart aches at the thought that Hyungwon might be with somebody else right now. The crazy thought of running there to check with his own eyes creeps in his mind but he dismisses it warily. The lack of trust he had in Hyungwon in the beginning of their relationship had weighted them down considerably, so he decides not to make the same mistake twice. Instead, he replies to his story.

_‘looks like fun! hope you’re having a great time ;)_ ’

…

Clubbing was something Hyungwon hadn’t been active since he was still just friends with Minhyuk and the two of them would go out together to break some energy dancing and looking for some more fun. But seeing Hoseok today – no, not him, but his bag with the _fucking frog keychain_ and this phone with _a fucking photo of Kihyun on display_ made something crack in him. He deserves a break from all this drama. His only intention was to go and just dance, honestly. He didn’t even approach the bar, nor did he invite Changkyun with him since the younger wasn’t that much of a dancer.

He finds somebody to dance with quickly, he always did before and habits die hard. Hyungwon knows how good he looks when he’s moving his hips, how his face shines in the bright disco lights. At first, he ignores the hand of the stranger who’s dancing with him that rests casually on his hip and then moves to his lower back. It was just some harmless move after all. He gives him a once over and Hyungwon can’t really complain by the guy’s looks, slim with a handsome face and about a head shorter than him.

The guy offers him a drink and Hyungwon declines politely. He’s not that dumb to accept drinks from strangers that could easily be spoiled. The guy didn’t seem offended though and they dance the next couple of songs together as well. In the back of his mind, a voice keeps reminding Hyungwon how good it would be for Hoseok to be here with him, to have his strong arm wrapped around his middle protectively, _possessively_. He misses the blond more than he is willing to accept and doesn’t even notice when the guy leans in to press a hungry kiss to his lips, coercing Hyungwon’s mouth to open.

With Hoseok still in his mind, Hyungwon doesn’t pull away from the stranger until he feels a hand sneaking under his shirt and the foreign touch feels _so wrong_. What was in his mind? He beams the guy a short goodbye before making his way out of the club, leaving the stranger dumbfounded on the dancefloor. Getting the first cab he sees, Hyungwon feels like puking his dinner, disgusted with what he had done. He had let a man, who is not Hoseok, kiss him. Despite them not being together at the moment, he feels like he had cheated on the blond and how is he any better than Hoseok kissing Kihyun behind the scenes of his show?

When he checks the time, he sees the app notification of a new message from Hoseok, his sincere wish for him to have fun, even without him. Hyungwon can’t run up fast enough to his shower to scrub down all the invisible dirt that covers his body, to clean himself until his skin turns a bright red. The queasiness is still there when he takes the bunny keychain in his hand that Hoseok left him and puts it next to him on the nightstand, promising himself and to the mini wontokki that he won’t repeat this mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this fic will turn out much longer than I had expected...


	17. I can be your hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon keeps finding cards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna take the time and thank Bee, for always giving me inspiration for the story and also for finding the best chapter title ^^

Usually, Hyungwon ignores his mailbox. Besides the bills which he got once a month or vouchers from local stores in town that were trying too hard to promote themselves, he didn’t receive much mail. So when he was about to go out after locking himself for a couple of days since the clubbing incident, he passes by it without a care in the world, until he notices with the corner of his eye that there was something in it. He turned on his heels and marched towards the box confused. It wasn’t the week for bills, so what could he have received? As much as he admired old fashioned letters, nobody wrote to him like that – nobody wrote like that in general, though Hyungwon wishes they still would.

It was a secret weakness, to be honest, and he’d never admit it out loud. Actually, Hyungwon might even call it a fantasy of sorts, receiving love letters in which his one and only confesses to him in cheesy, corny lines. It’s much more precious reading a handwritten letter that you can actually hold in your hand than reading an e-mail. It was more personal and, dare he say it, more romantic. He was a sucker for romantic gestures, blame all the drama and his lit major. Hyungwon still remembers how giddy and happy he felt back in high school when he received cute notes in his locker on Valentine’s Day. Even if they were from girls who had a really bad gaydar.

When he opens his mailbox, Hyungwon almost drops his phone on the concrete at his feet, shocked to see a postcard. A postcard with himself and Hoseok. He takes it out with shaky fingers, hesitant to touch it as if it would disintegrate as soon as he laid hands on it. It doesn’t. It feels much heavier than it actually is between his fingers. He slowly runs his thumb over the mate carton, tracing idly Hoseok’s face. It was their first photo together on that second date after they ditched all hints of awkwardness when in the presence of one another. Hoseok had this gummy smile Hyungwon fell in love with, while he himself was looking at the back then boyfriend rather than at the camera, a smile of his own mirroring Hoseok’s.

What was Hoseok doing? Sending him such card when Hyungwon saw that he was looking at photos of himself and Kihyun back at Momo café. Or maybe Hyungwon misinterpreted it and Hoseok was just scrolling to get to another photo and just disappeared before switching pass it. No, that sounded too shady, couldn’t be it. Hyungwon turns around the photo slowly and his eyes widen when he notices a short note written on the white back.

_‘I miss your smile and the way you looked at me_ ’

He has to bite his lip in order to prevent one from appearing. His throat feels dry no matter how many times he gulps his nervousness. How did Hoseok know that something like this would make him weak? Still, he reminds himself to stay strong and not crack his mask under the sweet gesture. This definitely doesn’t forgive everything that happened. At this point, Hyungwon gets tired just thinking about his relationship with Hoseok and how troublesome and complicated it had been whenever they weren’t alone.

But when it was just them, Hyungwon had felt like finally, all pieces of the puzzle were in place, like Hoseok was a missing part of his life that he didn’t know he needed. Of course, he knows better now. It was just in his head, a temporary illusion. He goes back upstairs to leave the card on his desk before he once again heads out and goes straight to Momo café. Hyesun greets him as soon as he steps inside with a hug and Hyungwon is pleased to see that there aren’t other people around.

“Hyungwonnie, where have you been?” she asks, eyebrows furrowed in worry. Hyungwon feels ashamed he hadn’t visited her for the past days, even a little bit guilty. Not that Hyesun was a lonely woman, he knew her son visited a lot and that she skyped with the one who lived abroad in Japan. But he still felt like he owed her at least this much for her kindness. “For a second, I thought you didn’t like my hot chocolate anymore,” her worry fades into a kind smile as she pinches Hyungwon’s cheek. He’d have slapped her hand away if it was anybody else, but for Hyesun he lets it slide.

“I’m sorry about that. But I found out my ex-boyfriend also is a regular here and I didn’t want to run into him.” Hyesun’s eyes seem to sparkle for a moment but it’s gone as soon as it appeared and Hyungwon thinks he must have imagined it. She hums as if she were deep in thought and rests her hand in her palm.

“There are so many boys who often come around, but I’ll be on the watch out for one handsome devil.” Her words make Hyungwon blush and he nods slightly embarrassed before he politely asks Hyesun for a cup of hot chocolate despite the hot weather outside. She ruffles his hair affectionately before going behind the counter to start on his special treat. A couple of girls enter the café and giggle when they notice Hyungwon – nothing he wasn’t used to – and line up behind him.

“Hyungwonnie, it seems like I ran out of cacao. Can you please go and get me some from the backroom while I serve these ladies?” Hyesun asks sweetly and Hyungwon immediately nods. He hasn’t been in the backroom before, but he’s sure he can find the cacao easily. And he does, but it lay right next to a big bunch of yellow envelopes. They somehow looked like bills and Hyungwon felt like he was snooping around where he wasn’t supposed to look at. Now, because Hyungwon’s family never had financial problems, even when his parents separated, he didn’t recognize at first glance letters from the bank. But he did recognize the logo of one.

There are even more envelopes dropped on the desk near the shelves where he found the cacao and he feels way too tempted to read its contents, but his conscious tells him it’s not his place to pry. The many digits number still stands out a mile and Hyungwon realizes Hyesun had serious problems with her bank loan. How long must it have been for her to collect so much debt? And considering how he barely sees other clients at the café, the scenario looks pretty grim. Yet, she’s always so kind and sweet – didn’t even let him pay for his consummation most of the time.

He returns with the cacao before it looks like he took suspiciously long. The two girls sit and gossip over their lattes and Hyesun takes the cacao easily from Hyungwon, offering him a sincere thank you. He smiles and asks if there’s anything he can do to help around, but she quickly shoos him off, changing the subject to how he spent the past days.

“Ah, actually…I got a postcard today,” he says after sipping from his cup, the warmth actually spreading a pleasant coolness throughout his body. Now that he mentioned it, Hyungwon feels like he should have brought it with him to show Hyesun. But at the same time, that photo would have burned Hyungwon's hand if he had carried it.

"Oh?" Hyesun's eyes crinkled as she offers him one of her kind smiles. "I didn't think people still send those." Hyungwon watches attentively how she carefully places fondant roses on the small bumps of whip cream on top of the icing on a cake. He bets they’re delicious, not like those sugary things you buy in supermarkets that taste like plastic. He’s definitely going to order a cake from here at the next occasion. Focusing on small things like this though doesn’t take his mind off the photo he had received. With a heavy heart, he admits.

"Neither did I." He sips from his drink and hesitates before whispering. "My ex sent it. It's a photo of us..." Hyesun paused from ornamenting a cake and looked up at the boy, seeing how fragile he was under that impassive mask he insists on wearing. She rests her hand on his forearm and gives him a reassuring squeeze. Hyungwon avoids her eyes, feeling suddenly all too vulnerable, even if he’s aware that Hyesun had seen him breaking down, crying ugly tears when the wound in his chest was still bleeding. “Maybe I should burn it…”

“Do you hate it that much?” Hyungwon shakes his head slowly, no he didn’t hate it at all, but he hated what it did to his heart. It gave him hope it wasn’t all just a lie, that Hoseok cared about him and it wasn't just a game for him. But he knows better than to fall into that trap. “Then put it away. Put it in a box so you won’t see it if it hurts you. And one day, when this,” she pokes his chest to accentuate the word, “isn’t hurting anymore, you’ll be able to decide clearly what you should do with them.”

A box? That was actually a really good idea. A box with every small thing that reminded him of Hoseok, a box that he could put away so he won’t see those things every day. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? He thanks Hyesun for the idea and offers again to help around, but she just gives him more hot chocolate. Hyungwon would pout if he wasn’t worried about the state of the café. He won’t accept for it to be closed down because of some bank. But considering the large pile of letters from the bank, Hyesun wasn’t able to pay off even half of the debt that gathered.

“Hyesun-ssi, why do you always help me?” he asks quietly. He’s met with the same kind and genuine smile that Hyesun always wears.

“You remind me a lot of my son. He’s also going through some heartbreak right now. But I’m sure both of you will be able to find happiness in the end. Everything will turn out just fine, you'll see that my boy.”

Hyungwon feels the tears starting to gather again as the warm feeling of having a mother figure embraces him again. Maybe he could help her somehow. No, he _needs_ to help somehow. If he worked over without accepting any pay, it probably won’t make Hyesun win more. He could convince his friends to only come here for their caffeine dose, but that won’t win much profit either – college students can afford only this much to spend on coffee every day. He could offer her some money of his own but he doubts that a kind and hardworking woman like Hyesun would take them and he doesn’t want to insult her. Besides, he doesn’t even have enough money to cover the whole sum. His dad sends him enough money to live just fine, but not enough to pay off debts.

Feeling at the same time a bit better and a lot worse than when he arrived, Hyungwon leaves when Hyesun closes down the café, convinced nobody will come in anymore after 7 p.m. She offers Hyungwon to join her for dinner, but he refuses politely saying he has plans already and not wanting to abuse her kindness. He has to find a way to thank this woman somehow for all her selflessness.

…

After he swore to himself to cut Kihyun out of his life, Hoseok feels like he’s cheating himself (and Hyungwon!) when he knocks on Kihyun’s apartment door but a few days later. Hyungwon still isn’t replying to his messages and he decides to change his approach. And while he wanted to stay away from his short ex-boyfriend, he still preferred his help instead of trusting such an important task to a random designer he could find at a copy center. He knows Kihyun’s work and he knows he can make it look really good. So he finds himself at his door.

“H-Hoseok?” Kihyun whispers, clearly beyond surprised when he sees the blonde in front of him. “You haven’t answered any of my texts, I thought…” His voice sounds hopeful and Hoseok has to cut him short so there won’t be any more misunderstandings.

“No, I haven’t changed my mind. But I need your assistance with something.” The short guy’s eyes still sparkle with hope, seeing his chance to get close to Hoseok again, to try and make them stay at least friends. He invites Hoseok inside but the blond shakes his head promptly. “I’d rather we go somewhere for this. Just bring your laptop and your photo printer.”

Kihyun accepts the sudden invitation and quickly goes to grab what Hoseok asked of him. They head for a bistro nearby and Kihyun suggests grabbing something to eat together, but Hoseok orders just some lemonade, clearly set on keeping this as cold and business oriented as possible. Kihyun does the same, careful not to do any more wrong steps. He won’t be impulsive and listen to every whim he has, as much as he’d like to reach out and kiss Hoseok’s cheek, to hold his hand, to play with his hair. He doesn’t ask about the dark rings under his eyes, since the answer is more than obvious. Minhyuk told him about the poem Hyungwon wrote for Hoseok and how the blond was determined to get his tall boyfriend back.

“So I suppose you want me to work on some photo? Since you said to bring these,” Kihyun points to the electronics on his side. Hoseok nods and gives him an usb that Kihyun takes and connects to his laptop once he turns it on. On the drive, there was a single photo of Hoseok and Hyungwon, looking so enamored and so happy together. He smiles bitterly at the screen and glances at Hoseok across from him, taking in how different his face looked in comparison. The soft gummy smile was replaced with a thin line that fit his blank face, devoid of any (positive) emotion. “What exactly do you want me to do?”

“Can you turn it into a photo card?” Hoseok asks, carefully studying Kihyun’s reaction, testing to see if he can trust the photograph or not. Kihyun gets on his task immediately, connecting the printer and looking for the right kind of paper fit for a photo card. He works a bit on the lighting, raising up the contrast, making the lights sharper and giving it a soft vignette filter for the corners. When he’s satisfied with how the photo looks, although if he had taken it the quality would have been much better, he prints it and offers it to Hoseok quietly for a verdict. The blond seems satisfied and he puts it in his bag before he gets up, drink untouched.

“Thanks.” Kihyun doesn’t ask him to stay at least until he finishes his lemonade, or to hang out just a bit, nor does he ask Hoseok if they can still be friends. He learned his lesson, he knows he needs a different approach. So he’ll wait patiently until Hoseok comes to him again. Hyungwon was a stubborn man and once he’s set on a decision he doesn’t go back on his word, that's how Minhyuk always characterized him. Hoseok will realize it too, soon. And Kihyun will be there for him when he needs him.

…

Walking back to his place set on getting some takeout on the way, Hyungwon gets a call from Changkyun asking to join him and Wonwoo for some chicken. The two seemed to be finally taking a break from all the studying they’ve pulled for finals and Hyungwon teases them for being such nerdy freshmen and how in their second year they’ll stop trying so hard. He still joins them and they sit on the terrace of a small restaurant that had cheap beer. The brunet refuses to get the same alcoholic drink as his friends and settles for soda instead.

He pulls out his pack of cigarettes as they wait for their food and he offers one to Wonwoo as well while Changkyun makes a disgusted face when he sees the tobacco stick. Wonwoo, to his utter surprise, shakes his head and refuses. Both Hyungwon and Changkyun give him raised eyebrows, making the younger flustered. “I-I’m trying to quit… for Mingyu,” he mumbles and pretends to be busy with a napkin set in front of him to avoid their eyes.

Hyungwon leans on his chair, processing slowly while Changkyun cheers happily and congratulates Wonwoo on his healthy choice, already conspiring on how to make Hyungwon quit as well. Wonwoo wasn’t the type of person who changed his preferences for others, much like Hyungwon. Yet he was willing to give up on something that he didn’t even consider quitting before, for the one he loved. Hyungwon muses that love does strange things to people, it makes them grow and it breaks them apart. His heart once again stings, he’s happy for his friend, yet he can’t help but wish for the same happiness. The happiness he had shortly lived with Hoseok.

Their dinner is quiet and nice, since none of them is much of a talker, yet they have small conversations over what they’ve been doing lately. Changkyun tells them about the short stories anthology he's started writing, each surrounding a horror concept. He gets teased for wanting to look badass by writing such stories and they’re met immediately with puppy eyes as Changkyun, the horror story writer, turns into Kkukkungie, the kicked puppy. Wonwoo tells them how Mingyu convinced him to double date with one of his classmates, Seungcheol, and his boyfriend and shares a few funny moments that make the other two laugh. “Jeonghan is actually a model. Hard to believe he’d date a future engineer.”

That’s it. Hyungwon’s eyes widen with the sudden revelation. It was so plainly obvious. He searched for his wallet and surely enough there were many business cards from various magazines and coordinators from fashion shows. In the past Hyungwon had earned some money (and some local fame) with his looks by modeling, but he stopped for the past years, determined to earn money with his hard work and talent, not with his looks. That didn’t stop people from trying to get him back in the business with promises of even more money and fame. Honestly, he wouldn’t have considered going back to modeling, but now he had a very serious reason worth the trouble. He’s going to save Momo café.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smb give Hyungwon a cape, he's about to save the day


	18. Too beautiful to handle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon's adventure in the world of modeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today this series marks one month. So the first part is a 1st monthversarry special!

Hyungwon was confident that he’d be able to earn enough money to pay off Mrs. Shin Hyesun's debt. He won’t just let Momo café disappear, he’ll try his hardest to save the business and to thank the kind owner for making him feel cared for and for being a supportive mother figure when he needed one. Still, modeling wasn’t something he’d have picked up again willingly. After having a couple of years of experience, he was tired of being seen just as a pretty face.

The next day after he met up with Changkyun and Wonwoo, Hyungwon had called one of the more important agents who once offered him to become a model and asked if there was anything available. The man was over the moon when Hyungwon introduced himself and quickly offered him a low-profile shooting he had available with the promise of searching for something better if Hyungwon carries this one out well. To calm himself down and stop feeling nervous, he decided to go for a short walk in his neighborhood after the call. Hyungwon considered telling somebody about the job, but then he’d be asked why he suddenly decided to take it and he didn’t want to tell anyone about the situation at Momo café or why it meant so much to him.

When Hyungwon returned home 20 minutes later, a bag of groceries in his hand (if you could call ramen, chips and soda groceries – he really should start trying to eat healthier if he wants to keep his slim silhouette), he notices a blond figure exit his apartment building. His heart skips a beat and he almost drops down the bag he was carrying, but when the figure crosses the street he realizes it wasn’t Hoseok, only some random guy. Hyungwon tells himself he’s not actually disappointed it wasn’t Hoseok, but that he is relieved he didn’t run into his ex-boyfriend.

Still, as he enters the building he notices there was something in his mailbox. His suspicions are confirmed when he opens it and is met with another photo of himself and Hoseok. This time it was taken during one time when Hyungwon fell asleep on Hoseok’s shoulder as they were watching dramas together, his eyes a bit puffy from crying at an emotional scene. He almost forgets to get out as the doors to the elevator open on his floor when he reads the text written behind.

‘ _I miss having you in my arms and how you’d fall asleep like this_ ’

After dropping his groceries in the kitchen he goes to the box that’s neatly set on his desk in the office, the box Hyesun suggested he use for all the stuff that remind him of Hoseok. The blond really liked to take photos of Hyungwon and that made him feel somewhat like a model. He sets the card on top of the first one and puts the bunny next to them. He remembers how he posed once for Hoseok, while the dancer kept taking photos from different angles. It was fun but Hyungwon also felt really awkward and somewhat nervous from the way Hoseok was watching him.

“You could strut on any runway with no problem,” the blond said, smiling encouragingly at Hyungwon as the brunet changed the position of his legs and looked away from the camera. He scoffed back then, earning a pout and unamused frown from Hoseok.

“You make it sound like modeling is something to brag about. You’re seen just as a rack for clothes to look pretty on…” he muttered and kept quiet as Hoseok took the few steps between them until he was right in his face, gripping his boyfriend’s chin and forcing him to look in his eyes.

“Modeling is much more than that. It’s about conveying emotions and carrying a message about what you’re wearing or your setup.” Hoseok explained, voice soft and caring. “You’re really talented and not everyone could go through with something like this. You’ve got this majestic aura around yourself, my prince,” the blond smiled softly as his lips descended upon Hyungwon’s briefly before he grabbed the camera again.

“Now show me some happiness,” he said with a playful tone that wouldn’t accept no for an answer. Hyungwon couldn’t help but smile and show how he felt in that moment, how happy Hoseok was making him. “What about confidence?” Hyungwon smirked and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans, thumbs poking out and gave the camera, gave Hoseok, a self-assured look.

“That’s it babe, seduce the camera.” Hyungwon smirked wider at the command and licked his lips slowly, teeth biting his lower lip while he basically eyefucks Hoseok through the camera lens. He heard the older curse under his breath as Hyungwon backs away towards the bed and sits down on the edge, leaning on his forearms and arching his back slightly just to tease Hoseok. It worked perfectly judging by the growing tent in front of the blonde’s jeans. He motioned with his forefinger for Hoseok to come closer while his legs spread slightly.

“How about you let the camera down and come over here?” Hoseok smirked and immediately pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it somewhere far way. Hyungwon licked his lips as his eyes travelled over his boyfriend’s toned chest and abdomen, decorated with marks from their recent activities. It showed that Hoseok was his only and Hyungwon was so aroused by that. He stuck his finger in the older’s belt loop and pulled him closer until Hoseok was hovering over him.

Hoseok moved to straddle his hips and the brunet was about to pull him down for a kiss when Hoseok shoved the camera again in his face. Hyungwon groaned frustrated, he was done playing with the camera and wanted some playtime with his boyfriend instead. He can’t get too mad with the way Hoseok is smiling at him though. “You’re so beautiful I can’t help it, babe,” Hoseok complimented him as he takes a few more photos from on top of Hyungwon.

“Yeah, well you gotta pick between photos and sex cause I’m not doing both at the same time,” the brunet huffed an ultimatum as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Didn’t get that impression when we first met,” Hoseok mumbled and laughed when Hyungwon started hitting his chest angrily. He did put the camera away and leaned down to kiss Hyungwon sweetly, still amused by the situation. Hyungwon, in turn, ran his fingers through the blonde locks, pulling his boyfriend closer and deepening the kiss. Hoseok always had paid so much attention to him in and out of bed and it was something Hyungwon wouldn’t be able to get enough of. His heart ached every time he was away from the dancer and it went into overdrive whenever they were together.

Their kiss got heated up in no time, each desperate to taste the other more, to feel him closer, to merge into one single being. There were too many layers between them and suddenly not feeling each other’s skin wasn’t an option anymore. Hoseok fixed that inconvenience while Hyungwon wrapped himself tightly around his lover. The blond took his time to shower Hyungwon’s pale unblemished skin with sweet kisses and leave a few possessive love bites. He loved marking the brunet, he loved hearing him moan. But most of all he loved making him smile.

Hyungwon spread his legs wider as Hoseok advanced on his way down, the trails of kisses left on his abdomen spreading warmth across his body and covering his skin in goosebumps. He didn’t try to quiet down the pleasured sounds that escaped his lips along with Hoseok’s name. His hands instinctively went to the blonde’s hair when a mouth kisses the tip of his cock and Hyungwon hissed as his member was engulfed in the wet, welcoming cavern that was Hoseok’s mouth. He raised himself up on his elbows to have a better look at his boyfriend’s work and he couldn’t help but moan loudly when their eyes met and Hoseok gives a particularly hard suck to his cock. Hyungwon grips his hair not too tightly and pulls him off a few minutes later as he gets closer to his orgasm and leans in for a deep kiss in return that Hoseok gladly reciprocates.

There’s a strange serenity about Hoseok entering him that makes Hyungwon question his sanity. He was turning into a nymphomaniac around Hoseok, but nobody could blame him. Hoseok was a sex god. But it was more than just the physical pleasure to it. He felt…safe. He felt loved and protected in Hoseok’s arms, he felt like he finally found himself a home. Without much of an example from his parents on what love between a couple looks like, nor a stable home since they had traveled around the world a lot, Hyungwon grew up lacking the feeling of belonging somewhere and for once he wanted to grow roots in a place.

He wanted to grow roots into Hoseok’s heart, to cling on to him and never let go. With his legs wrapped tightly around Hoseok’s middle and arms circled around his neck, Hyungwon felt like he belonged in the dancer’s loving arms. And all he hoped for is that Hoseok felt the same. They reached their climax together, hands intertwined above Hyungwon’s head. Hoseok hid his face in the crook of Hyungwon’s neck, breathing in his smell deeply and leaving another sweet kiss on his lover’s jaw.

They curled up together spooning and Hyungwon relaxed as Hoseok wrapped his strong arms tightly around him. Sex always left Hyungwon sleepy, no surprise since he could sleep for more than one day, so he closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of having Hoseok behind him, holding him close. After a few minutes, when he was almost falling asleep, he heard his boyfriend whisper quietly. “You don’t even know how beautiful you really are, inside and out.”

When Hyungwon opens his eyes, out of his reverie, he was hugging his small bunny plushie. Maybe he should take a different approach regarding his heartbreak. Yes, he’s still hurting and thinking of all the wonderful times he had with Hoseok made him nostalgic and opened up the wound again. But Hoseok also taught him many lessons. His relationship with Hoseok taught him how to love someone with his whole heart and trust somebody enough to let himself be hurt. Hoseok made him feel special and wanted. And thinking about the way the blond looked at him when he posed and his encouraging words, Hyungwon decides to give his all in this time around. To make it worth it. To help Hyesun.

The day of the photoshoot, Hyungwon packed his makeup and put it in his bag. For extra good luck, he decided to add the fluffy bunny he got from Hoseok and hung it on the handle. Just for extra good luck, he reassured himself. The agent had sent him previously a message saying that the magazine would prefer him to have dark hair so he leaves home earlier to stop by at a salon. He isn’t surprised this time when he sees another card in his mailbox. Now, a photo of Hyungwon alone and the bunny they named ‘wontokki jr.’ at the bunny café.

‘ _I miss Wontokki and Chaebugi’_

Instead of making him feel worse, like the past few things that Hoseok sent him, the photo gives him the energy to go on with his schedule for the day. Maybe he was slowly and finally getting over Hoseok. He drops it in his bag and gives his wontokki plushie a little squeeze as he makes his way on to the salon where he usually dyes his hair. The girl there is known to have customers that are idols and Hyungwon’s scalp can't complain. There isn’t much of a queue so his hair is fixed in no time, dyed a jet black that’s even darker than his natural hair color. But it looked good on him either way so he thanks the hairdresser and turns to leave after he pays.

Wontokki, the plushie, didn’t bring much luck this morning it seems as Hyungwon collides into someone as soon as he’s out the door. And when he steps back to glare at the person, he’s met with Hoseok’s wide bunny eyes. He wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready to see him again this soon, to face Hoseok’s own suffering shown in his dark circles and tired features. Hyungwon tries to tell himself that Hoseok has just probably been working too hard, but he can't buy it.

“H-hey,” Hoseok’s voice trembles and so does his lower lip. Hyungwon feels the urge to lean down and bite it until it stops. He quickly glances back up from Hoseok’s lips and hopes he hasn’t been caught. The blond has this sparkle in his eyes that Hyungwon recognizes as the same one he had when he used to tell him he’s beautiful. “Your hair…” he tries to go on but words don’t seem to work today for Hoseok. Not that Hyungwon was any better, he couldn’t even form a greeting. “It looks really good. You…” he stops again trying to fight the knot in his stomach. “You look really beautiful Hyungwon.” _Always did_.

The now black haired boy just nods and grips his bag tighter, which in retrospective was a bad idea since now Hoseok noticed he was carrying the bunny and that brought a big gummy smile on his face. Hyungwon feels thousands of butterflies suddenly coming out of their cocoon and flying around inside him. Hoseok was also carrying the froggie hooked on his bag, like he saw that time at the café. “Thanks. I gotta go,” is all that Hyungwon manages to mutter before he bolts out of there. Away from Hoseok. He misses the way Hoseok’s eyes turn watery and hugs his Chaebugi.

He takes the longest route towards the company building where his photo shoot takes place, in order to calm his hectic mind. He needs to clear his head if he wants his work to succeed. A wild Hoseok running around hugging his animal form plushie would be too much of a distraction. He meets with the agent that hired him and who compliments his new hairstyle before quickly sending Hyungwon off to the makeup artists. Hyungwon is actually surprised he won’t have to do his makeup on his own since this was supposedly only a low profile job, but he won’t complain as long as he’ll look good in the end.

The makeup noona is very chatty and doesn’t seem to notice Hyungwon hasn’t even opened his mouth before she’s done and sends him to change into the outfit he’ll pose in. He’s relieved to see they’re not putting him in some atrocity that makes no sense, but rather normal fashionable urban clothes, much like his own personal style.He’s used to wearing tight black pants, tho these ones try to imitate leather, and he matches them with a white button up and a turquoise jacket. He looks somehow like a prince. _My prince_ was what Hoseok called him a few times. Finishing the coffee the agent gave him when he arrived, Hyungwon shakes his head and waits for his name to be called. He doesn’t have to wait for long before the same noona who did his makeup leads him to the photographer after giving him some confusing prompts – what was he supposed to do with Christmas lights? It was May already!

Looking up to meet the photographer, Hyungwon realizes he has bigger problems than Christmas lights in May. A bigger problem that’s quite short and just as surprised as him. Out of all photographers in Seoul was Kihyun really the first one he’ll get to work with?

“Fucking great,” Hyungwon mumbles as Kihyun extends his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun and Hyungwon working together? well this will be fun


	19. Slice of carrot cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was more sure by each passing second that Kihyun was an energetic vampire who feeds off his negative energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the lack of updates this weekend, hopefully this chapter makes up for it.

There’s an awkward silence and heavy tension between them as the girl gives them a weird look. Hyungwon looks at Kihyun’s extended hand blankly, his nose scrunching up slightly in disgust. The photographer slowly lets it down when he realizes he’s not going to get a handshake from the model and asks politely the makeup artist to leave so the two of them could have a word alone. She does so without much of a fight and Hyungwon’s mask drops immediately, showing his clear opinion about working with Kihyun.

“When they said low-profile I didn’t think it was so bad they hire shitty photographers,” his voice is even and drenched in sarcasm, which doesn’t surprised Kihyun at all. After all, Hyungwon is known to look down on everyone else and treat them as if he was so mighty and superior. He tries to stay calm and not have an outburst just for Hoseok’s sake. He was sure if he and Hyungwon had a big ass fight, he’d be blamed for it and Hoseok won’t be too happy about it. They barely talked as it is and only when he printed those photo cards out for him. He couldn’t risk his chances again.

“I refuse to work in these conditions.” Of course, Hyungwon would act like a spoiled brat instead of taking responsibility and behaving like he was expected to. Kihyun knew the model hates him, it was an easy guess, and he can’t say the feeling is not mutual. But at least Kihyun had a legit reason for it, Hyungwon was the one who stole Hoseok from him. Hyungwon was the one who broke his best friend’s heart and Kihyun treated him just like he deserved to be treated.

Kihyun was sure Hyungwon didn’t know who actually created the cards he received and that made him feel even more bitter about the whole thing. Hoseok should send those cards to him, not to this stick with fish lips. He still couldn’t see the dancer’s point of view, why he would give up on them for someone like Hyungwon. Someone cold and unable to love, someone who didn’t seem to be too affected by the breakup. Someone who would leave Hoseok.

Even when they had fights, Kihyun came around, apologized and they managed to patch up the crack together. Maybe at a point one crack became too many, the biggest one being his scholarship and departure for Paris. Still, Kihyun was a selfish man. And he wanted Hoseok back. And god damn it, he’ll try everything for that, even if it means working with Hyungwon in a peaceful atmosphere.

“Look. I hate this as much as you but let’s both act professional and get it over with,” Kihyun mumbles loud enough for only him and Hyungwon to hear. The black haired guy scoffs and looks around the room to see if he can spot the agent and ask him for another photographer. Seeing Kihyun’s ugly face was not something he could deal with after bumping into Hoseok just earlier today. And now _he_ was giving him lectures about being professional on the set? Unbelievable. The universe must be out to get him. “Just stay there and try to look pretty and I’ll do all the hard work. We both want this photoshoot to come out fine, right?”

Hyungwon throws the nastiest glare he can muster in Kihyun’s direction, insulted beyond comparison by being told to ‘just stay there and try to look pretty’. Who was this midget to tell him how to model? He moves on to the set and sits down on the bench in the middle, but doesn’t give up searching for the agent. There must be a way for them to switch his photographer right? They seemed desperate enough to get him to model, so perhaps with the right words he’ll manage to accomplish this. But the agent is nowhere to be found, typical behavior, so Hyungwon glances down at the Christmas lights still in his hands then at Kihyun waiting for some stupid suggestion from his part.

Kihyun doesn’t disappoint. “How about you wrap them around you?” the shorter guy proposes, looking through the viewfinder of his camera at Hyungwon’s pissed off face. The tall model does nothing but cross his arms expectantly, waiting for Kihyun to take this shoot seriously. Here he was talking about professionalism and then he suggests such a silly thing. “I’m serious,” Kihyun frowns when Hyungwon makes no move to obey his indications. He steps closer until he’s within reach and grabs the light installation. “You’re really useless.”

Hyungwon keeps glaring at Kihyun, but lets him wrap the string around his body until he looks like some blue Christmas tree. In freaking May. Kihyun steps back to admire his work and gives Hyungwon a satisfied smirk, mocking his silly attire. “You said to just stay here and look pretty no? Can’t blame me for doing what I was told, photographer,” Hyungwon spits back and feels better when he sees Kihyun’s eyebrow twitch. Without another word, the two get on with the shooting. A case snaps shut and the strip of an expensive camera finds the familiar way around Kihyun’s neck. The light weight feels natural, like another limb attached to his body. This is what he was born to do. Hyungwon plays around with the lights wrapped around himself while Kihyun circles him and takes photographs from all kind of angles. As much as he hates to say it, Hyungwon must acknowledge he kinda missed the spotlight. He was more or less born for it after all.

Despite their bickering, they worked well together. Hyungwon was a natural model so Kihyun didn’t have to shout suggestions for every damn photo regarding how he should pose, while Kihyun was a talented photographer who managed to capture Hyungwon’s beauty even if it was hard for the model to admit it. Hyungwon is sent back to change his clothes while Kihyun works with another model. When he returns in a white suit with a black shirt underneath, Kihyun starts chuckling out of the blue and Hyungwon wonders if this is the moment when the photographer admits he is actually a psycho. Took him long enough.

“Ah, sorry. Just that Hoseok-hyung’s hoodie was the same color last night, but he was laughing so hard that he got it all dirty with pasta sauce. Quite a mess, it’ll take me awhile to get it clean.” Hyungwon’s heart stopped beating for a second. Hoseok and Kihyun had dinner together. Hoseok and Kihyun had a lot more judging by the short guy’s happy grin. Somehow, this is what he had expected since their breakup, but it still hurt him like a wall of bricks just fell on his face. And Hoseok was still trying to convince him of his love? This made no sense. How could he be such a two faced person?

He keeps quiet for the rest of the photoshoot, not like he talked a lot beforehand. But now he had to physically restrain himself from punching that stupid grin of Kihyun’s ugly mutt. They keep the silent death glare contest without breaking a sweat and the rest of the staff start talking among themselves, even making bets on who will crack first and attack the other, if Hyungwon heard right. He was more sure by each passing second that Kihyun was an energetic vampire who feeds off his negative energy. At least the photo shooting was going smoothly and, surprisingly, they managed to finish it all in one hour.

 “Okay all done,” Kihyun concludes, covering the lens of his camera and putting it away in his bag safely. “Sorry I have to cut it short, but I still have to go shopping for the movie night. Hoseok gets all grumpy bunny when he doesn’t get his salty popcorn and strawberries." Hyungwon felt each word as another stab in his heart while his eyes fell on the bunny Hoseok got for him. He feels so stupid right now for carrying it around. Even more so since Hoseok saw him doing it. What was he even thinking, secretly hoping that he might have cared about him, that their relationship actually meant something. Clearly not, if he ran back to Kihyun first chance he got. Except it wasn’t quite first chance and that confused Hyungwon to no end.

After biding goodbye to the agent and the rest of the staff, Hyungwon and Kihyun exit the studio together, to the model’s eternal annoyance. To make things worse, satan himself turns towards him with a little smirk on his face and Hyungwon just _knows_ he’s about to say something that will make his blood boil. “I’m glad you’re okay with the situation now. After all, it was to be expected for Hoseok to return home eventually. Despite being a lying piece of shit who cheated on Minhyuk, I hope you’ll find someone too one day.”

Hyungwon has had _enough_. He was going to punch Kihyun into the next Sunday. He clenches his fists instead, very aware of the fact that despite his short height, Kihyun might be stronger than him since he had such a weak physique. “Weird that Hoseok returned to you so quickly, yet he’s still trying to get back together with me, don’t you think?” If words could actually hold venom, Kihyun would have collapsed long ago. He seems completely unaffected by the bitterness in Hyungwon’s voice and even lets out a dry chuckle before their eyes meet in yet another glaring contest.

“You know he’s feeling bad about the whole situation, hooking up with you while I was away and leading you on. When he asked me to make those postcards to show you he's really sorry about making the wrong choices, I was against it. I've told him it could give you the wrong idea like it clearly has, but he insisted on it. His own way of apologizing for the mess and hoping you could become friends again one day.”

Hyungwon almost drops his bag on the ground and his eyes widen slightly, shocked to find out Kihyun knew about the cards – _Kihyun was the one making them_. He felt betrayed that Kihyun was able to see such a raw view of his relationship with Hoseok. He felt nauseous and sick Hoseok would do such a thing to him. “Wontokki has such a big heart and lots of love to give, that’s why some people like you might take him for granted. But that won’t happen anymore since I’m back for good."

Before the model could reply, Kihyun gets into a cab and disappears on the streets of Seoul, going to buy snacks for the movie night with Hoseok, if Hyungwon is to believe him. He walks home at a rather slow pace, too afraid to be in a place that reminded him so much of his ex-boyfriend. On one hand, he knows Kihyun is a snake and it wouldn’t be beyond him to make up such far-fetched stories. On the other, Hyungwon has absolutely no reason not to trust him and to believe in Hoseok’s innocence. There were a million reasons that made their love story impossible after all. They met in a very unconventional way. They are both too tangled up in dramas with their exes at the moment. Hoseok and Kihyun were technically still together while he and Hyungwon met. He caught them kissing once. He caught Hoseok admitting his real feelings to Kihyun.

Then what was stopping him from shoving the past months under the rug and completely whipping Hoseok out of his life? Such questions bother him for a long way, until Hyungwon passes by Momo café and he almost steps in, but, how ironic, he notices Hoseok and Hyesun talking. He’s definitely not in the mood to see the blond up close again in the same day. Or ever again. Why can’t he just go and hibernate for a few months or something? Take a break from all this shitty drama. Bears had an easy life. Hyungwon envies them.

When he reaches his apartment complex, the sight of yet another thing in his mailbox angers him more than it should. He was outraged with Hoseok’s behavior. He regretted leading him on? Didn’t seem like it with all the small gestures that suggested otherwise. Maybe Hoseok was just terribly dumb. Hyungwon doesn’t understand why he bothers to read the message behind the new photo, one with Hyungwon holding their failed ramen experiment with the caption ‘ _I miss trying to cook ramen with you_ ’. He almost rips it in half immediately when he gets a better idea and turns around to head out to the closest post office. He doesn’t hesitate when he crosses Hoseok’s message and scribbles his own ‘ _Not interested_ ’ above it, nor when he gives it to the employee there saying he wants to return it to the sender’s address, earning some raised eyebrows.

After he finally reaches his home with some takeout this time, he asks Changkyun to send him a phone number he had long deleted from his contacts – he didn’t hit up the wrong number again. He’s a bit more than unsure about this decision, but remembering how Kihyun had acted all day with him makes him press the call button. Hyungwon doesn’t quite expect an answer, but after three rings he gets one.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Hey, Minhyuk. It’s Hyungwon, listen. “

…

Running into Hyungwon at the salon was definitely the highlight of Hoseok’s day. Or week. Or past weeks. They haven’t seen each other in so long and just being able to admire his face was enough to fill Hoseok’s heart with love and happiness. Hyungwon looked especially good today, perhaps he was going to some event. The dancer’s heart sinks a bit as the thought of Hyungwon having a date crosses his mind, but he tries to dismiss it quickly even when he remembers Hyungwon’s post from a few days ago. But he was carrying the little wontokki plushie, that must mean something right?

Maybe Hyungwon was willing to consider his feelings. Hoseok just wants a chance to be friends again right now, to be able to hang out with Hyungwon, to talk with him freely, to watch stupid dramas together and laugh over it. To bring him to his dance practice room, to show him the choreography he made for him, to try and cook him dinner. He wants to hug and kiss his face, to tell him just how much he loves him. But perhaps, their biggest mistake was rushing things. So he takes it slow, trying to show Hyungwon that their relationship had been far from only a sexual one. He truly loves the taller poet and misses him so much it hurts. He’s trying to focus on the small plushie Hyungwon had with him, and hope blossoms in his heart. Hope for a second chance.

After bumping into him, Hoseok heads to Momo café, too happy to miss telling his mother what just happened. He kisses the top of his chaebugi plushie before pushing the glass doors. The café was once again empty. It became a familiar sight for Hoseok, and it worried him more and more each time. He decides not to bring up his problems with Hyungwon for now, not when this situation was more pressing at the moment. Hyesun greets him cheerily as always, hugging him tight and kissing his cheeks affectionately. Hoseok hugs her back tightly, trying to convey at least some of the love he carries for his mother. With a worried tone, he asks quietly, “Eomeonie? Why is it so quiet here?”

She quickly looks away, pretending to clean up the shelves in the display window, after taking the delicious treats and putting them in the fridge to serve them later. Hoseok knows this habit of hers, to clean up the same spot a few times, she used to do it a lot in their small card box apartment when they were little, after his father died. Years later, Hoseok realized she was struggling with depression, completely understandable when you’re suddenly left as a single mom of two growing boys. He still doesn’t know how he could repay her for all the sacrifices she had made for him and his brother, for her blood, sweat and tears spent on bringing them up. Guilt still follows him around for his rebellious days when he was an angsty teen and used to cause trouble, causing his mother a lot of pain and sleepless night when she worried about him.

 “Ah, it’s just working hours Hoseokkie. People don’t come for coffee at this hour.” They both know she was lying since the place used to be bustling with people at this time of the day a few months ago. The dancer thinks about the worst case scenario, he always does in such situations. His mother could lose the café if she isn’t able to pay the rent and other bills, not to mention the bank loan. Those sharks always sent threatening letters if they miss the deadline for the month. He wonders how many letters his mother received and he hadn’t had the slightest idea about it.

“Are you sure? How are you handling the expenses?” His mother sighs quietly, she knows there’s no used trying to hide indefinitely from her son this messy situation, but she had tried not to make him worried until now, especially since she knows about his approaching exams. He needs to at least finish his studies before he even thinks to help her out somehow. She serves him with a slice of carrot cake, something she didn’t make quite often, rather kept it for when they were going through rough times and her two boys needed some cheering up. Hoseok eyes it warily but doesn’t move to take a bite. “I have some savings, if you need urgent money for the bills. I’ll find a solution, I promise, just tell me how bad it is.”

Taking her hand in his own, Hoseok notices how dry and roughened up they were. His mother must have been overworking herself all this time, while he was pursuing his dream and that made him tear up from guilt. How could he have been so blind to the suffering of the most precious person in his life? Hyesun pulls him in her loving embrace once again, like Hoseok was the one who needed solace and not her. His mother is an angel and Hoseok wishes he could repay at least a third of all the good she has offered to this world. “Don’t cry my sweet kid. It’s gonna be all fine, alright? We’re gonna get through this together.” He nods against her shoulders and holds on tightly to her warm figure.

After they both calm down and share the slice of cake, together with two mugs of ‘momma’s hot chocolate’, Hyesun hesitantly allows Hoseok to go through the café’s bills and letters from the bank for the past months, her chest aching as she sees the color fading from his face until he was all white like a ghost. “It’s fine, we can still work it out for a few weeks, so please focus on your degree for now, alright sweetheart?”

Hoseok nods slowly, although not too convinced. He can’t believe he hadn’t aware of just how bad the situation at Momo café was. But at the same time, he knows his mother is right, as always – although also really selfless. He has just a bit more until he’ll be able to graduate and once the show is done next week, he only has to wait for the academic year to end so he’ll receive his diploma. He still promises his mom to start working at least part time and with no salary at Momo from tomorrow. After what feels like decades, he spends the night over in the small apartment he grew up in, helping his mom with dinner and even cleaning up a bit the bedroom he used to share with his brother.

He stumbles over his old rusty teddy bear and despite it being covered by a thick layer of dust, Hoseok still hugs it tightly to sleep, after covering his mother with a blanket when he noticed she was already asleep on the extensible couch in the living. Before he closes his eyes, he doesn’t forget to text Hyungwon.

‘ _I’m really happy I got to see you today. you look really good with black hair Hyungwonnie. I hope you had a good day. good night for now! I miss you and I love you xx’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love our dear hamster, please don't hate him too much xD


	20. Ma baby, I miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here he is, sitting in what used to be his and Minhyuk’s favorite diner, over four months since their troublesome breakup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title inspired by the masterpiece Miss you from the Beautiful album. This is a double in size than the usual chapter, nonetheless, enjoy this rollercoaster! and beware, you might need tissues.

Changkyun hasn’t stopped spazzing Hyungwon with questions about his request ever since the older had asked him to give him Minhyuk’s phone number. And it was somewhat understandable, considering the situation they were in and the pretty recent events, such as their failed hangout followed by his breakup with Hoseok. Honestly, their latest conversations in the past couple of months haven’t been what you’d call civil, either jumping at each other’s throats or subtly attacking the other’s weak points.

Yet, here he is, sitting in what used to be his and Minhyuk’s favorite diner, over four months since their troublesome breakup. Hyungwon hadn’t set foot inside the local ever since and the familiarity and warm atmosphere of it, they felt all too bittersweet. The place was actually really close to the daycare center Minhyuk worked at, so they agreed over the phone to meet up here so they could have a talk face to face. He’s surprised that Minhyuk accepted it so easily, no questions asked and no salty words thrown his way. It reminded Hyungwon of the times when they were friends and he was feeling too sad to stay alone so Minhyuk came to visit him. It reminded him of the times Minhyuk just knew that he should keep quiet and cuddled Hyungwon without bugging him to talk about what’s bothering him.

Minhyuk, despite his loud and sometimes cringing personality, is one of the most loving people he has ever met. He has such a developed nurturing side that came out naturally in moments where somebody needed it, Hyungwon has no doubt that all the children love him a lot. And he really feels bad for all the shit that came between them, he wishes they could have stayed friends instead of ending up like this. He misses having a person like Minhyuk in his life so badly. Their friendship, really, didn’t have many flaws. They fit together really well and enjoyed pranking Changkyun together. Dating had ruined all that. While Minhyuk as a friend was funny and caring, maybe just a bit overwhelming when he was hyper, Minhyuk as a boyfriend had been jealous and clingy and controlling.

He’s still skimming through the menu, although it hasn’t changed one bit and he already knows what he wants to eat whether or not Minhyuk does decide to appear, when he notices the redhead that makes his way inside. Their eyes meet for a second that seems to melt into minutes. Unlike their past confrontations, Hyungwon doesn’t feel tense at the moment. Rather relieved to see that Minhyuk showed up, even a bit hopeful that he’ll listen to him this time and they can solve some of the mess that gathered in the past months. The other boy sits across the table from him, but none say a word until after the waitress brings a menu to Minhyuk as well, one that he doesn’t touch because, just as Hyungwon, he already knows what to order.

“I didn’t expect you to come…” Hyungwon whispers. After the initial eye lock, they both seem to try and avoid it at all costs, like they’d catch fire if it would happen. Head buried deep in his menu, Minhyuk replies uncharacteristically quietly.

“Well, when Prince Chae calls, you have to run to him, isn’t that true?” Ah, there it is. The bitterness that Hyungwon had expected. He wondered where it had disappeared on the phone. Probably Minhyuk was just too shocked to show it. He ignores the salty bite and instead tries to find his next words. Of course, Minhyuk isn’t patient enough, as always. “I don’t know why I came here, to be honest, so just talk already because I don’t really wanna see your face.” That wasn’t quite true though, because, just as Hyungwon, Minhyuk had missed his friend a lot since their breakup. But Hyungwon doesn’t need to know that.

“I’m sorry,” Hyungwon exhales at last and Minhyuk almost drops the menu in his hands, so instead he just grips it tightly and looks up at his ex-boyfriend’s apologetic look. It was a very rare sight for Hyungwon to show what he was feeling and Minhyuk was carefully imprinting every detail of his facial expression in his memory. “I’m sorry that I let you believe I cheated on you. And I know you have no reason to believe that, but it’s really the truth. You…Minhyuk, you know how I feel about my parents’ situation. I’d never do the same mistakes they did.”

They’re disturbed for a second by the waitress who returns to take their orders and Hyungwon recites their usual choices like some rhyme he had learned by heart. Even after she leaves the redhead keeps quiet, taking in the words slowly. It was true that he knew about how Hyungwon’s mother cheated on his father and how that ultimately drove them apart. And he knew Hyungwon had some strong morals and he just wouldn’t cross them. Yet, at the moment and even months later, it seemed like the only logical explanation. He couldn’t comprehend Hyungwon’s behavior changes, nor his lack of response when he brought this up. “You’re right, I don’t believe you.”

This was just the response Hyungwon had expected. He studies Minhyuk’s expression silently, he can see the anger boiling beneath it and probably if they weren’t in public right now, Minhyuk would have shouted a good 20 minutes at him for lying. Hesitantly, Hyungwon tries to explain the situation to his doubtful ex-boyfriend. “It’s just…I was tired of all the fights, you know? You were always checking up on me and it was really damn annoying.”

Minhyuk scoffs loudly at what could have been an insult and his calm and collected mask seems to crack. “That’s only because you were so fucking cold all the damn time, you freaking ice block!” His voice is soaked in loathing and reproach, but Hyungwon knows Minhyuk well enough to read between the lines and see the pain in his words. What he just said isn’t aimed as an insult, rather it expresses what their relationship lacked, what Minhyuk had wished for Hyungwon to offer him.

“I’ve always been like that, you knew that! And you know I don’t express my feelings easily, don’t blame me for it.” Growing up like he had, the middle child forgotten by both parents, Hyungwon learned since he was little to lock up whatever he was feeling and let it build up, not expressing anything unless necessary or he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He knows it’s unhealthy, but this is just something that is hard to get out of. To keep in touch with his own feelings Hyungwon discovered other coping methods, mainly writing whatever passes his mind and whatever stings his heart in lyrics, to pour his blood and tears on the pages he writes.

Minhyuk clenches his fists at Hyungwon’s retort, biting his lip angrily to keep tears from spilling. Hyungwon’s heart crouches at the sight, he always hated it when Minhyuk cried, it made him feel so useless when such a cheery person was down and he was unable to do anything to change that since he’s not good at making others feel better. “Why didn’t you put up a fight when I accused you of cheating then? If you’re honest now, then the Hyungwon I know would have felt so offended he’d have beheaded me for assuming that.”

Hyungwon looks in Minhyuk’s eyes, so raw and sincere in their pain. He reaches over, hand wavering as his thumb wipes a tear that trailed down the redhead’s cheek. Minhyuk freezes at the sudden touch like a deer in highlights and Hyungwon remembers this is the same look he had when they had met after so many months in Hoseok’s kitchen. With a soft voice as if not to break the too intimate atmosphere that laid down between them, he tries to explain his past actions, “I was too shocked to react when you brought it up. I still feel offended that you think I’d do that, by the way.”

The waitress approaches them again with their plates in her hands, but she stops fazed that she’s disturbing such an emotional scene. She leaves their plates on the table and leaves quickly, apologizing with a slight bow for coming in at the wrong moment. After a few sniffles, Hyungwon pulls his hand and Minhyuk wipes the rest of his tears away slowly. He avoids looking at the tall black haired guy across from him, instead, focuses on the freshly delivered food.  He doesn’t touch it though and neither does Hyungwon. After what feels like an eternity, Minhyuk lets out what’s been bothering him. “But you didn’t say anything…”

Hyungwon chooses his next words carefully knowing this is a crucial point. “After you left, I just thought that in the end, it’s easier to let you believe that than explain that I’m just not in love with you anymore and I’d rather we go back to being friends.” The silence between them becomes unbearable until Minhyuk starts chuckling and ends up downright laughing out loud, reminding Hyungwon of how Kihyun reacted yesterday at the photo shoot when he brought up having dinner with Hoseok. Well, these two were best friends after all. Psycho besties, that’s what he used to call them during the time he and Minhyuk date.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, you know that, right?” Minhyuk throws a fry at him that manages to hit Hyungwon’s shirt and dirty it up. The sight makes him laugh louder until he’s choking back on a sob and Hyungwon reaches out on instinct to take his hand in his own. “Do you know how much it hurt me to believe that you threw me away like some used rag?” the slightly older boy asks between cries, covering his face embarrassed to break down like this in their favorite dinner and in front of Hyungwon.

“I’m really sorry for that Minhyukkie…” the tall boy gulps and squeezes Minhyuk’s hand trying to convey his feelings through the simple touch.

Minhyuk shakes his head and tries to stop his tears by taking in deep breaths. He doesn’t let go of Hyungwon’s hand, the familiarity of it all calming him down a little bit. Their eyes meet again and Minhyuk is now convinced of Hyungwon’s honesty. When he is sure his voice won’t crack anymore, Minhyuk says with a tone as leveled and composed as possible. “You should be. You fucking broke my heart, man. I was such a mess when Hyunwoo and I met, I’m still shocked he had the patience to piece me up together.”

There’s a sudden light that takes over Minhyuk’s features as he mentions the name of his boyfriend. Hyungwon is glad he managed to find happiness and despite their bad first impression, he knows that Hyunwoo is a good man who will take care of Minhyuk and treat him right like he deserves. He saw the sparkle in Hyunwoo’s eyes whenever he looked over at the redhead during their hangout, he noticed how his smile only got wider when drunk Minhyuk would sing sappy ballads for him. Even at the pizza parlor, they looked like a married couple who had been together all their life. “It’s obvious that he loves you a lot.”

Minhyuk blinks surprised and Hyungwon wonders why he looks so taken aback by stating such obvious things. He must hear it a lot anyway. “You really think so?” His voice is shaky and quiet and it sounds much deeper like this, it makes Hyungwon wonder if Minhyuk picked up smoking. He hopes not if only for Minhyuk to still be able to shriek in that high-pitched voice of his. He remembers vaguely how Minhyuk (and Changkyun) would always nag and scold him whenever they caught him smoking.

Hyungwon nods immediately to answer Minhyuk’s insecurities. “He looks at you like you’re the most precious thing he ever laid eyes on. Like the sun comes out of your butt,” he says playfully making his old friend laugh loudly and blush at the choice of words. It was true though. Hyungwon remembers how Hyunwoo jumped in, a bit too overprotective, and kicked Hyungwon out of his and Hoseok’s apartment. Sure, he doesn’t like the situation, but the gesture is still admirable like Minhyuk had been some damsel in distress – picturing him wearing a pink dress is disturbingly easy for Hyungwon – while Hyunwoo was his knight in shining armor.

“You mean the same way Hoseok looks at you,” Minhyuk teases but Hyungwon goes rigid at his words. He dips some of his fries that were already turning cold into ketchup and keeps quiet for a few moments, while Minhyuk decides to give in to his growling stomach and attack the tasty burger in his plate.

“You mean the way he looks at Kihyun.” Hyungwon’s voice is bitter and Minhyuk can hear the heartbreak and jealousy behind it. Although he, naturally, had rooted for his best friend and Hoseok to get back together since he knows best just how much they had loved each other in the past and how Kihyun still clung to that memory, the loud boy still can’t deny the fact that ever since Hyungwon came in the picture Hoseok had changed his attitude.

He was deeply in love with the tall poet, that much was obvious. Perhaps Minhyuk had been wrong to try and come between them. While dating Hyungwon, Hoseok had looked his happiest self ever since Minhyuk had known him, as hard as it is to admit something like that considering Hoseok and Kihyun had also dated. Hyungwon’s poem comes in his mind and Minhyuk suddenly feels bad for the couple. Their love was almost palpable and maybe if the circumstances were different Minhyuk would have thought that the two were meant one for the other.

“Well, he used to look at him like that, I can’t deny it. But…I saw the poem you wrote to him,” Minhyuk mentions, studying Hyungwon’s reaction carefully. The other is still rigid and very much pouting – how uncharacteristic for Hyungwon. Kihyun always scolded Minhyuk for being too kind to people who had hurt him in the past, but he can’t help but want to make Hyungwon feel better when he reads the suffering on his face. “I saw the way he looks at it. And I did see the way he looks at you when we all went out. Even if Kihyun was there.”

Hyungwon scoffs not convinced at all. He also saw the way Kihyun casually rested his hand on Hoseok’s knee under the table, he was there when Kihyun sang that fucking love song. He was there when the very next day Hoseok admitted his feelings to Kihyun. “Yeah, well. Doesn’t matter anymore. I and Hoseok are over and he and Kihyun are dating again.” The image of the cheerful photographer at the shooting pops up in his head, taunting him, replaying his words over and over again. Kihyun and Hoseok had dinners and movie nights together now. Kihyun said Hoseok had ‘returned home’.

“ _WHAT_?!” Minhyuk all but screams, making the whole restaurant stare at him as he jumped from his seat, palms hitting the table hard. Hyungwon frowns and despite his urge to scold the other for causing such a fuss, he just gives him a questioning look. After all, Minhyuk knew all there was to know about the short demon’s life, right?

“Kihyun didn’t tell me a thing.”

…

The following day Hoseok spends the whole day over at Momo café and helping his mom, even attracting a few schoolgirls to have some dessert and coffee or tea there by basically modeling in front of the store. His mom scolded him to put on a decent shirt and not hang out with that skimpy sleeveless top, but, in the end, it did bring them some profit so he doesn’t really see the bad part of flaunting his body. He worked hard for it after all. He thinks of what he should write on the next card for Hyungwon as he makes his way back to his own place. Yesterday after seeing him on the street, Hoseok had felt so happy he immediately put another one in Hyungwon’s mailbox. Perhaps he shall drop it tomorrow morning before he goes to practice.

His heart skips a beat and he literally skips the few steps from the door of the apartment complex to his mailbox. He had received something and the thought that it might be from Hyungwon makes a wave of anxious excitement washes over him. There’s a knot in the pit of his stomach as he is met with the card he had sent to Hyungwon yesterday. He doesn’t dare look at it carefully before he’s inside his home, wary of the worst things that could happen. He tries to control his breathing as his hands shakily open the door, fumbling with the keys. His steps carry him to his bedroom, ignoring Hyunwoo making dinner with Minhyuk in the kitchen.

The first thing he notices is how the photo card is slightly ripped in the middle. Did Hyungwon do it or some incompetent mailman? Why did Hyungwon send it back? Unless…

He stops breathing altogether as he sees the words scribbled above his own message. ‘ _Not interested_ ’. It was definitely Hyungwon’s writing, he wouldn’t mistake it for anything in the world. After all, he keeps re-reading his poem every day when he wakes up and in the worst days, when staring at photos with Hyungwon doesn’t help alleviate his pain, he reads it before going to sleep too.

‘ _Not interested_ ’

The words are slowly slipping under his skin and he feels each letter burn his flesh like scorching iron. He started crying as soon as he saw the little rip in the middle and by now it was hard to breathe at all, choking on his salty tears and hyperventilating. Hoseok reaches out towards his phone on instinct, any filter between his brain and any other part of his body being cut with the line that Hyungwon struck his words with. Grabbing his froggie plushie, Hoseok calls the second number on his speed dial, the one right after his mother and hopes he can stop crying just for a minute so he could tell Hyungwon how much he loves him and that he can’t do this anymore. He can’t just stop loving him and be alright with them being apart like this.

This was more than just being in love. Being in love meant wanting to spend every minute of the day with the other person, craving their touch and their presence, wishing for them to always be together and feeling butterflies and happiness at every tender gesture of affection. His feelings went beyond that. Hoseok _loved_ Hyungwon. Hyungwon came first, before anything else. He could put up with their distance right now as much as it hurt, he could give Hyungwon as much time as he needed to think about their relationship and make up his mind. He wanted more than anything for Hyungwon to be happy. He knows that maybe the wisest thing to do is just let Hyungwon go. If they love you truly, they’ll come back, isn’t that the saying? But he isn’t selfless enough for that.

Hoseok has always been, more or less, _fragile_. The slightest change of wind could push him to the ground. And that made him rely on others more than he’d like. Ever since he was little, of course, his rock had been his mother. But that changed when he went through some stupid teenage rebellion stage and made one too many bad decisions, and afterwards, he felt guilty for burdening his mother with such a task. He relied on the closest people to him, be it Hyunwoo, Kihyun in the past or the boys in his dance crew. But he didn’t feel with anyone the connection he has with Hyungwon. Instantly since he saw the tall boy, he felt like he could _trust_ him. Wholeheartedly. And this is what Hoseok did.

Unconsciously, Hyungwon had become his rock in the short time they had known each other. Even when they had that fight, he still felt like he could trust Hyungwon with anything and was willing to give him his heart, no questions asked. Even when doubting his story about his past relationship with Minhyuk, he felt at ease in Hyungwon’s presence, no, he felt like _home_.

 _Your voice made me feel like I finally have a home_. This is what Hyungwon said to him in that grim day. The blonde keeps choking on his sobs, the waterfalls far from closing down anytime soon. He seems to have fallen deaf to the Hyunwoo’s knocks and worried questions of ‘are you okay?’ as he listens to the dull ringing tone echoing in his ears. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to stand getting directly into his voicemail box and being disregarded so coldly. All he wants, all he _needs_ right now is to hear Hyungwon’s angelic voice and –

“ _Hello?_ ” when he eventually picked up, Hyungwon’s voice is cold and blank, not betraying any emotion he might be feeling. It knocks the air out of Hoseok’s lungs straightaway. Instead of calming him down like he had hoped, it only urges his tears to fall faster and his heart to beat even more heretically. The Hyungwon on the phone with him feels so different from the soft poet who wrote about his love for Hoseok.

On the other side of the line, Hyungwon can barely distinguish between the ugly cries Hoseok calling out his name. He hasn’t even looked at the caller’s ID when he picked up and part of him wished he hadn’t answered the call at all. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the dancer is having a panic attack. Despite knowing that he can’t fall into this again, that he can’t let Hoseok get close to him and that the best solution is to avoid him like the plague, his heart still aches too much at the audio scene. “ _Hoseok, please try to calm down. Take short breaths okay? Come on,_ ” to emphasize his words, Hyungwon exaggerates his own breathing and counts along so Hoseok could sync up with him. Thankfully, he does. And after a couple of minutes, Hoseok can breathe somehow normally between small hiccups.

“The c-card. You sent it back.” Hoseok breaks into another fit of cries, his lisp more pronounced than ever, while Hyungwon tries to calm him down again. “I-I mith you tho much Hyungwon. Pleathe, I d-don’t want us to be like thith anymore. I n-need you tho much H-Hyungwonnie and I’m tho, tho thorry for everything. Just…just…” There are even more knocks on his door and he knows Minhyuk and Hyunwoo are worried about him, but he’s thankful he locked it before looking at the photo. Hyungwon is quiet on the other side of the line and it makes Hoseok even more anxious, but the steady and barely perceptible breathing of his (ex-)boyfriend still, paradoxically, has a soothing effect for his heartache.

There’s a long drawn sigh, followed by even more silence and before he can stop himself, Hoseok confesses. “I love you so, so much Hyungwonnie, I feel like I’m about to burst.” A bitter chuckle is finally heard and Hoseok’s heart drops on the floor, shattering into a million tiny pieces. This was it. Hyungwon will try and block him everywhere from now on. There isn’t any chance for him to stay in Hyungwon’s life anymore. Desperate, he quickly adds so Hyungwon won’t feel obliged to anything. “I just want us to stay friends at least.”

His voice cracks in the middle of the sentence, but he knows Hyungwon has heard him loud and clear, even though the words were barely whispered into the phone. The black haired model listens for a while to Hoseok’s sniffles and hiccups, visualizing how he’s sitting on his bed, eyes puffy and cheeks red, a total mess breaking apart. He hates the sight and he hates his weak character even more. Hyungwon can’t believe how easily his mask cracked in front of Hoseok. He tried so hard to stay indifferent to every gesture, to every photo, to every message. His conversation with Minhyuk today though, made him see things slightly different.

“ _Look, I won’t promise that it will happen. Certainly not right now. But after some time, maybe. But me and you, Hoseok. It’s not going to happen again, get it? So please stop trying for that._ ”

Hoseok gulps down the rest of his tears and listens to Hyungwon’s advice. Short breaths. _1,2,3._ Hyungwon was willing to, _maybe_ , be friends again one day. There is still a chance for Hyungwon to stay in his life. He hugs the plushie in his arms tighter and pictures his love holding him like that. He could wait. He loves Hyungwon, and for now, this promise will do.

“O-okay.”


	21. I promise you, I'll wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk decides to do what he feels it's right, but Kihyun is too stubborn.  
> Hoseok is not as good as Hyungwon when it comes to poetry. Good thing we have Momma Shin's advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new poem ahead!

After the catharsis moment, known as the lunch with Hyungwon, Minhyuk headed to Hyunwoo’s apartment where his boyfriend was awaiting. He had given him a warning beforehand about his plans for the day and despite initially opposing the idea, then insisting on coming along, Hyunwoo eventually gave in and didn’t say anything else about Minhyuk and Hyungwon meeting up, just that if the latter was an asshole to his cute sunshine, then all Minhyuk has to do is to call him and Hyunwoo will be over in a couple of minutes.

The meeting left the future nursery teacher exhausted. He cried more than he had in the past months and while it brought a lot of emotional relief to finally see Hyungwon’s perspective and he felt at peace, at last, it also took a lot out of him. Hyunwoo welcomes him with open arms and Minhyuk melts in the warmth of his embrace. After a few short, but loving kisses, the redhead offers his boyfriend a sum up of his lunch with Hyungwon. The dancer doesn’t seem completely surprised by the revelations, unlike what Kihyun will surely be later, and, somehow expectantly, says he agrees with whatever decision Minhyuk will take.

They cooked dinner together, waiting for Hoseok to return – Hyunwoo said the other had spent the previous night over at his mother’s for some reason. And after talking with Hyungwon and seeing the raw pain and all the love he carries for Hoseok, well, he started feeling a bit guilty. For getting between them and for encouraging Kihyun to do the same instead of telling his best friend to move on. So he sets on trying to make the best ramen he can, with the help of Hyunwoo. Sadly, both suck at cooking. Even worse, Hoseok comes home in a rush, completely ignoring them and locking himself up in his bedroom. The couple shares a worried look but give the other dancer some space, until they hear his obviously loud crying and rush over to check up on him.

“I think he’s talking with somebody…” Hyunwoo whispers after a couple of minutes filled by heavy silence. Minhyuk tries to eavesdrop, but all he catches are bits and pieces that make no sense. Hoseok’s lisp didn’t make it any easier to decipher what he was up to. But whoever was on the other line – and Minhyuk had a vague guess about it – seemed to have calmed Hoseok, since they could barely hear any sobs or sniffles. They keep knocking on his door and invite him to eat ramen together, but Hoseok doesn’t bother to reply. Eventually, they head to bed, leaving Hoseok to his own and cold ramen forgotten in the kitchen.

First thing in the morning after taking a shower with Hyunwoo, Minhyuk goes over to Kihyun’s apartment, ready to knock some sense into his small hamster brain. He’s not surprised that the shorter guy is awake at such an early hour on a Saturday. Kihyun was weird like that. Minhyuk is met with raised eyebrows as he makes his way into his best friend’s kitchen and starts looking through his cupboard and fridge with no shame. “Aha!” he shouts out when he eventually finds Kihyun’s secret stash of cereal. _Perfect_.

“Would you mind telling me now why you came to steal my cereal this early when you could have stayed home with your boyfriend?” Kihyun crosses his arms and leans against the doorway, his eyebrow twitching uncontrollably. If he hated one thing it was when people were looking through his stuff, even when he had nothing to hide he felt like his privacy was violated. Besides, he was busy at the moment, working on the stupid photoshoot with that ugly, totally not handsome at all, ex of Hoseok’s. And of Minhyuk’s. He tends to forget that detail lately.

“I had lunch with Hyungwon yesterday,” Minhyuk hums, as though he just announced the weather forecast. Kihyun’s eyes widen ridiculously at the cheery statement and he wonders where is the rage that was supposed to come out of Minhyuk. Surely, there couldn’t have been any peaceful dialogue between the two ex-boyfriends who just a few weeks ago couldn’t stand sitting a few seats from one another. Minhyuk, despite his sunny personality, was very keen to holding grudges for years. Kihyun remembers how the other hated a barista for a whole term because he wrote ‘Minkyun’ instead of Minhyuk on his coffee cup. The poor guy escaped Minhyuk’s glare just when he quit his job. “And we need to make up to him.”

“ _Excuse me?_!” Kihyun hisses and glares at his friend, taking the bowl of cereal from his hand and putting it away. Minhyuk loses any cereal rights if he suggests such delusional things. Make up to Hyungwon? For what exactly, responding to his assholeness in the same manner? Minhyuk just calmly reaches for the bowl again and Kihyun is too stunned to stop him. He pinches himself to see if this is all just some well elaborated bad dream. In moments like these, Kihyun wishes he had a spinning top. Maybe he watched _Inception_ one too many times.

“You heard me. We made a mistake Kihyun, we shouldn’t have gotten between Hyungwon and Hoseok.” The brunet photographer looks at him like he grew a third head. It was official, Minhyuk smoked some pot and was as high as a kite now. Definitely that. He scoffs disappointed at his best friend, really, he thought that after that pool party in their first year in college Minhyuk would be done with such things. He goes back to the living room at his makeshift desk that his coffee table had become, where his camera rests next to his laptop and printer. Minhyuk follows close on his heels and the photographer hears his friend choke – probably he just noticed the photo of Hyungwon on his screen. He was in the process of editing the lighting slightly, tho the shooting went so well, and as much as he hates to admit it Hyungwon is a talented natural model, he barely has to do much work to make the photos look good.

“Hyungwon…started modeling again?” Minhyuk whispers and pushes Kihyun away to get a look for himself at the shots. His mouth hangs slightly ajar while he scrolls through the photos on the hard disk. Hyungwon came out looking like some kind of fairy prince with those lights and Kihyun mentally pats himself on the back for such a brilliant idea. He was sure another photographer wouldn’t have thought of it nor would he have taken such artistic pictures. “Wow,” Minhyuk exhales and tears his eyes away with difficulty, turning to meet eyes with his friend. “Still. We have to make up to Hyungwon. He didn’t cheat Kihyun, we judged him too harshly. I judged him too harshly. And his relationship with Hoseok was none of our business.”

Kihyun scoffs in disbelief. “He denied cheating? Shocker. Not. Maybe you want to believe their relationship was none of your business, but it was one hundred percent mine. Need I remind you, me and Hoseok were on a break?” He turns back to his computer. _Image_ \- _Adjustments - Curves_. Drag it up a bit in the blue channel. Save. Repeat.

“Oh, give _me_ a break. Seriously Kihyun. Do I need to remind you of that French painter you met in Lyon?” Minhyuk’s voice is harsh and merciless. Kihyun flinches at the tone, the _hyung_ voice that Minhyuk uses only when he thinks Kihyun is in the wrong, which – mind you – doesn’t happen often, if at all. He curses himself for telling Minhyuk about that guy he ended up making out with after a bit too much champagne. In his defense, it had been a one-time thing. And it’s not that it bothers him that Hoseok slept with somebody else while he was gone. But he had expected him to return immediately when Kihyun returned.

“Hyungwon can hide his emotions very well. He was part of the drama club in high school. But he couldn’t have faked it, Kihyun. If you would have seen him, you’d know that too.” Perhaps it is so, still, the shorter guy didn’t like Hyungwon one bit. And he still had no idea what to believe regarding his fidelity towards Minhyuk. Anyway, that was Minhyuk’s problem and it’s not like his friend considers getting back together with the model so he doesn’t have to hold some speech about how Hyungwon can’t be trusted. The fast pace Minhyuk got over his spite was still quite surprising. It’s almost like it had been whipped with a sponge and replaced once again with the caring attitude that was so characteristically Minhyuk.

“You gotta let go Kihyun. Hoseok is not coming back.” For days on end, Kihyun had been haunted by that thought. He is very aware of its certainty. He knew it the moment Hoseok asked him to print those photo cards and saw the devotion and love the blond carried for the tall model. Jealousy doesn’t even begin to describe what he felt in that moment. He longed for that kind of intimacy, he longed for Hoseok’s tender, gentle side. He longed to be cared for and appreciated.

It was easy for Minhyuk to talk like this. He had Hyunwoo now. Yes he had suffered for about a month after Hyungwon and he broke up and Kihyun was there (virtually) to hear about his struggle to get up from bed, about him pouting at every dog on the street and about how he teared up when he saw happy couples holding hands. It was actually Kihyun’s doing, how his best friend and the dancer met.

At that point his schedule was still free enough to keep in touch with both Hoseok and his roommate, who he befriended during the time he and the blond had dated. And along the way after one too many breakdowns on Minhyuk’s side of Skype, Kihyun had asked the two dancers to check up on the back then silver haired boy. Checking up turned into checking out and thus, Kihyun gets the short notice of Hyunwoo being Minhyuk’s new boyfriend sometime after New Year’s Eve.

But Kihyun didn’t have his own Hyunwoo. He was all alone and bitter and jealous of how Hyungwon got Hoseok so easily. “Your relationship wasn’t perfect, as much as you try to see it like that. It’s just the nostalgia talking, you know?” Minhyuk’s voice was much softer now, as if he were talking with a fragile toddler, explaining him elementary things. And probably he was explaining a pretty basic notion, but Kihyun blocked it all out focusing instead on getting his work down. Eventually, Minhyuk got tired of talking to the walls and left, making sure his friend saw how disappointed he is.

…

 

After he managed somehow to drag his ass early to the practice rooms to perfect his solo choreography with even more desperation than before until he moved on to monitor his team’s progress, Hoseok crawls to Momo café to start his noon shift. He frowns when he notices the shop was once again empty, despite it being lunch time. His mom hugs him like always, but he feels how she hesitates for a second. Hyesun smelled him immediately.

“Shin Hoseok!” using his full name was never a good thing and the dancer winces already, preparing himself for the scolding he’s about to receive. He hasn’t been in this position for quite a few years, but he recognizes the raised voice in an instant. “Why do you smell like cigarettes?”

To be honest, Hoseok left smoking along with his partying days, where he irresponsibly ignored his school duties and focused instead on doing many things that are more than questionable. He doesn’t open that door anymore. But when he passed a small newspaper kiosk on his way and saw Hyungwon’s brand of choice, he bought a pack without even thinking. He took the longer road with a small stop in a park less visited where he smoked on a bench, hidden by the trees. The taste reminded him of Hyungwon and his morning coffee.

For a second, he pictured the taller boy doing the exact same thing as himself, perhaps on his balcony or maybe sitting in a café on the campus with Changkyun or some other friend. It didn’t help him much, of course, but the burning sensation in his throat gave him something else to think about besides Hyungwon’s words.   _Me and you, Hoseok. It’s not going to happen again, get it?_

“I...eomeonie, me and Hyungwon are done for good. I kept sending him photos with small messages on the back, like how I miss his smile or his hugs. And he sent me back the last one and wrote on top of it that he’s not interested. And… and, I called him, eomma. His voice…” he gulps down the tears that form again in the corner of his eyes, how the waterfalls always manage to start no matter how many times he cries is beyond him. “He said that maybe one day we’ll be friends again but nothing else.”  

Hyesun holds her son close, rubbing soothing circles into his tense back. Hoseok leans on his mother for support, relaxing in her warm embrace. The feel of her heartbeat close to him seemed to calm down some of his nerves, but not all. After grabbing some slices of cake – Hoseok notices it’s carrot cake again - she makes them sit down on the small couch next to the wall and Hoseok knows this is one of those mama stories time, where he’s supposed to learn a lesson through an allegory. "Do you remember your father’s sister?” after a short nod from Hoseok, Hyesun goes on while motioning for her son to eat the dessert.

“She used to have this friend who was deeply in love with her when I met your father. And he wrote her love letters, sent her flowers every single day and begged her to give him a chance. He told her he loved her in all colors and always made sure she remembers it. Despite everything, she never gave in. You know why?” Hoseok stops eating and shakes his head. This wasn’t giving him much hope at all, on the contrary, it just brought out a dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach. Hyesun hands him a cup of green tea and he takes it gladly as she continues the story about his aunt.

“Because he didn't give her room to breathe,” his mother answers in a wistful voice. “He didn't give her space to miss him and let _her_ be the one to come to him. He was crushing her with his feelings without even noticing it.” Hoseok pales. Is that what he’s been doing to Hyungwon as well? Smothering him with his clingy affection gestures? “You know, looking back on it now, it is quite a sad thing because I think they could have become happy together. He was her friend first, so the roots were there. Do you know what I'm trying to tell you here Wontokki?”

Hoseok keeps quiet, looking in his cup of tea for answers. If only he could find any. He thinks of the way Hyungwon might have felt pressured after their first fight, how his reserved attitude that followed could be a result of all of Hoseok’s insistence. His ‘ _not interested_ ’ comment might be after all another reaction to all the things Hoseok spammed him with. Hyesun offers him her kind gentle smile, the one that always reminded the dancer where his home was. “You were his love first, now try to be his friend and let those roots find a way to make themselves home.”

Their chat is cut shortly after that with the sight of their first customers for the day. Hoseok goes and takes their order while his mother watches him with the same warm smile plastered on her face. She strongly believes her son will manage to solve his problems with Hyungwon. Love always finds a way.

…

Long after Minhyuk left him alone, Kihyun finds himself being summoned – well not summoned like a demon, of course, just invited to come – for chicken dinner. Yoo Kihyun is not the type of man who says no to chicken, thus twenty minutes later he approaches a small restaurant nearby Changkyun’s dorm, which he visits more and more frequent nowadays. He still can’t comprehend what makes him enjoy the younger kid’s presence, especially considering the circle he’s hanging out with. But they fell into a comfortable hyung-dongsaeng relationship, having dinner together once a week, having coffee together sometimes – he has to admit he really enjoys Changkyun’s ice coffee and talking with him about whatever.

He doesn’t go inside yet, rather admires through the glass screen Changkyun’s form. There was something in his posture – resting his face in the palm of his hand, eyes lost looking somewhere far away – that makes a word pop up in his mind. _Lonely_. Changkyun seems to be so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t notice Kihyun still looking at his figure a couple of minutes later, nor does he bat an eye at the phone camera Kihyun hides behind.

The photographer suddenly remembers his final assignment, a theme meant to seem easy in order to trick students into choosing obvious options: contrast. Kihyun was sure that most of his classmates will fill the gallery with black & white shots, but he didn’t want to be like the rest. He wanted something eye-catching, something that makes people leave with a strong impression. Changkyun, the short photographer concludes, as he makes his way towards their table, is very photogenic.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting for so long your soul left your body,” he says as he slides into Changkyun’s booth. The younger’s cheeks color into a rosy shade from the embarrassment of being caught spacing out. It was a habit Kihyun had noticed before. Changkyun easily pulls him into a relaxed conversation about their whereabouts and the short brunet doesn’t know if he should mention the collaboration with Hyungwon. In the end, he keeps quiet, it’s not his place to tell Changkyun what his friend has or has not been doing. They don’t talk about other people anyway, rather sharing personal – but not too personal – stories between bites of delicious fried chicken. As they got used to, after dinner the two walk through a park nearby the campus, stopping every so often for Kihyun to admire some statue or for Changkyun to point out squirrels.

“Hey, Changkyun-ah.” The younger perks up at the friendly appellative. “Can you pose for me right there?” the other asks as he holds up his phone since he didn’t think it was necessary to carry his camera over for dinner. Also, the photos with Hyungwon were still on the card and Changkyun might have come across them if he wanted to look at Kihyun’s latest shooting.

 _Did Kihyun just ask me to pose?_ Changkyun awkwardly shifts his body into an unnatural pose like he had seen at those models in magazines or on the runway. It brings out a loud laughter from Kihyun that just makes the younger pout like a puppy (that he was). Shaking his head and smiling softly at his dongsaeng, Kihyun tries again. “Not like that. Just stay like you would if you were to walk alone and stopped to admire the view.”

That, Changkyun can do. His posture instantly relaxes and he looks up at the trees, trying to count how many birds or squirrels he can find while Kihyun takes photos of him. He tries to smother the butterflies in his stomach that always seem to burst out of their cocoons whenever his hyung was close. A small flush creeps on his cheeks from all the attention he’s getting. Kihyun ends up taking many more photos of Changkyun and promises to send them later when he gets home.

Being the good hyung he is, Kihyun even walks Changkyun back to his dorm, teasing him when he hesitates to go upstairs since his roommates might be in a compromising position. “Then use it to blackmail them,” Kihyun smirks mischievously making the black haired student chuckle amused, his dimples showing up and greeting the photographer with their cuteness. When he heads back to his own apartment, Kihyun still has those dimples in his mind, dancing with the thought of asking Changkyun to be the model for his final project.  

…

Hyesun hums a cheery song that she heard on the radio as she finishes cleaning up the café. The day hadn’t been that profitable, but they were still somewhat afloat so there was no need to worry too much at the point. Hoseok left a bit earlier since he was pretty tired – she told him there’s no need for him to work shifts at Momo while he’s still busy getting a degree, or that he should focus on his studies first, but he was just as stubborn as his late father had been.

A wide smile grazed her tired features as she finds a napkin on the counter where Hoseok sat just short to an hour ago. Her eyes dance over the mellow words scribbled on it. She decides it’s too beautiful to throw away – not like she’d ever throw away something her sons have made – so she goes in what’s supposed to be her office that serves more as a deposit room, and returns with a frame that used to protect her late husband’s portrait. She’s just going to get another one for him, but for now, Hyesun’s task is to hang in the napkin poem for everyone to be witness to her son’s love. For Hyungwon to be able to see it as well.

…

_I miss the little smile_

_That adorns your sleepy face_

_And the way sun shines_

_When you glance my way._

_I miss napping in your arms_

_And making you coffee,_

_The way you hold me close_

_When the film gets scary._

_I miss your cute voice -_

_The way you call my name,_

_How you shy away_

_Whenever I kiss your neck._

_Even if it takes an eternity_

_For you to come back,_

_My love, I promise you, I'll wait._

_S.H._ _❤_ _C.H._

 

 


	22. Color me blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not what either of them truly want, but it's what they need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from Troye Sivan's song Blue (thank you Kat for showing it to me <3)

For the next couple of days, Hoseok ends up almost forgetting to text Hyungwon at all. He’s been so busy practicing his hardest with the deadline closing in on him and then working his shifts at Momo that when he got back home he was a goner once his body hits the mattress. His 5 a.m. alarm clock became his worst enemy and as the days passed he seriously felt the increasing need to cry when he woke up. The few times he sent Hyungwon a short message that lacked the clinginess of the others and safely stayed on the “just friends” side, he was pleasantly surprised to be receiving answers. Short, truthfully, but they were answers. So, in the end, Hyungwon was willing to at least be buddies.

Of course, everything was bittersweet for the dancer and his feelings didn’t change one bit over the course of the few days since he had that panic attack with Hyungwon on the phone. He still loves him just as deeply, but thanks to his mother’s insight he realized now that he might have taken the wrong approach to fix their conflict. He’s not about to give up on Hyungwon, no matter how long it takes or how impossible it looks for them to be together again at the moment. He'll do anything to make Hyungwon stay.

No more crying and whining and letting his fragile heart on display. It’s time to man up. He’ll prove to his lover that he can be somebody trustworthy, reliable, on whom Hyungwon can lean on when he’s in need. He wants to become the man Hyungwon dreams of, the man he deserves. But, at the same time, he still has to help his mother overcome the crisis that averted over at Momo café. After he’ll be done with the show he’ll talk at the company to work extra hours, maybe he’ll be able to train the new coming kids and help them become better dancers.

Today his mom insisted he rest though, so after his usual 8 hours in the practice room, Hoseok doesn’t quite know what to do. He walks aimlessly around the city for a bit, resting his aching muscles and enjoying the sun touching his skin. Good thing he didn’t forget to use sunscreen that morning – Hyunwoo always laughs at how easily he burns. Easy for him to do when he immediately tans like he was born in some exotic country and lived on the beach all his life. Hoseok turns into a crusty crab and his skin takes weeks to recover, only for the red areas to turn into a somewhat spotted tan that he has to cover up with concealer. 

His feet led him to the same saloon that Hyungwon came out of when they bumped into each other last time. Without thinking twice he goes in, he needs a haircut anyway. He is tired of this blond shade as well and while it gave him more self-esteem back when he bleached his hair to go along with the Wonho persona he had built for himself at Starship, right now he wanted to go back to just being Hoseok. The boy in love with dance (and with a tall poet), who loves his mother greatly and who wants to make her proud (and to get the love of his life back). Almost two hours later, Hoseok looks like another man. The blond strands are now a soft light brown and his sides are shaved, though he can cover them up if he wishes too. He looks more like himself than he had in years and that feels refreshing.

After he pays the hairdresser and thanks the noona for such a good job, he leaves the store without paying attention to his surroundings. Thus, he ends up colliding with a tall, lean frame. Hoseok groans at the contact and narrows his eyes at the person in front of him until he realizes who it is. “Hyungwon?” he asks softly and the other boy nods hesitantly. Hoseok offers him a wide smile, the one that Hyungwon always said it makes him look like a bunny. Hyungwon’s mouth is slightly ajar and Hoseok wonders if he’s that surprised of his new look or just to see him in general. He hopes he’s not mad at him for that messy phone call.

He scratches the back of his head embarrassed, but Hyungwon doesn’t seem to notice the fluster in Hoseok’s voice, his eyes fixed on his movement instead. “I…” Hoseok hesitates. Should he try to do this? It’s something that he’d do if he ran into a friend and he had some free time. And Hyungwon said that, eventually, they can try to be friends. “Do you maybe wanna grab some coffee together? Just…just a friendly coffee, you know.”

Hyungwon snaps out of the trance he seems to have been stuck in since his eyes landed on Hoseok. He quickly dismisses the disappointment that makes itself feel present when Hoseok turned the invitation into a ‘friendly coffee’, but Hyungwon quickly remembers that’s what he wanted. He can’t afford anything else when it comes to Hoseok. For the past days, honestly weeks, he wondered if their relationship failed since there was no friendship basis. They skipped directly to lovers instead of trying to get to know each other a little better, hangout as friends, meet each other’s friends and maybe even family. They skipped a lot of steps and perhaps that’s what made them crack so easily under pressure.

“Okay. I have some time,” the words leave his mouth without him being able to filter them out and he bites his tongue immediately after. He doesn’t take it back though, deciding to try and see how he and Hoseok work out as friends, how it is like to hang out with him without calling it a date. Hoseok’s smile is blinding and Hyungwon almost whimpers as his good looks stand out even more because of the new haircut. Blond Hoseok had been seductive, sexy and wicked in the most carnal of ways. But Hoseok in light brown and with _this_ haircut was stunning and it left Hyungwon speechless. He couldn’t even phantom finding words to describe the beauty in front of him in a poem.

 _Stop right there, Hyungwon!_ The black haired poet gives himself a mental slap for the road where his thoughts were taking him.  That place is dangerous. In the short period of time Hoseok hasn’t been texting him like before, Hyungwon found himself staring at his phone more often than before and glaring at the blank screen, even hoping he’ll get a notification only to glare harder when it wasn’t a message from Hoseok. Maybe he had enjoyed Hoseok’s try hard attempts a little too much and now that they were gone and the dancer was actually done playing the game, Hyungwon was left with a bitter taste in his mouth.

The thing is, Hyungwon's heart is branded by Hoseok's love and Hyungwon knows that this overwhelming feeling of love for the beautiful dancer would always remain under his skin, like a tattoo you cannot erase. Forever traced on your flesh. But being in love, being willing to take risks, to give and to take, to leave your soul and heart naked exposed to the other...that is something Hyungwon can't offer Hoseok again. He can’t open up to that kind of intimacy no matter how tempting that is or how much he craves to just reach out and intertwine their fingers, to pull Hoseok closer and kiss him senseless. To feel home again.

The black haired boy is not that surprised to find that without even agreeing on it first, they end up in front of Momo café. Hyungwon looks around for Hyesun but she isn’t anywhere to be found, instead there’s a boy he hadn’t seen before at the counter who bows his head in greeting to the two. They sit at the table next to the window, the one Hyungwon always sits at alone. Hoseok smiles bitterly at this. He had wanted to take Hyungwon out on a date at Momo café for so long while they were a couple and the first time they manage to come here together it’s long after they’ve broken up. Hoseok wishes he could have introduced Hyungwon to his mother as his boyfriend, instead of just ‘a friend’ he bumped into and decided to hang out with for a bit.

The boy from behind the counter brings them two menus cheerfully and Hoseok wants to laugh because he doesn’t need one. He wrote it after all. “Hyung, isn’t this your free day?” the younger boy with light brown dyed hair asks Hoseok, his cheerful smile still in place. The dancer nods briefly, not paying attention to the way Hyungwon was eyeing him like somebody has casted a spell on him.

“Yeah, but where else would I get my coffee?” he grins at the other employee. “Should we order now?” Hoseok turns back to Hyungwon who once again seemed lost somewhere in space. Only after a few moments of silence where both Hoseok and the younger barista watch the tall model’s contemplative figure does he realize that Hoseok addressed him a question. His big round eyes blink slowly as he casts them away, burying his head in the menu in front of him instead. He coughs a bit awkwardly to get rid of the knot formed in his throat and clear his voice, before answering the still hanging question. “I’ll have an Americano.”

“Make that two,” Hoseok adds cheerfully. “Oh and a slice of strawberry shortcake for me, Yoonho-ah~ The cakes are delicious, you should get one too Hyungwon-” he stops himself from calling the younger _Hyungwonnie_ since that’s off limits now. He can’t call somebody he’s just friends with cute nicknames that he used during the time they were together. “How about chocolate? I know you got quite a sweet tooth.”

Hyungwon is blinded by the cute smile Hoseok sends his way. _Baby, I have one heck of a sweet tooth._ He has to suppress a shiver as he remembers the line Hoseok used in their first impromptu sexting session, also known as how they’ve met. He’s also quite impressed that Hoseok remembers his choice of dessert – the only one he has ever served to this day at Momo. His favourite. “Oh, add some extra cream on one Americano, okay?”

Yoonho nods and takes the menus back before he settles on bringing their orders. Hyungwon gives Hoseok a questioning look, confused that the older knew just how he wants his coffee every time. But then again, grabbing coffee with Hoseok was a day to day thing for the two while they have dated. “I haven’t seen that guy before…And what did he mean by 'free day'?” he whispers so the boy, _Yoonho_  Hoseok had called him, wouldn’t hear him. He briefly wonders how these two knew each other. Yoonho doesn’t seem to be Hoseok’s type so he hopes they haven’t dated. Not that he and Kihyun were anything alike to pinpoint what _exactly_ was Hoseok’s type.

“He’s Yoonho, works here part-time since he’s still in high school,” Hoseok explains. “And I started working here too last week,” he adds as an afterthought, hoping Hyungwon won’t ask for the reason behind taking such a job. He’s worried how the other would react if he finds out this place is owned by his mother.

“This is my favorite place in town…” Hyungwon confesses quietly as he plays with the sleeve of his long oversized shirt. Hoseok absolutely loves when the other wore these kind of outfits. They were too cute hanging on Hyungwon’s lanky form. He realizes that Hyungwon’s words mean he is a regular at Momo and if he likes it this much, as much as Hoseok does, then he can’t take that away from him by telling him of his blood connection to the owner, if the fact that he himself works here isn’t enough to push the black haired boy away. Perhaps, this means they can run into each other more often, Hoseok selfishly muses. He suddenly remembers their last conversation and a wave of embarrassment washes over him.

“I…I’m really sorry for what happened, I promise not to bother you with those kind of phone calls anymore,” he bites his lip nervously, avoiding Hyungwon’s eyes that are still fixed on his face. Did he have something smudged on it? He holds himself back from saying anymore apologetic words or declaring his eternal love for Hyungwon. This was nor the time or the place. He promised himself he’ll wait for Hyungwon to come back to him no matter how long it takes and that he won’t push him into anything. Like his mother said, he needs to give the other some space to breathe and to let the younger miss Hoseok. Did Hyungwon miss him?

“No need to apologize. I just hope you understand now how things are.” Hoseok nods shortly and Hyungwon has to ignore the pang in his chest. Hoseok finally gave up on them. _On him_. “We can try this instead.” He motions between the two of them and offers Hoseok a little smile. It’s fake and probably the dancer can see through it, but he can’t muster a real one in this position. Not when his heart is so against the idea of being friends with somebody who he still very much isn’t over yet. “Friendly coffee, right?”

“Right…” Hoseok agrees, his voice coming out raspier and tense. The barista, Yoonho – Hyungwon tries to remember his name, brings their orders offering them a warm smile. Hyungwon starts to believe it was a requirement to smile like that in order to work at this café. Hoseok’s smile was also like that most of the time. Warm, stunning, it made Hyungwon’s knees weak and his heart flutter. “How have you been lately?” It’s obvious Hoseok is trying to make small talk, but this is the safest thing they can approach, as much as Hyungwon’s dying to interrogate him about the whole situation with Kihyun. After the talk with Minhyuk, the poet was quite suspicious on everything the photographer has told him at the shooting. About the dinner dates and the movie nights. Minhyuk not knowing about Kihyun and Hoseok getting back together when he was their number one supporter was more than a bit sore to the eye.

Hyungwon shrugs. He doesn’t want to mention his new modeling jobs( he’s got his second shooting scheduled tomorrow actually), especially since he’s doing them for a reason. He doesn’t know how close Hoseok himself is to Hyesun, but it’s not his place to say his true motives. Hyesun herself doesn’t know of them and Hyungwon doesn’t plan to tell her since he is sure the kind woman won’t accept his offer to pay some of the debt off. “Just busy with school. Gonna present my final project soon.”

“Ah, me too. For the past weeks it’s like I’ve built myself a fort in the practice rooms. I try to make the choreographies perfect before the show. Maybe you’ll be able to come and watch it too?” he tries to ask casually, but the tremble in his voice and his more pronounced lisp give away his nervousness. Hyungwon digs into his chocolate cake in an attempt to hide the smile that blooms on his face. He fails to see the way Hoseok’s face brightens up when he says he’ll think about coming.

Hoseok shares some funny stories about the boys from his crew and all their shenanigans at practice, which make Hyungwon laugh for five minutes straight, a personal record. The brown haired boy is glad that he can still be graced with the laugh of one Chae Hyungwon. He tries to pay no mind to the way the younger seemed to space out every now and then, eyes burning into Hoseok’s skull. Hoping he didn’t say anything that might endanger their frail newfound friendship, Hoseok keeps on talking about his week and the dances he’s choreographed, not letting any moment of silence take over.

Hyungwon adds his fair share of small details about his whereabouts too. Even letting out that he and Minhyuk have somewhat talked out their problems and reconcilated. Actually, Minhyuk even texted him today to perhaps have a hangout together with Changkyun and his roommates sometime next weekend. When a door closes, another one opens, the saying seems to be true for Hyungwon. He also can’t help but notice that Hoseok’s stories and Kihyun’s bullshit don’t match at all. Every time when Hyungwon thinks his ex-boyfriend will mention the shorter photographer’s name, it turns out to be something completely different like movie night with Minhyuk and Hyunwoo, practice til dawn, dinner with his mother. He’ll try to get more info about this from Minhyuk himself, now that they’re on speaking terms, or even better than that.

The model ends up getting another slice of chocolate cake that he eats in the blink of an eye, humming happily as he does so. He finally got the chance to hear Hoseok’s voice again and not in a begging or crying tone, Hyungwon didn’t even realize how much he missed just being in his hyung’s presence.  Without exaggerating one bit, he feels like a child on Christmas Eve, all giddy and happy inside that he can spend time with _a friend_ he hasn’t seen for a long time. "That chocolate cake must be really good since it has you smiling like that." Hyungwon chokes around the spoon in his mouth and throws a napkin in Hoseok’s direction when the other starts laughing at his predicament.

“How about you tell me yourself,” he mumbles a few moments later as he feeds Hoseok the last bite of his dessert. The brown haired guy opens his mouth wide and Hyungwon _tries so hard_ not to get improper thoughts about the situation. His brain doesn’t quite cooperate, making Hyungwon remember the feel of said mouth around his erection, on his neck, on his lips. Hoseok’s cheeks are dusted pink as well, and they both decide to ignore the obvious tension between them. It’s only natural after you’ve been intimate with somebody, Hyungwon reminds himself, for things to be awkward when they can’t be like that anymore. Though he has yet to experience something like that, since Hoseok is the only ex he agreed to let in his life.

When they decide to leave it’s getting pretty dark outside, neither of them realizing just how much time they actually spent over at Momo café, and leaving at the same time when Yoonho has to close the store. After they bid the younger boy goodbye, they walk in the same direction for a bit in a pleasant silence. Hoseok bites his lip nervously until he’s sure it turned red and slightly swollen. Eventually he speaks up keeping his voice as even as he could. “I hope I didn’t bother you and you don’t regret hanging out today.”

They stop in front of Hyungwon’s apartment and the black haired boy gives him a sincere smile this time. “I don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who misses Wonho's hero era hair raise their hands up. cameo appearance from Yoonho because he is a cutie


	23. Chicken soup for the broken hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since he moved into this apartment all alone, Hyungwon barely touched the kitchen. But sometimes love makes you do things that are out of character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna give a special, special with cherry on top thank you to Bee for being the best and always inspiring me to write more HWH <3

Ever since he moved into this apartment all alone, Hyungwon barely touched the kitchen. He could boil water for tea and coffee, he could make edible ramen (tho it wasn’t that tasty) and that’s about it. He never used it for actual cooking. At some point when Minhyuk was basically living with him, the hyper boy used to cook for them sometimes, but still Hyungwon kept away since he mostly just got in the way. So, honestly, what gave him the impression he could try and make a fruit salad? He barely managed to peal a kiwi when he cut his finger in the sharp blade of the knife.

“ _Fuck!”_ the model curses out before he brings the stinging digit to his mouth, sucking on it lightly to stop the bleeding. Hyungwon starts searching all over the house for one freaking band aid, turning things over in his way. What kind of dumbass doesn’t have band aids in his house? Apparently, Hyungwon. He tries to cover up the cut with some tissue that he ties as tightly as he can using just one hand, cursing even more as he struggles with tying a ribbon. Time to make a quick run to the closest pharmacy. He can’t afford even a small cut now that he models again. He tries to find solace in the fact that, at least, it wasn’t that visible.

Hyungwon almost doesn’t recognize him at first because of the big hoodie swallowing his form, shaky legs and the tired posture. But that silhouette leaning on the wooden counter for support definitely belongs to Hoseok (he can’t mistake that butt anywhere). When he steps closer, Hyungwon’s suspicions are confirmed as his eyes land on the sickly pale face of his ex-boyfriend. There are drops of sweat trailing down his rosy cheeks, the only part that seemed to still have some color left that doesn’t resemble a candle’s wax. “Hoseok?”

The brown haired dancer turns his head at the call of his name and tries to focus his glassy eyes on Hyungwon, but it clearly takes a lot of struggle for him to do it. “H-hey,” his voice trembles and it barely reaches above a whisper. Hyungwon grows increasingly worried by second as he realizes Hoseok looks like he’s about to faint. “What are y-you doing here?” The pharmacist returns from the backroom and hands the shorter guy a big bag full of medicine and vitamins, if Hyungwon can recognize the small colorful boxes.

Hyungwon raises up his poorly bandaged finger and notices how Hoseok’s eyes seem to get blurry, looking in a completely different direction than where the model’s finger actually was. Just how sick was Hoseok? And how in the world did he get like that in such a short period of time, they had went for coffee at Momo cafe just a few days ago. He rests his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder and gives it a light squeeze, but even the gentle touch makes the older whimper in pain. Hyungwon quickly asks the pharmacist to add a band aids pack in the brown bag before pulling out his card and paying for everything, ignoring Hoseok’s quiet and whiny protests.

His hand rests over Hoseok’s shoulder the whole way to the dancer’s apartment, but Hyungwon justifies it because his _friend_ was sick and he might collapse at any minute judging by the body heat that emerged through the thick hoodie. He can’t help but notice how frail Hoseok feels in his arms, unlike the well-built muscular guy he dated. The state of his ex-boyfriend concerns Hyungwon more and more, as he takes in just how much weight Hoseok lost. Without his hard muscles, he was almost as thin as Hyungwon himself. Probably all the hard work for his final show, doubled with the job at Momo wore Hoseok down. (Hyungwon doesn’t want to think that heartbreak is also a factor for such change).

Hoseok fumbles with finding his keys, when his knees buckle and he almost falls down if it weren’t for the securely wrapped arm Hyungwon had around his waist. The taller takes the keys easily from the other's hand before properly unlocking the door to reveal an empty apartment. “Hyunwoo isn’t around?” he asks, more out of the need to finally say something than curiosity. If he were to be honest, Hyungwon’s actually glad the other dancer is around though the extra help would be very much welcomed in this moment. He helps Hoseok to his bedroom and makes him lie down on the mattress before he notices the sheets were soaked in sweat and all crumpled up. Clearly, Hoseok has been in this state for some time, it’s a miracle he managed to get to the pharmacy without fainting on the streets.

“H-he and Min-h-hyuk are out of t-town,” Hoseok stutters eventually as the hood falls off his head and Hyungwon can see just how bad the bunny boy looked like, his hair stuck to his forehead and eyes hazed, barely open. The decision comes with no hesitation. He can’t let Hoseok in this state all alone. First thing, getting rid of those nasty sheets. Luckily, he visited Hoseok’s bedroom enough times to know where the clean ones are stored and with some difficulty in moving the sick boy around, he manages in the end to change them. Hyungwon also helps the brown haired guy change into other clothes, trying not to let his eyes linger on the pale skin that confirms his hunch about weightloss, and drops the hoodie and sweatpants in the pile next to the bedlinen.

Unsure whether or not he should force him into a shower, the model brings him a cold glass of water to take some of the new pills Hoseok bought. While changing his poor attempt of bandage with a proper band aid, Hyungwon tries to ask casually, ”Did you call anybody to come look after you?”

The dancer doesn’t hear Hyungwon’s soft voice the first time so he has to repeat the question before something that to Hyungwon sounded a lot like Kihyun’s name is mumbled. Ignoring the bitter taste on his tongue, Hyungwon gets up and covers Hoseok with his blanket. “Then I’ll stay until he arrives". The brown haired boy shakes his head fast, until he realizes it’s a bad idea to do so because now he’s dizzy. When he opens his eyes again and looks up at Hyungwon’s concerned face, Hoseok reaches out for his hand and presses a soft feverish kiss on his knuckles. “He’s not c-coming. But you don’t have to stay…I-I’ll be fine.” Despite his attempts to look ‘ _fine_ ’, his voice cracks midsentence.

 _Fine, my ass_. That decides it. He’s going to turn into nurse Chae for a day – God forbid Changkyun finds out he referred to himself in that way. The problem was, he had no idea what to do in order to put Hoseok back on his feet, without said long pretty legs shaking like he’s some bambi. Letting Hoseok doze off into deep sleep, he goes to the kitchen to make a call. Well, usually when you need somebody’s advice in terms of something _domestic_ , you turn to your mother. And since Hyungwon’s biological mother was a no-no…

“Hello, Hyesun-ssi?” he talks quietly into the speaker, careful not to wake up the sleeping boy in the next room. “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. But I didn’t know who to turn to, and you said I can --…well, I’ve got this… _friend_ , who’s sick. Pretty sure he has a fever. What should I do?” He luckily finds a small notebook with recipes (he recognizes Minhyuk’s handwriting next to Hoseok’s ‘ _perfect ramen formula’_ ) and he starts scribbling down instructions.

  * check temperature
  * lots of liquids(warm tea&water)
  * chicken soup
  * anti-inflammatory meds
  * warm blankets



“Thank you so much again, eomma!” Hyungwon bites his tongue immediately after uttering the word. It just felt so right and, honestly, Hyesun has been more of a mother to him for the past month than his biological one in the past 10 years. She doesn’t seem to mind the new appellative at all, on the contrary she appears to be delighted if the cheerful tone of her voice as she bids Hyungwon goodbye and good luck with his friend is any indication at all.

After checking on Hoseok to see if he’s still sleeping (he was) and if he still had a fever (he did), Hyungwon sneaks out of the apartment and heads for the closest supermarket to get the ingredients he needed for the chicken soup. Now, considering that he had failed only an hour ago to make a fruit salad, chicken soup should sound like an impossible feat to achieve. He can’t even do tasty ramen after all! But Hyesun-eomma gave him dummy proof instructions that even he can probably follow. Besides the needed ingredients, Hyungwon also buys some ramen cups for later (the ones he knows Hoseok likes) and vitamin water.

Hoseok was still asleep when Hyungwon returns, which honestly was a bit worrying, but instead of dwelling on it he decides to cook that soup the dancer really needed. The black haired boy heads straight to the kitchen to start preparing the ingredients, chopping carefully the chicken breast and then throwing it into boiling water. He moves on to cutting the vegetables and also boiling them in another pot. For somebody with two left hands, Hyungwon was handling this quite alright. He checks the recipe twenty times before he starts melting the butter into a large pot over medium heat and then slowly starts adding onions and celery in the mix.

He adds the vegetable and chicken broths about five minutes later, and throws in the noodles, chicken, basil and carrots at the end. For flavor, Hyesun said to also add oregano, salt and pepper and he does so, careful not to put too much. The only thing left now is to let everything simmer for about twenty minutes. If this were in better circumstances, Hyungwon would take a selfie with the product on the stove and brag to everyone that now he’s an _adult_ who can _cook_ (!!!). But the voice inside his head keeps nagging him about Hoseok’s conditions, which he still had no idea about. Sure, it could just be a little cold, but the symptoms could also indicate something much more serious. Wasn’t it always in the dramas that the littlest, most insignificant symptoms actually hid the worst of diseases?

Hyungwon glances again in Hoseok’s room while the soup is on wait, and takes his temperature with a thermometer he found in the bathroom along with some basic meds.  The older whimpers in his sleep and Hyungwon can’t help but caress his cheek lovingly, trying to shush away any discomfort the other might be feeling. The brown haired one leans into Hyungwon’s touch almost desperately and calls out his name, although it was obvious he was out of it and not completely conscious yet. “Stay…” Hoseok barely whispers with his parted pale lips and Hyungwon is suddenly taken over with the burning need to lean in and kiss him, but instead he pulls away from the sick boy completely. The fever must be getting to him as well. The heated thermometer indicates Hoseok’s body heat was almost 39°C.

The tall boy pales, he’s sure he learned in biology class that humans’ temperature was just 37°C. While he still has to wait for the soup to be ready before he can wake up Hoseok and feed it to him, Hyungwon turns to his phone and googles some of his ex-boyfriend’s signs: fatigue, fever, shivers, and sweating, hazy eyes. The results make him worry even more, altering from the simple cold to type 2 diabetes, generalized anxiety disorder, transient ischemic attack (which he has to google to discover it’s also called a mini-stroke), or tuberculosis and epilepsy. Surely, Hoseok can’t have _all_ of these illnesses but the large variety of possibilities overwhelms Hyungwon. _What if Hoseok is dying?_

Despite knowing the internet is not the most reliable of sources, Hyungwon reaches out and posts on a medical forum where doctors or just random strangers offered opinions and advice. ‘ _SOS. I need_ _a doctor. My ex-boyfriend got high fever and I think he’s dying_ ’. Too overdramatic? Not at all for Hyungwon. In the time it takes for the soup to be ready, Hyungwon reads the fast answers people left on his post.

_MonQueen: “lol why save him tho?”_

**_User blocked._ **

_User 12578: “Have u told him u love him before the grim reaper will take him away?”_

_MonstaCck: “wake him up and ride him so he can die happily!”_

_DickDaddy: “Hey baby boy. U don’t need to care for that shitty ex. Come over.”_

**_User blocked._ **

_NatureIsMyShit: “Go into the woods and look for the blue flower that blooms at midnight in the NorthWest shadow of the tree of wisdom in the nights with blue moon! Pick 2 leaves and boil it for 5 hours.”_

_Animeislaifu: “do you have hanahaki?!”_

_GDOppaLoveMe: “is he cute? post a picture with him!”_

_LonelySoul: “When he’s dead, do you need a friend?”_

_User 666: “The devil is here for his soul.”_

**_User blocked._ **

_User 4509: “just go check his temperature and put on a cold wet cloth on his forehead”_

This is the last time Hyungwon will approach an internet forum. At least he got one good advice out of it. He tastes what he cooked and to his very pleasant surprise, it actually wasn’t bad at all. It wasn’t just edible, it was even _tasty._ He has to thank Hyesun-ssi next time they meet for such a good recipe. After pouring soup into a bowl to let it cool down a bit, Hyungwon takes one of Hoseok’s towels and turns it into a compress. Hoseok opens his eyes slowly when the wet, cold cloth touches his forehead, and his dark chocolate orbs are still as hazy as before.

“A-ah…I must be in heaven,” he mumbles. Hyungwon frowns, was Hoseok hallucinating? The comment about telling Hoseok ‘ _I love you’_ pops up in his mind and it makes him anxious. No, he has yet to tell Hoseok those three words, but in the frail state their relationship, he couldn’t afford it. But what if Hoseok was _really_ dying? What if he’ll never know about Hyungwon’s deep feelings? “It really must be heaven if my love is here…” Hoseok mumbles again with a tired smile tugging the corner of his full lips and pronounced lisp, before his eyes close once again. “I love Hyungwonnie the most…”

The fever must have worn Hoseok out badly. H _e doesn’t know what he is talking about_ , is what Hyungwon’s thinking as his wide eyes watch the sleeping boy with terror. Hyungwon panics, alarmed that Hoseok might never wake up again, so he shakes him awake and forces him to sit up in bed after fluffing up his pillows. “You have to eat, hyung.” The sick bunny forces himself to stay awake and opens his mouth when Hyungwon brings a spoonful of soup to his parted lips. They sit in silence, the only thing disturbing it being Hoseok’s cute slurps.  Hyungwon’s delighted when the other asks for another bowl and he quickly does a refill before he continues to feed Hoseok like a baby. Some color seems to return to the dancer’s smooth skin and Hyungwon runs his fingers through his brown locks, despite them being greasy from the fever, and pulls them out of the way so he can look into the beautiful orbs of the one he loves.

Making tea was something Hyungwon was good at and with a small push, he convinces the sick dancer to drink three cups before he got too sleepy to stay awake. The model looks for the portable stereo the other usually carries around in his bag and thanks to the froggie plushie he manages to find it pretty quick. He connects the device to his own phone and plays out his night playlist to have some kind of background noise that wasn't too loud, and Rachel Yamagata’s _I’ll find a way_ starts playing softly in the quiet room. Almost as if Hoseok was trying to the talk to him through the lyrics, expressing his deep love for Hyungwon and pulling at the strings of the younger’s heart.  

Hyungwon sits by his side the whole night, changing the compress whenever it lost its coolness and giving him the medicine he needed when the estimated eight hours since Hoseok took the previous pills passes. Without giving it much thought, he rolls the other to the wall and lies down next to him on the edge of the bed so Hoseok won’t fall out on the floor in the middle of the night. When the brown haired boy starts tossing around in bed in the middle of the night, whimpering and calling out for Hyungwon, the poetic student embraces him tightly until Hoseok calms down. He rubs smoothing circles into his ex-boyfriend's back and whipes the tears that trail down the bunny’s cheeks.

Before he feels like sleep is taking him away as well, with his nose buried into Hoseok’s hair, their bodies clinging one to another just like they used to sleep before, Hyungwon feels a light press of lips on his neck. His heartbeat skyrockets as Hoseok’s breath tickles his skin and he has to suppress a shiver so his hyung won’t know he’s not yet asleep. “I love you so much, Hyungwonnie,” Hoseok whispers in the crook of his neck.

He knows this time it’s not the fever, but he pretends it is. He pretends he’s doing all of this just because Hoseok had a fever and there was nobody else who could take care of him. He pretends he’s asleep when Hoseok snuggles at his chest, his skin burning Hyungwon’s inside despite the fever being gone. He just pretends that they can be friends because he can’t quite give up on this completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonho said he turns to Minhyuk, Shownu or Kihyun when he's sick, but I think we all know who's already there to look after him.   
> THANK YOU GUYS FOR 300+ KUDOS. You're all so amazing and sweet <3


	24. Will we always be together, Won Won?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life completely hates Hyungwon, he’s sure of it by now. Karma just had to bite him in the ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is full of feels of all sorts.

Waking up in Hyungwon’s arms after _weeks_ of staying away almost made Hoseok cry as he came back to consciousness. But noticing that Hyungwon was still asleep and still holding him close, he decided to keep the tears at bay and enjoy the feeling as much as he can while it lasts. Hyungwon’s smell was intoxicating and a single sniff – he’s not a creep, okay? he just really likes his ex-boyfriend’s smell. a lot – makes him _hard_. Like morning wood wasn’t already a problem. He closes his eyes tightly and thinks of ugly grandmas and that one time he caught Hyunwoo and Minhyuk getting it on and he prays Hyungwon won’t feel him.

The black haired boy doesn’t and Hoseok manages to somewhat kill his boner (somewhat, he could never do it completely when Hyungwon was around). He can’t go back to sleep with his body hyper aware of the other boy being so close to him, so he settles for admiring Hyungwon’s profile. While they’re not as close as they were last night when they fell asleep, Hyungwon still has a tight arm wrapped around Hoseok’s middle and their legs got tangled up while asleep. If only they could stay like this forever…

The dream is short-lived and after only an hour Hyungwon stirs awake while Hoseok quickly pretends he’s not. He doesn’t need to open his eyes to sense how the other tenses up when he notices their position and how close they fell asleep, and he tries not to hear his heart cracking a bit more as Hyungwon pulls away from him completely. The brown haired boy doesn’t stir when Hyungwon touches his forehead gently, checking for fever, though he supposes that might have given him away. His ex-boyfriend knows after all what a light sleeper he was. Like a bunny on the run. He wonders briefly if his whole life will be like a bunny’s. Bunnies mate for life and if he truly is one, then, well, he won’t have a ‘mate’ if it’s not Hyungwon. Not that he’ll ever want somebody who’s not Hyungwon.

Eyes still closed, he hears the quiet footsteps on the floor as Hyungwon leaves his bedroom and goes to the kitchen. A big part of him hopes that the other’s just making himself some coffee. Maybe preparing breakfast. But after a few more minutes of hesitance, Hoseok hears the front door closing and he knows he’s all alone now. He keeps his eyes closed for a few more minutes hoping Hyungwon will return, while he rolls over on the side of the bed where his love had slept. The pillow still carries the warmth and perfume that makes Hoseok’s heart skyrocket. Hyungwon had been here last night, it had all been real. As real as the empty space next to him or the one in his chest. When he grabs the courage to get up from the bed, Hoseok finds a small note on the kitchen table.

_‘there’s still some soup in the fridge. had to leave early. hope u feel better. C.H.’_

He did feel a lot better and the fact that Hyungwon bothered to stay with him the whole day, to even cook for him some chicken soup (he might like it even more than his mom’s soup), it all just moves Hoseok to tears. The dancer lets out all of his frustration in those tears, all of his regrets, all of the pain. It hurts so much to have a mere taste of what he longs for before it all gets whisked away, never to be seen again. Suddenly, Hoseok remembers what he promised to himself. What he promised to Hyungwon. No more crying, no more of this pathetic lamentation. He _needs_ to become _the man_ Hyungwon deserves and he won’t achieve that mopping around and letting any opportunity slip. Grabbing his phone, he opens the all too familiar text conversation with the poet.

‘ _thank you so much for taking care of me, i do feel much better now.’_ He feels like typing an ‘ _I love you_ ’ but he stops himself before he can actually do it. Never a good idea. ‘ _i’m srry for taking away your whole day’_. He wasn’t sorry, tho he did feel a bit guilty for making Hyungwon feel obliged to it. 

By the time Hyunwoo returns from his trip late at night without Minhyuk in tow for once, Hyungwon still hasn’t answered his text. Hoseok asks his roommate about the romantic getaway with Minhyuk for their 150th day, trying to be a good friend. Hyunwoo tells him about how Minhyuk cooked for him and how they watched the sunrise together on the beach and how Minhyuk made them go into the still cold water. Despite not being one to express vocally how he feels, Hyunwoo’s smile was beaming with happiness. And Hoseok was glad his roommate had Minhyuk in his life and that the two of them worked so well together despite being complete opposites. But seeing that sheer joy on the dancer’s face brought out a bitter taste in Hoseok’s mouth.

The weekend passes, Hoseok gets over the flu episode completely with the rest of Hyungwon’s chicken soup and a healthy dose of vitamins. Tired of checking his notificationless phone, Hoseok even goes to the gym for a couple of hours with Hyunwoo to work out some of his frustrations. They don’t leave well until his muscles start aching since they haven’t been used in so long. When Hyungwon still doesn’t answer his text, nor does he reach out in any other way to him, Hoseok decides to go ask for some advice from his love guru. His one and only mother.

“Eomma,” the brown haired boy whines as he reaches Momo café and sees his mother is all alone – not a good sign in general, but he really needs her wise words right now. Hyesun embraces him tightly like every time they meet and Hoseok tells her all about the past days. About how he got sick – he gets scolded for not calling her to come and take care of him , about how Hyungwon came over and even made him chicken soup – she has a very suspicious smile at this, but Hoseok doesn’t pay much attention to it, about how they fell asleep cuddled. “He left without saying a word in the morning while thinking I’m not up yet. And he didn’t even answer my thank you text.”

Hyesun crosses her arms and takes a stern look, before chiding him with that motherly tone of hers. “Wontokki, that’s not how I raised you. We Shins don’t thank people over the phone. We do it in person.” Hoseok’s eyes sparkle as he realizes how right his mother was. He has to thank Hyungwon properly for his kindness, not with some random text. Why hasn’t he thought about it before? “Now go get your boy something special while I make him his favorite cake.”

“Double chocolate?” he grins at his mother with that bunny smile of his. She nods, mirroring his own grin.

“Double chocolate.”

“Eomma, how do you know that about Hyungwonnie?” Hoseok frowns. He knows Hyungwon is a regular at Momo café and that means probably he and his mother have talked at least a few times. His mom was a very friendly person and kind to everyone that came her way, no exception. However, how much does she know about his ex-boyfriend directly from the source?

“It’s what he always orders when he drops by.” He doesn’t question Hyesun farther, rather he goes on a journey to find the perfect gift for Hyungwon.

…

Life completely hates Hyungwon, he’s sure of it by now. Like spending the whole day with Hoseok and waking up cuddled to him wasn’t torture enough, _karma_ just had to bite him in the ass and make him sick with whatever Hoseok had. So he spent the whole weekend locked up in his house, with a fever, runny nose and, to top it all, no drama to binge watch. Not like he could focus at all on anything besides his ex-boyfriend anyway. Hyungwon is a rational person, he has always been like that. Maybe too rational, Minhyuk always used to complain about how cold and sometimes even heartless he was. Yet, when it came to Hoseok he was _completely_ irrational.

His mind knows he can’t afford falling once again for Hoseok because even if at first it would be like paradise, eventually something like the distrust regarding Kihyun will come between them once again. He knows that if there would be a next time for them, his feelings won’t allow him to let Hoseok go ever again. And that means Hoseok would be the one to leave for good in the end. Which would imply Hyungwon’s heart getting utterly broken. And he can’t allow himself to do that to his poor locked away heart.

So he ignores Hoseok’s message and stays away from him and Momo café (not like he could muster the force to get up from bed anyway) and just builds himself a fort of blankets where he hides. He’s also been ignoring Changkyun’s texts and calls for the past days, something the younger got used to by now and should know it means ‘ _leave me the fuck alone’_.So on Sunday noon when there’s a prolonged annoying ring on his doorbell, he’s ready to cut a bitch (read: Changkyun) in half.

Of course, it’s not Changkyun who knocks at his door, but Hoseok, a much healthier looking Hoseok, with a cake in his hands and a sheepish smile on his face. Hyungwon considers for a brief moment using some excuse and closing the door in the dancer’s face, but that smile tugs at his heart. And there is also cake involved. “What are you doing here?” his voice comes out much raspier from not talking at all the past days and having a sore throat. A sniffle makes Hyungwon’s runny nose be known. Obviously, Hoseok’s eyes go wide immediately, taking in Hyungwon’s state worryingly.

“I came to bring you this,” he holds up the cake. Hyungwon can see it’s from Momo café from the way it was wrapped up. “And to thank you again for all you did. But it seems I can even return the favor.” More time with Hoseok is the least thing Hyungwon wants right now. Especially in this feverish state that makes him clingy and soft and not aware that all his actions might have a consequence. Like, for example, letting Hoseok into his house.

The brown haired boy lays the dessert on the kitchen table, before settling on making some tea for both of them. Hyungwon watches it all from the doorway, blanket wrapped tightly around his shoulders. He allows himself a peak in the hallway mirror and it almost gives him a stroke. Nobody would hire him as a model in this state, puffy red eyes, hair all ruffled in a very unflattering way, dry chapped lips and flushed cheeks. He tries to ignore the fact that Hoseok didn’t even cringe when he saw him, nor did he look in any way disturbed by his unkempt appearance.

Unlike yesterday, Hyungwon can at least stay up now, but he stills feels dizzy so he takes a seat at the table, eyes focused on Hoseok’s back as he works around his kitchen like it was his own. And that might not be that far from the truth, Hoseok did spend a lot of time in his apartment while they dated and probably as much time in this kitchen as Hyungwon had in the past years. He slowly opens the box with the dessert with clumsy fingers. Hyungwon’s eyes sparkle as the double chocolate layered cake is revealed and Hoseok pours them the hot tea in mugs. The dancer also gets them plates and spoons before cutting two big slices, not trusting Hyungwon to hold a knife.

Before the taller one can reach out for a plate of the delicious treat, the other stops him with a soft whisper. “I have something for you.” He seems to hesitate before looking Hyungwon in the eye as he brings out of his pocket with shaky fingers a small box. Hyungwon stops breathing all together and his heart sinks in the pit of his stomach with horror thinking Hoseok _will propose_. He can’t be in his right mind if he thinks Hyungwon would actually say yes to that, right?! He grips tightly the edge of the table holding on it like it was the last bit of his own sanity, slipping away. He feels faint and lighthearted and if Hoseok dares to propose he _will_ pass out.

Hoseok opens up the velvet box slowly, revealing a dog tags-like chain with two small golden pendants, one of them an open book and the other a very minimalistic pen. They’re not too feminine, but not exactly very masculine either, a perfect mix that matched Hyungwon’s own style very well.  It’s really beautiful and Hyungwon loves it instantly. His heart raised now in his throat, blocking any words from escaping him. “I-I saw this…and I thought it was perfect for you. Please take it as a thank you gift.” Hoseok is blushing as he stutters the words cutely and Hyungwon wants to pull him in for a kiss so badly, which he knows Hoseok wouldn’t resist. But he doesn’t. Instead, he takes the chain and puts it around his neck, the two golden symbols clinking together.

“Thank you…” Hoseok’s smile is brilliant and Hyungwon has to look away in order not to go blind from so much beauty. He settles on ogling the cake instead, a better choice for his sanity. The chain feels much heavier around his neck than it actually is, it feels like some kind of responsibility thrown his way. It feels like the burden of his relationship with Hoseok, the heavy pondering of their current situation. It feels like Hoseok’s love suffocating him. To cut off the tension, Hoseok pokes his cheek and offers a sheepish grin.

“Would you like to watch some cartoons together?” The black haired boy has to scoff at this. Sometimes his ex-boyfriend was such a child. But he finds himself agreeing to it and a couple of minutes later they’re sitting on the couch, eating cake and drinking tea while they watch the DVD Hoseok has brought along with him, _The adventures of Pepe the little frog and Won the fluffy bunny_.  How in the world such a cartoon actually exists is beyond him. “Why the fuck is he called like the lube brand…” Hyungwon narrows his eyes at the screen as the title pops up, then turns his head towards Hoseok, but the brown haired boy ignores him, eyes glued on the cartoon figures that appear on display.

_Pepe_ was a quiet individual with relatively few friends, the bestest obviously being his companion _Won_ the fluffy bunny. They often met up with some other animals who shouldn’t be mixed up in reality and whose habitat didn’t quite fit with the serene forest projected on the background. Like _Kkukkungie_ , for example, the dorky wolf who always falls flat on his face – Hyungwon wonders if this is where Hoseok got the inspiration for Changkyun’s nickname, or _Minmoongie_ a hyperactive puppy who always wants to join Pepe and Won in their adventures (and who always got them all in trouble). Some salty hamster always nags them for the mess they caused but Pepe and Won never bother to actually listen, instead they always take off on adventures that some busy bee (who reminded Hyungwon strangely enough of Jooheon) brings news of.

Without realizing, Hyungwon ends up laying with his head on Hoseok’s shoulder and leaning on the other, seeking some more warmth that the blanket didn’t provide. He blames it on the fever, but after only a few minutes like that he mumbles a question, “Can we cuddle?” Hoseok opens his arms with a big smile on and Hyungwon nestles himself with his cheek pressed against the dancer’s chest. He can hear the fast paced heartbeat of the other and Hyungwon’s own heart can’t help but mirror it. Despite enjoying the cartoon more than he had expected, Hyungwon falls asleep a couple of times, the flu tiring him out.

Due to their position, Hoseok doesn’t notice it though. Or maybe he does, considering at some point he whispers into Hyungwon’s hair, “I’ve loved this series when I was little. And I’ve always wanted to find my own Pepe…” The tall boy doesn’t give any response to it, just keeps his eyes closed for a couple of seconds and pretends he didn’t hear anything. He’s getting better and better at pretending he doesn’t notice or hear stuff. The episodes get more emotional as they reach the finale and the boys end up watching the whole season without moving from their spots on the couch. Hyungwon was wide awake at the very last scene of the show, a teary eyed cute little frog facing his dear fluffy bunny whom he thought he had lost forever. Their reunion was too touching for both boys and their sniffles can be heard loudly throughout the apartment.

_“Will we always be together, Won Won? “_

_“Always Pepe. Always. Pinky promise”_

Hoseok has to carry Hyungwon to his bed as the other falls asleep for good in his arms after they were both done crying their eyes out. He can’t help but linger in the room after he settles his former lover on the bed and tucks him in gently. Hyungwon was a deep sleeper and he doesn’t wake up easily, which makes Hoseok consider giving him a good night kiss. On the forehead or something. But as he hovers over the lanky model, Hyungwon’s dreamy eyes open slightly and he offers Hoseok a small smile. His hand reaches out and grips Hoseok’s shirt pulling him down next to him.

“Hold me for a bit, okay?”

He does. He holds him in his arms the whole night and he would for an eternity.

...

_(Hoseok's gift)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you see those dark clouds on the horizon? that's the next chapter


	25. Two men in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I asked you now, will you be my prince?  
> Will you lay down your armor and be with me forever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry this took so long. But now that it's finally here, grab some tissues and your beverage of choice and enjoy this roller coaster.  
> On a side note, me and Bee(JustMe) have started a collab HWH-centric, so please check it out ^^

Ever since the ‘sick weekend’ as Hyungwon calls it, he and Hoseok haven’t really spoken to each other. Monday morning, Hyungwon woke up all alone in his bed, which he supposes is better than an awkward encounter with Hoseok for breakfast. Actually, he was kind of glad he didn’t have to face the embarrassment and consequences of his sick clingy self’s actions. But that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a certain sadness regarding this whole thing. He really fucking missed spooning and cuddling with Hoseok, although he wasn’t the touchy type nor one to depend so much on another. At least the dancer has left him a small note on his nightstand explaining how he had to go early to dance practice since his show was on Friday. Hyungwon curses himself, he really needs to learn to put more distance between the two of them.

But as the days pass, as he misses Hoseok more and more like he hasn’t missed anyone after a breakup before, not even Minhyuk, he feels his restraint slip away. It would be very easy to fall back in love with Hoseok, to get back in their cozy routine of spending the whole day together. It would be oh, so easy to crash into Hoseok’s strong and loving arms. However, he knows this isn’t a good idea. Not after all the drama and mess around their breakup. What’s easy isn’t always what’s _right_. And still, Hyungwon keeps telling himself that the pain only shows how much he loved Hoseok, but there’ll come one day when he wakes up and the heartache will be gone forever. If only that could happen faster.

He continues his new routine, juggling the last assignments for his degree with some modeling jobs and dropping by Momo café every time he can. Last time he even brought Changkyun and Wonwoo over since they haven’t seen each other for a while now. Hyesun immediately took a liking to the puppy-like boy and after Hyungwon teased him with the nickname picked by Hoseok, Hyesun herself didn’t stop from calling Changkyun ‘ _Kkukkungie’_. After Wonwoo left the two friends to go meet with his boyfriend, the English major leaned over the table with a worried look Hyungwon knows all too well by now. It foretells a full-on interrogation. “So, how are you and Hoseok?”

The taller boy sighed. Of course, Changkyun wouldn’t stop being nosey overnight, as much as he wished for it. Maybe it was time to find the kid a girlfriend. Or boyfriend, whatever swung his way. Someone that would keep Changkyun busy enough and occupy his mind 25/8 so he’d stop being a pest and bothering his friends. He needs to plan something with Wonwoo, maybe the other knows some people they can set up Kkukkungie with.

“When will you stop looking at my relationships and get one for yourself?” Changkyun kicked him in the shins under the table, obviously not comfortable with the subject at hand. Minhyuk especially had been keen on teasing their back then group’s maknae about the black hole also known as his nonexistent sex life. “Fine. I took care of him on Friday ‘cause he was sick.” Changkyun raised his eyebrow incredulously and opened his mouth, no doubt to say something stupid, so Hyungwon stopped him with another bomb. “And then I got whatever shit he had and he took care of me too on Sunday.”

Hyesun found the proper moment to bring them another round of sweet drinks. The way Changkyun chugged the raspberry milkshake with loud slurps got both Hyungwon and the café owner worried. The former assured his new-found mother figure that his friend was alright, but he was dropped when he was a baby so he still had some ‘issues’ from time to time. That earned him another kick under the table, which amused Hyesun terribly. “Stop embarrassing me everywhere we go you, big baby,” Hyungwon hissed once they were alone again.

“Stop being so stupid. Are you seriously doing this to yourself?” Changkyun mumbled as he reached for a napkin to wipe away the remaining whip cream above his upper lip. “You’re just gonna accept him back in your life like that?”  Hyungwon and Changkyun have known each other long before college, being from the same city it wasn’t that hard to bump into each other and they’ve especially gotten much closer after the younger moved to Seoul to study too. But as much as Hyungwon loved his friend, he keeps thinking that if maybe Changkyun were to disappear off the face of the earth, nobody would pinpoint him as the criminal. Trying not to literally strangle his friend took a lot out of him sometimes. Maybe Minhyuk hadn’t been the psycho one in their relationship after all.

“Funny you keep giving me relationship advice, when come again, how many people have you dated? That one girl Lida, Luda something in high school and then a few flings before coming to college? So really, are you in a position to tell me how to handle my love life?” Hyungwon was boiling at the moment and he could feel a vein throbbing on his temple, his eye twitching in irritation. Changkyun was clenching his jaw too, obviously not having expected his friend’s low blow, even if they have been walking on thin ice ever since Changkyun expresses his opinion on how Hoseok wasn’t good for Hyungwon. Maybe he went a bit overboard with his dramatic exit, but after biding goodbye to Hyesun, Hyungwon left Changkyun at Momo all alone.

When Friday comes, they still haven’t talked to each other. Hoseok hasn’t done any effort to pick up a conversation either, just sent him the details of where and when his show will take place. The situation was eating Hyungwon’s insides like the Prometheus’ eagle. So in a desperate moment, he texts Minhyuk and asks him if he wants to go to Hoseok’s show together, only for the redhead to reply that he was already planning on going there with Kihyun, but Hyungwon’s welcomed to join them.

_Life has a fucking twisted humor_ , is all that Hyungwon can think of as he sits in the second row, the one right behind Hoseok’s teachers and some choreographers who graduated from the same university, right next to Minhyuk and Kihyun. It almost feels like they’re back in time and the tiny hamster is third wheeling them just to piss off the model. The two best friends chat happily until surprisingly, Kihyun decides to include Hyungwon in their conversation. “How come you didn’t bring Changkyun along?”

The black haired blinks confused because for starters, Kihyun has addressed him without any insulting appellative beforehand, and second, since when do Kihyun and Changkyun even talk with each other? Like, sure, they have met at Hoseok’s (doomed) previous dance show and they all hanged out together (the disastrous night). But running into each other twice doesn’t explain Kihyun expecting Changkyun to also come here. Perhaps he was reading too much into it, but Changkyun’s face when Kihyun was singing _Hyeya_ at the noraebang flashes before his eyes. No, he’d rather Changkyun stay nosey and single then date the tiny rat. “He’s sick.”  The lie comes out smoothly and even if Kihyun suspected something, he keeps quiet.

“Oh, Hoseok was also feeling sick last week.” This time Hyungwon’s not surprised that the shorter one brings the dancer into discussion. Ever since Minhyuk told him on the phone that Kihyun was also coming he expected some kind of show off with the other ex-boyfriend. Even before the whole drama regarding Hoseok, the two of them could barely stand each other, their bitchy-salty personalities crashing together to Minhyuk’s eternal amusement.

“Yeah, I know. I was there.” The poet replies casually and doesn’t even look at how Kihyun’s jaw drops or Minhyuk’s eyes widen, rather he turns his attention to the stage as the lights are dimmed and a spotlight is switched on. The one in charge for the board that will judge the show gives a short speech about this year’s contestants. It seems Hoseok forgot to mention he won’t be the only student to choreograph tonight, but his name is top of the list as they’ve put him responsible for the opening act. Kihyun takes out his camera just as the first dance is about to start. Hyungwon recognizes the boys on the stage, he had met them before when he visited Hoseok at dance practice. J-Hope is looking at him with the biggest grin one could imagine and Hyungwon gives his old friend a thumbs up for good luck. The crowd gets excited as _Uptown Funk_ starts blasting through the lateral speakers and the dancers hype up the song even more with an energetic choreography.  It was all very well planned out and the approving nods of the judges make Hyungwon smile. If the rest of the show is just as good then there’s no way it won’t turn out successful.

The song switching goes unnoticed along the audience’s loud cheers and people appear to only realize it when the spotlight turns to a couple sitting down on the floor. Soyou has her head resting in Hyunwoo’s lap and they look like a genuine couple as the bittersweet lyrics of _We don’t talk anymore_ start playing. Hyungwon risks a glance at Minhyuk and sees how the redhead was gripping the arms of his chair tightly. Hesitantly, the taller boy puts his hand on Minhyuk’s forearm and gives him a light supportive squeeze. He out of everyone knows how it feels to see your boyfriend in such a pose with his ex. Hoseok’s choreography focuses on the distance the two dancers keep putting between each other, the constant push-and-pull, the lingering feelings on both sides that in the end turns into cold nostalgia. Hyungwon can’t help wondering if this is about Kihyun. If this dance is a glimpse of how their relationship had been, but judging by the relaxed and unaffected face Kihyun kept on, it probably isn’t. The dance ends in a completely different pose from the beginning, contrasting strongly the difference between the two stages as the couple are now facing each other, a large gap that can’t be filled with anything breaking them apart.

There’s a moment of silence as darkness engulfs the stage in the sound of curious whispers from the audience. The energetic vibe of the first dance is completely gone and the tension of the broken up couple who just finished still lingers around. And then, the light returns and Hoseok, in a simple white T-shirt and ripped black jeans, sits on the floor much like Hyunwoo had but he is all alone.

_If I asked you now, will you be my prince?_

Hoseok brings up his hand to his face as if he was whipping a tear away. His head is cast down and Hyungwon can’t see his face clearly yet, but he’s sure that the dancer is not quite pretending. The brown haired rolls on his back to stand up on his feet before bowing slightly, his hand inclined as if he held a crown or asked some majesty to dance with him. As if he asked the love of his life, _a prince_ , to be his and only his. Now and forever.

_Will you lay down your armor and be with me forever?_

His movements are smooth, every twist and turn of his body, every pirouette coming out as if it was natural for him to move in such ways. It shows how Hoseok’s blood flows, how his body works, how his heart is beating. And it’s beating for _Hyungwon_. The tall boy’s breath hitches in his throat and he feels how their heartbeats are in sync. _They are one_. He feels how much Hoseok loves him and how much he loves Hoseok in return, he feels _them_ as one being. He knows this is a direct request from Hoseok, to give up on this game, quit pretending they don’t belong together and pick up the pieces of their relationship.

_When you open me, all the power in me moves, all the depths of me real_

Hoseok is baring his soul on the stage in front of Hyungwon, in front of everyone, not afraid to express how he truly feels. He comes clean, no more beating around the bush, no more games. Their eyes meet and electricity flies between them, Hyungwon can feel the sparks on his skin adorned with goosebumps. Hoseok seems to collapse slowly to the floor, his hand reaching out towards Hyungwon like in Michelangelo’s _Creation of Adam_. Hyungwon was, in a way, his creator. Their love changed Hoseok’s life so deeply it cannot be undone. The dancer rolls on the floor in irrational circles, his pained face evidence to the inner struggle he’s going through.

_When I look into your eyes there's a danger inside_

Suddenly he raises up and stands on his hands, body slightly shaking but Hyungwon knows it’s from all the emotions the dancer was feeling rather than finding the task difficult. Although, he has to admit Hoseok has gotten thin lately, the buff muscles melting into somewhat lanky smooth limbs. Their eyes meet again and this time Hyungwon can see the tears as Hoseok arches his back and then meets the stage’s floor, crawling up in a fetus position. As if he were possessed, the brown haired’s body convulses before he starts rolling around once more in an irrational, confused manner. Hoseok gets up with a scorpion move as the beat picks up, disrupting the chaos and taking control once over in more powerful and precise motions. The strange mix of styles, the combination of b-boy and ballet steps doesn’t faze the judges as it’s executed in such a smooth manner it only seems natural for Hoseok to twist like that.

_There's a strange love inside_

Nobody dares to disturb the confession, a deaf silence overwhelmingly weighing down on their shoulders. Hyungwon’s chest tightens and he feels lightheaded, he can barely see anything besides Hoseok, he can barely hear anything besides the sharp lyrics. There are white sheets hanging in the background like ghosts, the ghosts of his past, all the things that have shaped Hoseok as he is today and Hyungwon thinks he can blend in perfectly with how pale he has become. Hoseok is but a step away from falling off the stage and their eyes meet for the third time.

_It's getting louder, and louder, and louder, and louder, and louder_

He’s gripping the neck of his white T-shirt tightly before pulling it and ripping the material off his body, his facial expression the perfect mirror of a roaring lion. There are big scratches drawn across Hoseok’s pale chest, as if some wild beast has maimed him. What a metaphor. Hyungwon would smile bitterly at Hoseok’s way of showing how love can literally leave a scar, if he could move even a muscle on his face. But as it is, he’s struck with awe and can’t comprehend there’s a life beyond the shared breath between him and Hoseok, proud of loving a person with such emotional depth.

_There’s a danger I can’t hide who I am, it’s who I am_

The calm disappears and instinct takes over as Hoseok lets out all his aggression. Dancing through the sheets, taking them down in a hurry, fighting against them and standing up again after somersaulting across the stage. The smell of desperation is thick in the air and Hyungwon chokes on it. Hoseok does too as the music dies down and he steps back until his back hits the curtain behind him. Hyungwon wishes he could see Hoseok’s eyes one more time, but his former lover once again hid his face in his hands as if he were crying. Maybe he was. The black haired boy wishes he could run on the stage and take Hoseok in his arms and hold him tight. Tell him that yes, he loves him too. Thank him for this wonderful piece of _art_ dedicated to him.

However, that nagging voice in the back of his head reminds him again he _can’t_. Hoseok is not his anymore. But he could be if they talked? No, that was a bad idea. It was the best for Hyungwon to just get over this before it starts hurting even more. Keeping Hoseok in his life wasn’t the smartest decision, of course he didn’t get over him in such a short amount of time when they keep seeing each other around. He’s very aware that not hanging out with Hoseok isn’t quite possible either. Hoseok, for better or for worse, was _a part_ of him. They belonged together in one way or the other and Hoseok’s presence, his friendship has become a vital aspect of Hyungwon’s life, one he cannot give up on.  The crowd explodes with applause and cheers and even some of the jury have decided to clap for the spectacular show they’ve witnessed. Next to him, Minhyuk nudges his ribs with his elbow and tells him to go backstage, go to Hoseok. Kihyun doesn’t comment on it, but he doesn’t seem like he’d protest against it.

So Hyungwon does. He gets out of his seat and sneaks backstage where Hoseok is trying to regain his breath. The voice in his head keeps reminding him that he can’t risk such a fundamental thing as their newfound friendship for a silly and _fleeting_ feeling. He doesn’t even realized he moved at all until Hoseok looks up and they’re literally a breath away from each other. “Let’s go outside for a bit.”

The dancer nods without any question and follows Hyungwon into the warm spring night after putting a shirt on. His heart was jumping around in his chest now that he has the chance to see Hyungwon’s reaction that he has awaited for so long. Did he like it? Was he mad at Hoseok for being like this? The older was certain that he saw _love_ in Hyungwon’s orbs when they locked eyes, he was certain Hyungwon still –

Their lips meet as soon as the door closes and Hoseok is paralyzed on the spot. Tears start gathering in the corner of his eyes but he doesn’t let them spill, instead he closes his eyelids tightly and brings his hand up to cup Hyungwon’s cheek. They kiss like never before, full of love and regret and longing. Hyungwon kisses him like Hoseok is oxygen and he can’t breathe without him. It wasn’t planned. He honestly didn’t think he’d end up kissing Hoseok once they see each other. But the brown haired just bared his soul in front of him, _for him_ and now he’s looking at him like _that_ , like Hyungwon is all he’ll ever want, so he just reached out and grabbed Hoseok’s nape, crashing their lips together with all he got.

The dance replays in his mind, forever burned on his retinas, impossible for him to ever forget even one expression that crossed Hoseok’s face as he poured out his love for Hyungwon. He feels like he’s on some fluffy cloud, like he is floating and ascended this realm. Hoseok’s tight grip on his waist and the way he’s cradling his jaw like he never wants to let go bring him down on earth and make Hyungwon see clearly through the hazy madness and despite every cell in his body and his heart crying out at him not to do it, he pulls away. Hoseok opens his eyes slowly, confused and blown out with desire and for once in weeks he looks _hopeful_ and Hyungwon feels like punching himself in the face for doing this to him. To them. But he needs to do it.

“I-I’m sorry. This was a mistake, I-I was overwhelmed with everything. Thank you so much for the beautiful stage, I know that this was your way of moving on, like I write poems right?” Hoseok keeps quiet and just blinks at Hyungwon’s ranting, completely baffled by the sudden change. “Y-you needed to get it out of your system somehow and now we can both close this… this chapter. Just forget this happened, okay? I hope we can still have a friendship as beautiful as what we had together.” If he knows one thing about Hyungwon is that he has strong morals and he wouldn’t play with him like this. He wouldn’t give him false hope just to take it away in a second like some kind of game. So what he’s saying, it must be true. The kiss, the best minutes he has had for the past _month,_ it must have really just been a spur of the moment thing, an outcome from a mix of emotions.

Something insides him clicks shut. Hoseok takes a deep breath, looks Hyungwon in the eye and nods. He doesn’t dare to push more, to throw his love in Hyungwon’s face _again_. He just quietly agrees to ‘staying friends’ despite knowing he can never look at Hyungwon in that way. He can never stop loving Hyungwon as more than a friend. But what right does he have to demand Hyungwon return his feelings? He’s so tired of chasing and waiting and wishing for Hyungwon to come back to him, he’s tired of fighting against the currents, against fate itself. So he stops fighting at all. 

The brown haired forces out a smile as Hyungwon extends his hand and Hoseok shakes it like he does with his buddies. He forces his heart to be happy that he still has a chance to have Hyungwon close. And maybe, just maybe, one day friendship will be enough for him. Suddenly, his mother's words when his father passed away ring in his ears. _‘Some stories just can’t be rewritten nor do they have a sequel no matter how much you want them to continue.  And then, you have to start a new book…’_

Light rain starts pouring down from the clouds, making a water drape cut between them. At last, Hoseok lets his tears fall as Hyungwon pretends he doesn’t notice it. He did a lot of pretending until now and with their new defined status, it won’t be the last time he does it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Hyunwoo and Soyou's dance inspiration, click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKLkCBAmHYI).   
> For Hoseok's solo dance inspiration, click [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzAzb0Y7MY0).   
> This seems hopeless now doesn't it? Yet there are a lot of things coming up.   
> I'll apologize from now that the next update will be delayed since I've got exams coming up the following weeks :) But I promise to give you a weekly dose of HWH either here or with the new collab with Bee.


	26. A love so deep it leaves scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reflection on Hyungwon and Hoseok's relationship from the outside and the inside.  
> ...  
> “But don’t worry, Minhyuk the Great is here to help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's more changki in this chapter than i first intended my fingers slipped lol.

Changkyun has become an apprentice of sorts for Kihyun ever since he accepted to help the photographer for his final project. He felt more than flustered at the thought of _modeling_ and _posing_ for somebody, of Kihyun immortalizing his portrait in breathtaking photos that beautify the reality a lot, of showing his bare face to the world. Unlike his best friend, Changkyun knows he’s not quite a looker. His nose is too big, he has acne scars still imprinted on his skin, he didn’t have a well-built body and, to top it all, he was also _short_. He has shared these thoughts with the photographer once, but Kihyun scolded him for thinking that way saying that Changkyun was ‘more handsome than a lot of models he had photographed so far’. The compliment got him flustered for days and if he has been crushing on Kihyun beforehand, now he was becoming just _hopeless_. And he can’t even tell his best friend about it because:

  1. Hyungwon is an asshole;
  2. Hyungwon and Kihyun don’t stand each other and
  3. Kihyun is Hyungwon’s ex-boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend.



What a complicated world he lived in. And when he thought it couldn’t get worse, Hyungwon decided to pick up a fight. Well, he stood enough of Hyungwon’s drama queen attitude by now. If the older couldn’t see Changkyun was just trying to be a good friend and protect him from getting his heart broken (he tried in vain, apparently, considering Hyungwon’s current state), then there’s nothing more he can do. With a heavy heart he remembers that when Minhyuk and Hyungwon broke up he had kept quiet for a long time and tried not to pick sides, spending as much time with one as with the other. It honestly felt like he was the child of two divorced parents who couldn’t put up with their spouse anymore and passed their child from one to the other like some kind of ping pong ball. And this lasted until Minhyuk told him they can’t hang out together anymore. ‘Your face reminds me too much of him, of everything I had. I’m sorry Kyun-ah,’ his hyung said.

Perhaps if he had nagged Hyungwon back then, right now he’d be having brunch with the couple. But that wouldn’t have allowed him to meet his current crush. Kihyun’s face suddenly pops up in Changkyun’s mind and the younger can’t help the soft blush that spreads across his cheeks. He’s _hopeless_. His roommates are right to tease him for such a puppy crush. It was downright pathetic. Even if through some miracle the other did return his feelings, Changkyun knows he can’t expect a relationship from the older, lest he wants to get stuck in this thick web of exes drama. He can only imagine one thing that would be _much_ worse and that’s the scenario where he goes out with Hoseok. A disturbing shiver runs down his spine at the image that’s just _wrong_. Besides, Hyungwon would have him beheaded if he found Changkyun as much as thought about dating Hoseok. That’s a big no-no.

He’s still brooding over the fight with the tall poet and his destiny as the forever-single guy among his friends while he’s waiting for Kihyun in the small bistro that’s become their hangout place. The fried chicken and refreshing milkshakes won both of them over since the first time they have visited the place. Actually, his roommates have suggested it to him after a long hour of teasing the youngest for his crush and for denying that he was actually going on a date. Even now, Jooheon and Gun keep him company until the photographer arrives, spamming him with annoying texts in their group chat. Why they needed one when they already spent too much time together as roommates was beyond Changkyun’s comprehensive abilities.

 **_Honey$wag:_ ** _hows the d8?_

 **_I.M:_ ** _oh no hyung, Gun’s stupid 2009_

_internet slang is contagious?_

_# **Gun:** yah! wyd m8, getting the bOOttyy 2nit?_

**_I.M:_ ** _you wrote it like that just to piss me_

_off, didn’t you?_

**_#Gun:_ ** _duh._

**_Honey$wag:_  ** _respect your hyungs Kkukkungie_

**_I.M.:_ ** _STOP CALLING ME THAT!!_

 **_#Gun:_ ** _kk Daniel_

 **_I.M:_ ** _I hate you both so much…_

**_#Gun changed I.M’s nickname to Danny boi_ **

**_#Gun:_ ** _did u rmb to get a cumdom?_

**_Honey$wag:_ ** _b safe. we dont want gkids_

**_#Gun:_ ** _dafuqs gkids_

**_Danny boi changed #Gun’s nickname to #a$$_ **

**_Danny boi:_ ** _jfc stop being like this_

 **_Danny boi:_ ** _and you misspelled condom._

_at how often I trip over them in the dorm_

_I’m shocked you can’t spell it right_

**_Danny boi:_ ** _I’m so done with you two_

 **_Honey$wag:_ ** _we just want the best for u Kkukkungie_

 **_#a$$:_ ** _and we want u to get laid. fking appreciaite_

“If you glare any harder, the screen might crack.” Changkyun jumps up startled by Kihyun suddenly materializing in front of him. He clenches the front of his shirt willing to make the explosive rhythm of his heartbeat calm down. Kihyun laughs amused at Changkyun’s predicament, the teasing grin turning into a soft smile as he runs his fingers through the black locks as if he were petting a puppy. Hell, Changkyun might as well be one. “So what got your panties twisted like that Kyunnie?”

The boy in question just pouts, resembling even more a hopeless puppy. “Hyung!” the cute whine makes Kihyun chuckle as he settles his camera bag on the bench next to him. “Are you feeling better? Hyungwon told us that you were sick on Friday.” Changkyun blinks confused a few times. Hyungwon and Kihyun had _talked_ on Friday? And the Earth didn’t catch fire, there’s definitely something fishy in the middle. Noticing that the younger had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, Kihyun elaborates with a raised eyebrow. “I thought you were coming to Hoseok’s show as well, I was surprising Hyungwon didn’t bring you along.”

“Ah.” So Hyungwon had gone after all to Hoseok’s show after all. Changkyun can’t say he’s surprised, by now he half expects Kihyun to announce him that the other two have reunited and are back together. A scorn makes its way on the lit student’s face as he avoids Kihyun’s worried look. “I wasn’t sick. I just wasn’t invited,” he decides in the end to say the truth. Not like he had anything to lose and by now he knows he can trust his hyung to listen to him if he needed to talk about his problems. Kihyun scoffs at the younger’s words. “That salty bitch.”

The appellative suited his best friend and Changkyun couldn’t hold back the satisfied smirk. Of course, Kihyun was on his side. A biased option, but Changkyun didn’t quite care about morals right now. Not with the way Kihyun was so close the younger could count the little moles on his pretty face. But he doesn’t, instead he tries to find something else to focus on, but when he had a crush his mind seemed to be far, far away and it was hard to pull out of this stupid daydreamy state. “Actually, me and Hyungwon had a fight. Nothing too big, but I’m not gonna give in first, I’m tired of his drama queen attitude.” Kihyun chuckles amused and reaches out to take a sip from Changkyun’s drink, but the younger doesn’t comment on it. He’s just gonna steal some fries in return. “It’s all Hoseok-hyung’s fault really,” he admits with a sigh.

At this the photographer looks up surprised that his friend brought up his ex-boyfriend into this. Well considering they were talking about Hyungwon, it makes sense, but still. “What do you mean it’s Hoseok’s fault?”

“Well…”Changkyun began, scratching his nape awkwardly. “He...he’s not good for Hyungwon. And I tried to tell that to hyung many times, but he didn’t listen. I guess he got mad because I was too nosey…” his voice drops to a whisper as he shifts his attention to the pink straw in front of him, keeping his hands busy by mixing the melted ice cream in his milkshake.

“You’re a good friend Changkyun-ah, but I have to disagree with you on this one. I can’t believe I’m saying this but…” The younger blinks surprised, although they never really talked about Hoseok and Hyungwon’s relationship, he has always assumed Kihyun was on the same page with him. The couple weren’t a good match. Yet, Kihyun surprises him. “I have to admit Hyungwon and Hoseok really love each other. It’s painfully obvious.” The black haired young boy didn’t like the bitter smile that tugged on his hyung’s lips one bit and he wished he could just lean in and take all the sadness away. Make Kihyun happy. He has to blink a few times again to get his feet back on earth and out of _Delululand_. “Hoseok’s such a great guy, Hyungwon’s very lucky to have won his heart.”

“But hyung, look what he did to you. How can you still say he’s such a great guy?” Kihyun gives an amused smile to the cute pout that adorned Changkyun’s face. He felt really touched that the younger cared enough about him to look at the problem from his perspective. Or what used to be his perspective. Now, after he saw all the effort and love Hoseok had put in winning Hyungwon back after he saw the look of pure love on Hyungwon’s face as he watched Hoseok’s dance, it all made his view broader. He caught a glimpse of the bubble the couple has projected upon themselves and as much as it still hurt him to lose Hoseok like this, in the end what matters most is the dancer’s happiness.

“Their love is really one of a kind, the type that burns deeply and leaves scars. Look here,” he nudges Changkyun to come sit next to him in the booth and then pulls out his beloved camera, scrolling through the gallery until he reaches the video of Hoseok’s solo. He managed to catch most of it on tape, the frame changing only once to focus on Hyungwon’s mesmerized face, a detail Kihyun felt like it was important to illustrate. A shy smile finds its way on both boys’ faces as they watch the exquisite confession. “Maybe I’m a masochist, but I wish I could find that kind of love one day,” Kihyun admits quietly, eyes still on the screen, not noticing the way Changkyun glanced his way. “Yeah...me too…”

The photographer proceeds to show his model the rest of the photos, including a selfie with him, Minhyuk and Hyungwon as they were waiting for the show to end. ”I never thought this kind of photo will ever exist.” Changkyun promptly agrees, chuckling at the way Minhyuk had his arms thrown around both boys. It reminded him of the past in some way. “Now that I realized my faults, I feel bad for being part of the reason these two broke up.”

Changkyun is surprised by his hyung’s confession, but he can’t say he doesn’t agree. He hasn’t been reserved in expressing his disapproval of Hoseok as Hyungwon’s boyfriend since he only got to see a very small part of them as a couple, whatever he could glimpse at through Hyungwon’s impassible mask. Which, admittedly, wasn’t much. He remembers though Hyungwon’s smile in the beginning, before Kihyun had appeared to reclaim his ex-boyfriend. Or even how he seemed to be happy again when eventually things with the dancer were sunny again. It must have been difficult for his friend to fight for a love nobody believes in. A love that seemed selfish and more than a little unusual. Shit, _of_ _course_ , Hyungwon has gotten mad at him.

Perhaps it wasn’t too late for the two. Judging by the video he just witnessed, it mustn’t be too late. Their mutual feelings were there and just as intense as before. If only they could see it too. If only somebody could make them see-

“Hyung,” Changkyun suddenly speaks up, breaking Kihyun’s spacing out. “How are you meant to present your portfolio?”

“Oh, there’s going to be some sort of exhibition open for the public,” the photographer replies hesitantly, unsure of the unexpected fire that appeared out of the blue in Changkyun’s dark orbs. It was endearing, to say the least, and Kihyun found himself very tempted to just get lost in those passionate eyes like a moth attracted to a flame.

“Hyung, I have an idea how we can fix all this.”

...

Hoseok is not a stranger to depression. He’s been feeling like this before. When his father died, when he felt like a misunderstood teenager and didn’t take the wisest decisions (thus his foot tattoo). Depression is not only an abyss of sadness, it often comes out as pure numbness. As not wanting to get out of bed, as not being able to function like a normal, _proper_  human being. Ignoring how others reach out to you, ignoring the real world.

It takes a full day for Hoseok to realize it is completely truly over. Hyungwon is not coming back, his dance has failed him. Well, Hyungwon _did_ come back in a way. But this was not what Hoseok has wanted. Ironically, Hyungwon is the one who kept sending hopeless texts wishing for Hoseok to just pick up. The brown haired doesn’t enjoy this side of conversation either. It is torturous. Hyungwon is so _damn_ close to him now, always asking if he wants to have dinner together, watch some dramas or just go for a walk. Enjoy a coffee at Momo café.

He has noticed on his first shift after the show that his mother has somehow kept the little poem he wrote for Hyungwon and put it in a frame. Hoseok couldn’t bare the sight of his sincere heart out in the open for everyone to see. Not anymore. So he smashes the frame on the floor, almost giving Hyesun a heart attack with his reckless action. He then proceeded to burn the napkin and make sure its ashes go down the drain. Like his love for Hyungwon. “I don’t want to see this in here,” is the only explanation he gives to his mother as he picks up the broken glass. It feels more like he’s picking the shards of his heart. If only it were this easy to piece back together his soul.

Their kiss still burns his skin and if it weren’t, Hoseok wouldn’t be so sure it actually happened. But it was all so, _so_ real and its sorrowful echo dug a whole into his rib cage. Hyunwoo forces him to eat ramen a few times, threatening to call his mother and tell her that her son hasn’t been taking care of himself. That was unnecessary though, he already got scolded during his shifts which turn worryingly shorter and shorter. They couldn’t even afford to pay for that high school student that worked part time for a short while (not like he earned a lot of money out of it). Not even wearing sleeveless tops could bring in more silly rich schoolgirls to spend their allowance on sweets and coffee – Hoseok admits this is not the most orthodox of methods, but it _worked_ for a while.

At least his degree is on his way to being sent, along with some extra money from being the best choreographer of the show. But that won’t be enough to save his mother’s business. Bankruptcy on top of a broken heart. It never rains but it pours in Hoseok’s world.

…

Hanging out in the park nearby Hyungwon’s university is something him and Minhyuk haven’t done in a long time. Yet, it was a nice positive change considering how his life only seemed to go downhill for weeks now. Minhyuk’s cheerful and hyper personality was contagious and Hyungwon hasn’t realized how much he needed that until now. They have gotten ice coffee from a vendor and later on the redhead also got himself a big chocolate ice cream.

“And then when we got home he asked me if I was upset because of Soyou.”

Hyungwon hums, “So now you refer to his place as ‘home’?” Minhyuk blushes to the roots of his very red hair, much to Hyungwon’s amusement to which Minhyuk retaliates by pushing the model so hard he falls on his butt. Now it’s the daycare teacher’s turn to laugh at the other’s pain. “Anyway, we had amazing sex and I’m not worried anymore about his ex.”

The black haired gets up and dusts off his white pants. He should have known better not to dress like this, it’s never safe to wear white around Minhyuk. “Good, you have no reason. Hyunwoo loves you a lot. Didn’t you have that getaway while Hoseok was sick?”

Minhyuk grins and sighs wistfully, most likely reminiscing all that good hot times on the beach that the taller one doesn’t want to hear of. Just because they’re friends again it doesn’t mean talking about the redhead’s sex life isn’t awkward. Or downright disturbing since he knows firsthand what he is like. “Speaking of exes. You and Hoseok are now just...friends?”

Hyungwon purses his lips. After the emotional night, Hoseok has put distance between them, a distance Hyungwon hasn’t seen coming at all. He tried to ask him to hang out a few times, even offering to pay for their coffee or ramen, but he barely got a seen in return or, if he was lucky, an ‘can’t, I’m busy’. To make things worse, Hyungwon keeps replaying their last kiss and all the sensations he felt at that moment come right back at him. But he’s determined to stick to the plan. “Yep. We two are doing that too, so it’s not impossible.”

Though not even he believes himself when he says that. There’s a clear distinction between Hoseok and Minhyuk, a whole wall separating the two. Minhyuk is also very much aware of this. “But I am me, and I’m dating Hyunwoo. And he is _Hoseok_ and he is _not_ dating anyone. You can’t stay friends with an ex unless there are still feelings lingering or you never loved each other in the first place.”

“So what does that make us?” Hyungwon teases right back, calling Minhyuk on his bullshit. “You accepted to meet up with me because you want to get back together?” The others scoffs and rolls his eyes and this time Hyungwon anticipates the push that was meant to make him fall down again.

“Hell no. Not with how much of an asshole you’ve been.” At this the poet mutters an apology but Minhyuk quickly dismisses it like he’s over it already. “But we’ve been friends first, so we have a point where we can return to. You and Hoseok, you lack that. You can’t go back to something you’ve never been you know?”

A silence too heavy for either of their liking falls between them as the two friends sit down on a bench and watch the students pass by. Hyungwon’s glad he’s done with this step in his life, he won’t miss college. What he does miss is Hoseok, and he once again checks his phone for notifications to be met with absolutely nothing. Not even a new photo on Hoseok’s snapchat story – he used to update it quite a lot before, so there’s certainly something suspicious about it. “He’s been ignoring me since the show actually,” he confesses eventually when Minhyuk is done liking his ice cream and disposes of the empty cup. “He’s not replying to my texts and leaving me on seen most of the time.”

A sarcastic shit-eating grin takes over Minhyuk’s face and Hyungwon knows he’s not going to like what he’s about to hear. “You mean exactly what you did to him?”

Silence.

A kid falls somewhere and starts crying for his mom. Sound of roller skates in the distance. The water in the artesian well. The gears in Hyungwon’s head start rolling as Minhyuk mentally counts down from 10.

 _Shit,_ you’re right.”

Minhyuk gets off the bench grinning, satisfied that he made Hyungwon see the light. “ _Bitch,_ you know I’m right,” he goes overdramatic to accentuate his point by snapping his fingers three times. Hyungwon rests his head in his palms, eyes lost somewhere far away. Probably to last week’s show. Minhyuk can’t bear the sight of Hyungwon suffering (though he had enjoyed it for a while when he didn’t know the truth about their break-up). He can’t endure seeing Hoseok mop around his and Hyunwoo’s apartment. “But don’t worry, Minhyuk the Great is here to help.”

At this Hyungwon looks up with a raised eyebrow. It’s a wonder Minhyuk’s jaw didn’t crack from how wide he’s grinning right now. “Another night out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is finally here! srry for the long wait guys


	27. Whiskey in the jar of love (I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk's plan is not as flawless as he first thought. A few miscalculations might turn everything to ashes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I haven't died yet. But college is this close to killing me xD that being said, I apologize for the lack of updates the past week, and I'll try to make up for it :)

To their great displeasure, Kihyun and Hyungwon end up working together again a few times. The agency that the model signed under liked a lot their first collaboration, praising the photographer’s skill as well as Hyungwon’s beauty and immediately pairing them up whenever the occasion arises. Understandably, Hyungwon is still bitter about everything while Kihyun feels more guilty than he’d like to admit over the whole ordeal with Hoseok. However, through some kind of miracle the shooting goes even smoother than the first one. Neither of them is in the mood for useless bickering or petty fights. Hyungwon’s assigned manager, some curvy woman with a comic laughter, beams as she watches the peaceful collaboration.

During their break, the tall model approaches her quietly, trying to be as discreet as possible about his request. It isn't something he'd like others to hear about. “Hyolyn-ssi, I need to ask you for something.” The manager nods and offers him a bottle of cold water that Hyungwon accepts gratefully. “Can you find me some more high profile jobs? Something really big would be nice.”

Hyolyn erupts in crackles that kinda remind the black haired of an evil witch. “Getting greedy already?” she winks at him and returns to her phone when Hyungwon replies with a pursed lips smile. Well, it was worth a shot. Seeing that he still had at least 10 minutes break, the model sneaks outside for a smoke. As his newly picked up habit, he starts thinking of ways in which he could earn more money, and faster.

He’s a bit above going for a career as a cam boy, although he heard you can get some hefty payment out of it, which means he needs to orientate himself towards something else. Maybe he could teach kids basic Chinese in private or help them with their literature homework. He was never particularly good or proven teaching skills, but there was a first for everything. His string of thoughts is interrupted when the door opens again and the short photographer he tried to avoid comes out.

If he liked Kihyun at least one bit, or if he didn’t know that Kihyun doesn’t smoke, then he’d offer the slightly older guy a cigarette. But Kihyun just leans against the wall next to Hyungwon and keeps quiet for a while, until the model finishes off his drag. “Why are you so desperate to get new gigs?”

The model is about to rip Kihyun one when he catches the sincere look in his eyes. For once, he didn’t mean it in a sarcastic or salty way, there wasn’t even a trace of spite behind his words. Hyungwon’s taken aback by it, perhaps people can change after all. He dismisses the unlikely thought away and steps on the cigarette butt he threw on the ground. He hesitates before answering honestly. “I need the money for a friend.” Kihyun knows that Hyungwon is pretty much well off and never had to work a day in his life, that he’s surely doing this for fun or because he just wants the lime spot. But the model wasn’t the type to beg for attention like that. So the true reason slips out of his mouth smoothly, before he goes back inside. In the end, it’s not like Kihyun will be able to figure out who he referred to.

The rest of the shooting goes just as smoothly as it did until that point, though the photographer seems more distracted, especially when his phone keeps buzzing in his pocket. Hyungwon thinks he hears the little devil say Changkyun’s name when he picks up one call, but he’s sure he must be wrong. He hasn’t seen his younger friend ever since the disastrous brunch at Momo. Speaking of which, the current state of Hyungwon’s favorite cafe is the least to say lamentable. If he’s not wrong, he’s the only customer Hyesun has had this week - if you don’t count as customers those guys from the bank who came to remind Hyesun of her debt, not so kindly in front of Hyungwon. The sweet woman, of course, told the model not to worry about it, that it wasn’t anything to stress over. Hoseok wasn’t working at the time, though something tells Hyungwon that the other just left when he saw him entering the store.

Hopefully, Minhyuk’s plan will work out. Their assigned hangout will take place this weekend if Minhyuk and Hyunwoo manage to get Hoseok out of the house. The tall one suspects the two roommates and the redhead won’t be the only people coming tho, Minhyuk’s not dumb enough to let things be that awkward and look like a double date. Hyungwon’s heart trembles a bit at the thought of finally meeting up with Hoseok again after he’s been ignored. A small voice, however, still whispers to him how it’s for the best if they part ways, but it hurts too bad not to know anything about the one he has loved so dearly.

After the shooting is over, Kihyun sets down his camera and Hyungwon is dismissed to go home. Hyolyn pounces on him as soon as he sets foot in the dressing room, a grin so wide on her lips Hyungwon’s surprised her mouth didn’t split in two. “You got the best manager in the world kid, just know that. You’re gonna film a music video next week.” The black haired hugs her so tight that Hyolyn almost falls over, surprised he initiated such skinship. A music video is a huge thing, Hyungwon knows that. Hopefully, this will be able to pay off for the rest of the debt.

…

Hoseok almost believes Hyunwoo and Minhyuk when they say they just want to have a peaceful night out together. Almost. After the empty threats from his roommate about kicking his ass out, he expects his friends to drag him for drinks and set up so Hyungwon is there too. Especially after that one time Minhyuk apologized for five whole minutes about being an ass towards both of them and how much he regrets being part of why they broke , p. Well it’s too late now, Hyungwon and he aren’t a couple anymore nor would they ever be again. If Hyungwon changes his mind, for the third time already, Hoseok doesn’t know if he has in himself what it takes to welcome him back. He too has a right to protect his heart, much like Hyungwon himself did for so long.

However, there’s no Hyungwon in the pub the other couple chose. Instead, he’s welcomed by a view that he doesn’t quite expect, with Kihyun and Changkyun already playing billiards against each other. Since when were these two friends? Hoseok looks around and notices Jooheon and Gunhee, if he remembers their names correctly from last time, sitting at the bar and talking – arguing? – in hushed whispers, yet there’s no Hyungwon in sight.

“Hoseok!” Kihyun grins at him and waves in his direction. The three newcomers head for the pool table where Changkyun was currently swinging his cue stick towards the eight-ball. To the photographer’s horror, it gets swallowed up into one of the pockets. The youngest cheers loudly, pumping a fist up in the air. He high fives Minhyuk as he proclaims his victory, reminding his losing hyung that now he owns him a beer.

It is nice for a change. Hoseok doesn’t remember the last time he got to hang out with Hyunwoo and Minhyuk and not feel on the edge due to their animosity towards Hyungwon, nor when he was able to stay close to Kihyun without the other trying to make a move on him. Though, admittedly, it hasn’t happened in a while now, ever since Hoseok started sending those photo cards to Hyungwon. Whatever, he doesn’t want to think about it. Changkyun even stopped glaring in his direction for some reason and it makes Hoseok wonder if he looks that pitiful that his ex-boyfriend’s proclaimed best friend takes mercy on him. Ultimately, Hoseok was never able to hide his broken heart that well.

After his first beer, he’s pretty sure the night is going to turn out great in the end. Jooheon, Gunhee and Minhyuk were an unstoppable trio cracking jokes that got the rest of them on the floor laughing without a break. Maybe it’s the alcohol or the lighthearted company, but Hoseok is more relaxed and content at the moment than he has been in a long time. That is until a tall body slides down in their booth and sits right next to him.

“I’m sorry I’m late, couldn’t leave earlier.” His breathing is irregular and the brown haired doesn’t have to look up to know Hyungwon is lightly panting, lips slightly parted as if he had ran all the way up here. He doesn’t dare to look at him. It’s been almost two weeks since he’s been successfully avoiding his ex-boyfriend and now he’s not only in his presence, but sitting right next to him, the too small for eight people booth forcing their thighs to touch. Fuck, his skin is burning under the fabric of his jeans and he makes the mistake to breath. The familiar scent of Hyungwon’s cologne hits him like a tsunami and he has to repress a shiver.

 _Lee_ fucking _Minhyuk_ is the one who greets Hyungwon the loudest, and if Hoseok were to look up he’d even see the two lanky boys smiling at each other. He doesn’t tho, eyes trained on Changkyun instead who seems to avoid glancing in Hyungwon’s direction as well. Everything is clear now. Hoseok entered an alternate dimension where relationships have been reversed. Should he expect Kihyun and Hyungwon to be civil with each other now?

“I think this is the second time I see you wearing makeup,” Minhyuk hums and now the dancer can’t resist the temptation anymore and glances to his right. If Hyungwon’s scent hit him like a tsunami, his looks could have a hurricane named after them because Hoseok feels dizzy as if one just spun him around for the past hours. Hyungwon’s indeed wearing some makeup, but it's light and only accentuates his beauty further. He’s glowing and Hoseok wants to reach out and touch him, but he forces his hands to curl into fists underneath the table instead. His outfit is chic and boyish, a leather jacket on top of a soft shirt with a deep cleavage that shows off his protruding collarbones, all matched with black skinny jeans.

“Who do you wanna seduce tonight?” Gunhee teases but Hyungwon flips him off, not even bothering to take him seriously. Hoseok glares too at the short guy and successfully makes him shut up to the others’ amusement. They order one more round of drinks and the dancer considers going for something stronger, but stops when another whiff of Hyungwon’s perfume hits him. Perhaps it’s not the best of ideas to get drunk in his ex-boyfriend’s presence. He catches Kihyun looking in his direction, a hint of worry in his eyes. Make that his ex-boyfriends’ presence.

After idle chatter, Jooheon brings up making a pool championship but Minhyuk argues it would take too much time for all eight of them to play. And then Kihyun – Hyungwon looks at him with an expression that says ‘bless your soul’ which frankly makes no sense for Hoseok – suggests they split up in pairs. The brown haired looks at his roommate for help to save him from teaming up with either Kihyun or Hyungwon, but Minhyuk has already claimed his boyfriend as his partner. Changkyun also jumps up on his hamster-hyung, which makes Hoseok consider that Hyungwon’s younger friend has a crush on the photographer taking into account how much he hovers around him. He is too slow to realize who he ends up with until after the rest of the guys leave the booth and Hyungwon looks expectantly at him.

“Let’s beat up Minhyuk and Hyunwoo, yeah?”  His smile reminds Hoseok of a turtle, the cuteness making his heart skip a beat. Why was everyone set on making him suffer tonight? He silently gets up as well and follows the tall poet to the table the other couple picked. Hyungwon is much better at billiards than he could have imagined, Minhyuk makes the black haired break the triangle in the center and he does it without much effort, offering great angles for the next shots. Two striped balls slip smoothly in a pocket from the swing. The corners of Hoseok’s lips are pulled upwards by an ironic smirk. Of course, they get the stripped ones, the two of them are stuck in some sort of middle ground that’s neither all, nor nothing. Despite the redhead’s bragging that he knows how to handle balls, he misses any and all balls, the white one hitting the walls of the table aimlessly before Hoseok takes the cue stick from his partner.

Their fingers brush against each other but he doesn’t dare look Hyungwon in the eye. Instead, he leans slightly over the table, trying to choose which hit would be more successful. He was never too good at geometry or physics, but he played this game enough times to have a few tricks up his sleeve. And Minhyuk all so nicely offered them the advantage to set the cue ball anywhere on the table, so Hoseok felt it was his duty to use it smartly. After an orange striped gets in, the brown haired slips out of his ‘no-Hyungwon’ zone by glancing in the boy’s direction only to notice the same soft smile from before directed at him. Not too gently, he shoves the stick in the other’s face muttering something about the bar, before heading to get a third drink.

When he returns, Hyungwon is talking with some guy he has never seen before, not much of a distance between them. There’s a short exchange between them, Hyungwon lending him the mechanical bridge from their table. It makes his blood boil but the stranger quickly retreats when he meets Hoseok’s glare. Thankfully, Hyungwon doesn’t notice it himself, rather turns to the domesticized couple. Hoseok would laugh at Hyunwoo’s dropped jaw or the comic expression on Minhyuk’s face if he weren’t too busy staring in awe at the way Hyungwon singlehandedly almost finishes off the game, pocketing all the striped balls, but fails to nail the doomed black one.

Minhyuk loudly exhales at the miss, before forcing Hyunwoo to ‘go slap those balls like you mean it!’. The game goes on for some time only because Hyungwon and Hoseok decide to wait up for the others not to be so behind them – it’s not like they could play against the winner from the other table yet anyway. It feels like a few torturous hours before their victory is claimed. Hours in which Hoseok gets to ogle Hyungwon bending over the table. It’s not difficult to get hard from the sight of the black haired’s perky ass, the skinny jeans only enhancing it further. It’s been two weeks since he last felt their lips pressed together and the crave to pin Hyungwon against a wall almost takes him over. He forgot how long it’s been since they had sex (he didn’t really, but remembering that it’s been 49 days felt quite pathetic).

He catches Hyunwoo’s eyes from across the room, the small shake of his head that tells Hoseok he’s been caught in his not so discrete admiration. It wasn’t even his fault. Hyungwon was a sex kitten. For him, he’d be a sex kitten even with a brown bag on his handsome face or dressed in a garbage bag. His fingers itch to just grip those styled black locks and crash their mouths together. To feel his body pressed against his own, to take him right here and now on that pool table, show him exactly how much he misses him. To take him back home and worship his body, show him how much he still loves him. But, of course, he doesn’t. The amount of self-control he possesses should seriously make him a Buddhist monk.

Hyungwon’s shirt rides up his lean stomach as he bends in a particularly sensual way for a hit. Hoseok can see the smooth skin right under his navel and the bony hipbones he liked to bite so much. It takes an inhuman amount of thoughts about granny panties and run-over dogs to keep his boner at bay. They make a very good team, much to his despair. They beat Jooheon and Gunhee in the second tour before Minhyuk whines that watching Hyungwon win everything is boring.

For a change, they end up going to some other club close by, which admittedly is even worse than Hyungwon bending over the table. Minhyuk, the little devil, begs his ex-boyfriend to come join him on the dance floor and Hoseok is this close to making a scene in the middle of the club. He has seen Hyungwon dance once, perhaps one of his favorite memories to jerk off on. But this, clubbing, was on a different level. He glances at his roommate to check how in the world is he alright with all the guys trying to cope a feel of Minhyuk or grinding against him, but Hyunwoo just like him has a too tight grip on his bottle. He can’t decide which is worse: Minhyuk and Hyungwon dancing together, rolling their hips against each other, or all the other guys gravitating around them.

The last drop is when some guy blatantly gropes Hyungwon’s ass. Hoseok notices this from his seat on a bar and he jumps off his stool, ready to punch the asshole. Luckily enough tho, Hyunwoo shoves a beer in his face to stop him. They exchange a short glance and Hyunwoo shakes his head disapprovingly again. When the two lanky guys return to their group, Hoseok has already finished his drink. He’s about to drop some snarky remark about all the guys who hit on them, when the bartender puts an expensive looking cocktail in front of him. The brown haired looks confused at it and denies ordering it but the guy points to some pretty boy on the other side of the table. “From him.”

His eyes shift from the arrogant prick who was smirking at him to the lip pursed expression on Hyungwon’s face. Their eyes meet for the first time that night, but the black haired looks away quickly. The dancer tries to think it’s not hurt he saw flash in those dark orbs he loves, but he can’t pinpoint any other emotion. The guy starts walking towards them and his mind unconsciously starts comparing him with Hyungwon – bad move, nobody will ever be able to get on the poet’s level. Pretty boy asks Hoseok for a dance in a rather cocky manner, which Hoseok dislikes, but Kihyun, satan’s incarnation himself, rubs in this face how he should just, “Go ahead, you’re single after all.”

Hoseok glances at Hyungwon again before turning to the other guy and sending him a small smile. He takes a sip from the alcoholic beverage and with a new found courage he lacked the whole night, he says, “Yeah. I’m single. One dance won’t hurt.”


	28. Whiskey in the jar of love (II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ll get sick if I hear once more about Hoseok’s dick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay for double update

“Yeah. I’m single. One dance won’t hurt.”

Except it does, a lot. Because the guy takes that as consent to get very touchy withHoseok on thedancefloor while using lame pickup lines and hinting at getting a more private room. He hates everything about this, hates how the guy looks at him like he's some kind of trophy, hates how he can _feel_ Hyungwon's eyes following them. He wishes the earth would crack open and swallow him whole just so he can go somewhere else, far far away from everyone. When he returns to where his friends are, with the new guy in tow, Hyungwon has already moved his seat from right next to him to between Gunhee and Kihyun, two peopleHoseok  _knows_ the other can’t really stand. Hyunwoo tries to pull him into their conversation at first, but the new guy hops on next to the handsome brown haired man and immediately tries to get all his attention instead.

He’s not that bad, truth be told. He seems like a pretty decent guy, except he’s obviously horny and trying to take somebody home. And Hoseok most definitely is _not_ searching for something like that. As much as he enjoys sex just like any other young healthy man, and it wouldn’t be the first time in his life he’d go home with a stranger either, it still feels completely wrong. His heart still belongs to Hyungwon and in a way so does his body, the thought of tainting the memory of Hyungwon’s hands on him repulsing Hoseok to the core. But still…

Hyungwon doesn’t seem affected at all by this stranger and his approach towards Hoseok. He was, in fact, in a very good mood, drinking more than he probably should and laughing cheerfully with Minhyuk and Jooheon and Kihyun at some dumb adventures they’ve had in their first year of college: how the shortest tried to hit Hyungwon with a pan thinking he’s a thief when he sneaked into his and Minhyuk’s dorm room, how Jooheon peed his pants when Minhyuk and Kihyun pulled a prank on him, that one time Hyungwon got so drunk he started talking in rhymes and hitting on the waitress (keep in mind the black haired is not attracted _at all_ by the feminine gender). Hoseok hears all these stories and he doesn’t even bat an eye at the stranger’s hand – he can’t even remember his name – on his thigh, rubbing small circles on the inside of his jeans.

When even Hyunwoo joins the fun, sharing his side of stories from when Kihyun and Hoseok dated and Minhyuk dared the photograph to dye his hair bubble gum pink, he knew he was done for. He couldn’t be here anymore. Not with the way Hyungwon’s laughter sounded like music or his perfume could still reach him although there were about four or five people between them. Not with the way everyone seemed to be having fun and mocking his misery. The guy asks him again if he wants to leave and this time he says yes with no hesitation. Then the brown haired shortly waves goodbye to his friends before following the other outside of the club. He feels eyes trained on his retreating back, but can’t pull himself to look back in fear it’s actually Hyungwon watching him and his bravado would crumble down to the ground. He needs to get away from him at the moment.

The guy leads them to his parked car, but the cold air of the late night sobers upHoseok’s mind. This has gone too far, and while he’s not one to lead people on usually, he did exactly that. So he apologizes for the guy, tries not to flinch at all the insults thrown his way about being an asshole and a ‘fucking tease’, or get pissed at the ‘I hope somebody teaches you a lesson you slut’. He just silently walks back to his own apartment, wondering what his friends are doing. What Hyungwon’s doing. Are they still at the bar? Does Hyunwoo get fed off with how close the black haired and his own boyfriend acted the whole night? Does Hyungwon go home with someone who will mark his body the wayHoseok has done many times before?

He crushes in his own bed with the image of Hyungwon’s body bent over the table, Hyungwon dancing, Hyungwon’s collarbones peeking out of his shirt, his tight jeans hugging his hipbones and round ass nicely. He feels dirty when he lowers his hand under his waistband, but he guesses he’s too intoxicated to care about morals right now. So he lets himself go, lets himself imagine Hyungwon’s hands instead of his own, Hyungwon’s mouth, Hyungwon’s tightness. He thinks of the way his lover used to call his name and claw at his back greedily, how good those scratches felt for days, how much he loved the sight of Hyungwon’s marked body. Marked as his. And as much as he tries to blame the alcohol on it, when he cums he’s calling Hyungwon’s name blindly, drunk on his presence.

…

Honestly, he thought it would work. It has been so easy for Minhyuk and him to fall back into being friends, joking and teasing each other playfully – well, perhaps easy wasn’t the most fitting word considering half the year they’ve been at each other’s throats. But when it came to Hoseok, Hyungwon still felt all giddy. So as somebody starts flirting with him and Hoseok accepts it right in front of his eyes because he is _single_ , he decides he needs a drink, completely forgetting he can’t handle his alcohol and ending up laughing way too loudly at jokes that aren’t even funny. He keeps stealing glances at his ex-boyfriend across from him, at the way the other guy leans in close and whispers in his ear.

At some point the two go dancing together and Hyungwon wants to puke at the image of that twink grinding againstHoseok. Handsome, talented Hoseok that looked amazing even dressed in simple washed-out jeans and some Guns’n’Roses T-shirt. Dead drop gorgeous. And later on, Hyungwon will say it was the alcohol speaking when he utters, long after his ex-boyfriend left, “God, I wish I could have dropped on my knees to suck him off.”

He hears Changkyun choking on his beer to his left, Kihyun quickly patting the youngest’s back to help him recover. The hangout has been a terrible, _terrible_ idea and whileHoseok’s cold and distant behavior felt odd the whole time, his presence alone reminded Hyungwon of all the reasons he fell for the dancer. All the reasons his heart still clings to the memory of _them_ and doesn’t allow Hyungwon to just get the fuck over him. He’s a stubborn asshole and still keeps denying it though, trying to seem alright with their current situation because he knows getting back together would be a bad move at this point.

A small voice whispers in his mind about the future, building up false hope that perhaps Hoseok is indeed his soul mate and if he is, then he’ll return. And as much as he tries to abnegate the jealousy he feels when somebody else approaches Hoseok, after the brown haired leaves home with that _fucking_ _disgusting_ twink, it is like the heavens break and crash upon Hyungwon’s head. Despite Minhyuk and even Kihyun and Changkyun’s efforts to pull him towards the dance floor, he wouldn’t budge off his barstool, beer bottle replaced with a glass of whiskey. The last time he drank this he ended up sending a dick photo to Hoseok. The thought of doing the same just to see what his reaction would be crosses his mind. Especially since the brown haired must be fucking that jerk into the mattress by now. Like he used to fuck Hyungwon.

The only official couple was far away, somewhere on the dancefloor, or in the bathroom stalls? They left together at some point anyway. It was better if Hyungwon didn’t stray too much thinking about that. He really didn’t want to know about Minhyuk’s sex life, just that he was in a happy and healthy relationship. “I think you had enough, hyung,” their maknae tentatively says once he recovers. Hyungwon shakes his head as if Changkyun just couldn’t understand, so instead he turns to Kihyun, his archenemy, Hoseok’s other ex-boyfriend, the dwarf who made his dating Minhyuk days hell.

“You, you get me dwarf!” he stutters as he does the shorter justice with a drink. “You!” he points a dizzy finger towardsChangkyun’s direction. “Didn’t get any good dickin’ for years,” he ignores how flustered his best friend gets or the raised eyebrow and amused smirk Kihyun sends his way. “AndHoseok has the most magnificent dick, I swear toGod. It’s just…ugh!” he groans, unable to find words to express his frustration. At this Jooheon and Gunhee erupt in barks of laughter. Hyungwon turns once again to Kihyun with one of the most serious expressions he can muster. “You know what I’m talking about! Like when it twitches it’s just-- ”  

At this point Changkyun covers Hyungwon’s mouth before he can embarrass himself further, it was bad enough that his words were accompanied by obscene hand gestures. The barman throws them funny looks and the maknae apologizes before they actually get kicked out. “I’ll get sick if I hear once more about Hoseok’s dick,” Jooheon raps out making everyone besides Hyungwon and, surprisingly, Gunhee laugh.

“You know, I think it’s quite sweet that he thinks of Hoseok when he’s as tight as a brick. People get honest when they get drunk,” the shorter replies with a hint of reproach, only managing to confuse Jooheon in the process. Changkyun lets go of Hyungwon with a surprised gasp when people push by behind them in order to get to the bar. A particularly hard elbow aimed at his back makes him fall onKihyun’s lap.

“Hoseok, Hoseok, wherefore art thou Hoseok,” Hyungwon drunkenly slurs as he brings the glass with alcohol up to his full lips before Changkyun gets to sweep it away from him. “Hey, did you get over him yet?” he suddenly turns to the boy hiding behind his best friend. Kihyun’s head pops up on the youngest’s shoulder as he eyes Hyungwon suspiciously. That was such a strange thing to ask, but he supposes people say weird shit when they’re drunk. But a few minutes ago Hyungwon was about to make an ode to his – their – ex boyfriend’s dick after all. As silly and ridiculous as it first sounded, the question hit the nail spot on. Was he _actually_ over Hoseok? His arms wrap involuntarily around Changkyun’s middle, all snug and cozy against him.

“No matter how much time passes, you’ll always love some people. But…the type of love changes. I’ve given up on chasinghim if that’s what you want to find out,” he finally answers and Hyungwon seems very pleased with it, nodding wisely, eyes slightly widened in contemplation as if Kihyun revealed one of the universe’s deep secret. Jooheon seconds that with a loud shout as he bottoms up his own drink. This only angers the other rapper at the bar more.

“Well, not everyone ends up like that,” Gunhee spits out before turning to the hot-mess who could barely sit in his chair. “Hyungwon, don’t give up on Hoseok. What you two have is special and worth fighting for, you’re lucky to have found somebody like that, ‘kay?” he says before throwing some bills for his reckoning on the bar and heading out without another word. Changkyun glares at his left roommate and pushes him to follow the one who ran away. Once Jooheon leaves as well, he summarizes to his friends how the two had a fight when he was supposedly asleep. Something about cutting off their friends with benefits deal. The three boys sit in a pregnant silence, disturbed slightly only by Hyungwon trying to order another drink but this time Kihyun is the one to stop him.

Minhyuk and Hyunwoo return in time to see the black haired slopped over the counter, sobbing lightly, while Changkyun – still sitting in Kihyun’s lap – was awkwardly patting his back tryingto calm him down. Minhyuk, the big empath he was, quickly rushes driven byconcern to his old friend’s side asking him what’s wrong. There’s a heavy drowned out moan from the mess that’s Hyungwon, before he whimpers a small, “I miss Hoseok…” The newly arrived couple share a worrisome look, before Hyungwon intelligently adds, “and his dick.”

“I think it’s time we take you home,hyung,” Changkyun suggests as he reluctantly sits up. Everyone agrees and they have to struggle a bit to really take Hyungwonoutside since he was barely able to stand up as it is, let alone walk without tripping on his feet. Hyunwoo so kindly offers to let Hyungwon crash on his couch, sinceHoseok is gone anyway. It would be much easier than getting the black haired into his apartment.

Since Kihyun has decided early on to stay sober – something he usually does just to blackmail people the next day, and oh does he have some serious blackmail on Hyungwon and Minhyuk now – they all head towards his car, with the tall model having his arms dropped around Minhyuk and Changkyun for support. Right before they manage to get himin the backseat though, Hyungwon stops in the middle of the pathway and cups Kihyun’s cheeks, leaning in dangerously close. “Hamster, only you can get me. You’re my new best friend.”

The rest stare dumbly at the scene in front of their eyes until the maknae drags his hyung inside, lecturing him about being such a lightweight. If he’s pissed because Hyungwon gave away his best friend title so little, or because he got so close to his ‘hamster-hyung’, it’s not sure. The drive is not uneventful either, as much as Hyunwoo’d like to finally catch a break. He’s not used to this much drama in his life, even though he has knownHoseok for a long time, but it just seems impossible to have some rest in this entourage.

Needless to say before the first red light, Hyungwon starts shouting, “Pen, pen!!” Changkyun’s about to snap at him that he had enough penis talk for a day and that he can shove it up his ass, although that wording wouldn’t necessarily be an insult to his hyung. Hyungwon keeps squirming between Minhyuk and his best friend until eventually Hyunwoo finds a ballpoint pen in the glove compartment. Despite the pitch blackness in Seoul’s late night – or early morning already – Hyungwon still manages to spell out ‘ _C.H. <3 S.H’_in his palm, just like he wrote at the end of the poem he gave to Hoseok. Minhyuk and Changkyun look at each other with heavy worry on their shoulders, but they decide to stay silent and let Hyungwon alone for now.

With great effort, Hyunwoo and Minhyuk manage to drop the tall model on the couch in the living in a position that doesn’t seem too comfortable. Hyungwon is long gone though, snoring lightly in the eerily quiet apartment. Hyunwoo suggests they let him like this before heading to his own room, but Minhyuk decides to search for an extra blanket in the closet to cover his friend with. Before he can do that though, he trips over Hoseok’s carelessly dropped shoes. If the shoes were here, that means Hoseok’s already back from his one-night stand. That, mixed with the inebriate Hyungwon was surely one hell of a problem. The redhead can only hope he’ll be able to get up early enough to move Hyungwon before Hoseok can see him.

…

Not only did he hate his friends for shamelessly tricking him into hanging out with his ex-boyfriend, but he also has a hangover. Life wasn’t all peaches at the moment for Hoseok. Not at all. He curses his alarm clock that blurrily shows him it’s time for his shift at Momo after he barely got a few hours’ worth of sleep. To make things worse, the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes is his small froggie plushie, which he slept with last night. Chaebugi seems to be staring at him intently, judging his actions from last night and his weak character.

“God damn it, stop being such a pussyHoseok,” the dancer groans as he basically strangles the poor innocent toy. “I need to be a man. Get over him already.” Before he has the chance to change his mind, the green plushie gets thrown in the trashcan next to his door. In a flash of hurried steps, he storms to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for yet another painfully slow day. When he’s about to get in the kitchen and fix himself some breakfast along with a hangover remedy,Hoseok notices the lifeless figure dozing off on his couch. _Why in_ _the world was Chae Hyungwon in his apartment?!_

The smell of hard liquor as he approaches the sleeping blanket cocoon makes his stomach turn upside down, although the sight before him might be responsible for the sudden nausea. How could somebody be this beautiful even when he spent a whole night drinking (and driving his ex-boyfriend mad and up the walls)? His hand has a mind of its own as he reaches out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Hyungwon’s ear. Despite the repulsive smell, he still feels like leaning forward and planting his lips against Hyungwon’s plush ones. He holds back though, looking away from the gorgeous face before he does something he'll surely regret. Then his eyes fall on the open palm, barely peeking out of the blanket.

_‘C.H. <3 S.H’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s. I'll be participating in the hwh bingo so please anticipate for that :)


	29. From hell to breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Minhyuk wakes up unusually early for a free Saturday. He looks around groggily, his vision slightly obstructed by the heavy arm Hyunwoo dropped around his waist that kept him in place. Again, why did he wake up this early? He closes back his eyes when he remembers all of a sudden that Hyungwon is crushing over and Hoseok _must_ not see him.

With great effort, he manages to sneak out of his teddy bear’s arms (whose grip on him was comparable to that of a true bear) and tiptoes towards the living area. Hyungwon is still sleeping soundly, which is good he supposes, but Hoseok might wake up soon too and that will be a total disaster if -

When he does reach the couch, Minhyuk notices the carefully placed breakfast on the coffee table, Hyungwon’s favorite pancakes with nutella and bananas on top, the pancakes he always has on an exam day or after those rare hangovers. Next to the delicious plate, there was a big glass of cold water and some aspirin. Since he just woke up, Hyunwoo was still in bed and Hyungwon wouldn’t have prepared such a feast for himself in his condition, Minhyuk comes to the conclusion that this is Hoseok’s doing.

Which means Hoseok has seen Hyungwon. And consequently, he has seen the small letters the tall black haired scribbled on his palm in his inebriated state last night. _This_ is the type of situation he wanted to avoid. He knows just how fragile Hoseok’s heart is and probably all these mixed signals were not only driving him up a wall, but also crushing his feelings.

Figuring that Hyungwon will probably puke when he wakes up, Minhyuk grabs the closest trash bin he can find - which is the one in Hoseok’s room. Well, the door was left open so you can’t really blame Minhyuk for taking it. Noticing that Hoseok clearly is gone and not in the apartment, he returns to the living and places the bin next to the couch, when something green catches his eyes. A plushie. A frog plushie. It sort of looks like it belongs to the same line as the bunny Hyungwon wore chained to his bag. Without thinking, he picks it up from the trash to get a better look. It was a perfectly cute toy, why would Hoseok throw this away-

Minhyuk’s eyes widen in realization, the froggie and Hyungwon’s bunny must form a pair. _Couple items_. But if Hoseok’s was in the trash, then does it mean he thinks they’re completely over? He has no time to mull over this as Hyungwon starts to stir in his sleep, stretching his long legs on the too small couch. Minhyuk quickly hides the frog behind his back before the slumbering guy can notice it as well.

Waking up for Chae Hyungwon is a long process, which usually has as its first step going back to sleep. But his back is hurting, his feet are cold, he’s hungry and a headache is pounding his brains making omelets out of them. Thus he is forced by the circumstances to fight off his first true love, sleep. As the bitter reality of the morning after hits him - or it’s just bitter because of the awful taste left on his taste buds - Hyungwon realizes he’s not home.Not at all. And the cozy couch he’s lying on - but not cozy enough to spend the whole night on, apparently- can only be the one in Hoseok and Hyunwoo’s apartment.

Then he takes in the delicious smelling pancakes with generous spoons of nutella that rest on the coffee table in front of him. And lastly, the pale face of one Lee Minhyuk. “You made these?” he murmurs sleepily while rubbing at his eyes, urging them to stay open. Minhyuk utters something that vaguely resembles a yes before Hyungwon sits up properly and checks his phone for new messages. Considering he just had a drunken night, he expected his not-sober self to have made many mistakes. But judging by the beautiful round number of zero notifications, he proudly thinks that he should give himself more credit.

A few flashes of last night pass through his mind like a flicker. Finally spending some friendly time with Hoseok and beating everyone at billiards, Hoseok leaving with some random guy, making up with Changkyun sometime between his second and third glass of strong alcohol. Then to his horror, he can’t remember anything at all of what happened afterwards. Chae Hyungwon has never been much of a drinker, that being said, he never experienced a blackout like this before.

His head snaps to Minhyuk in an almost hilarious way ripped out of a romcom and he’d admit to his own ridiculousness if he weren’t more freaked out of what he might have said or done. The sudden move startles the redhead a few feet away from the couch. “How bad did I fuck up last night?” Minhyuk chuckles at the ominous tone in Hyungwon’s voice and shakes his head lightly.

“Well, you didn’t say anything _too_ embarrassing. Just that you miss Hoseok. Or was it his dick? Either way, I know Kihyun has enough blackmail on you to last a lifetime.” The nauseous feeling is back in full force so Hyungwon, graceful as ever, lunges towards the trash bin by Minhyuk’s feet and empties the contents of his stomach in it. Minhyuk awkwardly pats his back. Great. Not only did he make a fool of himself in front of everyone, but Hoseok has also probably seen him in that drunken state, unable to even get home - if he bothered to come back to his own apartment at all until Hyungwon woke up. After all, he could have stayed til morning with his one-night stand. Just _great_.

“Don’t worry, Hoseok didn’t hear any of that.” Hyungwon’s eyes shift towards the open door that leads to such a familiar bedroom for him. He doesn't fail to notice how Minhyuk talks so openly about his ex-boyfriend, which must mean that the dancer isn’t around. “You should go and shower. You still stink like a distillery.” If he had the energy to fight or wouldn’t look ungrateful to his friend taking him in and even going as far as fixing him breakfast, Hyungwon would have said something about Minhyuk knowing such big words - bigger than his brain. But he disregards the comment and heads towards the bathroom instead.

And if he takes too long washing up because the smell of Hoseok’s masculine shower gel that flooded his senses got him a bit dizzy, he blames it on the hangover making him slower than usual.

And if he stares at the small letters drawn on his palm for too long, trying to protect them from the danger of being cleared by the water splash, he doesn’t acknowledge it. Because acknowledging would imply accepting that in his lowest moments, the only one he thinks about is Hoseok. And how could their friendship work if his heart is this unwilling to get over the one he loved.

_The one he still loves_. If Hyungwon’s knuckles are a dark shade of red when he gets out of the shower, it’s because the hot steam of water made his skin flush, certainly not because he just punched a freaking wall.

…

Kihyun’s apartment turns out to be a studio, which in all honesty shouldn’t surprise Changkyun that much. Kihyun might be earning some good money from his photo shoots, but he was still a student in parallel. Owning an apartment on your own is already a big feat in the younger’s eyes.

After Kihyun dropped the other three to Hyunwoo’s place, Changkyun was reticent in going back to his dorm room, considering how his other roommates had been fighting earlier. For now, he’d rather stay out of it and when Kihyun offered to let him sleep over as if he just read his mind, Changkyun couldn’t hide the thankful grin that spreads across his face.

They don’t talk much about what happened on the way to Kihyun’s place, just small laughs here and there about Hyungwon basically idolizing Hoseok’s dick and how fun billiards was. “We need to play together again. Next time I’m going to win,” Kihyun proclaims to which Changkyun just smirks wider, challenging him with a raised eyebrow.

It gets a bit awkward when the photographer offers the younger his bed to sleep in, being a good hyung and all, but of course Changkyun refuses to let Kihyun sleep on the couch in his own house. Thus they compromise to share the bed that could just barely fit in two people. Taking it as a test of virtue and power of will, Changkyun prays he doesn’t end up jumping his crush in sleep, but he can feel Kihyun’s body warmth even with the space between them. At least the effects of the alcohol he had that night have already dissipated.

Seems like the odds are in his favor in the morning. Not only he’s all fine besides the usual morning wood. But Kihyun has turned around in his sleep sometime last night and is draped across his chest and left arm. Okay, perhaps it isn’t something to thank the gods for, his arm is numb and now that he’s aware of Kihyun’s body so intimately pressed against his, he’s slowly going from half hard to a full erection that won’t go down without some work. Which he can’t do in _Kihyun’s_ bed or apartment.

Catching sight of his hyung’s own morning wood pressed against his thigh doesn’t help at all. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss him good morning. The photographer did mention he was sort of over Hoseok last night, so he has a freeway But he doesn’t do it. He just pretends to be asleep, trying to tone down his small problem, until Kihyun wakes up too and leaves his side. He waits for a reasonable amount of time before heading out to the kitchen as well when the smell of eggs and bacon becomes too irresistible.

“Morning!” Kihyun greets cheerfully as he places two plates on his small table. Changkyun smiles with his dimples on full display and takes a seat, thanking his hyung for preparing him breakfast too. “No problem. Think Jooheon and Gunhee made up yet?” Kihyun asks smoothly as he hands Changkyun a glass of orange juice. The younger catches himself mentally comparing the other with a housewife from the sixties. Must be because of the pink apron he is wearing.

He shakes his head to answer Kihyun’s question, but also to get rid of the strange thought, and he grabs a piece of toast to munch on in order to keep his mouth busy. He’s been prone on forgetting his brain to mouth filter in embarrassing situations and unlike Minhyuk he can’t make the atmosphere return to lighthearted banter after. “Honestly, I’m a bit more worried for Hyungwon and Hoseok-hyung. I mean hyung left with some guy last night and you’ve seen how Hyungwon drank his nonexistent ass off…”

The photographer hums in agreement and looks out the window at the morning sky, a frown showing he’s plunging into some deep  reflexion over the latest events. Changkyun doesn’t bother him, just keeps eating quietly and stealing glances from time to time at Kihyun’s beautiful profile. “I don’t think Hoseok really went through with it. I know he might look like a player, but he’s a total softie. And he’s too in love with Hyungwon to do something like that,” Kihyun finally replies as he snaps out of his daze.

Changkyun quickly gets up from the table and goes back to where the bed is set to grab his phone, making the other give him a strange look. “Talking about being in love, I wanted to show you this for weeks now but I always forget.” Kihyun blushes slightly as his stomach is assaulted by a hoard of butterflies. Changkyun’s words gave him the impression that the younger was going to confess so he braces himself for it, even if the scenario sounds absurd. The freshman student leans slightly against the table as he gives Kihyun his phone to look at a photo.

_Oh_. The picture shows a poem written messily on a napkin and it looks like it was put in a frame for display. He swears he’s seen the background somewhere, it all looks so familiar. He reads the lyrics a few times, touched by the emotion they convey. It reminds him a bit of Hyungwon’s poem, the one written about and for Hoseok that Minhyuk showed him some time ago. He still has the photo with those lyrics and he plans to use it as well in his grand scheme.

His eyes drift up towards Changkyun’s small smirk. “I thought it worked with the whole exhibition’s vibe.”

“It does. Where did you find the poem?” Kihyun asks as he sends the photo to his own phone for storage purposes. The wording is also familiar, not only the background as generic as that white wall and corner of what he supposes is a blackboard with some cafe’s menu. Maybe he’s just going crazy, a secondary-effect he has been waiting for since he agreed to be Minhyuk’s best friend.

“At that cafe me and Hyungwon visited like two weeks ago. I think it was called Momo cafe? I’m not quite sure,” comes the mumbled reply. _Momo cafe_. Kihyun’s eyes widen in realization, of course the bland background  gave him a deja vu-like feeling and so did the words. They belonged to someone whose mind and heart he knew quite well and that raw emotion, the unadulterated love he has seen first hand. For a while directed at himself, but now completely oriented towards a tall model. Now he’s definitely adding this along to Hyungwon’s poem.

“Changkyun, I think this is written by Hoseok.”

…

After finishing the delicious although cold pancakes, Hyungwon decides to leave Minhyuk and Hyunwoo alone and return to his own place. The quiet apartment makes him claustrophobic though, the heavy air pressing down on his chest. Or maybe it was Hoseok’s smell on him that makes him want to jump out of his skin. He knows he ought to focus on other things, like his thesis presentation next week or earning money for Hyesun’s cafe - although once his share for the music video he stared in gets into his account, it should be enough to cover for the penalties. But all he can think about is the previous night, how Hoseok looked ready to leave at any second once he himself arrived, how they still matched so well, how he picked up some stranger to go home with.

_Go ahead, you’re single after all_. That snake encouraged Hoseok to hook up with somebody else. And here Hyungwon thought they could at least relate a bit. Or perhaps Kihyun hates Hyungwon so much he wants Hoseok to date anybody but him. Either way, he shouldn’t care so much. He was the one who called it off, as much as it hurt him. He was the one who assumed they could still try and be friends so he has no right to complain. This sort of situation was to be expected. Without much thought, he leaves the apartment and takes the all too familiar road towards his little haven. A chat with Hyesun is the best remedy for his hangover and all these mixed feelings he’s having.

Except, it’s not Hyesun who greets him as he enters Momo, but the person he wants to see the least at the moment. Hoseok looks up from his phone when the door opens and Hyungwon wants to curse his luck. He tried to hunt the brown haired man down for the past week in vain, yet exactly when he doesn’t want to meet eyes with him, fate makes it so they run into each other. Karma really hates him, just what exactly has he done in his previous life to deserve all this drama? After a moment that stretched too long for either of their liking, Hyungwon speaks up. “Where is Hyesun-ssi?”

“She’s gone with some business, but I can send her a message if you want,” Hoseok answers, his lips pursed in obvious discomfort. His eyes glance towards Hyungwon’s hand but he can’t see the blue letters anymore so he supposes they got washed away. His heart still ached painfully remembering the sight of his ex-boyfriend sleeping soundly on his own couch, blanket dropped over his shoulders and revealing just his angelic face and raised palm. The black haired one shakes his head, leaning slightly against the counter. Hoseok takes involuntarily a step back. “Then do you want a drink?” It might hurt to be in his presence, but Hyungwon is still a client so he needs to treat him as such.

Initially, Hyungwon couldn’t wait to get Hyesun’s famous hot chocolate, but since it is a family secret recipe he doubts the other knows it. So he settles instead for, “An Americano please.” Hoseok gets on with making the all too familiar drink and turning his back towards his ex-boyfriend. Hopefully, he’ll take the coffee on the go and leave as soon as he’s done. He can feel Hyungwon’s eyes boring into his back, but he’s not sure if it’s because it’s _him_ or because he’s wearing a wife beater again, muscles on full display. It tickles his ego anyway that he still has some kind of effect on Hyungwon. “Thought you wouldn’t be working today after last night…” the younger mumbles, but Hoseok hears it loud and clear.

“I didn’t drink as much as the rest of you and got home early,” he simply shrugs, not wanting to give too much. Part of him feels smug at the idea of Hyungwon being jealous that he went home with somebody else - even if he didn’t - yet he knows that’s not true. Hyungwon doesn’t care anymore and he has to accept it. The part time barista puts the cold beverage in front of Hyungwon, but he refuses to accept the money as much as the other insists. “On the house. This once.” The words come out with some difficulty, but he can’t bring himself to take any payment from his ex-boyfriend.

“Thank you, hyung,” Hyungwon whispers, eyes downcast as he takes a sip from his drink. Hoseok almost prays he’s gonna leave soon before his emotions take their toll on him and he’ll burst out in either tears or angry shouting. There are so many things in his mind he wants to tell to Hyungwon, but he holds back. It feels somewhat not his place to ask the younger if he really doesn’t give a flying fuck about Hoseok anymore, if  their relationship meant so little to him that he’s not affected at all by last night’s events. He wants to ask him why in the world he smells like _Hoseok’s_ shower gel, the fragrance driving the dancer crazy and making his possessive side arise once again.

“I hope bananas and nutella were a good topping.” He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth because now Hyungwon is staring at him with wide eyes and a deer caught in headlights look. It looks utterly adorable, but more than anything it confuses Hoseok. In the end, there is a limited number of people who could have prepared breakfast for Hyungwon like that - like Hoseok knows Hyungwon’s comfort food, the perfect composition for fluffy pancakes learned from his mother some years ago. He feels more than a bit insulted that the younger didn't figure out who took care of him this morning. 

Meanwhile, gears are turning in Hyungwon’s mind as he realizes Hoseok is the one who actually prepared him breakfast, but why did Minhyuk lie then? The model remembers what was scribbled in his palm earlier, a memory left from his drunk self, a reminder of his true feelings. His heart threatens to fly out of his rib cage at the thought of Hoseok seeing their initials with a heart in between, drawn messily in Hyungwon’s own handwriting. Hesitantly, he looks up and their eyes meet. There are still sparks flying between them, their chemistry undeniable. Out of instinct, he feels like leaning in and pressing a small kiss in the corner of Hoseok’s lips, right where he had a small hole from an old piercing.

Instead, he simply asks, “Did you really go with that guy last night?” His insecurity takes over for a moment, but he can’t bother to cover up the turmoil he’s sure that it’s visible on his expression. Hoseok seems taken aback by the question and Hyungwon doesn’t miss the way he bites his lower lip nervously as he opens his mouth to answer him. But before he can say anything to put Hyungwon's mind at rest, a guy with a scarily impeccable black suit enters the cafe. Not the usual cheap student that frequent this place, Hyungwon notes.

“Where is the owner?” the creepy man asks and Hyungwon notices the name tag that’s secured on his suit with a safety pin. He immediately recognizes the logo of the same bank that sent all those letters to Hyesun, the bank from which she took a loan that wasn’t paid back as of yet. Just like the last time when the woman received a verbal warning from the bank and he was present, Hyungwon feels like he’s intruding on something he has no say in, but he can’t just leave Hoseok alone with this guy. The other has put on a stern and cold facade Hyungwon has never seen until now - and he honestly hopes he won’t have to witness again, a devoid and blank Hoseok is not a friendly sight.

“She’s out. But I’m her -” The brown haired is rudely interrupted by the bank guy who doesn’t let him finish his sentence. Both Hyungwon and Hoseok turn to glare at him quietly. 

“I don’t care who you are. Tell her she has until Thursday to pay the next 10 million won or we’re closing down her business.” He slips a business card on the counter before turning his back and leaving the cafe as if he was truly disgusted to be in such an ill-famed place. As soon as the guy steps outside, Hoseok rips the business card and goes in the back room, where Hyungwon knows all the letters from the bank are piled up. _10 million won until Thursday_ , said the guy from the bank. He doesn't have all that money yet in his own account, but he'll be damned if he lets his haven get closed. Hyesun won't lose her business and that was final. When Hoseok returns to the front desk after a long chat with his mother about their current situation, Hyungwon was gone but the money for the Americano are neatly left on the counter along with a note. 

' _Treat me with a coffee next time, hyung.'_

He sighs as he puts the money in the cash register. Right now it seems like his life has no silver lining for all the heartbreak, the constant threat of falling back into poverty and the exhaustion that came with overworking himself. At least if he could win some decent money from the company for all the dancing classes he held. But life works in mysterious ways for those who ask. Soon after he starts sweeping the floors, his phone rings again and he picks up without even glancing at the ID number, expecting his mother to tell him she managed to deposit in her account some money she borrowed from some relative. 

" _Hello, is this Shin Hoseok?  We have an offer for you in regards to your choreography skills."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is slowly coming to an end, can you believe it? Just 6 more chapters left!


	30. Fascinated by the bright light of your beauty (I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun does something right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the wait, finally done with college for the year ^^ grab your tissues folks this is gonna turn emotional.

Hyungwon was dead tired. He came home sometime a few hours ago after presenting his thesis to the board he was assigned to. That, right after he spent a whole day and night posing for cameras and filming his part for a girl group music video. Still, he can’t really complain and Hyolyn is truly the best manager for booking him this event – especially since the group was quite famous. Now all he could do is hope for the salary to get into his bank account before Thursday.

Needless to say, the only thing on Hyungwon’s mind on an early Tuesday morning (it was actually past noon, but who could read the clock properly right now?) is sleep, his bed, sleep, soft pillows and more sleep. Which is so rudely interrupted by loud knocking on his door. He has a guess on who it is, really it could only be two persons, and he hopes Hyunwoo won’t mind so much planning Minhyuk’s funeral if it is indeed the redhead who disturbs his slumber. But no, Hyungwon’s met with quite a sight before his eyes when he opens the door to give the intruder a piece of his mind.

The blond hair is so striking he is truly left speechless. It didn’t seem to match the head attached to it and all he can say about this sudden change is a high-pitched, “What the fuck?!” His mouth hangs agape as he’s doing his best not to burst out laughing. Changkyun crosses his arms, clearly not amused by his hyung’s reaction in the least. He spent the whole previous day bleaching his hair and making it look somewhat decent without actually going to a real salon. His scalp itches and he’s sure in a few days he’s gonna regret this even more, but it is something that had to be done.

Letting his younger friend enter the apartment, Hyungwon runs his fingers through the newly dyed blond locks and raises a questioning eyebrow in Changkyun’s direction. The shorter still has his arms crossed over his chest, cheeks puffed in indignation at the teasing spark in Hyungwon’s eyes. “You won the bet, so here goes your _‘reward’_ ,” he answers with air quotes confusing the model even more. Changkyun is sure that his hyung forgot about their whole bet as it’s been more than a month already since that doomed karaoke night. Back when the tall one was still dating Hoseok.

But he keeps his word and always tries to say the truth and his opinions as raw and uncensored as they are. No point in sugar-coating the ugly reality. Except, the reality wasn’t ugly at all, just really hurtful. The pained look that crosses Hyungwon’s face doesn’t go unnoticed by the fresh blond as he explains his new hairstyle. “Remember when I said that if you prove me wrong that Hoseok-hyung really loves you I’ll dye my hair?” The black haired doesn’t reply anything to that, instead, he goes to the kitchen and starts boiling water for a much-needed coffee. He also digs up some leftovers from the fridge, asking Changkyun in passing if he wants anything to eat as well. “No, I actually came ‘cause you need to see something.”

“Can’t it wait?” Hyungwon mumbles, eyes trained on the microwave timer. His best friend doesn’t answer, just leans against a wall and waits in silence for him to be done. Now that he knows why Changkyun dyed his hair after a couple of years since he swore he’ll forever stick to black, now that he knows what that blond signifies – a blond that reminded him in itself of Hoseok, he can’t look at it anymore. Not when he finally had the courage to admit to himself that he’s not over Hoseok – can’t get over Hoseok – that thinking about the dancer will forever make his heart ache and burn with bittersweet nostalgia. Hyungwon supposes this is what real heartbreak feels like – something impossible to forget, sticking on your heart forever like a scar that reopens whenever you think of it.

In the end, he tries not to think about it and instead he lets Changkyun drag him out of the house despite still being sleepy. The walk takes more than expected, though what should Hyungwon expect when his friend is so secretive about their destination? All he knows is that Changkyun’s tense posture doesn’t sit well with him and that they’re going through an unknown neighborhood. He takes his time admiring the somewhat empty street that helps clear his mind and gives him the chance to ponder over some stuff.

The model wonders why his friend looks so nervous and keeps checking out his image in the shop displays they pass by. “It looks good, don’t worry about it,” Hyungwon tries to reassure the younger and receives a thin-lipped smile in return. When they finally stop in front of a gallery and Changkyun pushes open the door, Hyungwon is even more confused. Until he notices Kihyun and behind him –

Heart dropping in the pit of his stomach, Hyungwon stares wide-eyed at the panels covered in dozens of photos. “W-what is this?” he stutters out, unable to form a proper sentence. If he’d look at anything but the collage that decorated the walls, he’d see how Changkyun looks like a guilty puppy or how anxious Kihyun is regarding his reaction. Both boys keep quiet though, letting Hyungwon have his moment, walking in circles around Kihyun’s exhibition.

The photos are covering the faux wall from left to right, seemingly forming a full circle around it. Hanged on a fine red string like some delicate glass Christmas balls. To magnify the festive look, there are fairy lights wrapped around the red line in a spiral – much like those Hyungwon has worked with during the first photo shooting he had with Kihyun. Each picture tells a story and is part in itself of a bigger one, they’re all connected into a single fateful string that reveals the beauty of love. And then, on each side of the wall, each end of that line is encapsulated in a glass box, protecting the most fragile of exponents. Nobody can deny that the whole design is very well arranged, casting a poetic vibe.

And speaking about poetry, Hyungwon’s eyes fall on the glass box furthest on the left, at the beginning of this love story and his feet carry him towards it immediately. He recognized the paper hanging on that red string from afar – how could he not when it’s his own writing? There on display for every art enthusiast to see lies the poem he wrote for Hoseok on the occasion of their 50th day. And it’s not a photo, but the original he has given to his ex-boyfriend on that heartbreaking day when he felt his own core shatter into tiny pieces. He can still feel the glass shards stinging when he looks at it and the sudden realization that Hoseok is not in possession of this paper anymore hits him like a train. How did Kihyun get this poem? Did Hoseok just throw it away like that?

 

**_I found myself when I found you_ **

 

_Your gentle eyes hide a playful smile_

_I can see the bustle creeping up on your frail skin,_

_You remind me of a time from the afterlife_

_When my heart wasn't this heavy with sin._

_I am scared to think of you_

_Because I might fall deeper_

_Into an abys with no escape through,_

_Where your image becomes sweeter._

_You hexed me with your warm touch_

_I cannot abjure this feeling,_

_My chest swells with your love and such_

_Is the doom of my being._

_From now on, I'm all yours -_

_You are all I'll ever want._

_I 'm gonna follow this river's course_

_If it takes me into your arms._

 

_C.H. ❤ S.H_

As if seeing the lyrics he wrote so long ago isn’t enough of a stab at his vulnerable heart, a small bunny caged in the same glass box smiles at him, truly an image of innocence. The same bunny he thought he lost and searched for in the whole house just a few days ago, the one Hoseok got for Hyungwon to have something that reminds the younger of his back then boyfriend. His first instinct is to grab what’s his and go home. But _everything_ that’s on display is his on some level, it’s his bare heart exposed for so many people to see and he can’t do anything about it but let them take a peek into his soul. His privacy feels violated and he’ll surely have a word with Changkyun about it later on. That doesn’t mean he’s ashamed of his feelings in any way, he’ll never feel ashamed for loving Hoseok as much as he did – as much as he does.

Next to the poem and the cute plushie, the very first photo exhibited is the very first photo Hyungwon and Hoseok took together on their second date when they went for ramen, a big contrast from their first meeting in an Italian restaurant. Both of them have such big grins on their faces and Hyungwon knows, he _remembers_ just how happy he was at that moment with Hoseok’s arm wrapped tightly around him. Hyungwon’s happy that this is how the start of their romance is portrayed, instead of the obscene photo he accidentally sent to the older. More photos follow, set in an almost perfect chronological order.

He recognizes most of them since they were taken by himself months ago. Some seem very familiar and he supposes that they’re taken by Hoseok and that he has them saved somewhere or has at least seen them before on the other’s phone. Even those silly pictures with Hyungwon posing for Hoseok are displayed. Some photos, however, are completely new to the poet, secret shots of Hyungwon that the dancer sneaked when the model was sleeping in Hoseok’s hoodie or when they were watching dramas together. There’s even a photo of Hyungwon just sitting on the grass in his campus reading from a book.

Hyungwon never noticed Hoseok taking any of these, yet here they are, expressing just how much the older liked to look at his (ex-)boyfriend and admire him. The last photo on this side of the wall makes Hyungwon’s breath hitch. It was taken during their karaoke get together. Jooheon and Kihyun were fighting over which song to pick, each determined to use the microphone as much as possible that night, Gunhee close behind supporting the rapper. Minhyuk was laughing his drunk ass off while Hyunwoo looked worriedly at everyone around the room, like a protective older brother. Changkyun was the one taking the picture, showing his dimples to the camera.

And then on the couch, Hyungwon was sitting in Hoseok’s lap, face hidden in the crook of the dancer’s neck. Hoseok was holding him close in his arms, lips pressed on the other’s forehead in a loving kiss. The scene looks so intimate, a complete contrast to the chaotic environment surrounding them. But neither of them seemed to have minded the bustle, appearing to talk in soft whispers, too caught up in their own bubble. And that’s exactly how the younger felt whenever Hoseok was holding him. Hyungwon tries to keep the tears at bay when he goes on the other side of the fake wall, already expecting the worst to come.

Since the photos were set in chronological order and the first part finished with the night preceding their breakup, Hyungwon’s not surprised by the lack of photos with him and Hoseok in the same frame. He recognizes the photo cards he received from Hoseok when the other was still trying to fight for their relationship and not avoiding Hyungwon instead – though, Hyungwon defeatedly admits, he deserves this treatment after all the hardships he made Hoseok go through. And just like with his poem, he can see that they’re the actual originals that have been locked up in a box along with the bunny plushie. The realization isn’t as shocking as seeing the white fluffy ball or the paper with his handwriting.

The last photocard he received is followed by shots with the taller wrapped in fairy lights, shots of Hoseok working at Momo cafe, shots of Hoseok’s dance made specifically for the younger and Hyungwon’s mesmerized eyes watching the confession under spotlights. Each photo shows a stage of their relationship leading up to the current point. The last pieces on the string are new to the model as well, and very recent at that. They’re probably the only pictures where he and Hoseok are captured next to the each other after the harsh breakup. Kihyun must have been really sneaky to manage to photograph the couple playing pool together against Hyunwoo and Minhyuk in both shots. Depicting a mirror effect, the two snapshots are glued together, one showing Hyungwon holding the cue stick while Hoseok is waiting for his turn and the other is showing the exact opposite. The shots look almost identical, especially with the way they gaze at each other.

Tears start flowing down Hyungwon’s cheeks when he sees the pained look on Hoseok’s face, the longing, the heartbreak. The pure _love_ . And the way he himself reflects that look in the second photo is so obvious, it _hurts_. His hand reaches out hovering Hoseok’s face, wishing he could go back there and cup those cheeks, kiss them, kiss the dancer’s lips, hold him close and tell him how much he truly loves him. How much it hurts to be away from him. How much he wishes they could change what happened. But he knows Hoseok’s done with him now, he’s seen that when he went home with somebody else. Hoseok’s done fighting and waiting – he has already been doing that more than enough while Hyungwon simply put him on standby. It is too late now. Or is it?

Too distracted to look at each individual photo, Hyungwon doesn’t notice the second plushie until the small froggie is right under his nose and he’s certain he must look as green as little chaebugi here. The same anxiety takes over him, thoughts about how Kihyun and Changkyun entered in the possession of such intimate items pick at his brain. Did they have to steal them from Hoseok as well or did the older give them willingly? Or what if, worst of all, Hoseok has just thrown them in the trash, not caring at all about preserving proof of their love. Perhaps he was even trying to get rid of the bitter memories. Hyungwon’ can’t blame him for it.

There’s another photo hanging on the string and enclosing the full circle behind the glass of the box that protects the little frog toy. Identical with the one that protects Hyungwon’s poem, this box nestles a photo of a… napkin? Considering how the texture of said paper looks, it can’t be anything else. But it is no ordinary napkin, no, it is a napkin that has lyrics scribbled on it. Hyungwon completely breaks down when reading them, realizing who they belong to. The handwriting is the same as the one on the back of his dear photocards. There are people gathering around him, giving him odd looks, but that’s his last concern when he’s facing Hoseok’s second confession.

_I miss the little smile_

_That adorns your sleepy face_

_And the way sun shines_

_When you glance my way._

_I miss napping in your arms_

_And making you coffee,_

_The way you hold me close_

_When the film gets scary._

_I miss your cute voice -_

_The way you call my name,_

_How you shy away_

_Whenever I kiss your neck._

_Even if it takes an eternity_

_For you to come back,_

_My love, I promise you, I'll wait._

_S.H._ _❤_ _C.H._

 

Changkyun moves to hug Hyungwon tightly, give him a shoulder to cry on and offer some much-needed comfort while Kihyun politely asks the other gallery visitors to give them some space and move on to other photographers. “Ki-hyung wanted to show the whole world your love, a story worthy of books and poems and galleries dedicated to it,” the blond says while rubbing circles on Hyungwon’s skinny back. Through wet, glued with tears lashes, the model glances at the panel one more time, finally noticing the light installation above the photographs. Simple letters that illuminate brightly the whole room. _Shine forever_.

Kihyun comes closer sheepishly, resembling a child trying to make up for breaking his mother’s favorite vase by buying her the biggest, most beautiful bouquet of flowers. His glassy eyes let Hyungwon see the embarrassment Kihyun’s going through as he apologizes for seasoning Hyungwon’s wound with salt. Still, it gives the younger no satisfaction whatsoever to see the photographer’s struggle. Hyungwon’s the one choking on tears, after all.

“Even if you two don’t see it anymore, your love is something that will shine forever in the eyes of those who know you. And now, of those who have seen the exhibition.” It is a peace offering. An apology of sorts for all the bad blood between them and Hyungwon will accept it as it is, even if he’s gone all his life by never forgive, never forget. But the exhibition is so breathtaking, the poet can’t even think of a better way to illustrate what he and Hoseok shared. It’s magnificent and words can’t do it justice. The sudden thought that the dancer might end up seeing this as well, that he might have already seen it, turns his vocal chords into a messy knot.

“Shine forever…” he whispers, eyes glazing with even more tears as his heartbreaking sobs turn into soft sniffles. He seems to be unable to look away from Hoseok’s poem and by the fifth time he reads the lyrics, they already got memorized and forever stuck in his mind. Changkyun hugs him tighter and tries to say how sorry he feels for sneaking around to make this exhibition. But Hyungwon just shakes his head, he doesn’t want to imagine how hard it must have been to get their hands on every photo and moreover on the two poems, even if he’s a bit pissed about them going through his stuff. “N-no...this – it’s fine. It’s beautiful, Kihyun. Good job.”

Those are the only words Hyungwon articulates before looking at it all one more time, following the string carefully and analyzing each and every shot that leads the path like small bread crumbs on a forest floor. Eventually, overwhelmed by the feeling of hopelessness, the model excuses himself, congratulates Kihyun again for the exhibit and simply goes out the door as if staying in that building even for one more second will make him combust. He leaves behind an uncomfortable silence that makes the two boys responsible for everything feel even more guilty. Changkyun shares a worried look with the photographer but there’s no time to ponder on Hyungwon’s abrupt leaving when two figures appear soon after.

“Kihyunnie, it’s so good to see you!” Hyesun’s cheerful voice chimes as she goes to hug the shorter boy. Hoseok, a few steps behind his mom, freezes where he’s standing when he notices the fake wall covered in photos.


	31. Fascinated by the bright light of your beauty (II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon and Hoseok do something right too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided not to leave y'all on a cliff hanger for too long, so here's the second part of this cryfest

Kihyun has invited Hoseok to check out his exhibition – the final project for his photography degree – when he’s got a bit of time, insisting it was of the utmost importance for the dancer turned choreographer as of recently to see. In a spur of the moment, the brown haired man went to his mother’s cafe and asked her to join him when he got a break from work. Hoseok knows how the bank deadline’s fast approach affects her emotional state and at the time, visiting an art gallery together seemed like such a great idea to take both of their minds off things – the debt and threat of losing the cafe for Hyesun and the latest meetings with Hyungwon for Hoseok.

It’s been haunting his thoughts without a single break. Ever since he found his ex-boyfriend sleeping so carelessly on his living room’s couch, their initials with a heart in between them scribbled on his palm like it was _nothing_ – no, it was more like something Hyungwon doesn’t want to forget on his way to the grocery store. Hoseok sought to lose himself in work, his go to place when he’s running away from real life. He just got a contract, his first ever contract as a choreographer, and it was with a pretty famous idol group too, so he tried to give his all into coming up with the best choreography that will win the girls many music shows.

This is the ultimate test for his skills, a turning point that will either take him on the highway to great success or, on the contrary, ruin every single chance to make a name for himself in the industry. It is stressful, to say the least. Even more so with a wild drunk Hyungwon running around in his mind, a careless Hyungwon who just drops by to get Americano or to sleep on his couch. So after leaving the girls to grab some lunch or practice alone for a couple of hours, Hoseok thought paying Kihyun a visit is the best idea he could muster. He was wrong.

His eyes narrow in first on the photo of Hyungwon laying with his head in the dancer’s lap, dozing off cutely while they were watching some drama. Hoseok didn’t even pay attention to the screen at that time, too preoccupied to admire his lover’s beauty. Then he notices the photo of him and Hyungwon trying to make ramen together and failing miserably, but he can remember how sweet the younger’s kisses tasted that night in contrast to the salty pizza they’ve shared later. The wall is covered up with memories, _his memories_ , of – probably –  the best time of his life as of yet. Or perhaps as of ever.

Kihyun is still locked in Hyesun’s asphyxiating hug while she’s getting to know Changkyun, the boy she saw a couple of times with Hyungwon. Hoseok doesn’t pay any attention to that, not even Changkyun’s dazzling blond hair catches his interest. He steps closer until he’s face to face with Hyungwon’s poem instead, engaging immediately in some sort of eyelock with his plushie counterpart. Little wontokki looks so sad without chaebugi and Hoseok is filled for a second by overwhelming guilt for throwing away the keychain. The feeling is quickly replaced by anger as he realizes wontokki is no longer in Hyungwon’s possession. It’s hypocrite of him to get mad over something like this when he himself discarded chaebugi so easily. But there’s no ration left in him whenever Hyungwon is involved.

His eyes shift from the white fur to the well-known lyrics. The brown haired man remembers how he took it out of his pocket after his dance show, after that last kiss shared with Hyungwon. He remembers the utter heartache felt that night when he made himself let go of the one he loves more than anything. Not carrying around the poet’s confession was the first step in trying to get over him – an even bigger fail than their lame attempt at cooking ramen. Considering that breaking the glass and taking away his lost lucky-charm (can it even still be considered a talisman at this point?), Hoseok moves on to see everything there is to see. Something ‘ _of the utmost importance_ ’.

Picking which part of the exhibit is more painful turns out to be difficult. On one side, there are all those photos since Hyungwon and Hoseok have been dating, showing just how happy they made each other and that is the ultimate truth. Hoseok hasn’t felt joyless at all while dating Hyungwon. Sure, at times the insecurity regarding the younger and Minhyuk ate him alive and it felt like literal hell to fight over Kihyun coming back. But those are not Hyungwon’s doings causing him pain. Rather, looking at it in retrospect, all appears to be just an endless list of unfortunate coincidences.

On the other side, however, they are depicted as two individuals rather than a couple. Separate halves of the same being cut without mercy in two distinct parts. Hoseok was never the brightest student in high school, but he remembers some philosophy classes that made a strong impression on his younger self. Sartre’s existentialist quote about how humans are given an infinite amount of freedom to make authentic choices marks his left thigh. And yet, the sappy romantic in him clings the most to the idea of soulmates – a concept derived from Plato’s androgyne myth, if his memory doesn’t betray him. The mere idea of having someone crafted for him, of being created to be an exact fit for another person, it gave him the strength needed to get over his ‘dark days’ as the dancer calls them, when he cared about nothing but partying.

Thinking that somewhere a person he hasn’t met is waiting to appear in his life pushed Hoseok to try and be a better man for when he meets that person. He’s not saying that he believes Hyungwon _is_ his other half, but if he indeed has a soulmate out there then it can’t be anybody else. The brown haired stares mesmerized by the endearing photos of his prince posing with fairy lights all over him. Kihyun, who just escaped from Hyesun while she’s all over Changkyun, explains to him that Hyungwon started modelling again just a few weeks ago and that they ran into each other a few times because of that. Hoseok keeps quiet, his eyes slowly going over what aspects of his ex-boyfriend’s life he has missed. Then finally –

“Wait, I wrote this. How did you get it, I burned it,” he frowns, throwing daggers at the photographer who scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. Chaebugi, trapped behind the glass screens, seems to give him the evil-eye for being thrown away so carelessly and Hoseok can’t stand the guilt that comes out of that green polyester. He knows a more pressing enigma is how Kihyun got the plushie from his trash or the photo of his lyrics. The mental images of Kihyun digging through his stuff is too creepy and too angering to ponder over.

“Kyun-ah took a photo of it when he went to Momo once,” is the short explanation he gets. Hoseok doesn’t ask further about why Changkyun would take a photo of it or why he was at Momo in the first place. He doesn’t ask about the soft nickname either. He’s too distracted by the pictures from his and Hyungwon’s billiards match. The photos of Hyungwon watching his performance weeks ago. Any shot with that angelic face, really. Hyesun approaches her son slowly, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder and snapping him out of his daydream.

“These are some really beautiful photographs, Wontokki. I’m sure Hyungwon thinks the same.” At the mention of the just-discovered-to-be-model’s name, Hoseok looks up with confused eyes directed at his mother. ‘Hyungwon knows about this as well?’ is what he wants to ask but doesn’t, too afraid of his voice cracking if he opens his mouth. There’s no need to say anything though since Hyesun reads him like an open book as usual. “Changkyun-ah told me he brought Hyungwonnie here, but he had to go somewhere else and left just earlier.”

So the two of them barely missed running into each other. Hoseok’s heart clenches at that notion, unsure if he’s glad they haven’t or if he wishes to have arrived earlier and get the chance to see Hyungwon’s reaction to this exhibition first hand. Did it pain him as much as it did for Hoseok? Does he long to return to the past as much as Hoseok does? No, that is a silly question. After all, Hyungwon’s the one who called out things – three times at that. Perhaps he actually regrets ever dating Hoseok at all and threatened to kill Kihyun for displaying such obvious proof of their love.

Overthinking like this makes him sick, there are too many questions with no answer that will keep haunting him for days to come. It appears like paying Kihyun a visit didn’t help clear his mind at all, quite the opposite. Glancing at his watch, Hoseok makes up some excuse about how his break is almost over and he needs to go back to work. The dancer kisses Hyesun’s cheek lovingly, ignoring her knowing look. In turn, he spares no goodbye for his photographer friend or his little blond helper, too focused on leaving the hell out of here before he completely breaks down. It’s a miracle he didn’t start bawling his eyes out as soon as he saw the collage, but he made a promise to himself not to cry anymore.

With Hoseok out of sight, Kihyun exhales loudly in frustration. Has he done the right thing choosing this theme as his final project? Both Hyungwon and his own ex-boyfriend had similar reactions seeing the photos. This must be some sign regarding their connection, the depth of their feelings for each other. Maybe a sign altogether that the two are meant to be. He’s proud of all the hard work he put into this exhibition, he’s even satisfied with the final result, something that he can’t say about all the shots in his portfolio. But what if this caused more harm instead of mending things like it was supposed to? Changkyun steps closer to his hyung, reaching out to hold the older’s hand when he notices the desolate look on his otherwise handsome features.

“He’s going to be alright,” Hyesun’s warm voice makes both boys look up at the wise woman and her loving smile. Kihyun has been on the receiving end of that smile many times when he and Hoseok dated and just like her son Hyesun’s bright grin is more than capable to turn stormy weather into happy sunshine. He can feel Changkyun squeezing his hand lightly, showing his silent support for the older, but why does it make Kihyun’s heart flutter? He shakes this thought, dismissing the ridiculous feeling and focuses on Hyesun’s soft smile again and her insightful words instead.“They both needed to see this, thank you Kihyun for making this beautiful exhibition for them.”

She winks on her way out to the two boys as they bid the cafe owner goodbye, bowing respectfully. It takes much longer than it should for Kihyun to process that Changkyun is still holding his hand. In the whole nerve wracking fret with Hyungwon and Hoseok’s reactions, he didn’t even get the chance to ask the younger about his dyed hair or tell him how good it looks on him. He’s going through a mental debate on whether or not he should complement the college freshman when the blond beats him to starting a conversation.“Hyungwon cried, but Hoseok didn’t,” Changkyun points out, his gaze lost behind the panel with photographs.

Kihyun agrees quietly, admiring the other’s profile and considering taking more photos of his favorite little model. Working with Changkyun – as both a model posing for his shots, as well as the sidekick who sneaked out the photos for Hyungwon’s side for him – was one of the most pleasant collaborations and it makes him sad to see it coming to an end. Speaking of which, none of his friends have noticed the other panel he made for the final project, a sort of antithesis of the couple collage. So Kihyun offers the slightly shorter boy a little smirk as he tugs on his hand and pulls him a few feet away from where they were sitting next to Hoseok’s poem.

“You didn’t get to see your own photos,” he says as they stop in front of another black wall, this time decorated with black & white shots of Changkyun in various poses, sometimes he’s frowning, in others he’s sulking. There are a few photos where the younger is actually smiling. All pictures have one trait in common however: solitude. Just like the time Kihyun found his younger friend waiting for him and the image of Changkyun lost in his thoughts was so endearing he asked him to be his model. The kind of loneliness portrayed by the blond is different from the one Hyungwon or Hoseok exude in their solo shots. It isn’t filled with desperation or sadness. Rather, Kihyun sees it as a calm abeyance, a content expectation for the kind of bond Hyungwon and Hoseok have shared.

Changkyun, as Kihyun came to learn, speaks more through his actions than his words. So when the blond offers him a timid dimpled smile, it’s enough for Kihyun to know Changkyun loves this part of the exhibition, despite being so shy about wording it or having his photo taken. The older finally manages to ask about the new haircut now that they’re all alone and is more than taken aback by the story about his bet with Hyungwon and how the blond was supposed to remind the tall model of Hoseok’s love. Just like the brunette thought, Changkyun speaks more through his actions, the humble way in which he recounts his efforts to bring the couple back together is proof enough of what a good friend he is. The maknae of their strange group has a heart made out of gold and Kihyun hopes Changkyun will eventually find that bond he’s waiting for, somebody who will love him unconditionally and treasure his caring soul. Falling in love with Changkyun would be very easy for anyone who looked deep enough into his eyes.

The younger stays at the gallery with him until the sun starts to set and the city lights become brighter and brighter. Sometime after Hoseok left, Minhyuk came to see the final result as well and promised Kihyun to tell him if the dancer’s behaviour changes while he’s staying over at Hyunwoo’s tonight. But so far nothing. No life sign from either half of the couple and it’s driving Kihyun insane. As the last visitors leave the gallery, he whispers dreadfully, “This was a bad idea Changkyun.”

They’re sitting on the stairs at the entrance, sipping from the bubble tea cups the literature student got for them to hidratate. People pass by on the street, completely ignoring them, too caught up in their own world. It’s almost funny how people are so ignorant to a stranger’s pain. Changkyun rests a palm on top of Kihyun’s knee, his thumb rubbing small circles into the exposed skin peeking out of the holes in the older’s jeans and sending sparks through his body. The younger keeps quiet, but the way he looks at his hyung signals how he doesn’t agree with Kihyun’s words. “Just give it some time, hyung.”

Kihyun vehemently shakes his head, stubborn and lacking self-indulgence. He doesn’t want to accept defeat, but the worries are overwhelming him and if Changkyun wasn’t right next to him, then he’d probably start pulling at his own hair. He can’t keep his feelings at bay anymore and they start pouring out of his mouth at a pace that could give Jooheon’s rap a run for his money. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place. I did enough damage as it is, I’m the reason the two broke up and fuck, Changkyun, I made Hoseok suffer. Of course he chose Hyungwon in the end, Hyungwon made him so damn happy. I should have just stayed in Paris. Can’t mess things up there, I mean, look at me. Who would even want this? A bastard – ”

The rambling is cut short by sugary lips pressed not so softly against Kihyun’s own. The photographer is rendered speechless while his brain goes haywire, neurons unable to form proper synapses. Breathing is an ability long forgotten, all air stolen by Changkyun’s kiss. Sadly, he pulls away too quickly, leaving Kihyun in a daze leaning in for more. It’s one of the shortest first kisses Kihyun has ever shared but also one of the sweetests.

He can still feel the flavor of Changkyun’s beverage complementing the leftovers from Kihyun’s own drink and the combination turns out to be addictive. His tongue peeks out to lick his upper lip and when he looks up to meet Changkyun’s eyes he knows. Changkyun has waited for him to take that deep look in his dark orbs and see his feelings. The realization brings heat to Kihyun’s cheeks and butterflies start squirming in his stomach.

“But, hyung, if you stayed in Paris, we wouldn’t have met,” Changkyun grins brightly, the sunset reflecting into his blond locks making his image blinding to the other. Despite shaking in his boots, Changkyun tries to keep his cool facade, attempting not to show just how nervous he actually is because he just kissed Yoo freaking Kihyun. The hyung he’s been secretly crushing on for some time now. So with all confidence, he tells the older, “Don’t you dare run off to France. I will hunt you down and drag your ass back to Korea.”

Kihyun’s blush only deepens and he has to hide his burning face in his palms for a few seconds, too embarrassed by the other’s sudden confession. Warm fingers pull his hands away though and he’s met again with the sight of Changkyun barely a breath away from his face. “Let’s go and get some chicken for dinner, yeah?” The photographer nods quietly not trusting his ability to utter words anymore. They get up from the stairs and dust off their jeans, electric-filled silence heavy between them. Changkyun avoids more eye contact, terrified that he fucked up and that Kihyun now hates him.

Worrying doesn’t last long when the brunette kisses his cheek cutely, a small smile tugging on his lips. A promise not to run away. A promise to stay and try to figure things out, together. Changkyun returns the smile, dimples popping in his cheeks as he takes Kihyun’s hand and they return inside the gallery to retrieve their things. Besides the manager and some cleaning staff the place seems to be dead empty at this late hour. Honestly, Changkyun expected Hyungwon to return later on to look again at the exhibition or at least to take the bunny keychain back.

The younger looks once again at their hard work, admiring the artistic way Kihyun arranged those photos. He’s sure it wasn’t all in vain, as much as the odds seem to point in that direction. He knows how Hyungwon’s mind works and that his friend just needs more time to process things sometimes. His eyes fall on the lyrics guarded by a fluffy keychain. Yes, Hyungwon just needed more time to come to terms with his own feelings. “Ah, I think you should leave those glass boxes unlocked.”

Kihyun frowns at the strange request. He made sure those boxes were locked in the first place so something as precious as those plushies or the two poems don’t get stolen. But he shrugs and listens to Changkyun in the end when the younger just grins and says he’s got this _feeling_. He’ll take up Changkyun’s instinct over his own right now.

…

The dark clouds hovering over Seoul’s sky don’t scare away Hoseok from leaving his apartment soon after he arrived to fill his stomach with ramen. Work has been tiresome, but it’s exactly what the doctor prescribed for his current situation, the complicated mess that his love life has become. Even as he watched over the attractive girls for whom he made up a choreography, his mind was full only of Hyungwon. His smile, his sleeping face, his bickering, the whiny voice he makes in the morning. All these little details that made him _Hyungwon_ , that made Hoseok fall in love with him.

Guilt is another thing that pulls at his heart. Knowing he has thrown away chaebugi, but he can still find it in his house is one thing. Knowing he cannot retrieve it immediately since it’s not nearby makes him almost panic. After showering, he slips on over a sleeveless tank top one of Hyungwon’s shirts that he purposefully forgot to give back after their breakup. He doesn’t try to button it up, in fear of the soft material snapping on his well-built frame. The sweet perfume of the poet’s cologne has long faded, but that doesn’t change how much it helps Hoseok calm down. On his way out the dancer makes a point of ignoring Minhyuk and his questions, must probably on Kihyun’s behalf. If the door gets slammed behind him, it was a mere slip-up.

Trying to ignore the heartache that only got bigger as the dark filled up the night, he focuses instead on the road and getting to the gallery as fast as possible. Luckily, there is still some time before midnight, the closing hours, so Hoseok can enjoy the view on his own since nobody would bother to check out a gallery right now. Kihyun’s exhibition looks even more ethereal in the semi-darkness, the fairy lights flickering over the photographed memories. Wontokki seems happy to see him, slightly leaning against the glass as if he wants to break free and join chaebugi’s box – Hoseok briefly wonders if he’s losing his mind. The photos of him and Hyungwon shine brightly in the dim room. The words _Shine forever_ burn his irises with their bright light and the cursive font makes him think of some fairytale. The fairytale of knight Wonho and frog prince Hyungwon, who lived happily ever after in a kingdom far, far away.

Hoseok follows again the red string’s order – Kihyun’s such a cheesy little shit for specifically picking up a red string  –  too lost in a view that has also been captured in his heart since the very first moment. Still, he keeps his tears at bay. He won’t allow himself to cry in front of wontokki, what kind of example would he give? Yes, he definitely started losing his mind if he gave so much credit to a plushie. His feet carry him in circles a few times around the fake wall before he finally stops in front of his own poem. His eyes scan over the troubled words and it’s like he’s back at Momo cafe writing them again, determined to fight for his relationship with Hyungwon. It hurts to think about what was, but it hurts even more to think about what could have been.

It is a chilly night in Seoul with heavy clouds bearing rains and storms, but this didn’t stop two shadows lurking around a small gallery filled with memories. Through the big glass panels, you could see two young men admiring the same exhibit without even knowing. Thunder rocks the empty room, but Hoseok is too lost looking at Hyungwon’s prince shots to pay it any notice and when lightning strikes, he almost thinks Hyungwon’s beauty is the one blinding him. His hand reaches out to trace the delicate shape of his former lover’s face, wishing his touch could land on the real one. Unbeknown to him, the lanky model, clad in joggers and a too large hoodie, sneaked inside the building at the same time the heavy rain started pouring.

Hyungwon has to stop in his tracks, stunned by the beauty of the photos decorating the fake wall, of the fairy lights that make everything look even more artistic, of the _Shine forever_ that encourages him to step forward. He came here with a purpose and that is to retrieve his letter and take his fluffy bunny back home where he belongs to, but his attention quickly shifts to the photo of Hoseok kissing his cheek, eyes wrinkling in semi-moons as he barely holds the grin back in an attempt to keep pressing his lips against Hyungwon. Another thunder rolls by as Hyungwon’s thumb caresses Hoseok’s cheek over the photo. He can almost feel the soft warm skin. If only he could hold Hoseok’s face like this one more time.

Like magnets, both were pulled back to the place that portrayed the beautiful essence of their connection, being so close to each other, unaware of just one thin wall separating their hands from touching. The sounds of sirens driving by snaps Hyungwon first out of the nostalgic reverie. His hands do quick work opening the box and after he retrieves what he came here for, the taller man turns his back towards the exhibit, knowing full well that one more second spent in the gallery will make him unable to leave it at all. The sound of footsteps running away surprises Hoseok, who thought he'd been alone all this time. Hurriedly,  he opens the glass box and rescues the abandoned frog.

Chaebugi safely clutched in his palm, his heart couldn’t bear the thought of leaving wontokki here alone so he decides to take the bunny with him as well. At least these two should be together. But as he rounds Kihyun’s exhibition, eyes landing on the side of the wall that depicts the beginning of his and Hyungwon’s relationship, he notices the empty glass box. No frog plushie, no poem. Hoseok panics as he realizes somebody stole something so precious to him. But the little remains of logic in his brain point out that nobody would be interested in stealing something with so much sentimental value and so little money worth. Well, nobody besides …

Hoseok runs into the hard pouring rain outside, completely ignoring the storm as he frantically searches for the thief. And there he is, but a few hundred meters away. If it were somebody else, Hoseok wouldn’t have been able to recognize the person dressed in such common clothes, but this is _Hyungwon_ and he’d recognize that frame out of billions. “Hyungwon-ah!” he finds himself shouting. It is in vain, however, Hyungwon can’t hear him among the rough sound of water splashing the wet pavement, forming pools in the cracks and dips of the concrete.

The small frog Hoseok held so tightly on falls into one such puddle, the soft material instantly soaking in the water like a sponge. Hyungwon’s shadow disappears around the corner of the building and the brown haired can’t do anything but stand on the gallery’s steps and watch his love run away. He ran away with his own half, with their couple item, and that makes Hoseok’s chest swollen up with hope that, perhaps, not everything is lost for good and that Hyungwon would be willing to finally fight for them. Only when his hands fist around empty air does he realize he’s not holding the plushie anymore. He quickly scrambles to pick it up and squeeze the water out,chaebugi appearing to be sad and lonely, betrayed to have been thrown away, then kidnapped and now drowned.

“I’m sorry I threw you away! I’m so sorry!” Hoseok apologizes, bringing the small frog up to his eyes. The rain makes his tears virtually invisible among the other strings of clear water dripping down his face. “I-I didn’t mean it, I love you so much, please…” he’s choking up on his own words and the tears flood his eyes much like the clouds do with Seoul’s streets. He can’t stand looking into those black pearls on top of chaebugi’s head anymore so he screws his eyes shut because it’s not beads on a toy he sees but Hyungwon’s own dark orbs, watching him, silently blaming him for their fallout.

“I’m sorry, please come back. I love you so much!” Hoseok keeps crying as he hugs the froggie for dear life. It’s a chilly night in Seoul and the rain feels like ice buckets falling on top of those who ventured in the dark. Still, the coldness can’t compare to Hyungwon’s empty side of bed and the storm can’t compare with the inner turmoil Hoseok’s facing head on. But behind all these dark clouds, stars still shine as brightly as the fairy lights that go round the wall of memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 4 more chapters to go guys. Until then, for more hwh check out my collab with @WaveoftheMind if you haven't yet ^^ It's called _Barking Dogs don't Bite_ and will soon get updated as well.


	32. The eye of the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even with their love framed by fairy lights, they're too blind to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with Hyungwon in the hospital, Hoseok obviously crying his eyes out, this chapter fits the mood too well for my liking. take tissues if needed and enjoy this (long) update ^^

Kihyun can’t remember the last time he felt this giddy and lightheaded, perhaps he hasn’t been this carefree since his first boyfriend in high school when he was just getting used to this sort of nervousness and trembling that took over his heart in the presences of another person. It was stupid and silly how just holding hands with Changkyun got him blushy like a schoolgirl, while his kisses made him melt into the ground only to be picked up in that _warm_ embrace. And the sparkle in the blond’s eyes made everything even more thrilling.

He feels alive and on fire while the two of them are running through the rain, Changkyun, using the younger’s jacket as an improvised umbrella. If he were looking from the outside, Kihyun would gag at the resemblance between their childish actions and a romcom. Normally, he judges every couple who goes out of their way with sappiness, especially Minhyuk and Hyunwoo, but now he feels like going over the top with romanticism himself to the point it becomes cringey. Their date has been perfect and he has only a little hesitance to put it on par with the best nights out spent with Hoseok, as they giggle together like idiots while getting soaked under the pouring water.

They have headed back to the gallery after dinner since Kihyun wanted to check one more time on his exhibition before it was taken down in the morning. Leaning on his friend – date? boyfriend? – the photographer places a chaste peck on the other’s cheek, caught up in the excitement that took over them, before his eyes once again look ahead of him at the long flight of stairs and notice a collapsed lump on the steps. Kihyun frowns. The man must have passed out, no awake being would just sit like that in the rain.

“Changkyun-ah…” he whispers, finger pointing in the direction of the stranger while he pulls the younger towards the man. The closer they get, the louder the heartbreaking sobs get and the more details Kihyun recognizes about the crying mess. There is no doubt about the stranger’s identity when they notice the brown hair and that leather jacket. “Hoseok!” Kihyun shouts, running from beneath the improvised rain shield to the other’s side.

It’s most definitely Hoseok the one bawling his eyes out, hiccuping every now and then while he has something clutched at his chest. At a closer look, Kihyun recognizes the frog plushie that was displayed in his exhibition but an hour ago when he left with Changkyun for dinner. How did Hoseok get it? And more importantly, why is he having this meltdown in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the night and on the freaking concrete stairs in front of the gallery that hosts Kihyun’s exhibition?  The photographer glances for backup at the youngest of the three who stays motionless at a few feet away, a blank look on his face. “Let’s go inside Hoseok-ah, okay?”

The two boys try to pull the dancer up from the slippery stairs, each gripping one of Hoseok’s arms, but the brown haired is too stubborn and too heavy for the two. He stubbornly refuses to get off the concrete, hugging the green plushie tightly to his chest while mumbling nonsense that barely resembles hushed apologies. Words like “I’m so, so sorry” and “Please come back, come back to me” are somehow comprehensible in between hiccups. Honestly, it looks like the dancer has completely lost his mind from all the pain he’s going through. Kihyun stares in mild bewilderment. He just doesn’t get it. Hoseok was fine when he saw the exhibition – maybe fine is not the right word, but he didn’t cry at all and now the tears won’t stop falling. What provoked the sudden change?

“I think he’s apologizing...to Hyungwon?” the blond states, very much confused by his hyung’s behavior and not enjoying at all how the cold rain seeps through his thin clothes. Another sob escapes Hoseok as thunder rolls in the background and Changkyun and Kihyun share a concerned look before they try again to jolt the older up and drag him inside. Hoseok doesn’t resist as much this time and they manage to get him indoors, which turns out to be a horrible idea. As soon as they step foot inside the gallery they’re welcomed by the fairy-like view of Kihyun’s exhibition that only makes Hoseok cry louder.

The photographer immediately goes to the janitor’s closet where he knows there are some towels they can use to dry up. He returns as quickly as he can, but it almost looks like he pressed pause when he comes back to the same sight of a confused and wet Changkyun and a trembling, crying and soaked Hoseok. The brunet passes one of the towels to the maknae while he uses another to wipe away the tears and raindrops from the dancer’s face before drying up his hair. “Let’s take you out of this wet jacket, okay?” Kihyun has known Hoseok for a long time, even before they dated. He has seen him before, having depression episodes and even breakdowns and, thankfully, always managed to get him back on track.

But he’s never seen him so hopeless and so low, he’s never seen him as such a mess. Hoseok’s love for Hyungwon is shown yet again, Kihyun muses as he tries to pry away the other’s fingers off the plushie so he can pass it to Changkyun to hold. But Hoseok slaps Kihyun’s hand away before pushing him harshly. The photographer is so taken aback he almost crashes on the floor, but Changkyun is by his side in an instant, wrapping an arm around his waist for support. “I’m sorry, so sorry. I won’t let them take you away,” they hear Hoseok’s broken voice cracking as he hugs Chaebugi tightly.

“What do we do?” Changkyun whispers in Kihyun’s ear careful so the third guy in the room doesn’t hear it, lest he’ll go berserk again and snap at them for being a threat to the frog (or Hyungwon, in some very paranoid way). That is indeed a very good question. Judging by how Hoseok was behaving, at the moment he’s as stable as a ticking bomb ready to explode at any second. Luckily, the photographer knows a few tricks to defuse the explosive danger. Kihyun steps out from his (boy?)friend’s comforting arms and goes closer to Hoseok, slowly reaching out his hand to cup one of the tearful cheeks.

“Hoseok-ah, Chaebugi needs to get dry too or he’s gonna get sick. You don’t want him to be sick, do you?” His voice is soft and caring as though he’s speaking to a child who lost his favorite toy and he has to explain to him how they’re going to find it again. But not even this approach seems to help the situation whereas it has worked in the past and Kihyun’s at a loss for words and ideas when a new wave of sobs hits him in the face. “He’s sick of me!” the dancer cries out as he buries his face in the small green polystyrene. By now, the only reasonable thing that could stop this cryfest is Hyungwon himself (preferably riding a unicorn on a rainbow and stealing Hoseok away like that).

That prompts Kihyun to take out his phone and call his best friend as reinforcements. Whispering to Changkyun to stay and watch Hoseok, Kihyun disappears among the exhibitions of his fellow photographers so the others can’t hear his conversation. “Minhyuk? Yeah, I know what time it is. Look –” At the loud shrieking voice on the other end, the brunet puts the phone speaker away from his sensitive ears before hissing out, “I don’t care what you and Hyunwoo were doing Minhyuk! I need your help. Actually, just send Hyunwoo over to the gallery to help get Hoseok home.”

“ _Huh? Hoseok is at the gallery again?_ ” Minhyuk goes eerily quiet for himself on the other side, but Kihyun can still hear him muttering something to Hyunwoo, probably explaining to him the current situation with their friends. As much as he tries to pick up on the words that the redhead is saying, Kihyun can’t understand anything among the hushed whispers. Then, Minhyuk suddenly returns and says, “ _Okay, you deal on your side with Hoseok and I’ll deal on mine_ ”, before hanging up abruptly and leaving Kihyun speechless.

His side? What is Minhyuk planning to do? Whenever the other puts his mind to something, Kihyun can expect a complete disaster. Hopefully, this time the chatterbox won’t make things worse (can they even get worse?). As he returns to the entrance of the gallery, he finds Changkyun trying to reason with the janitor not to kick them out despite it being past the closing hours. Luckily, Kihyun knows the man and with some persuasion he manages to convince him to let them stay a bit more, even going as far as promising to be the one to lock the doors and return the keys first thing in the morning.

Not long after the janitor leaves, Hyunwoo shows up panting from running all the way from his apartment to the gallery, still dressed in what Kihyun supposes were his sleeping clothes. The image of Minhyuk literally kicking his boyfriend out of the bed is quite hilarious. But there are more important things to focus on right now, like snapping Hoseok out of his panic attack. At least now with Hyunwoo here, who has known the dancer the longest out of all those present, they manage to coax the bunny into a more stable condition where the tears are still coming, but he came back to his senses.

They all keep quiet as they wait for the cab Changkyun ordered. The rain has stopped soon after Hoseok calmed down – a very strange coincidence. The brown haired is still hugging his frog plushie tightly but without making undying love confessions this time, content to just hold on to Chaebugi and (not so) secretly hoping the real one was in his arms right now. Kihyun swears he hasn’t seen this much drama even in the cheesiest tv shows and with no silver lining breaking through the dark clouds hovering over Seoul, it worries him that there is no solution for all this mess. But when Changkyun steps closer to him and shyly takes his hand in his own, Kihyun thinks he can see the moon’s light breaking through the dark barrier on the sky.

…

When Minhyuk arrives at Hyungwon’s apartment it’s a bit over midnight and he’s not surprised at all when the black haired model answers the door after the first knock. He’s not surprised to see him awake and dressed in slightly wet clothes. No doubt, Hyungwon had been walking around in the storm outside. Without a word uttered between them, Minhyuk pushes his way inside – not even giving Hyungwon the right to protest at the sudden intrusion. The door to Hyungwon’s bedroom is open and Minhyuk notices immediately the open suitcase.

“You’re going somewhere?” he asks, trying to come off casual as a nightly, unwelcomed intruder can be. Hyungwon scoffs and rolls his eyes before going back to packing up his clothes, deliberately stalling on which outfits to pick for his trip. Minhyuk sticks to him like glue though and is quick to follow the other to his room, his eyes scanning the surroundings in the process searching for something. Truth be told, it’s been a long time since he saw these walls but not much changed due to Hyungwon’s conservative nature that doesn’t quite like moving stuff around. However, there is definitely a new addition next to the black suitcase.

“You went to the gallery!” Minhyuk points out as he stares at the small bunny keychain, the same one he found in Hoseok’s trash and later on handed to Kihyun when he heard his friend’s plan to make an exhibition dedicated to the broken up couple. Hyungwon nods his head languidly as he continues to fold shirts neatly. If there’s one thing Minhyuk can’t stand besides dishonesty and silence, it’s being ignored. In the blink of an eye, he not so gently snaps the suitcase close trapping Hyungwon’s fingers in the process and making him let out a pained hiss. “Are you trying to run away now?”

The model glares at his ex-boyfriend slash recently turned friend slash currently turned enemy as he steps back from his luggage. “Business trip,” is all he says before he resumes packing, this time going for his cosmetics. Minhyuk, however, isn’t having any of it. Grabbing his friend’s wrist in a surprisingly strong grip, he makes the model drop his razor and do an ungraceful spin towards the redhead instead. He forgot how insistent Minhyuk can be and maybe opening the door for him has been a mistake after all. Now he can clearly remember why Kihyun, or how Hyungwon calls him – Satan himself, and Minhyuk are sworn brothers in the first place.

He really is not in the mood to deal with this, not after the emotional rollercoaster he’s been through. His inner turmoil even puts the raging storm outside to shame and has left Hyungwon with no energy to even slip out of this wet clothes. At least his walk to the gallery has been successful and he retrieved his valued treasure.

“You ran into Hoseok, didn’t you?” Minhyuk accuses, making Hyungwon tense up at the mention of his ex-boyfriend’s name. Minhyuk’s eyes are unforgiving as they search Hyungwon’s face for any kind of reaction, but when only confusion stares back at him, his boiled up anger bursts out. “You went to the gallery, didn’t you? Hoseok did! I know he’s still there! Don’t dare to deny that you ran into him!”

“Hoseok is at the gallery?” he asks dumbly as if his ears are playing tricks on him. The notion that the dancer went to the gallery so late in the night, and in plain cloudburst too, pulls at Hyungwon’s heartstrings. He knows why he himself returned to Kihyun’s exhibition, but why would Hoseok do it? After all, he’s been ignoring Hyungwon like the plague lately and the younger can’t even blame him. From Hoseok’s point of view, the past months could clearly look like Hyungwon has been playing with his feelings, leading him on, only to crush his heart into a million tiny pieces later.

And that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Hyungwon feels guilty for the hurt he has caused, for all these misunderstandings between them that blew out of proportion. Yet he knows that regret and guilt won’t get him anywhere. What can he do at this point? He’s finally come to terms with himself and his heart, he’s certain he still loves Hoseok just as deeply, most likely even infinitely. Something that still scares him to an extent, leaving him helpless with no clue how to get out of this mess on his own. But at this point, he probably doesn’t belong in Hoseok’s heart anymore.

The beautiful dancer probably hates that his feelings have been put on display in such a raw and open way, for everyone to see, when he’s already been trying so hard to leave Hyungwon and all these open wounds behind. It pains the black haired to think of Hoseok bleeding from their love again and he doesn’t know how he can ever face that outstanding soul again. He surely deserves to be kicked all the way to Timbuktu, getting buried under some rock where he can’t inflict any more scars on the other’s heart, but still, one question lingers. It burns his own heart like shimmering flames that can’t be put down.

Why did Hoseok come back? What was even there for him?

“I thought you ran into each other and that’s why he’s…” Minhyuk’s voice drifts off, eyes slightly widening as he realizes he slipped and said more than he should. This makes no sense. For Hoseok to be in such a terrible state that not even Kihyun can reach him and Hyunwoo’s help is required, it’s something big. Something that only makes sense when a person, who has been pushing himself to be someone he is not, is faced with the trigger he’s been trying to avoid. Something that makes one crack to an extent where every little corner of your mind gives up on control and just surrenders to the ugly truth that had been pushed into the deepest corner of the soul. Something that, in relation to Shin Hoseok, only Chae Hyungwon is able to cause.

“He’s what?” Hyungwon inquires, urgency in his voice. Dozens of conspiracy echo in his mind, whispering from every corner that Hoseok came back for the same reason he did. To get back a part of himself. However, does that mean Hoseok saw him? According to Min, apparently yes. Now that only brings up more questions about Hoseok’s wellbeing for Hyungwon to ponder on. Is he angry or upset? Does he feel offended that Hyungwon got the nerve to show up and take back his couple item? Or did the model trigger another panic attack like that time he returned the photo card with the message ‘not interested’? No, none of these could be true. Hoseok doesn’t care enough to get that hurt from this alone.

Hyungwon studies Minhyuk’s expression carefully, the other has never been what you’d consider a good liar. But his eyes are downcasted low, focussed on the rug at his feet –  he can still distinguish a wine stain that never quite got cleaned out after that one time a drunk Minhyuk spilled his glass. When Hyungwon steps closer and shakes his shoulder, repeating his question with insistence, the red head pulls back and just shakes his head. “Nothing. _Forget about it._ Just, please Hyungwon, you two have to talk it out already. If we were able to solve our problems then you and Hoseok should too.”

The taller scoffs at that. “How am I supposed to talk to him when _he_ is the one avoiding me?” He does not expect the glare sent his way, followed by an angry rant. “After everything that guy tried to get you back, you can come up with at least _one_ way to make him listen, asshole. If you two don’t have a heart to heart after your little trip, I’ll have Hyunwoo kick your ass and then lock you and Hoseok in Kihyun’s tiny darkroom.”

Before a dumbstruck Hyungwon can even get in position for a reply, a huffing Minhyuk has kicked a lonely sock his way before turning on his heels and storming off like a hurricane leaving the scene. At least, the message was delivered, loud and clear.

…

The following days have been rough, to say the least. Despite their best of efforts, Hyesun and Hoseok have barely managed to collect a bit over three million won – barely a third of the required money for the Thursday deadline. And while surprisingly some celebrities, from models to trainees, started to pop up randomly to try their coffee bringing in fans, willing to try whatever their bias was having, it still wasn’t enough to skyrocket their profits in time. Although, admittedly, the business has never been better.

With a heavy heart, Hyesun finally came up with the idea of having a goodbye party for Momo cafe on Thursday evening, right before the bank would come and close their doors forever the following morning. With a heavy heart and no tears to spare anymore, Hoseok notifies people about the event on social media, holding back from actually calling it ‘goodbye party’. With the promise of some free drinks and a great atmosphere, many flock to the little place that soon is filled with laughter and warmth, representing the essence of its owner. To Hoseok it’s like a happy funeral, something you know you can’t stop no matter how hard you’re trying to, so you at least send it off with a positive spirit.

Ever since his breakdown a few days ago, he has managed to pull himself back together in a way that allows the oldest son to show his mother and her achievements the respect she deserves. The last thing Hyesun needs on her plate is the love-drama that currently labels the dancer’s life. So the mask only falls behind closed doors where he suffers in silence and stares into the abyss of nothing for hours, Chaebugi always clutched close to his heart. However, he can’t take refuge in his bed at the moment and being surrounded by so many of his friends and acquaintances turns out to be a bit overwhelming, all the blunt happiness getting on his nerves.

Hoseok watches with grief and something that might be called mourning for the beloved cafe as everyone’s having a great time, the dancers from Starship and even a few trainees turning the place into some sort of disco. J-Hope has asked Hyesun for a dance some time ago and now his mother became the heart of the party, laughing louder and smiling brighter than Hoseok can remember seeing her recently. It seems like his love for dancing is something inherited from this side of the family. “Dude, this party is so awesome!” Minhyuk’s intoxicated voice shrieks and a second later he pops up out of thin air next to Hoseok, Hyunwoo hot on his trails.

The brown haired man gives him a forced smile and briefly wonders how many drinks his roommate’s boyfriend has had until now. Hyunwoo offers him an apologetic grin and pulls Minhyuk away, distracting him with the promise of a slow dance. Most of his close friends have turned up to the party, if not all. Last time he checked, Kihyun and Changkyun came together and, unfortunately for his poor eyes, he caught them making out on a sofa. But, Hoseok supposes, this was to be expected with how much time the two spent together lately. And it completely did not remind him of Hyungwon, not even a bit.

Literally no face lacks a large grin or a flirty smirk, wrinkled eyes and a general happy look. No face but Hoseok’s. Because the only one missing from this fun night is Hyungwon, the cause of the dancer’s sleepless nights. Hoseok hasn’t virtually seen his ex-boyfriend since last week, the day after the direful group hangout when Hyungwon stopped by at Momo’s to talk with Hyesun – God knows about what. Hoseok tries not to think too much about Hyungwon’s retreating form two days ago on the gallery’s steps. He tries to ignore the fact that, just like him, Hyungwon returned to the exhibition to take back the couple keychain.

Until he can’t ignore it anymore. The image of his one true love’s departing back has eaten his sanity up, keeping him up at night scrolling through their old photos and wishing more than anything to turn back time and fix everything. Seeing his close friends’ relationships and all the affection they throw at each other left and right sickens him on the simple premise of missing his frog prince. And perhaps it’s this or it’s the couple of beers he’s had that determine Hoseok to put some chocolate cake in a takeout box – Hyungwon’s favorite dessert, bid goodbye to his mother and head directly to his ex-boyfriend’s apartment as fast as his feet let him. The road is so familiar for him but each step becomes harder to take as he gets closer and by the time he’s in front of Hyungwon’s door, he finds himself panting heavily.

There’s only little hesitance before he knocks, no going back now. The brown haired is driven to confront Hyungwon about what happened Tuesday night, about the gallery, about their feelings. Even if he promised to himself that he won’t approach the other again and that he’ll let Hyungwon do the first step if they were to ever get back together, Hoseok’s patience has run thin until it got to the size of a grain of sand. Tiptoeing around each other like this breaks his heart into tinier pieces each time they get closer, only to then pull apart. They need to stop once and for all with all this and take a final decision on where they stand. And despite knowing it’s for the best, it still crashes his soul. His skin feels numb as though millions of ants have been pinching it and there’s a knot twisting his stomach until he feels nauseous waiting for the tall model to open the door.

But he doesn’t. Hoseok frowns at that. Even if the lack of reaction kills his courage to finally have a heartfelt conversation with the other and put everything out in the open, he won’t back down. So he knocks again and again and – despite it being very late in the night already – he rings the bell repeatedly, causing quite a fuss. But there’s still no answer from Chae Hyungwon. “Hyungwon, open up, it’s Hoseok!” he shouts as his fist comes in contact with the hard wood of the door again. The younger might be fixed on ignoring Hoseok, but this bunny is set on not leaving without at least giving him the chocolate cake.

Either the black haired is deep asleep or he’s simply not at home, neither settle well with Hoseok, but the latter thought brings out the same ugly angst that took over him on the gallery’s steps. He tries to push down the anxious feeling and think rationally of a way to contact the other. However, as he considers dialing Hyungwon’s number, while trying to keep his head afloat and his breathing even, the old lady from next door comes out of her apartment looking more than a little annoyed with Hoseok’s attempts at being Romeo. The dancer immediately bows his head in apology and excuses himself for the ruckus he created.

“He’s not home. Left yesterday with that woman who keeps visiting him,” her words cut through his apology and Hoseok freezes. A woman? Hyungwon’s been visited a lot by a woman lately, but the dancer knows for sure that his ex isn’t close to any female. The old neighbor probably has the worst gaydar in the world if she didn’t notice yet that the beautiful model living next to her is as straight as a rainbow. Unfortunately for the young man’s peace of mind, she insists on sharing her opinion. “They would make many cute babies, hopefully it will last. I heard the boy has had very deviant ways up until now,” she whispers to Hoseok as if she’s sharing a big secret nobody is supposed to know.

Hoseok is left speechless as the cake box slips out of his fingers and drops on the doormat. He and Hyungwon have never quite spoken about their sexualities or previous partners – he knows about Hyungwon and Minhyuk and the model knows about him and Kihyun, but that’s all. And while he himself has dated some girls in the past, he never dubbed his lover as somebody inclined towards the other gender. A sudden idea makes all color die out from Hoseok’s face: did their breakup push Hyungwon into dating women now? He can’t find any other logical explanation for why the model is suddenly hanging out with women. Actually, it’s beyond hanging out, it’s having people over and Hyungwon _never_ invites persons who are not close friends to his apartment.

It all becomes so painfully evident now. Why Hyungwon suddenly wanted to be friends again, why he tried so hard to get to Hoseok after he’s been ignoring him for so long. He felt bad for moving on while the dancer clearly hasn’t, he feels bad for being with somebody else already and, perhaps, he takes pity on Hoseok’s small bruised heart. Whatever was left of that lively sparkle in the bunny's eyes perishes that very second, along with his will to fight for their worn out relationship. Hyungwon is over him, Hyungwon is dating somebody else.

The night is bleak again, but the moon outshines the street lighting for once, despite the high nebulosity. The brown haired didn’t even notice when his feet carried him outside, eyes blind and clouded with misery, however, he still stops in his tracks to take a moment and admire the sky. Usually, seeing the natural satellite brings him some sense of inner peace and contentedness. But ever since he met Hyungwon, the moon has become a confidant to whom he speaks on those white nights when he can’t clear his mind, overwhelmed by just how much he loves Hyungwon.

And even as his soul wails trapped in his ribcage, Hoseok can’t bring himself to hate the other, his love for the poet as strong as ever. If only it were as bright as the moon’s light, then maybe they could have overcome the clouds that strayed their way. It is high time he lets go of those feelings, but as he looks behind him at the moon’s reflection on Hyungwon’s window, his promise still lingers in the air.

_Even if it takes an eternity for you to come back, My love, I promise you, I'll wait._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the closer we get to the finale, the harder it becomes for me to write, I'm sorry guys. and special thanks to Bee for helping me out when I get stuck, as always.  
> this is it, the final countdown. only 3 chapters left!


	33. You were here all along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scenario in which Hoseok still loves him back seemed so unlikely he did not dare to even take it into consideration. This changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry for the very late update! I've been so caught up with my internship and some personal life issues, along with trying to finish the HWHBingo, that I didn't manage to squeeze in this update until now. Thank you all for being so patient and supporting this story until now, I hope you'll be able to enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Side note: at a point an idol girl group is mentioned - I decided not to name them so you can each imagine your faves :)

Even in the earliest morning hours, Seoul is bustling with life, streets crowded with pedestrians and roads filled to the brim with cars rushing to get places. Although not quite on New York’s par, Seoul too could be considered a city that never sleeps, always busy in one way or another, welcoming and saying goodbye to hundreds of people daily. Among those who come back to Seoul is one tall model who just finished his photo shooting for a fashion editorial. Jeju Island is definitely a beautiful holiday location, but still, Hyungwon prefers the coziness of his own four walls to the most luxurious of beaches.

So that’s why when he’s barely awake and sleeping on his feet, Hyungwon climbs up the stairs to his apartment in a daze, taking two steps at a time to hurry up the process. The squeaking of wheels from his suitcase which he drags behind him combined with Hyorin’s voice going through his upcoming schedules for the third time already are giving him a massive headache. He just wants his bed and sleep and perhaps an Americano from Momo cafe (and if he sees Hoseok in the process, that’d be real nice). But more than anything, he wants to just forget for a minute that it’s Monday morning, that he just worked his ass off over the weekend, that he and Hoseok are still broken up.

And he almost succeeds until he bumps into his annoying neighbor who was about to her dog out.

“Ah, the love birds returned,” her hag voice cracks, disturbed slightly by the bark of her tiny bichon. Hyungwon and his manager stare dumbly at the old lady like she grew another head and then Hyorin suddenly explodes into a crackle so creepy that Hyungwon isn’t sure anymore which of the two women is more of a witch. Before he can shake some sense into his delusional neighbor, the model is interrupted by some surprising news. “Your handsome friend dropped by while you were gone. Made a racket in the middle of the night,” a disapproving head shake. “Next time he comes around though, I’ll introduce him to my niece,” she plans evilly confusing Hyungwon further with such mixed signals.

_Friend?_ Hyungwon blinks languish as he thinks over what he just heard. Which of his ‘handsome’ friends visited him while he was gone? It couldn’t be Minhyuk for a bunch of reasons, mainly because the redhead already knew Hyungwon would be gone for the weekend. But moreover, the old neighbor is acquainted to Minhyuk ever since the chatterbox used to live with Hyungwon back when they were dating – with a mouth like Minhyuk’s, it didn’t take long for him to get to know every single person living in the apartment complex. His second guess would be Changkyun since the English student visits him the most, but he imagines the younger to be rather busy since he got himself a boyfriend (more like a devil on a leash).

Besides those two, not many people have the habit of dropping by. And definitely not uninvited or in the middle of the night even if it were an emergency. However, there’s a third person who might have come, not knowing Hyungwon was on the other side of the country working on a photoshoot. But the black haired quickly shakes off that hopeless thought. Hoseok has organised a party at Momo’s that he unfortunately couldn’t attend, but his timeline was flooded with photos that showed exactly what he had missed – Minhyuk teasing Kihyun about dating a little freshman got quite a lot of reactions after all. Although there weren’t many images with the brown haired dancer – and if they were, he seemed to be brooding, Hyungwon is sure that the older didn’t ditch his own party to search for his ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night.

And just because he himself dashed out in the middle of a storm to retrieve his precious Wontokki that safely clings to his bag right now, it doesn’t mean Hoseok would do the same, even if at a point Hyungwon is sure he would have. He can’t recover his own Wontokki as he had done with the plushie, he doesn’t even dwell on that idea at all in order to avoid building up any groundless hope. It can’t happen, he said this to the other so many times, trying more than anything to convince himself first. Truth is Hyungwon fears heartbreak more than anything and he had tried to escape it by being reluctant when it comes to dating.

The truth is Hyungwon fears heartbreak more than anything and he had tried to escape it by being reluctant when it comes to dating.

When Minhyuk left, he wasn’t heartbroken. Yes, it hurt, but the pain was probably just another side of his rage towards his friend who doubted his loyalty and dismissed all the years they had known each other so easily. But, of course, he can’t compare what he had with Minhyuk – an experience developed out of favorable circumstances that seemed to pinpoint dating as the only rational thing to do – to his relationship with Hoseok. Now, after months spent together with the dancer and months spent apart from him, Hyungwon is sure that what they shared was that red string of fate people write novels about. The bunny has been his one true love.

Yet, faith pushed them apart, making them both paranoid of what the other was hiding, making them dissect the past and ask questions without answers. If it’s true love, then why was everyone against them? This is what Hyungwon often wondered at night when Hoseok wasn’t there to hold him in his arms and lull him to sleep with his soft kisses. Growing up with his parents always fighting in the background until their marriage finally cracked had a strong influence on Hyungwon’s views. This is how he learned to see rifts before they even appeared and subjects such as cheating were not taken kindly in the least.

So when this many insecurities rubbed between him and the older dancer, it seemed rational to cut the problem at the root before it bursted into a true inferno. Now, there is no place for regrets though and as much as he’d like to go back in time and fix everything, offer Hoseok more trust and give him the chance to explain himself before breaking it off so cruelly, Hyungwon is aware he missed his chances for redemption. Their relationship has changed drastically in the past weeks and he doesn’t expect it to ever go back to how it used to be.

He knows the best thing to do in their situation is follow Minhyuk’s advice and finally talk it out with Hoseok, have a clean cut for good and then move on. He also knows that Hoseok already managed to take this step, to get over him and focus on what’s actually important in his life. Which, of course, is not something to be blamed for, especially not after how hard he tried to win the poet back only to have doors slammed in his face repeatedly. The way he treated his ex-boyfriend is truly unforgivable. Their last kiss flashes before his eyes and suddenly Hyungwon, throat dry and chest aching, is overtaken by the need to run away from this place, to let the earth swallow him whole.

His mind completely shuts off the two women bickering back and forth, with Hyorin vehemently denying that she and Hyungwon are indeed a couple, instead he focuses on getting the door unlocked and reaching the intimacy of his apartment faster. But that turns out to be a horrible idea when the sight of his own house brings back even more memories to haunt him. That’s the tv on which they watched dramas, that’s the couch where he fell asleep head rested on the older’s thigh, that’s the coffee machine Hoseok used in the morning, that’s the rug Hoseok always tripped on as they made their way to the bedroom.

The brown haired man’s presence is soaked in every single item surrounding him, in every single place in this city, in every bone in his body. There’s nothing he can do to stop the pang in his chest get harsher each time he thinks of his former lover. It is what it is. For a brief second, the tall model wonders if Hoseok still endures the same misery, the pining, the torment of an unfair breakup. However, he quickly remembers how he barely hesitated to go home with some random guy when Hyungwon was but a few feet away from him. This must be some sort of sign, right? And still, others still claim to be able to see their love, Kihyun proved that skillfully through his exhibition while Changkyun and Minhyuk contributed to its outcome. 

Hyungwon loves Hoseok from the bottom of his heart, more than he ever loved somebody in his life and, at this point he’s sure, more than he’ll ever love somebody else. Still, he’s too afraid to consider the possibility of Hoseok returning his feelings only to fall deeper into this abyss of heartbreak. For now, he’ll embrace sleep and let it take over, Hyungwon decides as he crashes onto his mattress. He can wait a few more hours until he gets his caffeine dose and faces reality.

…

Hoseok and Hyesun have waited for it to happen. The party on that Thursday night was meant to be the last time Momo cafe will be open (and the first time it was open this late in the night). Making the departure even more bittersweet, the event turned out a real success that got people talking all across social media the whole weekend, sharing photos and asking Hoseok to organize more such parties in the future. He politely answered he’d let them know when one was going to take place, but he knew better – Momo cafe was over, the clock ticking above the entry waiting for the bank representative to come and announce the time of death.

But it didn’t happen. Not on Friday morning, nor on Saturday and when Monday comes Hoseok starts to believe in miracles. There is no plausible explanation otherwise for why the bank has yet to send somebody to close down their small cafe when they weren’t able to pay even a third of the required money until the set deadline. His mother has fallen once again victim of depression which saddens him more than anything and made him move some of his stuff back in her house in order to watch over her. He would still be home attending to her bedside if Hyesun wouldn’t have quite literally kicked him out with a grocery list for when he returns in the evening from Momo.

So just like the past days, Hoseok opens the cafe alone at nine in the morning and waits for the few customers who became regulars, while cleaning up a bit. He’s considering starting the oven to make some brownies after his mother’s recipe when the bells above the door ring announcing the first client. Faking a smile to greet whoever entered, his face quickly shifts from complaisance to sheer surprise when he recognizes the girls. “Wonho-oppa!” the leader of the girl group says in a cheerful tone that brings a genuine grin on the dancer’s face. In the midst of promotions, he didn’t expect them to pay him a visit although he had invited them many times to his mother’s cafe in between breaks of choreographing for their comeback.

“Ah, it’s so good to see you,” the brown haired says while leading the girls to the best table in the whole shop, next to the large window that could be covered with a drape if they wanted more privacy or not to be seen by passersby. “I told all my friends to vote for you in music shows,” he declares proudly as he gives each idol a menu. It was true though, he did recommend their music to his friends since, surprisingly, it matched his taste – he wouldn’t have accepted to choreograph their title track otherwise, even if the company was paying him good money that the cafe desperately needed. In the end, everything turned out alright and, in spite of his perfectionist side never being satisfied when it comes to work, he was quite proud of the final result.

“The management thinks we’re going to win many awards with this album. Everybody loves the dance you came up with, oppa!” one of the younger girls says, her eyes crinkling in semi-moons, smile reaching her ears. Hoseok humors them with his presence until they finally decide on their beverages and then once again when they ask him so nicely to join them while they’re having coffee. It doesn’t take long for the little bells to chime once, twice and by the time the cafe fills up with customers Hoseok thinks the door became some sort of jukebox with only one tune playing.

The girls’ fanbase isn’t small in the least, Hoseok knew this, but he’s still taken aback by just how many have found out their idols’ location and decided to come see them in person. He feels bad for them, after all this is a private moment off camera, a small break from their hectic schedules in which they were supposed to relax. His apologies are quickly turned down as the girls proclaim they’ve gotten used to this by now and even expected it since they didn’t bother much with going incognito. Well, he can’t deny that the rush of fans is a positive change for the cafe when in less than forty minutes since the girls arrived he’s forced to call Kihyun and Minhyuk to come as fast as possible to help him out with the orders.

He has never seen Momo so full ever since the opening a few years ago when his mother’s large smile brightened up the whole room, making everyone feel like a guest instead of a simple customer. That was simply Hyesun’s effect on people. The memory makes him remember Hyesun’s present state – depressed, not being able to get up from bed, crying until no drop of happiness was left in her. Hoseok loathes this and promised himself to change it even if it’s the last thing he does. So he pulls out his phone and takes a photo of the coffee shop before sending it to his mother, hoping it will cheer her up at least a bit, even if the bank turned up to close the facility later in the day.

The girls notice Hoseok’s camera and before he can even reassure they were not caught in the photo, one of them suggest they take a picture with all of them together for any future fan who visited this place. It was meant to show how much they like the cafe, as well as their gratefulness for their choreographer’s hard work. In return, the brown haired promises to offer it a special place above the counter so everyone can see it clearly. Despite their big numbers, the fans turn out to be polite and not invade the group’s privacy more than they already had, only a few daring to go directly and ask for an autograph.

Minhyuk, who was supposed to stay at the cash register while Hoseok made coffee and Kihyun took the orders, is one of those people, approaching the girls with his own interpretation of the dance steps from their latest music video. Hoseok is this close to strangling the loudmouth who apparently decided to bleach his hair again and temporarily color it in an aquamarine blue. Luckily for Minhyuk, the girls erupted in giggles instead of hiding behind embarrassed smiles so Hoseok decides to pass that one and not disturb the altogether happy and cheerful atmosphere.

But his enthusiasm freezes in his veins when another person enters the cafe. He had seen her before, striding confidently through the shop in her high heeled stilettos and perfectly ironed suit, hair put up in a bun and fingers wrapped tightly around a briefcase, name tag hanging around her neck heavily. The bank representative, creeping into the room like the grim reaper himself and meaning to cover with his cloak every corner filled with joy. Hoseok braces himself, takes deep breaths to calm down as she takes the final steps to reach the front desk.

“Where is the owner?” she asks and Hoseok presents himself before her acting for his mother. He expects to receive a warrant, some eviction warning, any legal document of the sorts, but instead the woman, who might as well just be an android with how cold she’s acting, just hands him an envelope. “Despite all odds, you managed to pay the added charge of interest and meet our deadline. Hopefully, you’ll be able to pay this amount again by the end of the upcoming month, or I assume you are aware of the consequences.”

Hoseok blinks, but the image of the bank lady in front of him isn’t distorted in any way and she’s still watching him idly, a bored and expectant look on her face. There must be some mistake. “What do you mean we paid the added charge?” comes his dumb response. The bank representative must have got a very good impression of him by now, what with his dropped jaw and very intelligent responses, but Hoseok has no time to worry about this. Because he  _knows_ for sure neither him nor Hyesun went to the bank on Thursday to submit a check.

The coquettish woman rolls her lined eyes, probably cursing the heavens for making her deal with slow people this morning, then she hands Hoseok a piece of paper. And there, black on white, stood the eight digit sum they were required to pay – but couldn’t. Yet, according to this bank transaction record, they had. Except, that isn’t his signature nor his mother’s. Hoseok squints his eyes at the prettily drawn big _C_ , at the stylized curls that make up the stranger’s signature. The handwriting reminds him of someone, but – _no_ , it doesn’t quite fit, this signature is more fancy than any handwritten word he had seen in his favorite poem. And still, the rest of the letters seem to make up a _Chae_ in an unique font that matches _his_ Hyungwon so well, but it cannot be him since –  

“Oh, I know that signature!” Kihyun says as he looks over Hoseok’s shoulder at the notification. Minhyuk joins them on Hoseok’s other side, peeking at the white sheet as well and if the dancer would turn his head slightly, he’d notice the shocked look on the kindergarten teacher’s face. All three ignore the woman’s departure as she leaves the shop quietly, muttering undecipherable words about how her busy schedule cannot allow this waste of time. “I’ve seen it before when Hyungwon signed a contract for a photo shooting,” Kihyun exclaims and tries to take the record from Hoseok’s hands to see better, but the older’s fingers are calcified and won’t let go of the smallest proof of Hyungwon’s involvement.

He has no idea how his ex-boyfriend discovered their debt, but kicking his brains helps Hoseok remember Hyungwon was there when yet another bank representative barged into the cafe and announced the doomed Thursday deadline. That was the last time he’s seen the model in person, after the catastrophic group gathering and before the even harsher run in at Kihyun’s exhibition – can it even be called that if Hyungwon wasn’t aware of Hoseok’s presence? The thought that Hyungwon just pulled out 10 million won to save Momo is still incomprehensible to the dancer, but it certainly has a big impact on his heartbeat that skyrockets.

It might be mere minutes or whole hours in which he’s blocked in that state, out cold like a statue, shocked to the bone and unable to wrap his mind over Hyungwon’s charity gesture. There are millions of questions flying around and he doesn’t know on which to focus first. Luckily for him, Kihyun has always been keen on picking the absolutely best and simultaneously worse moments to open his mouth. “Hyung, when I asked him why he does modeling, he told me he needs the money for a friend. But I’m sure he doesn’t know this is your mother’s cafe.” Minhyuk nods at that, confirming the photographer’s assumption while keeping eerily quiet for himself.

“Hyungwon-oppa!” The three boys are startled when one of the idols shouts out the name on everybody’s lips. Hoseok immediately juts his chin up and his eyes lock across the room with his knight in shining armour, standing tall and as beautiful as ever with the same sleepy look he fell in love with all those months ago. In that moment, everything else melts away into nothingness and it is as though they’re the only people in the coffee shop, the only people in the world and he can _feel_ their hearts beating as one. It knocks the oxygen out of his lungs and the only thing that can make Hoseok breathe again is feeling Hyungwon’s lips against his own.

And so he does.

He plunges forward like a tiger who’s done lurking on its prey and waiting for it to come out. Closing in the few feet that separated them, the dancer grabs the back of Hyungwon’s neck like he dreamt of doing so many times and just couldn’t. A light tug is all it takes for their lips to meet and Hoseok almost chokes on the sweet taste of love, of home, of _his_ Hyungwon. His brain shut down completely, unable to cope with the electricity running through his veins as the other hesitantly starts kissing back, unsure of what they’re doing, of what they’re getting themselves involved into once again. Blearly, Hoseok can hear the shutter of a camera - either Kihyun or Minhyuk, or maybe one of the customers shocked at such a display of affection, but neither of them pulls away quite yet. Hyungwon’s hand comes to rest on Hoseok’s shoulder, fingers trembling, but he doesn’t push the older away either, rather he searches for the support only Hoseok can provide.

The tears start falling without Hoseok’s knowledge and he doesn’t realize he’s crying until Hyungwon breaks their liplock only to press soft kisses all over his face instead. It’s too much, way too much for him to handle. Hyungwon paying off part of the cafe’s debt, Hyungwon kissing him so gently, Hyungwon in his arms. It’s all that he wanted ever since the poet ran off on their 50th day anniversary along with his cracked heart. Perhaps it’s sheer madness, but that does not take away from the genuineness with which Hoseok utters his most sincere, “I love you.”

The scenario in which Hoseok still loves him back seemed so unlikely he did not dare to even take it into consideration. _This changes everything_. Hyungwon appears to lose his balance for a second, clearly not expecting such words. And he truly did not. He came to Momo expecting to see a happy Hyesun, perhaps enjoy a cup of coffee together and then confess his good deed if she hasn’t found out yet the name of her benefactor. But it seems like Hoseok did and while Hyungwon understands he is glad his job is secure, the pure joy and overall ecstatic reaction is nothing if not strange and raising a few flags. To go as far as to say those three words is not something Hyungwon could have seen coming, especially considering their last couple of meetings, but now that it was done there is no going back. 

Somehow he manages to say it all in one breath without even stuttering, something he meant to tell Hoseok for so long yet he held back and tries to bury it deep within himself until it gushes out of his chest. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is that for a cliffhanger, eh? ^^
> 
> Also, I've got a little announcement to make. If you like this story (or any other written by me), you can treat me to a coffee [here](https://ko-fi.com/A5462RMD) if you want to, but I'm already so thankful for all the support I've received so far ^^  
> And as always, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/seoulfulnights) or [tumblr](http://seoulfulnights.tumblr.com) if you wanna chat :)


	34. It is not Paradise without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Hyungwon there has never been a single doubt about the other male owning his body and soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Momo cafe closed down in real life after I've written for months now about this happening. I am not alright.  
> But at least Hyungwon and Hoseok finally reunite, right? Just one more left!

“I love you too.”

These words seem so foreign to Hoseok that if it weren't for the vulnerability in Hyungwon’s eyes, he wouldn't believe they just came off those plump lips he loves so much. His hearing must have been affected by the loud drumming of his heart and the taste of Hyungwon still so heavy in his mouth. His hand blindly reaches up and cups the younger’s cheek lovingly, thumb brushing against the red upper lip as everything gets slowly processed. Hyungwon tilts his head slightly like a kitten getting pet and closes his eyes. 

Could this be true? Then why have they been playing this game of mouse and cat for months on end now? He shakes his head slightly, they will talk about this when twenty pairs of eyes weren’t watching their every move. Pulling away slightly, Hoseok tries to regain his composure with deep breaths, but that only makes him take in the scent of Hyungwon’s perfume, dizziness invading his senses once more.

“Why did you pay off mother’s debt?” he asks instead, attempting to stand his ground and not just jump on Hyungwon again, audience be damned. The model blinks sleepily and surprised, as though he could not understand such simple words, or perhaps he too was still caught in the daze of their confession. After another moment, Hyungwon seems to remember where he is, he seems to notice Kihyun and Minhyuk’s knowing smirks and to recognize the girl group in whose music video he starred and to whom he recommended Hoseok as a choreographer. And finally, he responds (very intelligently, he mentally adds) to his ex-boyfriend’s question with another question.

“Hyesun-ssi is  _ your _ mother?” he mumbles barely coherent enough for the brown haired dancer in front of him to understand what he was saying. But then, like clockwork, everything clicks. Why Hoseok worked and was so dedicated for Momo’s, why Hyesun always treated him like a son, why her smile reminded him of somebody but couldn’t quite pinpoint it, why she gave him almost the same security and homely feeling like Hoseok. 

Shin Hye-Sun and Shin Ho-Seok.

He ought to feel betrayed, after all he opened up in front of this woman more than he did with anyone else in his life, he shared some secrets buried so deep within himself that he hadn’t dared to bring up to light before. He told her about his problems with Hoseok, about his mother who left, he called her in times of need when he required motherly advice. All this, and still… He can’t feel anything besides gratefulness towards Hyesun. Yes, she had kept a big secret from him - her oldest son being Hyungwon’s ex-boyfriend they talked about so often. 

But she never pushed him towards making up with Hoseok. Not even once. Instead, she listened carefully to everything Hyungwon had to say and gave advice and counsel as objectively as one could, considering the situation. She never made him feel like the one in the wrong, although now that he’s looking back at it - he  _ was _ a few times. Hyungwon knew for certain that all he needed to do was give her a call and Hyesun would be waiting for him with a mug of hot cocoa and a piece of his favorite cake, even if he was or wasn’t the one who broke her son’s heart. 

When Hyungwon refuses to answer his question, seemingly lost into his own thoughts, Hoseok takes a step back and with a heavy sigh he decides to go back to taking care of Momo’s customers, but a tight grip on his wrist stops him. “Hyung,” Hyungwon pleads, eyes wide and moist and something akin of desperation making them shine, breaking and mending the dancer’s heart all at once. The world stops for Hoseok every time he looks in those dark orbs and, like tunnel-vision, Hyungwon is all he can see. “We need to talk,” is all that the younger manages to say and Hoseok quietly nods in agreement.

They have to talk, they have so many things left unsaid that need to be discussed and this messy situation cannot go on any longer. They’ll talk but not here, not now when there are so many people around them, eavesdropping on their conversation after the kiss and confession ripped out of a drama.”I have to go now,” the brown haired mumbles, jutting his chin up and motioning towards the queue at the cash register that Kihyun and Minhyuk can’t handle on their own for long. Hyungwon lets go of his wrist then, offering a gentle smile that brings back to life the dormant butterflies in Hoseok’s stomach. 

By the time he can finally take a break, Hyungwon’s already done with his beverage and talking on the phone with somebody, an annoyed scoff twisting his handsome features. Still, that doesn’t stop Hoseok from thinking that the model is the most beautiful person he has ever seen in his whole life. When he approaches the table Hyungwon’s seated at, the one picked by the girl group earlier in the morning, he is alone and still mumbling undecipherable words into his phone. As soon as he notices Hoseok though, the younger says goodbye and hangs up the call. “I need to go somewhere,” Hyungwon mumbles apologetically. 

“Important business meeting?” the dancer asks half jokingly, half serious, a nervous laughter on his lips as the tall man nods. This means their talk will have to wait even more, but for how long will it be postponed? He stops thinking about this the second Hyungwon lays his hand on top of his own on the table. Their eyes lock then and no words need to be exchanged for both of them to finally see it clearly, their love that’s still burning so brightly. Hoseok wonders how they could have pretended to be anything but  _ this  _ \- when each and every soul around them could plainly notice how their hearts have always beat as one. 

“I love you,” Hyungwon whispers, but Hoseok hears him as loud as a siren shouting in his ear.  He feels like he’s floating as the younger offers him that shy turtle smile he fell in love with and perhaps this is all just a dream he will wake up from, Momo would still be bankrupt and Hyungwon still wouldn’t love him back. But it’s as real as the scar left on his heart and as overwhelming as seeing the poet run away from Kihyun’s gallery. He wants to laugh and cry at the same time, to punch and kiss the younger until the bitterness of their breakup is forgotten. Hyungwon  _ loves  _ him and suddenly he can breathe normally once again. 

…

“I’m not signing that,” Hyungwon states determined, arms cross over his chest and lips pulled into a thin line as he’s standing in the middle of one of Starship’s offices. He doesn’t have to glance in his manager’s direction to know that Hyolyn is barely holding back from beating him to a bloody pulp for refusing such an opportunity, but he is definitely not interested. The director of Starship’s model line vehemently pushes a contract in front of his face, but Hyungwon refuses to look at it. 

He’s done with modeling for good this time, he returned in the business  _ temporarily _ just until Momo Cafe’s debt didn’t represent a huge issue anymore. And since he paid off the charge of interest, Hoseok and Hyesun will be able to handle the rest. Case closed. “But Mr.Chae, what is not to your liking? We can negotiate the terms,” the director insists through gritted teeth - obviously, he’s not too keen on Hyungwon either. Of course he’s not, the black haired thinks, to him Hyungwon must seem like a spoiled brat, just another pretty face in the industry that thinks he’s got it all and deserves the moon. How far from the truth that is.

Their conversation is interrupted by a short notification sound and the tall man quickly fishes his phone out of his pocket, despite Hyolyn’s death glare (she did warn him to put the phone on silence and ignore it during this ‘important’ meeting). Thirty minutes into the sitting though and Hyungwon’s still bored and uninterested, even a bit annoyed that he has to go through with it. But the text from Minhyuk changes his spirits immediately.

‘ _ the rookies from Starship gave Hyunwoo and Hoseok tickets for the new club that’s opening. we’re going too so get your game on for lover boy’ _

As much as he wants to roll his eyes at his friend’s attics (he can almost hear his screeching  voice), Hyungwon’s more preoccupied with the way his heart trembles when he sees Hoseok’s name. They have gotten to a point where having an open talk about their feelings and everything that happened is unavoidable and that brings relief to his heavy shoulders. However, the thought of speaking to Hoseok - just the two of them privately, like they have never done before - is utterly nerve wracking. Maybe he will break down into the dancer’s arms or perhaps the older will decide that enough is enough and he can’t go through with them being together again. 

“Listen to me Chae, this is the final offer!” the director suddenly slams his palm onto his wooden desk, making him snap out of his musings. Hyungwon straightens his back and puts his phone down before acknowledging the possible employer. The bald man huffs and pushes another contract in front of the model’s face. “Take it home. Read it thoroughly, and you can announce me your decision by the end of the week. But think well Mr. Chae. There’s no other company that would accept for you to keep your current manager and be able to choose the jobs you’d do.”

Once outside the office, Hyolyn starts scolding him as expected for almost ruining both their careers and ignoring such a good contract that few models ever get to see. But Hyungwon’s barely listening to her, mind lost in the clouds of scenarios of how seeing Hoseok again would evolve, wondering if he’d get to kiss those sweet lips again and hold on to that masculine body. Wondering if he and Hoseok can finally have their happily ever after. And jumping from thought to thought, Hyungwon doesn’t realize when he got home and when 3 p.m turned into 7 p.m and Minhyuk, Changkyun and Kihyun, for some reason - oh wait, Satan is the puppy’s boyfriend now - came over to his house for pre-drinks. 

“I tell you Kkukkungie, you should have seen those two! Kissing each other like star crossed lovers in one of your novelas,” Minhyuk exclaims, hands loudly gesticulating about the interaction at Momo’s. He’s clearly had one too many beers already from the amount of decibels his voice lets out with every syllable. The youngest in turn complains about disliking that nickname and resenting Hoseok for giving it to him instead of commenting on the long-awaited reunion. Luckily, Kihyun is there to quickly assure his younger boyfriend about how cute that sounded and how much it fits him when he’s pouting. 

Hyungwon just sighs and pours himself some more wine, even though he knows he can’t hold his liquor and he should be sober by the time he meets with Hoseok tonight. But right now he can’t handle these three clowns in his kitchen without a little help from alcohol. “Shouldn’t you stop drinking?” Kihyun raises an eyebrow, the judging tone of his voice obvious even to those who don’t know him well. The model rolls his eyes and sips from his glass without saying a word.

“Seriously though, Hyungwon,” Minhyuk says with a straight face and strangely out of character gravity. “You need to talk with Hoseok properly about all this.” The couple behind him agree quietly and the image of this unnamed intervention, although touching in any normal circumstances, sickens Hyungwon at the moment. He appreciates what his friends are trying to do, he really does, but he’d rather have them stay out of this situation right now. Perhaps it’s the wine he had or maybe stress took its toll on him, nevertheless something pushes him into saying his harsh opinion. 

“Don’t you find it funny how the three people who tried to keep me and Hoseok apart are the ones who try to get us back together now?” the model retorts bitterly, looking rather comically with the glass of wine in hand, like some diva taken out of a golden age Hollywood movie, all that’s missing is a pretty cigarette holder. The apartment becomes eerily quiet after that, the laughter and good vibe dissipating rapidly and being replaced with an awful sense of guilt lingering in the air. “I just ask of you to stop butting in, alright?” 

Finishing his drink, Hyungwon takes the empty glasses and puts them in the sink to wash later before motioning for everyone to get ready and leave. He completely ignores the brown envelope resting on his coffee table for later when his mind is not fuzzy, and instead heads to his bedroom. Earlier that day Minhyuk advised him to ‘get his game on’ before meeting Hoseok again, but looking now through his closet he can’t find one single outfit that is sure to impress his (ex-)boyfriend. He tries to think of what parts he should accentuate, but in the end chooses to go with a plain white button-up and black skinny jeans. 

As he checks out his attire in the mirror, Kihyun (rudely) enters his bedroom and after giving him a once over, he holds out a black string in his hand. One of those soft leather chokers with a golden ring in the middle and two smaller ones on the side, Hyungwon realizes at a closer look. He’s seen Hoseok with enough of these things around his neck to know the older likes them, but he thought he might only when he wears them. Although undeniably awkward, he’ll trust Kihyun on this one. Without saying anything to the photographer, he takes the slim material and wraps it around his neck. It feels like putting on display Hoseok's claim on him for everyone to see, and for Hyungwon there has never been a single doubt about the other male owning his body and soul. And just before running out the door, he reaches for the beautiful necklace the older gave him long ago and hooks up the chain through the two smaller loops. Pressing the pen and book pendant against his heart and making sure it’s safe beneath his shirt. 

The four take a cab, the strange atmosphere persisting during the ride and shifting only when Minhyuk returns to his happy-go-lucky self and starts hyping up their unprompted party. “Hyunwoo said he and the rest are already inside,” the pastel dyed announces, eyes still on his phone as he’s texting his boyfriend. With one last deep breath of the chilly night air, they go inside. Their hearing is immediately threatened to be damaged by the loud music booming through the stereos and the dance floor is already flooded with people, although it is still considerably early and a weekday to top it off. 

They find Hyunwoo first, which turns out to be easy with Minhyuk’s stalker skills - Hyungwon has always been a bit freaked out by them, but he has to admit they come in handy at points. However, Hoseok is nowhere near his friend or in sight and after fifteen minutes of searching, the black haired decides to get himself a beer at the bar. He already bumped into some of Hoseok’s dance crew, loudly cheering as they take shots, Kihyun and Changkyun have disappeared God knows where (he is satisfied if he doesn’t hear about it later), and Minhyuk and Hyunwoo are having fun on the dance floor. Hyungwon looks around the club again, but he still can’t spot his favorite shade of brown. 

His mind is once again invaded by possible scenarios, each one worse than the previous. Even if the rookies from Starship invited all the dancers and their friends from the looks of it, there is no guarantee Hoseok is here as well. He could have gone to celebrate the survival of Momo with Hyesun,  _ his mother _ , instead. Or perhaps he went home to rest after working so hard and stressing out so much over their cafe’s possible shut down. Or maybe he regrets kissing Hyungwon altogether that morning and is now avoiding him once more.

There are so many possible clouds foreboding rain and heartbreak that Hyungwon doesn’t want to indulge himself with even one sugary unrealistic dream. Although Hoseok  _ did  _ say those three words today again after so long, perhaps it was all a heat of the moment thing that shall not be mentioned from now on. Oh God, what if he doesn’t see Hoseok ever again?!

“Hyungwonnie,” a familiar voice calls out as the model feels a hand drop on his shoulder from behind. Any coherent idea left his head that very moment and his heart started racing and threatening to explode in tiny pieces that resemble Hoseok. He would recognize that voice out of a million and when he turns his head to check if it is indeed the one he was looking for, a big smile blooms onto his face. Before any of them can utter a single word though, Hyungwon has already grabbed the back of Hoseok’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. 

The choreographer is too surprised to respond at first, but he soon melts into the sweet liplock and cups both of his lover’s cheeks in the palm of his hands, settling in between his legs as the other’s still sitting down at the bar. The younger wraps his arms around the shorter man’s middle and focuses on nothing else besides feeling him so close up to him. His senses are invaded by Hoseok’s earthy cologne and the body warmth that comes out of the brown haired sets his own skin on fire. They’re once again in their safe bubble where nothing can touch them and everything is as it should be.  _ I am home, _ is all Hyungwon can think of.

Despite the strong desire only growing larger by the second, their lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen and they are forced to pull apart, foreheads resting against each other as their heavy breathing mixes together.  When Hoseok finally snaps his eyes open and notices the tempting choker on Hyungwon's slender neck, his pupils dilate and he bites his bottom lip on instinct. "Dance with me," he whispers without hesitation in a husky voice and presses the front of his body close to the taller male, letting him feel the strong built of his muscular frame and the heat laying in wait under his clothes. 

For Hyungwon, it's like he is under a spell he isn't willing to break and so he let's Hoseok place his index finger under the soft material of the choker and follows his seductive guidance to the dancefloor. The DJ is blasting some remix of Infinite’s  _ Paradise _ as the younger recognizes the bittersweet lyrics that would send shivers down his spine from how well they fit the situation at hand, if it weren’t for Hoseok’s tight grip on his waist already doing that. Just like his job required, the brown haired helps Hyungwon warm up, making him let loose and show some moves of his own like he did that time when he was introduced to the dance crew. 

It’s crazy how they’ve never done this together before, despite Hoseok being a dancer and despite Hyungwon taking it up as a hobby years ago, they have never danced together like this. With every beat of the song, the expert in seduction couldn't help but press closer to the hot body in front of him. He couldn't control his hands gliding underneath Hyungwon's shirt, along the smooth canvas of his back towards the top of the model's pants where they disappeared to grab onto their firm destination. Hyungwon's instinctive moan gets swallowed by Hoseok’s tongue tangling with his in a heated choreography that would put every burlesque dancer to shame.

This is a high the poet swears he could never experience if Hoseok wasn’t his other half, if their love didn’t run as deep as to sink into their bones, if he weren’t sure that the adoring bunny in front of him was the only one he would ever want. But this, this wasn't the sweet, gentle Hoseok grinding into him, but tempting and alluring Wonho breaking free and giving his all to the music, to  _ Hyungwon _ . Despite being just two dots in a sea of people in the night, they might as well be the last two people on earth dancing to the rhythm of their hearts.

Hyungwon's long fingers tangle in the silky strands of his partner, pressing Hoseok’s face even closer and having the shorter one tighten the grip on the model's ass with animalistic force. The taller buckles his hips forward, legs shaking and almost falling over if the other didn’t hold him so close that he wasn’t sure anymore where his own body started and ended. Their white shirts become translucent under the rapid strays of colorful lighting, their chests slick with sweat and uncontrolled passion coming together like melting lava. There’s urgency behind each touch, a desperate need to feel and taste and melt into each other. “Please,” Hyungwon pleads, voice dripping with lust and longing and yet another l-word. Love. And Hoseok could never refuse anything the model asked for. So without taking their hands off each other and without looking back, they push through the crowd of party-goers to the exit. 

The night welcomes them in a cold embrace, the full moon shining brightly up on the horizon and the dancer can’t help but remember last Thursday when the satellite was the only one to greet him at Hyungwon’s apartment. He feels the younger shiver next to him and promptly covers him up with his own leather jacket - he always liked how it looked on Hyungwon. The model blushes, feeling even more as though he belongs to the older and immersing himself into the black coat that immediately made him grow hot under the collar. Running to catch the first cab on sight, the lanky male doesn’t let go of Hoseok’s hand tightly grasped in his own. He’s never gonna let go of it ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much Bee for inspiring me at those heated scenes that almost didn't happen!
> 
> And yes, they're dancing on Infinite's Paradise because I'm mourning Hoya's departure.


	35. From Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here, here is the breath of heaven they’ve been looking for all their lives, the sweet peace only true love can bring upon one’s soul. 
> 
> “Where should we start from?”  
> There’s only one answer Hyungwon can think of. “From Zero.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We reached the end of the road and I can't thank you all enough if you've got to this point ^^ I never expected this story to end up this long or get this much support, but I have to thank you, the readers, for all of that. I remember each and every one of your comments and I appreciate every single kudos left, without which we probably wouldn't be here today. I hope this happy ending makes up for all the angst and drama you (and hyungwonho) have endured so far.  
> Once again, thank you all!

The slammed door in the middle of the night will surely piss off a few old neighbours, especially the lady living next door to him. But Hyungwon frankly doesn’t care if the next day he was kicked out of his own apartment, because now,  _ now  _ he had Hoseok in his arms and quite literally dragging him to the bedroom. They’re both still high on the club lights and drunk on the alcohol from the bar, but more than anything, they’re intoxicated on each other - on their love. The world surrounding them is but a blur of white noise and unnecessary chaos they’re immune to as long as they stand together, united and not divided by some puerile fights.

Hyungwon would laugh at how Hoseok  _ still  _ trips over the rug but his mouth is too preoccupied in a frenzied liplock with his lover. The older’s leather jacket was dropped somewhere along the way to the bed, leaving Hyungwon once again in his thin white shirt that exposed his collarbones and hinted at the pendant hiding at his chest. Hoseok, on the other hand, was already left in just his wife beater ever since they got out of the club just a couple of minutes ago. The younger wants to shred the offending material to tiny pieces faster, but instead, he rests his palms on the toned guns in front of him, cold to the touch compared to Hyungwon’s own heated skin.

“I need you so much,” he mewls digging his nails into the arms he was holding on as Hoseok picks him up, hands resting on Hyungwon’s behind and kneading the firm bottom greedily. A moan escapes the model as his lover carries him the rest of the steps until they reach their destination and he descends onto the comfortable mattress with the other crawling on top of him. The familiar position sends shivers down his spine and he can already feel the ecstasy building up. He immediately pulls his hyung down for another heated kiss, his hands finding their way again under the other’s shirt and raising it up to expose the worked abdomen he wants to mark as his. The thought makes him smile as he realizes Hoseok’s kink for biting was passed down upon him as well now.

The dancer does quick work on to buttons of Hyungwon’s white shirt before tossing it carelessly to the floor and it doesn’t take long for the younger to find himself naked as the day he was born under Hoseok. With his heart beating so loudly he could virtually hear it in his own ears, the poet reaches behind his neck to take off the choker as well and leave himself fully exposed, but his lover stops him. “Leave it on,” he says in a strained voice, husky from lust and the desperation of making Hyungwon his once more. The black haired blushes but nods obediently before attempting to undress his lover as well, but he is again stopped by a soft mumble. “Sixty-nine…”

He blinks confused once, twice. “What? You wanna try that?” Hyungwon asks dumbfounded while Hoseok just stands back and admires the view, fingers tracing idle patterns on the taller’s warm skin and making goosebumps appear on his tracks. The choreographer just shakes his head shortly, a bitter smile tugging on his lips as he leans forward and presses a lingering kiss on Hyungwon’s chest, right above his heart. Hyungwon swears the blood-pumping organ stopped functioning for a moment while air was also knocked out of his lungs, replaced with the sweetness of Hoseok’s lips.

“No,” the older whispers while he showers his beloved with sweet kisses, lips pressing on every inch of skin they can touch, nibbling and biting gently, while his fingers caress the younger’s inner thighs. Hyungwon whimpers, mentally cursing the foreplay but at the same time wanting it to never come to an end, wishing for Hoseok to keep touching him like this, unrushed and tender and driven by so much love.”Sixty-nine days since I’ve last touched you,” comes the longing reply, quiet and trembling with sincerity and it makes Hyungwon choke on air. He instead lunges forward and grips the white top Hoseok is still somehow wearing before pulling it off to join the mess on the floor.

“You had someone warm your bed three weeks ago though,” Hyungwon mumbles while his fingers unbuckle the chic belt the other was wearing and unzipping his skinny jeans. Now it’s Hoseok’s turn to look dumbfounded as he lets Hyungwon take control of things for a moment before he realizes what the younger was hinting at. That one time they went out with the group and he ended up leaving early with some guy - only to go back to his place alone. Did Hyungwon really believe something happened? But then again, there was no reason for him not to believe it - there were no ties to prevent Hoseok from having one night stands. Except for that frail red string that connects their pinkies ever since the day they’ve met.

“That’s not true, that night I went home alone,” the one accused quickly defends himself, eyes sincere and gazing into Hyungwon’s dark orbs pleadingly as he confesses. “Every night I went home alone, I didn’t want anybody else but you.” It is enough to prompt Hyungwon into assaulting the older with a frenzy of kisses and touches until they’re rolling around in the sheets in a messy tangle of limbs. Finding the lube bottle in its usual place proves to be easy, and having Hyungwon spread out his legs for him is a sight to behold that Hoseok wishes he could immortalize into an exhibition, a private one only he has access to this time around. He goes slow, working one finger in, then adding another at the younger’s demands.

And once he starts moving his digits in scissors motions, all Hyungwon can see is white and all he can do is cry for more and more and _more_. There are no words for how much Hoseok missed the beautiful symphony made up of all the moans and whines that leave Hyungwon’s plump and bitten lips. The younger reaches down to touch himself, gripping his leaking member and jerking it off slowly while Hoseok enters a third finger inside of him and finds his sweet spot. With one hand gripping tightly on the white sheets until knuckles turn the very same color and with his back arching graciously off the mattress, Hyungwon calls out for his lover to take him now.

The brown haired sits up and goes to get a condom out of the same drawer where he found the lube, but long delicate fingers wrapped around his wrist stop him. “D-don’t,” Hyungwon stutters, his cheeks turning rosy like the wine he had earlier in the day. “I wanna feel you, hyung.” That is all the encouragement Hoseok needs to use the translucent liquid again on himself, before settling between the model’s legs. Their gazes meet as though magnetically pulled one to another - checking one more time that this is alright, that they’re really going through with this. Once Hyungwon wraps his lanky limbs around the older’s frame, ankles resting behind Hoseok’s muscular back like a lock finally falling back into place, the shorter male slowly slips inside like he had a million times before. But it is like no other experience could ever measure or compare.

“God, baby, I can’t believe you wore this,” the older male says, hooking a finger beneath the thin strap of Hyungwon’s choker and making his breath hitch.The contrast of the black leather on pale skin and all of its implications drive him mad beyond words or ration until all that’s left of the dancer is a strong possessive urge to make the other his for eternity. Hyungwon has always been the most beautiful human to walk on this earth, that is a universal truth in Hoseok’s eyes. But nothing can top the sight of the model, a blushy mess begging him with his eyes while his lips keep uttering his name over and over again when his voice doesn’t crack in broken moans. “It’s like you’re telling the world that you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” Hyungwon manages to say, desperation clinging to each syllable. There’s no one but Hoseok for him, how could he have not seen it faster is inexplicable - but there’s no point now in thinking about the past when they have the present and a whole future ahead. The world is at their feet and Hyungwon isn't going to let it waste. “O-only yours, always,” he gasps as Hoseok finds his spot again and drives in at full force. The heat is overwhelming and soon enough their hair starts sticking to their foreheads messily, while their skin glistens in the dim light of the street breaking through the curtains. Neither bothered to turn on the lights once they got to the apartment and surrendered themselves to total darkness instead.

Black as the room seems, Hyungwon can still see the outline of his lover’s frame, he can feel how his muscles tense up and tremble under his touch, he can taste the salt on Hoseok’s lips. He can smell his cologne, the beautiful fragrance of sandalwood slipping into his memory to never be forgotten or associated with anybody but his one and only. And he can hear. He can hear the small grunts puffing out in the crook of his neck, he can hear the sound of skin on skin echoing through the room, he can hear their hearts beating in sync as he digs his nails deeper into Hoseok’s back, and he can hear the soft mumble of an, “I love you.”

There’s no hesitation, no doubt, no insecurity whatsoever in his voice as he replies in the blink of an eye without even thinking, “I love you too.”  A low whimper, pathetic and full of emotion, is heard and then there’s the warm wet feeling of tears on his shoulders while the older’s hips stutter, briefly stopping their movement before starting once again, more sensual and precise. Hyungwon runs his fingers gently through brown locks, combing the little tangles out of the way and pressing sweet kisses along Hoseok’s cheekbones and jaw, before cupping his cheek and pulling him in for one tender kiss on the lips.

And then there’s a mixture of white bliss and the most profound serenity that cannot be disturbed. Holding onto each other so tightly their bodies completely melt into one another,  and riding out their shared orgasm together, the couple reaches a high like no other. And here,  _ here  _ is the breath of heaven they’ve been looking for all their lives, the sweet peace only true love can bring upon one’s soul - in each other’s arms, surrounded by an aura so strong of utter love and devotion and faithfulness, you can almost see its white vibrations. Hoseok falls besides the younger, his face buried at his bony chest and ear pressed over his left pectoral to listen to the soothing rhythm of the other’s heart. Hyungwon doesn’t let go of his lover, doesn’t push him off like he’s done before so many times, whining that he wants to breathe alone. He never wants to breathe alone again.

“You’re not dating some woman, are you?” the ridiculous question makes the model burst out in the cutest turtle laugh Hoseok has ever heard, Hyungwon’s beautiful features being contorted into dorky creases as the strange sound escaped his throat. The dancer hits the bare chest in front of his face before looking up, his amusement betrayed by the small smile he’s also wearing. However, it does nothing to hide his nervousness. “I am serious!” he exclaims, going in for attack and tickling the younger’s side.

Hyungwon keeps on laughing for a few moments, before responding between giggles, “Hoseok, baby, the only time I saw a naked woman was when I was 12 and I discovered porn. And then I realized I was gay.” The older cracks again at those words, Hyungwon joining him immediately, and they laugh like they’re both nutty as a fruitcake until their faces start hurting. There’s a moment of silence where they do nothing but look at each other, admire what they’ve missed most and basking in the feeling of being loved. Caressing his lover’s cheek, Hyungwon looks deep into those dark orbs to make sure he can convey exactly what he feels. “I have no interest in women at all. Nor in men. I just want my Wontokki back.”

Hoseok bites his lower lip to stop himself from smiling or crying - he doesn’t know which will come first at this point - as he closes his eyes and kisses the hand touching his cheek, before wrapping his arms even more tightly around the taller male. “Wontokki has been quite sad and lonely without Chaebugi. Even at the exhibition, they were separated by the wall,” he whispers while tracing random patterns on the skin splayed beneath his fingers. The memory of the gallery is quite a painful one to recall, having left a big void inside his chest and words such as despair and hopelessness pop up in his head when he remembers the sight of Hyungwon’s retreating back.

Clear drops of water start gathering in the corner of his eyes and before he can control it his torment is let out through heart-breaking sobs just like the ones on that stormy night. The black haired gathers his beloved in his arms, shushing his cries and kissing away each tear with a soft press of lips and even softer words that pull at Hoseok’s heart strings. “It hurts, Hyungwonnie…” is all he’s able to say, hands gripping on the younger for dear life like he’s afraid he might just disappear without a trace.

“Tell me where it hurts, hyung,” Hyungwon asks, voice cracking mid-sentence as his own eyes start leaking. The dancer only points at his chest as tears keep rolling down his perfect cheeks until they reach his perfect jaw and fall onto Hyungwon, burning his skin like acid rain. And he understands, he understands the laceration, the agony, the struggle. He never wants either of them to know such misery ever again. They’ve been foolish and naive, losing their heads like teenagers who met love for the first time. Not thinking through with it, not trusting each other enough, and letting others sever their relationship. That won’t ever happen again, Hyungwon decides.

“We’ll talk about everything that happened, about us and the past, and about the future. I’ll take care of you from now on, I’ll take care of us. I swear I will,” he promises solemnly while Hoseok nods a second later. Silence takes over the room once more. Despite their eyelids being heavy, their chests are light with happiness that carries them on the ninth cloud. Bubbles pop all around Hyungwon’s head as he wonders about what tomorrow will bring them, but having Hoseok right next to him makes him feel invincible and he knows that whatever happens from now on, they’ll be able to face it. Together.

He starts thinking that Hoseok fell asleep as he hasn’t said anything for a while, eyes still closed and breath even against his neck. But a tired voice speaks up disrupting the stillness like the soft rays of sunshine signaling sunrise as they sneak into the bedroom from behind the drapes. “Where should we start from?”

There’s only one answer Hyungwon can think of. “From Zero.”

...

If somebody told Hoseok a month ago that he’d be enjoying brunch with his boyfriend and their friends at Momo Cafe, saved from the burden of the debt and his heart pieced back together, he’d have snapped at that person not to be a cruel asshole. But a few weeks later, that’s exactly where he is, sitting at the largest table to accommodate everyone laughing at one of Minhyuk’s silly stories and slurping from his Americano while Hyungwon rests his head on his shoulder and scribbles words on a napkin. He tried to peek at the lines that undoubtedly are lyrics, but every time he as much as turned his head Hyungwon gave him a peck on the lips.

Not like he’s complaining or anything, they have a lot of kisses to make up for after all. The next morning after that absolutely amazing night that brought them to where they’re standing at the moment, the two sat down in the kitchen and talked over a warm cup of tea. They took it indeed from zero, from where they left, forgiving what could be forgiven and discussing everything that went wrong, but also what could have gone right. It took a lot of effort to open up and talk about trust, but through the tears that won’t stop falling, the couple managed to share the heavy weight of the struggles they carried on their own.

And then, they were ready to move on, making promises to each other (“Never trust other people more than each other”, “Never let insecurities make us doubt the other”, “If something bothers us, we talk it out”) and plans for the future. At this point, Hyungwon remembers the brown envelope resting in his living and to his surprise, instead of trying to keep the model next to him, Hoseok gets quite excited when he hears about the contract and even encourages him to accept such an offer (“I’m not selfish enough to keep your beauty all to myself,” the dancer smirked before leaning across the table to kiss his sweet boyfriend. “Besides, you encouraged my own talent, it’s only fair I do the same with your own **.** Both of your talents,” he punctuated by gripping the pendant around Hyungwon’s necklace). And finally,  _ finally _ , everything was in place again.

“I still can’t believe you two bonded over dick pics,” Changkyun shakes his head from where he’s seated next to Kihyun, whose expression immediately turns bitter, probably at the whole aspect of Hoseok and Hyungwon, his  _ friends  _ , sending each other such lewd photos. Though judging by the purple bruises around the model’s collar, it’s the sort of behaviour that should have been expected with these two. The taller of the couple can’t be bothered though with such remarks, still scrabbling down words that are meant to form sentences and trying to find the best expressions and phrases, while Hoseok just winks at their resident maknae cockily.

“Hyungwon has a pretty dick,” Minhyuk comments off-handedly while chewing on his strawberry shortcake, making his dear teddy bear choke on his own dessert (hearing your sweet boyfriend complimenting his ex’s cock is not what one might expect during brunch). Hyungwon groans in annoyance, trying not to let the other’s attempt to distract and piss him off get to him, but Hoseok immediately turns his head to glare at the man supposed to be a cute  _ innocent  _ kindergarten teacher. In an instant, Minhyuk is all but sunny smiles again, his devil horns and tail hidden for now like he didn’t just say something about dicks at the table.

“Hoseok’s pretty thick too,” Changkyun surprises everyone with a mumble from besides Kihyun who chuckles amused at the  _ ridiculousness  _ of the whole situation. Really, how did they come to talk about this out of all possible subjects considering their history? At the youngest’s remark, Hyungwon does look up to narrow his eyes at the short couple as they’ve been dubbed. Minhyuk, of course, doesn’t resist the opportunity and quickly jumps in to agree with the maknae while Hyunwoo looks completely lost in place - poor guy probably thinks he’s having a strange dream of sorts and he can’t even be blamed.

“Stop looking so damn cocky,” Hyungwon mutters to his boyfriend who dropped his jealous face as soon as the subject was changed from the model’s length size to his own. The older raises up his hands in surrender and keeps quiet - the smart thing to do - but the smirk stays in its place. Hyungwon doesn’t like it one bit (he actually likes it  _ a lot  _ , but it’s more infuriating than anything right now). “And how would  _ you  _ know?” he snaps at his blue haired friend, frankly not pleased that everyone appears to have seen at least once what his boyfriend is sporting in those tight skinny jeans of his. Uncharacteristic of him to say the least, Hyunwoo is the one who opens his mouth to speak up this time.

“Hoseok has the habit not to wear clothes after shower, I guess you know that by now,” the oldest says. “At least, he has what to back up that confidence with.” Hyungwon just facepalms as the two dancers fist bump - is this something you do when your friend says you got a big dick?! - and prays for the earth to crack open and swallow him whole. Certainly, this is the most appropriate moment for Minhyuk to beam about how he’s actually seen everyone present naked and still Hyunwoo is the most blessed one in the area (and thus, being his boyfriend and all, he’s the luckiest). The rest of them don’t even bother to hide their judging gazes, Kihyun even accusing his best friend of being a pervert, while the cheery guy wraps himself around Hyunwoo.

Luckily for Hyungwon, who’s  _ this damn close  _ to looking for a rope to hang himself with, Jooheon and Gunhee join them, arms around each other ever since they’ve solved their problems with Changkyun as a mediator. It is truly an absurd situation if Gunhee’s ugly face makes him feel this relieved, Hyungwon thinks. Or perhaps his sudden relaxed state has something to do with the protective arm Hoseok swung around his shoulders. That’s more likely. Either way he just sighs in surrender and melts into the warmth that only his Wontokki can provide. He’s going away to Hong Kong in a few days for his first big signed gig and he’s definitely going to miss his home. The one found in his boyfriend’s loving arms.

The atmosphere is light hearted and festive and if you didn’t know better, you’d think all eight of them were actually one big family. The thought makes Hoseok grin as he kisses Hyungwon’s cheek, bringing him closer and ignoring the muffled grunts of discontent at seeing their public display of affection. His chest feels full and  about to burst from all the happiness and love he is experiencing and the only thing he can do is laugh to his heart’s content. His mother is happy, their business is doing great, his career looks promising, and he is surrounded by great friends. And most importantly - he has Hyungwon right besides him. What more could he wish for?

“Oh em gee!” Gunhee suddenly shrieks in a weak attempt of copying Jooheon’s famous catchphrase and getting everyone’s attention. “It’s  _ G-Dragon  _ !” His friends just rolls their eyes at him, believing the short rapper is bluffing once more like that time he tried to liven up the mood during their pizza and karaoke night. What could one of the biggest idols in whole the industry do at a small house like Momo’s, right? Except, when Hoseok looks up there is an unmistakably fashionable person looking at the menu he hand wrote long ago. And, well, there are not many people out there with that sense of fashion.

“Holy shit, that  _ is  _ G-Dragon!” he hisses through gritted teeth, eyes wide like saucers as he stares at the singer he admired since he was but a teen. In the brief moment between his gasp and everyone else’s realization that Gunhee,  _ oh my god  _ , was right, Hoseok made it to the counter, pushing Hyesun out of the way in order to serve the one and only King (and perhaps get his autograph). By noon, the cafe filled up to the brim with coffee lovers and fans of  _ Jiyong-oppa  _ , which unfortunately meant that once Hyesun caught Hoseok at the cash register, he couldn’t leave that spot anymore. Instead, he was given even more work to do, from cleaning up after customers to serving drinks until he’s whining that he doesn’t want to see cinnamon again.

That does nothing, however, to stop him from flirting with Hyungwon shamelessly, his boyfriend watching amused from across the counter as Hoseok struggles to do three Americanos at once. The joke is on him since Hyesun, like some kind of magical godmother who wants to make things fair, hands the tall model a towel and sends him off to clean up the tables while she and her son handle the orders. “This is not how a model should be treated,” the black haired bemoans his duty after the owner of Momo disappears to the backroom to bring more cacao, making his Hoseok laugh in the process.

“This is too low of a job for Mr. Chae?” the older teases while his hands are busy making artsy figures in the white foam, but his trademark smirk is in place. The one Hyungwon knows he uses when he wants to play around and see how far he can take it. It’s a challenge and Hyungwon accepts it, jumping at the bait. 

“Mr. Chae? I like the sound of that. You can call me that later,” he slurs, eyes clouding up with desire as he imagines all the possibilities they have once they get home. Or at least somewhere less public. Hoseok puts down the milk kettle too fast, almost spilling over the liquid as his gaze meets the poet’s. Like a moth, he is absolutely attracted to the fire burning in Hyungwon’s eyes, which makes him lean in over the counter until their lips are almost touching. 

However, there’s a distinct shout of ‘ _ Boys! _ ’ coming from the next room as Hyesun’s return ruins the mood and reminds them of what they should be doing. “Mom!” the boys groan in unison, like a pair of frustrated teenagers who can’t get a minute alone. Hoseok tries again to capture his boyfriend’s lips but his mother quite literally gets between them. “Those coffees won’t get made on their own, neither would those tables get cleaned, now move it,”  she crosses her arms in an attempt to appear bigger than her five feet three. 

“Just one tiny kiss,” Hoseok tries again, pleading with a pout, but being his mother makes Hyesun immune to such tactics and the twitch on her temple pinpoints how she’s losing her patience with the two of them already. The shorter still blows the model ‘one tiny kiss’ that the black haired catches gracefully and presses to his own lips as he turns around. But before returning to his cleaning duties, Hyungwon slips up a napkin in Hoseok’s hand. The one with a poem inscribed on it.

They end up spending the whole day at Momo’s, more working side by side than spending time together with their friends, but that’s alright, Hoseok thinks as his hand finds Hyungwon’s and their feet carry them the familiar road to the younger’s apartment. There’s a napkin neatly tucked into his pocket next to another note carrying the same letters’ font and a box with cakes for home in his hand. A few drops of rain start to fall on top of their heads, but that’s alright too because Hyungwon’s got an umbrella this time and while they’re together, no storm will be able to break them apart again.

...

_ Show me your scars and I’ll show you mine _

_ For there’s red between us, oh, so great and divine. _

_ My heart wears your brand and your eyes reflect my hues _

_ I might be a sinner but, love, I’m not a fool. _

_ We suffered in silence, too scared to share our faith _

_ I’ve been gone on denial, I’ve been gone off my way. _

_ There’s a light shining bright, there on my street - _

_ A familiar shadow dancing in the silhouette of dreams, _

_ You got blood on your shirt, your heart - it is bleeding _

_ There’s a bullet going through but the culprit is missing. _

_ The moon pulls the trigger and rain falls all over me _

_ I’m searching for Paradise, the one where we meet. _

_ You find me drunk on your presence, drunk on your love, _

_ There’s a tear on your cheek falling into the dirt, _

_ So tell me baby, tell me where it hurt, _

_ While you hold me close and I whisper our fate _

_ That now and forever, my soul is yours to take. _

…

“... _ My soul is yours to take  _ ,” Hyungwon recites, eyes not quite reading the words written on the paper in front of him, rather the ones tattooed on his other half’s chest. Hoseok is of course in the front row, alongside some journalists and literary critics, although he should have been sitting at the back of the room, next to the rest of their friends. But Hyungwon doesn’t care, and Hyorin is too used to this sort of behaviour to scold the famous choreographer. There are a few camera flashes either from the reporters documenting the launch of his first poetry volume or from Kihyun, but after his (quite long) modeling career the tall male barely pays them any mind.

He’s so busy getting lost in dark orbs as deep as a bottomless lake and he stops for a second to wonder how the feeling persisted since the first time they met. What a silly question, it almost makes him laugh but he tries to control himself in front of so many people by looking down at his hands, a gesture people will surely take as shyness. His eyes fall instead on the golden band on his ring finger and he just knows Hoseok is also looking at his own and thinking of the same promise they made to each other, an oath for better and for worse, to love and to cherish unconditionally.

When he glances in his lover’s direction, he sees the older black haired point at his chest where Hyungwon’s handwriting is inked and that’s all the confirmation the poet ever needed. He’s found his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. the last part is a preview for the upcoming fourth part of the series. Stay tuned! ^^  
> and as always, find me on twitter and tumblr at @seoulfulnights


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